6 Sleep Tips. For High Need Babies & Toddlers. by Holly Klaassen

Transcription

1 6 Sleep Tips For High Need Babies & Toddlers by Holly Klaassen

2 !!2 Copyright 2014 by Holly Klaassen. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

3 !!3 Introduction Sleep is not something that came easily with either of my kids. I ve survived many sleepless nights over the past 10 years, and know that lack of sleep is no laughing matter. Sometimes when I reminisce about my kids early months, I find myself thinking, I should have just relaxed and not been so stressed out about it. But if I let myself remember for a moment what it was like holding and rocking a cranky, overtired, sleep-resisting, squirmy, sweaty baby, I remember why I couldn't just relax. One memory comes back to me vividly and often: Aliya, now 10, was about 6 months old, and as usual was resisting her nap. I had been sitting with her in the rocking chair for probably an hour, and the crying was just intensifying. Her little eyes were red and puffy, and it was obvious she was desperately overtired. But yet she fought, and fought (and fought).

4 !4! Finally I put her in her crib, and slid down the wall until I was in a heap on the floor. She was screaming in her bed, and I cried right along with her. I realized I had NO idea how to get her to sleep, despite reading every baby sleep book I could get my hands on. I felt like a failure as a mother. Over the 7.5 years I ve been running The Fussy Baby Site, I ve learned a thing or two about high need kids and their sleep. After talking with thousands of parents, and many leading sleep experts and sleep coaches, I ve discovered a number of strategies that can often help significantly improve sleep for these high need kiddos. These aren t ground-breaking strategies, however when used consistently, they really can improve your high need baby s sleep! A note about colicky or fussy newborns: If your baby is younger than 3-4 months old OR has colic, these strategies are less likely to work (particularly #1).

5 !5! While a sleep routine is beneficial from day 1, don t expect your colicky newborn to follow the usual rules of baby sleep! While I d certainly encourage you to try age-appropriate strategies for getting your newborn to sleep, try not to be discouraged if they don t work. You should do whatever you can to help your fussy or colicky newborn get the sleep he or she needs: rocking, holding, babywearing, feeding to sleep, etc. You can t spoil a newborn ESPECIALLY a colicky newborn! There will be plenty of time to learn new ways of falling asleep later, so try not to stress out about teaching bad habits.

6 !!6 My Favorite Sleep Products for High Need Babies For early wakings: Blackout blinds & a visual alarm clock for toddlers (we used the Zazoo) A white noise app or machine Escape-proof swaddling blanket like the Woombie or The Swaddle Strap (this one is great for using in the swing!) Fisher Price Rock n Play (especially good for reflux babies!) Fisher Price Open Top Cradle Swing (Aquarium model if you can find it it s the fastest) A good quality sling, wrap or carrier. We LOVED the Ergo! Click here for a full list of my favorite products!

7 !!7 1. Try an Ultra-Early Bedtime. My daughter was a terrible napper right from the beginning. Fortunately for us, however, the one thing she did do well was sleeping at night. We did notice, however, that she was definitely fussiest in the evenings from 5:00 on. She was so obviously overtired, but we were scared to put her down too early for fear she would wake up a couple of hours later, or wake up too early the next morning. What we found, however, was that when we put her to bed ultra-early - as early as 5:30pm on really bad days - she usually went to sleep much easier, didn't wake up several hours later, and actually SLEPT IN LATER the next morning. I have heard the same story time and time again from other parents. Marc Weissbluth, author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and Your Fussy Baby talks about giving your sleepresisting baby a chance to catch up on sleep at the beginning of

8 !8! the night, rather than expecting him to sleep in later in the morning. Because we know that just doesn't happen! When Sammy came along 2.5 years after our daughter, we instituted an ultra-early bedtime for him as well at around 3-4 months of age. He has always been an early-riser, so we knew that if we didn't give him an early bedtime, he would have been even more sleep-deprived. While your newborn will likely have a late bedtime at first (anywhere from 9pm on), you should be able to gradually introduce an early bedtime once sleep has consolidated at around weeks. As you start to achieve a relatively consistent bedtime, you may notice that there s a time in the later afternoon and early evening when your child simply can t fall asleep. This is known as the forbidden zone for sleep. During this time, you ll notice your baby is extremely awake and alert, and it will be nearly impossible for him or her to fall asleep.

9 !9! Research shows that this period occurs around 2-3 hours before their usual bedtime, so around 4-5pm for a baby who usually goes to bed at 7pm. Keep this in mind on days when you feel your child needs a super early bedtime! If you try putting him down TOO early, you may be fighting an uphill battle!

10 !!10 2. Shorten the Amount of Awake Time Between Naps. Especially at the beginning, you'd be surprised at how much sleep these little ones actually need to function properly. If you have a more adaptable, 'easy baby', you can get away with longer periods of awake time. But with fussy babies, I'd definitely say the shorter, the better. As newborns, they may only be able to handle minutes of awake, alert time, and then it's time to soothe them back to sleep. This is particularly true if it takes a while to soothe them. For babies 6 months+ don t be surprised to see tired cues starting at around 1 hour of awake time, so be on the lookout! Be sure to watch for sleepy cues like looking off into the distance, breaking off eye contact or becoming quiet. As soon as you see these cues, start your routine, pronto. Obvious tired signs like yawning, fussing and eye-rubbing mean your child is already moving into overtired territory, so try to avoid getting to this stage if you can.

11 ! 11! You ll likely need to watch very carefully for these sleepy cues in your high need child; they often aren t easy to see when your child is already fussing most of the time. In this case, it s even more important to watch the clock. If your baby is resisting naps but is obviously overtired and needs to sleep, try reducing his awake time until you notice he falls asleep a little easier. Now you're getting closer to finding his sleep window and figuring out how long he can comfortably be awake. High need babies tend to have shorter sleep windows than other babies, so when you start to see those cues, act fast! Note: Don t be surprised if your baby needs shorter awake times than what the baby books recommend. High need kids tend to be more active, more alert and more energetic, and some may need a little more sleep to function at full capacity!

12 !!12 3. Understand Why Short Naps Occur. It s very common for all babies to wake up during the transition from their initial sleep cycle (the active phase) to the next stage of sleep (the quiet phase). This usually happens around the minute mark, which is why your baby may consistently only take short naps. This is more often the case when your baby needs help falling asleep at the outset of the night or nap by feeding, rocking, bouncing, etc. During the first 3-4 months, you may find it helpful to assist your baby from one sleep cycle to the next. When you put her down, take note of the time. A few minutes before her usual wakeup time, begin resettling her back to sleep through whatever methods you normally use: patting, shushing, gentle rocking, etc. Alternatively, you can wait until she starts to wake up, and then go in and soothe her. Some experts recommend getting your older baby used to staying in the crib for at least one hour, which is thought to be the minimum amount of time for a restorative nap. If he or she

13 !13! wakes up at the 45 minute mark, try going in and patting or shushing until the 1 hour mark. As she gets older, you might also try leaving her for a few minutes to see if she can settle back to sleep on her own. Try not to rush in at the first sounds of stirring! You may be surprised to discover she actually CAN soothe herself back to sleep if given the chance. To give your baby the best chance of having a long, restorative nap, pay special attention to sleep cues and the amount of time he has been awake. If you re putting him down at the point when he s already overtired, he s more likely to catnap. For your older baby (3-4 months+), keep in mind that if you re rocking, holding or feeding your baby to sleep, he will be more likely to wake up between sleep cycles and need that extra help to fall back asleep again. If you re holding your baby to sleep, wait until he has transitioned to the quiet phase of sleep before putting him down. You ll know this transition has happened when you

14 !14! notice you baby has become quieter and is breathing slower and more rhythmically. So to summarize: For newborns, try to soothe them back to sleep so they get a full, restorative nap. Give your baby a few minutes to see if she settles back to sleep on her own. Watch sleep cues carefully to avoid your baby becoming overtired. When high need babies are overtired or overstimulated it s harder for them to fall asleep and stay asleep. When trying to put your baby down after he has fallen asleep in your arms or a sling, wait until he s transitioned to the quiet stage of sleep.

15 !!15 4. Honor Your Baby s Biological Rhythms. I know it can feel like your high need baby s sleep is all over the place (probably because it is!), but that doesn t mean that he or she doesn t have the same biological makeup as other babies. There are some things research has taught us about the science of infant sleep that can help guide the decisions we make and routines we set up for our baby s sleep. As newborns, babies sleep in seemingly random intervals, day and night. Their circadian rhythms haven t yet kicked in, which is why some babies seem to sleep more during the day than at night (when we would expect, and when we would like them to!). As your baby reaches the 3-4 month mark, you may find that suddenly he or she is sleeping more at night than the day; this corresponds to the point at which their melatonin (sleep hormone) production reaches almost adult levels.

16 !16! One way to help your baby or toddler differentiate between day and night is to expose him or her to natural light and daytime' activity during the day, and as little as possible at night. In one study, researchers found that exposing a baby to light and dark helps with regulating their day/night cycle, but also that keeping the baby in tune with regular household activities and routines was important: In humans, the period of lightdark cycle is a dominant environmental synchronizer to entrainment of the circadian rhythms 2 but the mother infant interactions and household's social routine remain as nonphotic synchronizer factors. In other words, it s important to keep your little one engaged and stimulated during the day, and to avoid stimulation and light at night. When he or she wakes at night, try to keep the lights off, and keep your interactions to a minimum. If you re breastfeeding, keep in mind that using milk pumped during the day (when you re not producing and secreting any melatonin) is probably not ideal for using at night. If possible,

17 !17! keep track of when you pumped each bottle, so you can use melatonin-rich milk at night.

18 !!18 5. Do What Works. I know not exactly rocket science, right?? But I really want to empower families to do what works for their high need baby and for their family. There is no one-size-fits-all sleep solution for these kids, so you need to do to whatever it takes to help your family get the sleep you all need. I m a huge believer that high need babies (and their families) need sufficient sleep; even more so than easy babies and their parents. This is for two main reasons. First, when high need babies get overtired, their high need behaviors tend to be exacerbated. I have heard from many parents who say that once their baby was getting the appropriate amount of sleep, their fussiness significantly decreased. Although it s not the norm, I ve even heard from parents who found that once their child was getting enough sleep, the fussiness completely disappeared.

19 !19! Second, parents of high need babies who are chronically and severely sleep-deprived tend to have less patience, less resiliency, and are more prone to postpartum depression and anxiety. For these reasons, I encourage parents to use whatever methods necessary to make sure everyone is getting enough rest. As newborns: It s never too early to institute a sleep routine. Please note that I m not talking about a schedule, but about a predictable sequence of events that happens before each nap and bedtime. You may not see the fruits of the routine until a bit later, but setting up a predictable nap and bedtime routine will help signal to your child that sleep time is coming. I would also suggest trying to put your baby down awake from time to time (I can hear you laughing right now). I know this won t work for many high need babies, however you d be surprised at some of the stories I ve heard: parents who swore their baby would never fall asleep on their own, yet when given 5-10 minutes in the crib, actually WERE capable of

20 !!20 doing it! Beyond this, I say do whatever you need to do to get your newborn to sleep: Will your baby sleep beside you? On top of you? Attached to you? Let him. What about in the car, stroller, swing or carrier? Do it. Does your baby sleep well in the swing or Rock n Play? No problem. Older infants: As your high need baby gets a bit older, continue to do whatever it takes to ensure the appropriate amount of sleep. If the method that you re using is working for your child and for you, don t let anyone dissuade you from continuing along that path! However, if your usual methods have stopped working, please know that there are safe and effective methods you can use to help your high need baby or toddler learn to fall asleep on his own. And no, it doesn t have to mean leaving him to cry alone!

21 !21! I love Dr. Sears take on this: Every mom, dad, and baby must work out and keep evaluating what sleeping arrangement will get everyone a restful night s sleep most of the time. Some high need babies seem to have a critical distance for contented sleeping. For some, sleeping too far away from their parents gives them an acute case of nighttime separation anxiety, causing them to awaken frequently. Other babies get hyperstimulated by sleeping too close to the parents, and awaken frequently there. You know your baby and family best. Use whatever strategies you need to to ensure you re all getting the rest you need. And don t let anyone make you feel guilty about it!

22 !!22 6. Consistency is absolutely, positively the #1 key to good sleep for high need kids. The one piece of advice I hear most often from experts and sleep coaches is this: consistency is the #1 key to helping your child get the best sleep possible. This means both consistency with keeping to a routine, and consistency when trying new strategies. The tricky part, of course, is that high need babies may appear to resist routines, and may protest LOUDLY to changes in their routines! Don t let this dissuade you from trying new strategies. I m not just referring to sleep training as it s typically thought of either; this goes for whatever techniques or strategies you use to help your baby fall asleep. When trying something new, keep in mind that if you re putting your child down during their sleep window, and are absolutely consistent, you should begin to see progress within 3-4 nights. If you haven t seen ANY signs of improvement by

23 !23! night 4, it may be time to re-evaluate your strategy or take a break and try again later. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you give your child time to get used to the new way of falling asleep. High need babies are pretty clever, and quickly learn to spot our inconsistencies. Before introducing new strategies, make sure you have a plan in place that you can commit to 110%! Something else that s important for you to keep in mind is that no method or strategy is completely foolproof, and you shouldn t beat yourself up if something doesn t work! With high need babies, we try our best, and that s all we can do. You know your child best, so be sure to consider his or her temperament and personality when coming up with new techniques or strategies to try.

24 !!24 Conclusion I know firsthand the challenges of having a non-sleeping, high need baby. It s easy to feel powerless to do anything about your child s sleep, but please know that there are things you can do to set the stage for healthy sleep! Keep in mind that while high need babies may be more intense, more sensitive and more persistent than other babies, they aren t destined to be poor sleepers for the rest of their life. High need babies can figure out new sleep routines and arrangements just like easy babies we just have to give them the chance. If you re still struggling with sleep after using the 6 strategies above, you may be interested in checking out my ebook, Sleep Training and High Need Babies. I know sleep training is a controversial topic, and that it s not right for everyone. However please know that sleep training does NOT have to mean letting your baby cry it out!

25 !!25 I spent months researching and writing this guide to get you answers like: Does sleep training/learning actually work for high need babies? How long does it take to see improvement? Does sleep training = cry it out? Are there any gentle methods I can use to help my child sleep? What methods are available to me? How will it impact my baby, given her sensitive temperament? The book is also packed full of personal stories from parents who have successfully used all sorts of different methods to help their high need baby sleep better, and detailed information from sleep coaches who specialize in working with high need babies (and who have had high need babies of their own!).

26 !26! Click on this link to find out more, or to purchase the guide for only $19: And as always, there is plenty of free information and support available on my blog, Facebook page and private Facebook support group. I hope to see you there! Holly

27 !!27 The Fussy Baby Site was started in 2007, and is committed to providing practical information, advice and support to parents of high need and spirited babies and toddlers. We aim to provide a safe, non-judgmental environment through our website and social media communities, and to offer useful tips and strategies to make life with a high need child easier. We support parents of all parenting styles and philosophies, and aim to empower all parents to feel confident using the strategies that work best for their families. PLEASE VISIT US AT