11/05/2015 AIMS OF THIS WORKSHOP A FRAMEWORK FOR FLOURISHING RELATIONSHIPS NZAPP Conference 7th June A/ Professor Sue Roffey To think through what it means to have a healthy rela?onship how do we want to be treated by others in all the contexts of our lives To examine the relevance of the RAPIDS principles these are: Respect, Agency, Posi?vity, Inclusion, Democracy and Safety To briefly explore the 12 dimensions of Social and Emo?onal Learning To reflect on how the Circle Solu?ons pedagogy supports the development of a posi?ve environment for learning to be and learning to live together To take part in ac?vi?es that promote SEL To promote a sense of connectedness and wellbeing CIRCLE GUIDELINES One person speaks at a?me and everyone else listens There are no put- downs either verbally or non- verbally You may pass you do not have to say anything if you choose not to OUR RELATIONSHIPS We have a myriad of rela?onships at home, at work and in the neighbourhood With partners, children, family, friends, team members, colleagues, clients and professionals OR uverly miserable / frustrated Most are on a con?nuum We do not usually do things on the basis of evidence we act on the basis of belief THE ME AND THE WE In terms of rela?onships it is what we believe about the other people in our lives Healthy rela?onships require an I- you orienta?on that this person shares my world and we have things in common An I- it rela?onship denies our shared humanity and can turn people into objects who can be treated as such How do we get our rela?onships to flourish and thrive? BELIEFS UNDERPIN ACTION Our rela?onships can make our lives much happier and more fulfilled We also need to believe in the best of people I - it relationships Functional Role specific Makes judgments based on stereotypes / labels Puts the self in a superior position I-you relationships Acknowledges shared humanity Empathic Inclusive Seeks what is shared Daniel Goleman Social Intelligence 1
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS THE RAPIDS PRINCIPLES Are respec_ul Promote equality rather than dominance Take account of the needs and perspec?ves of others Are warm and friendly Focus on strengths Demonstrate interest, acknowledgement and value Are reliable and trustworthy - people do what they say. Are reciprocal and mutually suppor?ve Where posi?ve communica?on is more frequent than nega?ve / cri?cal communica?on Engage with humour and kindness Respect we listen to each other and do not put anyone down Agency talking through issues and taking responsibility not being told what to think Positivity strengths and solution focused promoting positive feelings Inclusion no-one is left out: connection matters Democracy - everyone has an equal voice Safety Choice, the right to remain silent. No blaming or shaming ACTIVE LISTENING AGENCY LISTENING IS NOT LISTENING IS Self- determina?on We make decisions Paying full aven?on Being distracted The condi?on of being in ac?on We are reliable Having congruent body language Interrup?ng Empowerment We are ac?ve Staying focused on what is being said Responding Clarifying Encouraging Closing off respec_ully Moving onto your own stories Incongruent body language Silence Disinterest Leaving suddenly Instrumentality making things happen Taking responsibility We make a difference We are confident We think things through We give things a go POSITIVITY INCLUSION Strengths based language Solu?on focused approaches Having fun together Ac?ve construc?ve responding PASSIVE Construc0ve ACTIVE `Destruc?ve PASSIVE Destruc0ve ACTIVE Construc?ve Inclusive belonging we all matter here, we all have a voice, we are all responsible for what happens Exclusive belonging we maintain our superiority by keeping others out (Roffey, 2013, Wike & Fraser 2009) 2
DEMOCRACY SAFETY Everyone having an equal say No one person domina?ng with their views and ideas Choice Trust The need for nego?a?on and compromise Reliability Ownership Confiden?ality Systems for full par?cipa?on Acceptance Discussing underlying issues not revisi?ng incidents De- escala?ng confronta?on CIRCLE SOLUTIONS CIRCLE SOLUTIONS IS A FRAMEWORK NOT A PROGRAM is a way of teaching SEL Everyone is regularly mixed up to get to know each other bever and break up cliques and teachers are full par?cipants It has been developed over ten years and addresses the cri?cisms of SEL being therapeu?c educa?on. Evidence is that when facilitated according to the principles it has a posi?ve impact on pro- social behaviour, confidence, connectedness and classroom ethos. When used across a whole school it changes culture and enhances wellbeing You put in your own content according to the age & needs of your class It is a philosophy and a pedagogy for learning It is applicable for all ages from 3 years to adult It addresses issues NOT incidents from a solution focused approach STRANDS FOR WELLBEING AUSTRALIAN FEDERAL SCOPING STUDY ON APPROACHES TO STUDENT WELLBEING Physical and emotional safety Fostering a sense of meaning and purpose Developing pro-social values Building a supportive, respectful and inclusive school community Encouraging a healthy life-style Using strengths based approaches Enhancing social and emotional learning SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL LEARNING (SEL) BRIEF DEFINITION Learning how to manage our feelings and rela?onships in a way that maximises our own authen?c wellbeing and that of others. Becoming socially and emo?onally competent Developing emo?onal intelligence 3
TWELVE DIMENSIONS OF SEL CONTINUED Self-awareness strengths, values etc Emotional awareness what feelings are for and how they are experienced Emotional skills regulation, expression Shared humanity: constructs of others Interpersonal skills - communication Situational skills empathy, timing. Leadership confidence, courage, goal-setting, decision making Focusing on the positive - resiliency Dealing well with conflict & confrontation Repair and restoration Ethics & integrity - a philosophy for life Spirituality and meaning ACTIVITIES DIMENSION ONE SELF- AWARENESS, VALUES AND STRENGTHS Whole group Small group Paired interviews Pair shares Ac?vi?es focused on strengths and solu?ons Experien?al do things Reflec?ve think about issues Discursive talk with others about things that maver Par?cipants are mixed up all the?me so they talk with people outside their usual social groups The language we use to describe ourselves and the language others use can define our self- concept Iden?fying strengths may lead to a different way of being and becoming Strengths based language gives people op?mism, self- worth and a place from which to develop and build DIMENSIONS TWO AND THREE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE INFORMATION Dimension Two: Emotional Knowledge aetiology biology and neurology how culture and conversations influence how we feel Dimension Three: Skills regulation expression positive thinking The amygdala is a small almond shaped organ in the brain s limbic system It is the seat of emotional memory and is there to send messages to the body in the event of perceived threat It acts many thousand of times faster than the neocortex (the thinking, rationale part of the brain) 4
THE BODY IS THEN PREPARED TO PROTECT ITSELF BY REACTION INHIBITORS / PROMOTERS Running fast away from the threat Fighting the threat Freezing It is not so much a threat by invaders or wild animals that we see these days but a threat to a positive sense of self The history of the rela?onship Contextual triggers Recent emo?onally charged events Whether basic needs are being met sleep, food, temperature, Self concept Self confidence Substances Learnt skills DIMENSION FOUR SHARED HUMANITY DIMENSION FIVE INTERPERSONAL SKILLS Social skills alone can be shallow and self- serving We need to see others as worthy We can do this if we focus on what we have in common rather than what divides us You do not have to like everyone or be a best friend but knowing how to be friendly is important. We need to help young people iden?fy the quali?es of friendship and give them opportuni?es to demonstrate these DIMENSION 6 SITUATIONAL SKILLS DIMENSION SEVEN LEADERSHIP Empathy with others Being able to tune into the emo?ons in a situa?on and take account of these. What you say when mavers It also means not pre- judging Taking control of your own life Being a leader, not a follower Making your own decisions Developing confidence Planning and goal- segng Having agency 5
DIMENSION EIGHT POSITIVITY A POSITIVE OUTLOOK Posi?ve feelings enhance crea?vity and problem- solving skills They enable us to deal bever with difficul?es that arise We need a 5:1 ra?o of posi?ve to nega?ve but some nega?ve feelings are normal and need acknowledgement Is strengths and solution focused Looks for what is good in a situation Puts difficulties into perspective Blames fairly Doesn t sweat the small stuff Celebrates small steps Uses mistakes as learning opportunities Is thankful rather than resentful Is a self fulfilling prophecy and makes an immense difference to outcomes Is a major factor in resilience WHEN THINGS GO WRONG DIMENSION NINE CONFLICT AND CONFRONTATION Blame yourself: leads to low self-worth and negative feelings including depression Blame others: feels good in the short-term but over time leads to feeling powerless and helpless Things often happen by chance: being in the wrong place at the wrong time Responsibility Pie-Chart (Noble & McGrath): How much was down to me, how much to others, how much to chance? Ojen we make things worse in a highly charged situa?on when some simple ac?ons can calm things down Posture Voice Words Modelling MAKING MISTAKES DIMENSION ELEVEN ETHICS AND INTEGRITY Everyone needs to know that it is OK not to be perfect That learning comes from reflec?ng on mistakes Adults need to model making mistakes From this comes a growth mindset not a fixed one The human rights dimension of SEL Bearing in mind The Golden Rule trea?ng others as you want to be treated With rights come responsibili?es Being congruent Reflec?ng on the principles and values that underpin ac?on 6
What gives life meaning? For all of us this is different DIMENSION TWELVE SPIRITUALITY AND MEANING It is a good idea to have more than one dimension of meaning Meaning is what we find purposeful, grows us as individuals and brings authen?c happiness USEFUL WEBSITES www.growinggreatschools.com www.sueroffey.com www.circlesolutionsnetwork.com www.wellbeingaustralia.com.au/wba 7