2/21/13. Understanding and Transforming Barriers to Compassion. Common Barriers to Compassion & Practices to Explore Them

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1 Understanding and Transforming Barriers to Compassion kellymcgonigal.com/faces Kelly McGonigal, PhD Stanford University Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education Common Barriers to Compassion & Practices to Explore Them 1. Fears of compassion (willingness) 2. Sympathetic distress (compassion for a loved one) 3. The empathy gap (common humanity) 4. Compassion collapse (tonglen) 5. Self-despair (self-compassion) Science-help, aka evidence-based empathy Fears of Compassion for Others Being compassionate towards people who have done bad things is letting them off the hook. There are some people in life who don t deserve compassion. People will take advantage of me if they see me as too compassionate. I worry that if I am compassionate, vulnerable people will drain my emotional resources. (Gilbert et al. 2011) Fears of Receiving Compassion I often wonder whether displays of warmth and kindness from others are genuine. When people are kind and compassionate towards me I feel anxious or embarrassed. I m fearful of becoming dependent on the care of others, because they might not be available or willing to give it. (Gilbert et al. 2011) 1

2 Fears of Self-Compassion I fear that if I become less self-critical, my standards will drop. I fear that if I am more self-compassionate, I will become a weak person. I fear that if I start to feel compassion or warmth for myself, I will become overwhelmed by sadness. Self-Reflect/Share Do any of these statements feel familiar? Tell me about one that resonates with you. (Gilbert et al. 2011) Stanford Compassion Cultivation Training 100 adults randomized to 9-wk compassion training (n=60) or waitlist control (n=40). (r =.24, p <.05 with home practice time) (Jazaieri et al. 2012) Self-Reflection, Share Why do you want to cultivate compassion? What resistance are you willing to explore? What are you willing to commit to? First week s homework: notice how you go about the process of practicing and/or not practicing. Compassion vs. Sympathetic Distress v=vzkzunbq8uy (option 1: watch & discuss responses) 2

3 Option 2: Guided Imagery Bring to mind a loved one (human, animal) and notice how you feel. Imagine loved one suffering. Notice what you sense. Notice how you feel. Notice what thoughts are present. Self-reflect/share. Empathic distress competes with compassion as a response to another s suffering.. it motivates a slowing of action and withdrawal from social contact, and its expression signals a need for social support and help. (Goetz et al. 2010) Neurophysiology of compassion Recognition of Suffering Concern, Care, & Connection Desire to Relieve Suffering Expectation of Benefit/ Willingness to Act Functional Neural Plasticity and Associated Changes in Positive Affect After Compassion Training How does compassion meditation change response to suffering? 1. Look at expert compassion meditator s brain during compassion meditation (ID ROIs). 2. Randomize 94 female non-meditators (age 18-35, avg = 24)to compassion training or control training and look for changes in previously identified areas. What was the compassion meditation training? 1 day workshop + avg. 5.7 hrs home practice (Klimecki, Leiberg, Lamm, & Singer 2012) 3

4 Pre and post training: (Klimecki et al. 2012) Comparison of training vs. control groups in regions identified in expert and previous training group. Let s watch (or imagine) again v=vzkzunbq8uy With focus on sense of care, warmth, connection, and desire to relieve suffering Option: imagine outbreath sending compassion to loved one, and giving him/her love, strength, courage, support Comparison of training vs. control changes in emotional response to films. Who do we see the humanity in? Competence/Power Who is it difficult for you to feel compassion for? Warmth Threat Weakness/Vulnerability (Fiske 2007) 4

5 Rehumanizing the Dehumanized (Harris & Fiske 2006) The practice of common humanity Four-part common humanity? Competence/Power Acknowledge own desire for happiness and freedom from suffering. Bring to mind friend/loved one, stranger/ neutral person, and difficult person. Reflect on each person s common humanity. Just like me, this person wishes to be happy and free from suffering. Think of all these people and how common humanity connects you all. Warmth Threat Weakness/Vulnerability Four-part self-compassion? Competence/Power [Insert recent tragedy here] Warmth Threat Weakness/Vulnerability 5

6 The Collapse of Compassion Skilled Regulators Observation: As the size of suffering increases, the compassion people feel paradoxically tends to decrease. Is this a failure to feel or a case of motivated emotion regulation? People expect the needs of large groups to be overwhelming, and down-regulate compassion to prevent experiencing overwhelming emotion. (Cameron & Payne 2011) (Cameron & Payne 2011) Poor Regulators Unexpected finding: The strongest compassion response was by skilled emotion regulators to one child. (Cameron & Payne 2011) Self-Reflect, Experience Is there a suffering so big, you are defending against compassion toward it? What does that feel like? What would happen if you brought compassionate presence to that feeling? 6

7 Tonglen (taking and giving) We are here to meet suffering. We are here to end suffering. 7