Pornography Total Victory & Deliverance! (Fully use all 7 tools à guaranteed VICTORY. Only use 4 or 5 of the tools à guaranteed FAILURE) 1. Remove temptation The biggest reason many Godly people repeatedly dive into pornography is because they foolishly assume that they can resist temptation. That is a total lie. In no place does God s Word tell us to resist temptation. It commands us multiple times to FLEE temptation. Thus, to be free, any person would need to do the following steps: i. Completely remove internet from their phone and not use any other mobile internet devices. Only use the internet on a desktop or lap top with spyware and strong accountability. i Greatly limit the total amount of TV and movies but also the types of TV and movies. 2. Re-gain control over your thoughts through prayer time and memorizing Once pictures of pornography are stored in your brain, Satan, the world and your flesh want to bring them back up into your mind. Bringing these pictures back into your mind is like being mugged by five large guys. When you go 1-2 days without time with the Lord, you will get mugged 30 to 50 times that day. When you spend a serious hour with the Lord you will only get mugged 3 times that day. When you understand and are able to quote large passages of God s word it is like pulling out a gun on these five guys who are mugging you. All other points of victory are for internal healing or external protection. This is the only point of internal power! You will memorize 2 chapters in the next six months and then one chapter a year for the rest of your life. This is the only tool that makes the man feel strong and confident. This is the only tool that completely restores his manhood. This internal power is the difference between partial victory and total victory. This power starts by reading my book Prayers Answered Immediately and watching the seven videos. Please pay special attention to chapter 12. It is essential for you to combine your out loud quoting with some daily habit that you do every day for at least 15 minutes a day. It is also essential to learn to quote the word EVERY time you battle lust in your mind. Within a year, you will have built up to a minimum of an hour a day of quoting God s word! By learning to use Bible quoting plus all other tools, you will have a powerful time with the Lord every day. 3. Inner healing Every person who gets involved in pornography needs inner healing and deliverance. The deep root of pornography is often tied to a sense of being a Failure. This awareness that the root issue is Failure is a significant compass during the inner healing process. It is also important in this process to make sure that you go beyond inner healing and have someone lead you specifically in deliverance. When you seek out pornography, you have entered into a level of perversion that legally permits Satan to release very large and powerful demons into your soul. Recommended tools: i. Bondage Breaker book by Neil Anderson Breakthrough to Joy course 1
4. Spiritual goals that make you feel like a SUCCESS and feel NEEDED This is essential for long term victory! God made man to be goal oriented. When a man has spiritual goals, it stimulates him and makes him feel like a success. When a man feels that people NEED him spiritually, it releases great energy into his spiritual life. The deepest of all human needs is the need to be NEEDED! All of our sense of WORTH comes from how much other people need us. Having other people need us is the essence of having a sense of PURPOSE. The concept of LOVE is about being needed. When no one NEEDS us to get life from God s Word, then the river of His Spirit dries up within us. Please take seriously the importance of being involved in serving others vigorously. It is a powerful weapon against pornography. For a man to walk in total victory he has to have at least two things in his life: i. Highly committed to his local church including building relationships in the small group within his church Committed to leading others to Christ. For me to work with any man he has to already be committed to faithfully serving his congregation and small group. 5. Consequences According to Matthew 5:27-28, pornography is adultery! In the 1960s the drunken driving laws in the United States had very little CONSEQUENCES. As a result it was common to know people who had received 10-15 DUIs. Then MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) came along and began a high profile national campaign for tougher drunk driving laws. Now it is very rare to know anyone who has had more than two DUIs. The only difference between now and the 1960s is that today a third DUI will result in an extended jail sentence in many states. The authorities simply brought in severe consequences for drunk driving and the amount of drunk driving greatly decreased. Consequences are one of the best gifts that a wife can give her mate. It is even more important for the husband to WANT consequences and to SEEK clear, consistent, strong and non-negotiable consequences. A child has to have consequences forced on them, but an adult SEEKS consequences because they understand that consequences make them stronger. I Cor. 11:31 But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment. Prov. 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid. Please notice that God s Word clearly states that people who do NOT seek out discipline and correction have a terrible self-image. They hate themselves. Prov. 15:32 He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding. Here is my recommendation to any couple dealing with repeated instances of a husband giving himself to pornography. I recommend that they write out and sign some agreed upon consequences. You are welcome to write up your own consequences. Here is my suggestion. i. The next time the husband participates in pornography, he will move out for three months of separation. i The second time the husband participates in pornography, the husband will move out for six months. The third time the husband participates in pornography the marriage is over and a divorce will be finalized. These are fairly mild consequences for a man who chooses to have three more affairs after repeated multiple affairs in the past. When the husband has access to all of these extremely powerful tools to break pornography and continues to have three more pornographic affairs, it would indicate that the husband does not WANT to walk in victory. 2
Most of all, it is essential to understand that the goal of consequences is to GIVE STRENGTH to the husband. It is often hard for ladies to understand how men s brains are wired. The Bottom Line Orientation dominates every man s brain. If every other tool is in place but a man can Get Away with pornography, his Bottom Line brain may NOT be able to resist the temptation, simply because he can Get Away with it. Consequences are a gift to the man who is battling with pornography. 6. A root understanding of sex from Satan s perspective and God s perspective and why (if married) then it is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL to have a joyful sex life. Not understanding the root of sex from Satan s perspective and the root of sex from God s perspective has destroyed many human souls. Hosea 4:6 My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge Ø Satan wants to turn men into selfish, bestial, animals who believe that sex is all about TAKING from another person. Once sex is perverted into an act of taking, the pleasure diminishes each time. Thus, the person taking the sex becomes more of a Taker and more of a selfish animal with each sexual experience. They must continually find different people or something more deviant and perverted to feel the same amount of pleasure. Ø From God s perspective, sex is an act of giving to your mate to bring THEM pleasure. Whether you receive pleasure is secondary. You are operating in the heart of God. The amazing thing about God s kingdom is that when you don t SEEK pleasure, you get overwhelmed with pleasure. In God s kingdom, the same act of sex with the same person increases in pleasure every year and every decade. God is so good. Luke 6:38 Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." How this applies to SINGLE Men! Everyone can see that sex outside of marriage perverts men into selfish animalistic takers. It is so obvious to all of us. Each of us knows many men who became more selfish as they became more sexually immoral. Sex truly is a picture of how we handle all of life. Once a single man understands his enemy, he is able to use his natural gift of being a warrior to fight for his own soul. He refuses to let the world turn him into a taker that uses people. The thought of using a woman becomes sickening and repulsive. Medical proof! This warfare for his soul becomes even clearer to the single man when he realizes how medical science has proven the heart of God through the study of hormones. During orgasm both a man and woman have Dopamine released which is the pleasure high hormone and they both have Serotonin released which is the serenity, lingering pleasure hormone. (It is important to note that many times the woman does not have orgasm during sex.) The third hormone is the most important. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone - the cuddle chemical. This bonding hormone makes us want to connect physically with another person; and once connected, stay connected. This hormone is not stimulated by orgasm but by the touching and tenderness that precedes orgasm. Women have much stronger doses than men. The horrible news is that when a woman has many sexual partners she begins to lessen and lose 3
the ability to produce oxytocin. She loses the ability to bond deeply with a man. The animals that have used her over and over again have literally stolen her soul and shredded it. What evil it is to for a man to use a woman by taking her body without first giving his entire being to her in marriage. When a couple is together for many years the amount of oxytocin in their bodies actually increases and accumulates. The bond between them becomes stronger and their love becomes deeper. The fourth hormone is only released in men. Vasopressin is the protection hormone that kicks in to support feelings of possession and desire to thwart anyone else. He desires to be the knight in shining armor who wants to care for this woman, treasure her and share her with no other man. Science has shown that God made men to be givers who were created to love and treasure one woman and that sex is the reward of her giving herself to him after he has given himself to her in marriage. When he understands this, the single man becomes passionately inspired at the idea of finding the woman to whom he will commit the rest of his life to love, protect, serve and cherish. The thought of sex being the reward of God AFTER he has given everything of himself to her at the wedding covenant just like we are Jesus reward after Jesus gave everything of Himself at the covenant of salvation - lights a fierce fire of purity and purpose in his soul. He WILL be a giver! He will NOT be a perverted animalistic taker. How this applies to Single WOMEN! Why do single women give sex outside of marriage? Sadly it comes down to the difference between the secure, wise woman and the manipulative, foolish woman. The secure, wise woman realizes that rewarding a Taker only makes him more of a Taker. She realizes that men are attracted to strength and that the best men are each looking for a strong Godly woman who has Bible standards which no man can change. She realizes that trying to trap a man by letting him use you is as foolish as a person can be. Short term aloneness is better than a lifetime of loneliness for the manipulative foolish woman who has been used and left more times than she can count. How this applies to MARRIED Men! This is why in 35 years of counseling married couples in their sex lives - my first and strongest counsel is for the husband to begin almost every sexual encounter by having his wife lay flat on her stomach with her head at the bottom of the bed. They begin the sexual encounter by the husband spending 5-10 minutes giving his wife a wonderful massage that does not involve any groping or sexual action. He starts by standing by her head and massages her head and shoulders. He then slowly massages every part of the back part of her body. I recommend that husbands get a small amount of massage training to become more skilled. This single act causes many powerful things to happen between a husband and wife. i. Because the sex act involves more giving by the wife, the husband is acting like Jesus and starting the process and giving first before asking his wife to give. The gentleness of a massage is the most stimulating and powerful way to stir a woman. Skin is the most powerful sex receptor in the body. It is astounding how many bestial, animalistic, selfish men with a Taking view of sex, are so deceived to think that their wife should enjoy being forcefully and suddenly grabbed and groped in their private sexual areas. These perverted men have darkness clouding their minds and don t have anything of the heart of Christ. 4
On the other hand, when a wife is gently massaged and stirred by her covenant husband whose entire desire is to bring his wife pleasure, every ounce of her being responds and wants to open to that man and to give him pleasure. i Giving a massage with a heart to bring his wife pleasure always causes a man to feel such passionate love for his wife that sexual desire stirs in him. Pornography destroys intimacy. Many men who engage in pornography eventually lose the desire to have sex with their wives in any normal way within a few short years. This redemptive, Christ-like act of giving to his wife restores in the man God s original heart and God s original plan of sexual desire. Sensitive Sex questions for Married couples! Before we leave this subject, we need to address four important questions that wives often ask about this subject. They are: 1. Is it OK for me withhold sex from my husband? 2. What if my husband wants to do Kinky things sexually that I do not want to do? Also, what if my husband has been harsh, self-centered, critical and demanding in our emotional relationship while also wanting sex? 3. What if I am the one who wants sex and my husband does not want sex? 4. What if I have been sexually abused and this make it hard for me to enjoy sex? 1. Is it OK for me withhold sex from my husband? Scripture is very clear that neither mate is permitted by Jesus to withhold sex from their mate. God s word adds the important addition that if you are not careful to obey in this area, that you are INVITING Satan into your home. I Cor. 7:3-5 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Sadly, in about 50% of pornography situations, I find wives who withhold sex. Withholding sex is as serious of a sin as pornography! Sometimes these women honestly do not realize that withholding sex emasculates a man. There are very few things that make a husband feel like a failure as much as not having access to his wife s body when she stimulates him. In addition, it saddens me to discover that most women are completely ignorant of the medical hormonal issues that men face when sex is withheld by their wives. The internal chemical issues that a man faces in a situation like this are as miserable as the worst PMS any woman has faced. The difference for a man is the chemical issues STIMULATE the man. He will continue to be chemically stimulated and there is nothing that can stop this chemical stimulation. God made the man this way. 5
For a man, the sex drive is directly connected to the adrenal gland. Thus, if a man is attracted to his wife and she does not joyfully give her body to her husband, then it is like drinking one hundred cups of coffee. By the second day, it is like drinking one thousand cups of coffee. When a wife does not joyfully give sex to her husband, her sin before God is equally as serious as the man s sin of pornography. This is never an excuse for pornography. There is also never an excuse for withholding sex from your mate. When a husband sees his purpose in sex as bringing pleasure to his wife and loves beginning sex by giving his wife gentle pleasurable 10 minute massages, it is extremely easy for a wife to be generous in offering sex to her husband. This is God s heart of his love flowing in the bedroom. Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure 2. What if my husband wants to do Kinky things sexually that I do not want to do? Also, what if my husband has been harsh, self-centered, critical and demanding in our emotional relationship while also wanting sex? Many times the husband has done severe damage to the emotional relationship. He needs to repair that damage and restore a healthy emotional relationship in order to restore a healthy sexual relationship. This is where counseling is so important. As long as the wife wants to see the sexual relationship restored and the husband is sincerely humble and willing to work hard to be a kind, giving, gracious, servant-hearted husband who loves his wife like Christ loves the church and gives himself up for her, this can be a clear process. On kinky stuff, the Bible is very clear that it is very wrong to try to persuade your mate to do things out of their comfort zone. Romans 14:23 For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. The attraction of sex with a mate is based on Giving pleasure to your mate. The attraction is NOT based on Taking or Experimenting. When a mate is not satisfied with a certain type of sex this person has entered into a selfish perspective about sex. The goal of sex is first to satisfy your mate. Again, when a husband sees his purpose in sex as bringing pleasure to his wife and loves beginning sex by giving his wife gentle pleasurable 10 minute massages he does not need kinky things to be extremely excited. At the end of this section, I give multiple recommendations for nationally recognized Christian books on sex. Every one of these books makes it clear that no mate should ever push their mate beyond their level of comfort in the area of sex. 3. What if I am the one who wants sex and my husband does not want sex? This situation has become more common in the past few years. There are two separate responses to this question. A Be cautious to find out if there is some reason why the man has a low sex drive. A critical spirit and abrasive words can kill a man s sex drive. Strife can kill a man s sex drive. Financial pressure can kill a man s sex drive. When a man feels like a failure in his job or with his children, these can kill a man s sex drive. There are also medical reasons that may need to be investigated. 6
B Sometimes it is a kindness for a wife to use her authority over her husband s body. To be blunt, a husband does not have to have an orgasm to stimulate his wife to an orgasm. If a man does not feel like having sex, he can serve his wife cheerfully and willingly. Most of the time if a man serves his wife in this way he will find himself stimulated and he will also enjoy an orgasm. However it is good for a husband to remember that sex is about serving your mate. I Cor. 7:4 In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. I am including a portion of a letter that a very godly wife wrote to her husband as a part of her response to his addiction to pornography. This portion was part of an entire letter in which the wife gave fantastic support and fantastic boundaries to her husband. It was one of the most impressive responses I have ever seen from a wife. You must commit to at least one sexual encounter every other week with me that takes some energy. It doesn t have to be something crazy. What I am asking is that we spend time enjoying our bodies. We will schedule this together and look forward to it together. My reasoning is that if you are thinking of an exciting encounter with me, maybe it won t be as tempting to think about finding excitement somewhere else. Now, that doesn t mean we have to have some crazy sexcapade every time we are in the mood, but putting some energy and thought towards it once in a while is what I am asking for. Honestly, our sex life has become mundane and in many ways an afterthought. I know that you are not confident in your body. This will help. In this cycle of destruction, I feel compared to the pictures in your mind. I am simply looking to find ways for us to enjoy each other and begin to love and appreciate each other. This husband is a very rich man. Thankfully he realizes how rich he is. 4. What if I have been sexually abused and this makes it hard for me to enjoy sex? Some statistics say that 70% of all adult women have been sexually abused in some manner. This is a horrifying curse of a callous and cruel end-times society. Any Godly counselor hurts deeply for the pain that has been forced on these ladies. It is important for these wounded ladies to receive counseling tools that will help them get healed. Having seen thousands of situations where a wife is not responsive sexually to her husband because of past sexual abuse, I have learned one forceful truth. Some women want to be healed more than other women. Some women are humble, hardworking, and recognize that being responsive sexually to their husband is a command from God. The living God commands us to give sex joyfully to our mates as a gift. Sex can NOT be TAKEN from you, unless you withhold sex. Sex that is given joyfully and freely is not taken from you. It is a gift. Past sexual abuse is a reason for a wife to seek counselors and help. If a wife does not enjoy sex, then it is a chance for her to enjoy giving pleasure to her husband. It is a faith opportunity. Please understand that this non-negotiable stance is from God. Please also understand that God gives this stance to make it easier for you and to save your marriage. If you will submit to God s command AND seek inner healing counseling, God can do a mighty work in your heart in a short amount of time. 7
Again, it makes a huge difference for the abused woman to have a husband who sees his purpose in sex as bringing pleasure to his wife and loves beginning sex by giving his wife gentle pleasurable 10 minute massages. In addition, this kind giving man does not desire anything kinky but simply wants him and his wife to express God s love to each other through the act of sex. In these cases the healing comes so much faster because both the husband and wife are seeing sex through God s original loving plan. There are numerous, excellent Christian books available on the subject of sex within a marriage. All of them are terrific. It is often a huge help to read a national book on this important subject. Some titles are: a. The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye b. The Gift of Sex by Ralph and Joyce Penner c. Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman d. Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat 7. Recognize that this issue can result in Heaven or Hell Please listen to my sermon in the Sex Outside of Marriage series. The specific sermon within that series is titled: Will any intentionally sexually immoral person go to heaven? In that single sermon, I read many passages in the New Testament that forcefully say that a person who is intentionally sexually immoral will not go to heaven. Those passages say that it is impossible for a person to be a born again Christian and to intentionally continue in open sexual immorality. I do not understand all of the ramifications of those passages. However, they are serious enough and God s Word is so strong on this subject that these verses need to be taken seriously. I have led hundreds of men to total victory over pornography. I can give you two guarantees: i. If you do ALL of these steps fully, you will walk in total victory for the rest of your life. If you only PARTIALLY do some of these steps, then I guarantee that you will lose the battle and re-immerse yourself in pornography. The Lord knows our hearts. Please commit a heart to Jesus that will pay any price to obey the King in this battle for your eternal soul. How to get started to get healed from a porn addition! 1. Email me the following answers: a. Have you read the book Prayers Answered Immediately and watched all seven videos? b. Have you heard my sermon series on Porn and Lust? c. Have you heard my sermon series on Memorizing or read chapter 12 of Prayers Answered Immediately? d. Have you ever memorized full chapters of God s Word? If yes, what and when? e. Please tell me about your daily time with Jesus. 2. In that same email, I need a detailed response to: a. What plans you have taken to eliminate all availability to the internet in your life. b. Have you appealed to your wife to bring consequences into your life that are severe enough to protect you from the addiction that could cost you eternity? c. Are you willing to study through the book Bondage Breaker? 8