Today s Presentation The research:

Transcription

1 How To Connect With Team and Customers Today s Presentation The research: Today s session based on two great books: Just Listen Written by Dr. Mark Goulston» One of the most highly respected experts at connectivity» Trains all types of companies including FBI hostage negotiators Winning with People Written by John C. Maxwell Acclaimed author and leadership expert Agenda Principle #1 We Must First Understand Before We Try to Be Understood Principle #2 Remember Hurting People Hurt People Principle #3 The Gardening Principle: All Relationships Need Cultivation 1

2 Ice Breaker Ask the person next you: Their middle name Their mother s maiden name Name and age of their children or pets Ice Breaker What is the point? We may hear what the person said, but are we really listening? According to Dr. Mark Goulston, one of the world s leading authorities on listening and connectivity, the answer is NO. Not only do we not listen, we form opinions that cloud our brains ability to see something different than the perception we have already created of that person Ice Breaker 2

3 Ice Breaker Thomas Kuhn s 1962 Book, The Structure of Scientific Revolutions Principle #1: Understand Before You Try to be Understood Question: Does the way we perceive someone impact the way we interact with them? Question: Does it impact our willingness to listen to them? Break into table discussions (team leader has the most pets) Discuss the following question: What things cause you to create a perception/impression of someone? 3

4 Ice Breaker According to John C. Maxwell, there are 5 things that determine who we are: 1.Genetics-No choice on this one, but the other four are up to you.. 2.Self-Image-As T.S. Eliot observed, Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They do not mean to do harm. They are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves. People with negative self image will expect the worst, damage relationships and find others who are similarly negative. People with a positive self image will expect the best, are likely to be successful and gravitate toward other successful people. We tend to feel most comfortable with people whose self-esteem level resembles our own. -Dr. Nathaniel Branden According to John C. Maxwell, there are 5 things that determine who we are: 3. Experiences in Life The story of the young shepherd People respond to what they are prepared to believe 4

5 According to John C. Maxwell, there are 5 things that determine who we are: 4. Attitude and Choices About Those Experiences We decide how we will respond or react to those experiences: Happy Sad Reluctant Expectant Open Minded Close Minded Attitude is a Choice According to John C. Maxwell, there are 5 things that determine who we are: 5. Friends Positive people with good character will help to lift you up The people you choose to spend time with will change who you are Avoid the Lucy s in life As author and speaker Charlie Jones said, The difference between who you are today and who you will be in five years will be the people you spend time with and the books you read. Rewire Yourself for Listening Remember earlier when we looked at the pictures of the rabbit/duck? Be aware of the filters you use as they may cloud your ability to listen. Things like: Gender Age Race Education Appearance Keep in mind that listening is a challenging skill that requires considerable effort and focus 5

6 Break into teams and discuss the following: What things do great listeners do? Listen to Understand Not to Respond It is more important to be interested than interesting Principle #2 Remember Hurting People Hurt People Break into teams and discuss the following: During a conversation or interaction with a team member or customer, what can cause someone to become rude, belligerent, aggressive, etc. 6

7 Can people come to us already in a sour mood? Let me share with you a story originally told by Zig Ziglar about Mr. B So what do we do when we encounter someone who has had their cat kicked? Psychological Psycho Logical 7

8 Dr. Goulston s 4 of his 6 Steps to Dealing with Hurting People: 1.Say, I am trying to get a sense of what you are feeling and I think it is. Is that correct? If it is not then ask them, what are you feeling? 2.Then say, How frustrated (angry, upset, etc.) are you? Give them time to respond. Be prepared for a torrent of emotions 3. And the reason you get so frustrated is because? 4.Then say, Tell me what needs to happen for that feeling to feel better? Principle #2 Remember Hurting People Hurt People It is more rewarding to resolve a situation than to dissolve a relationship» John C. Maxwell Break back into teams Discuss the following question: What things cause a relationships with to deteriorate? 8

9 What things cause a relationship to deteriorate? Apathy Lack of Effort Taking the other person for granted Putting situations ahead of relationships Stop Listening/Stop Asking Too many withdrawals from the emotional bank account (need more deposits than withdrawals or you will be overdrawn) What things can you do to cultivate your relationships? Make time for your relationships Make Time for Them As Terry Paulson says, Buy Tickets Once per month special time with each child one-on-one Do you make time for your boss, your employees, your key vendors? A final story to make my point Putting All Together Piece 1 Sales Piece 2 Accounting Piece 4 Manufacturing Piece 5 Customer and Customer Service Piece 3 Engineering and Design 9

10 Summary Be More Interested than Interesting Constantly Work on Your Listening Skills Remember, Hurting People, Hurt People Relationships Only Work if You Work at Them It All Starts With Me 10