Evolve Your Relationships Transform Your World

Transcription

1 Evolve Your Relationships Transform Your World With Tom and Pam Altaffer AskandReceive.org LovingYourRelationships.com

2 Simple Ask & Receive Practice Form Initial Statement: There is a part of my being / that already knows / how to That part of my being / is willing to inform / the rest of me now. It is doing so now / with grace and ease. My mind, body and spirit / are receiving this information. Information transfer / is now complete. SAFETY There is a part of my being / that already knows / that it is SAFE to That part of my being / is willing to inform / the rest of me now. It is doing so now / with grace and ease. My mind, body and spirit / are receiving this information. Information transfer / is now complete. POSSIBILITY There is a part of my being / that already knows / that it is POSSIBLE to That part of my being / is willing to inform / the rest of me now. It is doing so now / with grace and ease. My mind, body and spirit / are receiving this information. Information transfer / is now complete. DESERVING There is a part of my being / that already knows / that I DESERVE to That part of my being / is willing to inform / the rest of me now. It is doing so now / with grace and ease. My mind, body and spirit / are receiving this information. Information transfer / is now complete.

3 Felt Sense Guided Ask & Receive- Exercise Create a positive statement. Do Ask & Receive for the positive statement. Repeat positive statement. Check for sensations, thoughts, and images (objections) There is a part of my Being that already knows how to heal and release this what it represents, all of its roots and its point of entry. That part of my Being is willing to inform the rest of me now. It is doing so now with grace and ease. My mind, body and spirit are receiving this information. Information transfer is now complete. Do Ask & Receive for the sensations, thoughts or images. Repeat positive statement. Check for sensations, thoughts and images. Do Ask & Receive for the sensations, thoughts or images. There is a part of my Being that already knows how to heal and release this what it represents, all of its roots and its point of entry. That part of my Being is willing to inform the rest of me now. It is doing so now with grace and ease. My mind, body and spirit are receiving this information. Information transfer is now complete. Continue until the subject feels congruent with the positive statement.

4 LIMITING BELIEFS It is safe to It is possible to I deserve to I keep my identity if I I get support from others if I I allow myself to It is a benefit to myself... I give myself permission to... It s good for me to I loyal even when I get my needs met I am ready I willing to... I am lovable I am liked I know how... I trust I can... I am worthy... I would feel too much... I'll still be me and keep my identity... I can be fully connected to source I m part of my family even when... It is safe for others for me to I am a good person if I Safe for me to feel safe I remain loyal to if I I'm guilt free even when... I am allowed It is a benefit to others... I am comfortable Good for others It's fair for me and others I choose I am confident I can... I am loved I am accepted I will still exist Others support me... I have the power to... I believe I can... I have the energy to... I ll be of service to others I matter enough I am important enough

5 Create Positive Statements Couple s Statement We can t communicate. Positive Statement We communicate lovingly and respectfully. Relationship Statement I feel distant from Positive Statement I feel great love between myself and Self Statement I hate myself Positive Statement I love myself Attracting A Love There are not enough good men out there. Positive Statement There is a good man for me out there.

6 Affair Post Divorce John Nun We Will Demonstrate With Ask and Receive 1. Simple 2. Felt Sense Higher States have the answer Ask & Receive is a way to access higher states knowledge Power of the Word Trauma creates limiting beliefs that run us We all have a higher, broader perspective. We dont always have access to it. Repeat 5 statements of Ask & Receive to get higher states information. Ask & Receive heals and releases the traumas and the resulting limiting beliefs 1

7 1. There is a part of my being that already knows how I can be calm, centered and ready to learn. 2. That part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now. 3. It is doing so now with grace and ease. 4. My mind, body and spirit are receiving this information. 5. The information transfer is now complete. 1. Describe the 3 levels of relationships. 2. Describe how the 2 views of relationship (traditional and evolved) differ from one another. 3. Explain the two main ways to work with couples. Learning to love (and stay in love) with another person is HARD. Whatever issues you have will come up in the relationship. Maturing in relationship means shifting from an external focus on changing your partner to an internal focus on healing yourself. If you feel it, its yours. If you think it, its yours. Crisis is seen as an opportunity for the couples evolution. A Dependence Relationship involves partners who become dependent on each other for money, emotional support, parenting, or sex. Although the sex is sometimes good in this style of relationship (especially during the making-up period after a fight), partners often end up feeling limited by oldstyle gender roles or by an imbalance of financial or physical power. So they attempt to transition to the next style of relationship. To do so they learn to build personal boundaries and take care of themselves, rather than always catering to the needs of their partners. The 50/50 Relationship is the "modern" style of relationship which is based on two independent people coming together and working out an equitable partnership. Each partner is expected to shoulder half the responsibilities, more or less, right down the middle. Each often has their own source of income, and together they negotiate a 50/50 plan to divide household duties, parenting, and financial obligations. To accomplish this, they attempt to strike their own inner balance between Masculine and Feminine qualities, both at home and at the workplace. However, as many of us have discovered, there is a potential problem with this ideal of a 50/50 Relationship. We begin to lose our aliveness. Sexuality loses its passion. Our inner fire begins to fade. And we feel an incompleteness at our center. In the practice of Intimate Communion we learn that love is something you do, not something you fall into or out of. Love is something that you practice, like playing tennis or the violin, not something you happen to feel or not. Love is an action that you do--and when you do it, you feel it. When you are loving, others find you lovable. Love is an action you can practice. Therefore, in Intimate Communion we learn to practice loving, even when we feel hurt, rejected, or resistant. First we practice love, and then our native sexual essence blooms, naturally, inevitably, because we are learning to give from our core, which includes the root of our sexuality. 2

8 TRADITIONAL Love is something that happens to you. Love comes from outside and is either there or not there. Love is dependent on the partners behavior. Love is something to be earned. When love is gone, it is gone. EVOLVED Love is innate. Love is a state of being that lives within you. Your experience of love depends on you. Each partner is responsible for claiming his or her own happiness, pleasure and satisfaction. Healing ones own blocks to love is each persons responsibility. Loving is a discipline. TRADITIONAL Discussion of resentments, disappointments and problems is encouraged. Expression of negative emotions is encouraged. Lets-make-a-deal therapy. The goal is compromise. Therapist acts as judge. Blaming is allowed. Power issues regarding love, sex, money are negotiated. EVOLVED A positive mutual intention is established. Each person owns their problems. Irritation, anger, judgment and unforgiveness are the holders responsibility. Each member is responsible for own happiness. Emerging issues are a path to growth. The focus is on each persons commitment to opening into love. STAGES 1 AND 2 Issues of safety and boundary setting are vital. Resolving power and role dynamics are vital. Goals and structure are important Goals are set and agreed upon by each member. Homework is assigned and progress is determined by outcomes. STAGE 3 Maintain a positive mutual intention. Each person is responsible for their emotions, beliefs and judgments. Each person is responsible for their own happiness. The focus is on each persons commitment to opening into love. Challenged Relationships Mutual intention to be right. Blame is a habit. Focus is on what is going wrong. Successful Relationships Mutual intention to support joy and love in relationship. Appreciation and gratitude is a habit. Focus is on what is going well. Evolving couples can move between all stages. Therapist need to be flexible while leading people to higher stages. Stage 3 Stage 1 Stage 2 3

9 Negative Emotions Trauma Limiting beliefs Judgment Unforgiveness Couple can be treated either individually or together whatever is more appropriate at the time. If there is a great deal of negative judgment it is often good to work with each individual separately. Define common intention or goal for the couple NOW (general or specific). We have unconditional love and compassionate understanding with each other. We have a harmonious and satisfying solution for our financial situation. State the goal in the positive. Use EP to install the intention. Identify and clear any negative feelings, judgments or traumas that are blocking this intention. I feel great love between myself and my partner. We feel unconditional love and compassionate understanding for each other. My communication with my partner is so good! I feel so free, spontaneous, and satisfied sexually with my partner. Relationship to: Problem Positive Statement US. We cant communicate. We communicate lovingly and respectfully. 1 person in couple. I feel distant from. I feel great love between myself and. 1 person in couple. My partner doesnt love me. I feel deeply loved by my partner. Dynamic Short (if possible) POSITIVE Feels good when saying it Self. I hate myself. I love myself. World. There are not enough good men out there. There is a good man for me out there. 4

10 The Felt Sense uses the sensations which arise during treatment as the target for treatment. We assume that there is meaning embedded in the sensation which needs to be honored. If the sensation is negative we ask for healing for the sensation, what it represents, all of its roots and its point of entry. Sensations are a message from your unconscious. Our pain or negative symptoms are actually our selfs way of attempting to communicate with us. We just have to learn to listen in a different way, or to ask the parts to communicate in a different way. Targets of Treatment Symptom Emotion What feelings you have. Thoughts What it means to you. 1. Create positive statement. 2. Do Ask & Receive for the positive statement. 3. Repeat positive statement. 4. Check for sensations, thoughts, images (objections). 5. Do Ask & Receive for the sensations, thoughts or images. 6. Repeat positive statement. 7. Check for sensations, thoughts and images. 8. Continue until you feel congruent with the positive statement. 5

11 Continue the Felt Sense cycle until congruent. 1. There is a part of my being that already knows how to heal and release, what it represents, all of its roots and its point of entry. 2. That part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now. 3. It is doing so now with grace and ease. 4. My mind, body and spirit are receiving this information. 5. Information transfer is now complete. Judgments are projected limiting beliefs so they require an extra step. 1) Treat the thoughts and feelings attached to the judgment. a) She doesnt care about me, 2) Turn around the judgment and treat as if you were the one being judged. a) I dont care about me, b) I dont care about her. 3) Treat for the positive (desired thought) a) She does care about me. 35 6

12 Tom Altaffer, LCSW Pam Altaffer, LCSW (609)