Child Self Esteem Bully Proof Program [CSEBP Program] Session 4 Guide 1 of 11
Child Self-Esteem Bully Proof Telecourse [CSEBP] Session 4 Guide Session 4: Using Gratitude to Deal With Challenges Goal: To understand the benefits of gratitude and to learn techniques to cultivate an attitude of gratitude at home. Agenda What is gratitude and what are the benefits of gratitude? Activities and tools you can use with your children to foster in them (and in yourself) an attitude of gratitude Special applications of gratitude thinking 2 of 11
Overview of This Week s Session Over the last 3 sessions, we ve gone from identifying core negative beliefs that may be contributing to issues related to your child s self-esteem, to watching how we speak and think, to identifying exactly what we want to achieve and how to achieve it. In a perfect world, each of you would easily implement all of these ideas and would see fabulous results. However, knowing what we need to do to help ourselves and our kids doesn t always mean that we are consistent at following through. And sometimes, even though you think you re doing everything you re supposed to, your child can still have a bad day or experience an undesirable situation. So, in this session, we are going acknowledge that for many reasons, life doesn t always go along the way we ideally would like it to. And I am going to give you some tools to use when it doesn t. And all of these tools relate to a powerful emotion that we ll explore, called Gratitude. In this session, we ll look at the following: First, we ll look at what gratitude is, and the benefits of gratitude Then, we ll look at some activities and tools you can use with your children to foster in them (and in yourself) an attitude of gratitude Finally, we ll wrap up this session by looking at some special applications of gratitude thinking that can lift your children up when they are having a bad day or need a confidence boost What is Gratitude and What are the Benefits of Gratitude? What is gratitude? Gratitude is the acknowledgement and appreciation of a valuable gift received. Per the Oxford English Dictionary, gratitude is the quality or condition of being thankful; the appreciation of an inclination to return kindness. According to Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D. and author of Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, gratitude is an emotion, a mood, a moral virtue, a habit, a motive, a personality trait, a coping response, and even a way of life. He goes on to explain that when we feel grateful, we are moved to share the goodness we have 3 of 11
received with others. Gratitude engages the heart as well as the mind. It s saying yes to life. It s an acknowledgement of the goodness in one s life. Gratitude is also an acknowledgement that our good came from something outside ourselves. Gratitude connects us to one another. Think about how you feel when something thanks you for something you did. Most likely, your heart soars, knowing that you helped another. And you likely feel more kindness toward that person. The likelihood of you helping them again is increased. In this way, expressing gratitude increases our social bonds with others. In Robert Emmon s work studying gratitude, he embarked on a research experiment to determine if living in a state of gratitude impacts happiness and well-being. According to preliminary research findings, he found that those who regularly practice grateful thinking do reap emotional, physical, and interpersonal benefits. Adults who keep gratitude journals on a regular basis experienced the following: They exercised more regularly They reported fewer illness symptoms They felt better about their lives as a whole They felt more optimistic about the future. They tended to feel more loving, forgiving, joyful, and enthusiastic. They coped more effectively with everyday stress They recovered more quickly from illness They maintained greater overall physical health. In addition to these findings, being in a state of gratitude maximizes the enjoyment of the good in our lives, and helps us to want what we have. In fact, Albert Schweitzer, the great twentieth-century humanitarian, physician, theologian, and Nobel Peace Prizewinner called gratitude the secret to life. G.K. Chesterton, who was one of the most prolific writers of the past century, and someone said to have lived his life with gratitude and a sense of wonder and appreciation for all life, had this to say about gratitude: 4 of 11
The test of all happiness is gratitude. Children are grateful when Santa Claus puts in their stockings gifts of toys or sweets. Could I not be grateful to Santa Claus when he puts in my stockings the gift of two miraculous legs? We thank people for birthday presents.can I thank no one for the birthday present of birth? So, considering all of the benefits of gratitude, it can be said that gratitude is a key to happiness. And if gratitude has a lot of benefits, being happy is nothing to sneeze at. In fact, in a recent review of scientific literature on happiness, it was revealed that happiness yields numerous rewards for the individual and actually precedes the outcomes for which one feels happy. Doesn t this go along with what we ve mentioned in the previous classes? That what we think about and how we feel tends to manifest in our lives? Feeling the emotion of happiness makes good things happen! An interesting finding from a study of college students found that happiness levels in college predicted income 16 years later. What they found was that the most cheerful students earned $25K more per year than their more dour classmates. Happiness was also found to add 9 years to one s life expectancy. Not only can gratitude add to our ability to be happy. Practicing gratitude when trying to manifest goals increases the energy around the goal, making it easier to achieve. So, in terms of achieving your desire and that of your kids, it is absolutely essential that you develop a grateful mind. Therefore, the tools in this session will help you to not only deal with problematic situations, but will also help nurture the seeds of your desire. Wallace Wattles writes about gratitude in his book, The Science of Getting Rich. This book was one of the inspirations for the movie The Secret. Wattles writes about how gratitude helps to align you with your desires. It puts you on the same frequency or vibration as that which you desire. By acknowledging the goodness you have received from the source of all that is, you remain close to the source. The more gratitude you express for all that is good in your life, the more good you receive and the more rapidly you receive it. The mental attitude of gratitude keeps you in harmony with the creative energies of the universe creative thought. It keeps you looking toward the wonders of life and helps to keep you from bringing limitation and lack into your thinking. It keeps you from focusing on your current, possibly limited circumstances, because when you are thinking thoughts of gratitude, you are focusing instead on the best you have, instead of on the worst. As Wattles says, To think of the best, surround yourself with the best, and become the best. The grateful mind is constantly fixed upon the best. Faith is borne of gratitude. With 5 of 11
gratitude, we continually expect good things, and with that expectation comes faith. Without faith, you cannot create. Be grateful for every good thing that comes to you. What he is saying here is that gratitude speaks to the natural principle of action and reaction. The principle of action and reaction says that they are always equal and flow in opposite directions. Expenditure of force outward and the reaction that force creates has the effect of an instantaneous movement back toward you. So if outflow gratitude, you automatically create an inflow of good back. And if your gratitude is strong and constant, the movement of the things you want will always be toward you. Gratitude keeps you connected with the power of the universe. Activities and Tools to Foster an Attitude of Gratitude Gratitude cannot be acquired through willpower alone. You can t try to be grateful any more than you can try to be happy. It cannot be obtained through conscious striving. The benefits of gratitude come from the long-term cultivation of the disposition of gratefulness through dedicated practice. A person with a grateful disposition has established a worldview that says all of life is a gift. So how can we establish a grateful disposition in ourselves and in our children? Let s look at 5 techniques you can use to encourage an attitude of gratitude in your home: 1) Keep a Gratitude Journal A gratitude journal is a daily journal where you write down the things for which you are grateful. Keeping a gratitude journal encourages the habit of noticing and giving attention to gratitude-inspiring events and affirms that a source of goodness exists in your life. Psychological research has shown that translating thoughts into words has advantages over just thinking the thoughts. Becoming aware of one s blessings actually leads to having more to be grateful about. We have a tendency to cease taking things for granted. To site the earlier study by Robert Emmons, his findings suggested that people who specifically kept a daily journal of the things that they were grateful for felt better about their lives as a whole and were more optimistic about their future than those who didn t. In fact, they were 25% happier than those in a control group! They also reported fewer health complaints, spent more time exercising, averaging 1.5 more hours of exercise per week. They were also found to have gotten more hours of sleep each night, spent less time awake before falling asleep, and were more refreshed upon awakening. And we know that amount of and 6 of 11
quality of sleep has a huge impact on how we feel, the quality of our lives, the state of our health, and so on. Keeping a gratitude journal is a simple practice that takes little time and has many benefits. You can use a book that is specifically for use as a gratitude journal, or you can use a pad of paper whatever works for you. Here are some tips to keep in mind as you write in your gratitude journal: To be most effective, writing in a gratitude journal should be a daily habit Avoid literal repetition doing so could end up having the opposite effect (i.e., this is all I have??). For example, if you write down I am grateful for my house, my family, my job, and you write these same words down every day, you could get to the point where you wonder is this all there is?? Think about daily examples of things you are grateful for and include these as well. Be specific about the benefit received. For example, rather than saying I am grateful for my son, write I am grateful for the cuddles my son gives me in the morning. See the items on your list as gifts. Associate each item on your list with the word gift and be aware of how you feel when you think about this gift. Take time to become aware of the depth of your gratitude for each item on your list. Don t rush through the practice. Create a daily practice for you and your child of writing in a gratitude journal. Include everything that happened in your day for which you are grateful. 2) Perform a breath exercise Dr. Frederic Luskin, in his book Forgive for Good suggests the following exercise called The Breath of Thanks. Let s try this together: Slow down your mind and bring attention to your breathing. Notice how your breath flows in and out without you having to do anything. 7 of 11
Then, for the next 5-8 exhalations, say the words thank you silently to remind yourself of the gift of your breath and how lucky you are to be alive. Do this 2-3 times per day 3 days per week 3) Use visual reminders One of the main obstacles to being grateful is the human tendency of forgetfulness. How often do you remember to count your blessings? Strategically placing visual reminders can improve your ability to stop and smell the roses so to speak. It reminds you to remember the good in your life. You can purchase plaques with inspiring gratitude sayings, or you can write your own on note cards or post-it notes. You can even get your children involved by having them make their own thank-you cards using gratitude quotes. You can print out quotes from your computer and then have your kids cut them out, paste them onto folded construction paper, and then have them decorate the cards and sign their name. Here are some gratitude quotes you might want to use: The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. ~John E. Southard Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. ~Estonian Proverb Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel. ~Author Unknown Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. ~William Arthur Ward Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others. Cicero Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. Henry Ward Beecher Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust 8 of 11
[D]on t pray when it rains if you don t pray when the sun shines. Leroy [Satchel] Paige (New York Post October 4, 1959) There is as much greatness of mind in acknowledging a good turn, as in doing it. Seneca These are just a few of the many wonderful gratitude quotes available. You can find more on the following internet websites: www.quotegarden.com www.wisdomquotes.com www.quotationsbook.com You can also search for gratitude quotations on Google. 4) Create a gratitude affirmation We ve talked a lot in the course about affirmations. Here is another way you can use affirmations to cultivate a grateful outlook. You could use an affirmation such as I have so much in life to be thankful for, or My life is a gift. Doing so will bring to us more in life to be thankful for, and will strengthen our social bonds with others. 5) Perform grateful behaviors Even if you have to force it at first, there is a great deal of psychological evidence showing that attitude change often follows behavior change. Have your children write letters of gratitude to relatives, teachers, or friends. Or, challenge them to say thank you to one person that does something to help them each day. Performing simple gratitude behaviors will help to instill in them an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude-Related Confidence-Boosting Activities Now let s look at some additional tools you can use when you find yourself or your child feeling down. These tools can be used when your child is feeling negative emotion directed at himself. They quickly move your child from a negative mindset and help to get positive energy flowing, bringing a boost to their spirits. The first one we ll look at is the positive qualities list. And this is something I d like you to do right now. 9 of 11
Positive Qualities List - Create a list of the things you are grateful for about your child. Recognize all of the qualities that make your child special to you. When you child is feeling blue, review this list. It will help you to send positive energy to your child, which will in turn, help to lift their mood. The positive qualities list keeps you focused on seeing the good in your child. If you focus on your child s good qualities everyday, regardless of the circumstances you are seeing, you will bring about more of the good. Remember the principle of action and reaction. If you outflow thoughts of your child s positive attributes, you will receive back more of those attributes. They will become more prominent in your child. Now, the next three lists your child can use to eliminate negative thinking and get moving in a positive direction again. Self-Esteem List This tool allows your child to acknowledge his positive qualities and find things about himself to appreciate. o Take a piece of paper and write at the top Things that I like about myself. Then, ask your child to make a list of all of the things she likes about herself. These are things that she considers to be her positive qualities. These can include things about her body, character, intellect, spiritual nature, personality, and her way of relating to others. Include everything, even if it seems silly. Self-Appreciation List This tool helps your child increase her sense of wellbeing and satisfaction. o Take a piece of paper and write at the top Nice things I can do to appreciate myself. Then, ask your child to make a list of all the ways she can think of to be good to herself, nice things she can do for herself that are just for her own pleasure and satisfaction. Make sure some of them can be things she can do every day, and then make a plan to help her follow through. Giving List This tool helps your child to recognize the positive impact he can have on the world and those around him. This can enhance his sense of worthiness and self-confidence. o Take a piece of paper and write at the top Ways I can help the world and others around me. Then, ask your child to make a list of all the ways he 10 of 11
can show love and provide to the world and others. Make sure some of them can be things he can readily do, and then make a plan to help him follow through. In the spirit of gratitude, I d like to take this opportunity to thank you for your participation in the Child Self-Esteem Bully-Proof program. I truly hope this program helps to improve your child s self-confidence, their feeling of worthiness, and provides them with a sense of their inner strength and power. And I also hope it has empowered you to bring out the best in yourself and your child. I would love to hear about your results or any other feedback you have about the course! You can email me at. And, if you feel you need additional support or one-on-one attention, you can contact me about my Child Self-Esteem Bully-Proof Coaching program, and I ll send you all the details. 11 of 11