Dr. Kristin Witte Rousseau (in Emile) said Like childhood, adulthood was a calm sea, but the passage between the two periods is a stormy one. (quote Pastoral Care from Renewing the Vision) A ministry of compassionate presence that enables healing and growth to take place within individuals and their relationships. It nurtures growth toward wholeness, it provides guidance in decision making and challenges obstacles to positive development (RTV) 1
Helping acts done by representative Christian persons, directed towards the healing, sustaining, guiding and reconciling of troubled persons whose troubles arise in the context of ultimate meaning and concern (Clebsch and Jaekle, 1967). Leonard Sweet, Soul Tsunami p. 220 2
Signs and Signals of Situation 1. Jesus wasn t nice 3
1. Jesus wasn t nice, he was loving love is challenging and creating healthy boundaries 2. Not Confidential / not gossip Abuse or Danger to self or others 1. Jesus wasn t nice, he was loving love is challenging and creating healthy boundaries 2. Confidentiality / not gossip Abuse or Danger to self or others 3. What are your credentials? Know the boundaries 4
1. Jesus wasn t nice, he was loving love is challenging and creating healthy boundaries 2. Confidentiality / not gossip Abuse or Danger to self or others 3. What are your credentials? Know the boundaries 4.Triage not primary physician 1. Jesus wasn t nice, he was loving love is challenging and creating healthy boundaries 2. Confidentiality / not gossip Abuse or Danger to self or others 3. What are your credentials? Know the boundaries 4. Triage not primary physician 5. Parents are our Partners we are not young people s friend or peer we are adults orchestrating other adults... 5
1. Jesus wasn t nice, he was loving love is challenging and creating healthy boundaries 2. Confidentiality / not gossip Abuse or Danger to self or others 3. What are your credentials? Know the boundaries 4. Triage not primary physician 5. Parents are our Partners we are not young people s friend or peer we are adults orchestrating other adults... 6. Be honest with teens don t lie to teens -don t make promises (confidentiality) you can t keep Not Minor BUT.... 6
Prayer and Healthy Boundaries Shut Up 7
Verify the Facts Know Your Hooks Remember Who and Whose We Are Roman Catholic Prayer/ Ritual Roman Catholic Theology 8
Model Healthy Expression RED FLAGS AND REFERRAL 9
Steps to Intervening - The 5 Point Formula I Care -- Let the person know you care about him/her and that because of the significance of the relationship you need to discuss something very important. I See -- Report/Review actual events with your friend, as you perceive them. Remember you are evaluating the behavior not the person. Try to limit your statements to observable, irrefutable facts. The more you have, the better. I Feel -- Tell the person your own feelings using I statements to reveal your feelings. I Want -- Tell the person what you would like to see happen. I Will -- Specify what you will or will not do. Only set ultimatums if you can, and will, stick to them. 10
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross once said, People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. As long as they are going to memorialize anyway... Center it in who we are... 11
Prayer Chain Scholarship to their favorite Program/ Event Memory and Story Book (Hole Punch and Ribbon) Removal of Prayer Space next natural break Returning Items to Family - If the deceased young person s retreat letters, handprints, art, pictures, etc is displayed, do not remove it immediately. When it is removed, return it and the young person s belongings to the family. Don t create a memorial you can t live with in the long term. Return to calendar and schedule after ritualistic closure. Young people need structure, ritual and normalcy and can only grieve in small bursts.they often need permission to play after a loss. Physical Exercise/ Ability to focus Journal given by YM to friends/ boyfriend with scripture quotes written in for their use over time. Parent Information Session opportunity to train parents after a loss about what they should look for how to talk about loss with their kids, opportunity to pray together as community of parents Opportunity to come together as community why not holy hour or rosary announced via text message after loss, but also a year later? Attempt to respond - Cancer death relay for life team; Livestrong type bracelets for long term illness; Six months later let kids figure out advocacy regarding issue ex. drunk driving awareness program; 12
Oxygen Mask Loving God, make us strong enough to enter into the vulnerability of the sick and struggling. Help us to be a light of strength in their suffering, a hope of redemption, and a consoling presence as we accompany them on their journey. We ask this in your name. Amen 13