Complete Inner Freedom Method Dialogue

Complete Inner Freedom Method Dialogue We ll explore one or two of the Inner Freedom Method steps in detail during individual class sessions. Providing the complete coaching dialogue is intended to give you the big picture before we dive into the details. Explore for inner resistance Life Game and Purpose Ask the client to briefly describe the life game and its purpose. You may already be clear on this from your ongoing work with this client, however, it s still important to talk about it briefly to establish the basis of the situation. Be sure that you can feel the desire for the outcome and the greater purpose of the game. Bill is our client and we ll use his situation to describe the method. I am building my business to $10,000 / month. Why? Because it will bring in more great opportunities to work with higher end business owners and establish greater financial freedom for me and my family. Explore for indications of inner resistance: Resisting or avoiding an important action of the game Ask: Are there any key actions that you are avoiding, resisting? Taking action but only through great effort forcing Ask: Are there any actions that you take through great resistance? Where you really had to force yourself to do it? Taking action but without getting the expected results Ask: What about results? Are there any key results that are not happening? Maybe something where you are doing what you need to do but the results are not happening or not happening often enough? Listen for hesitation and uncertainty. When you re coaching a life game that you ve lived, your experience will guide you to moments that are usually the most important. This is often where you will find the struggle. ccmwcc.com Page 1

Step 1 Replay the Critical Moment Find a recent or future example to replay You re looking for a recent situation in which the client was either avoiding action, forcing action, or taking action without desired result. Your client may or may not know of one. You may need to suggest something from what you ve learned about your client or through your experience. If there are several and it s not clear which action is the most important, help your client pick one that seems really important right now. Ask: Can you recall a recent example of this? Listen for hesitation and uncertainty. When you re coaching a life game that you ve lived, your experience will guide you to moments that are usually the most important. Ask: Which one feels the most intense or do you think we should focus on right now? It there aren t any recent examples Ask: Do you think you can visualize yourself doing this in the near future? Clarify the Action and Desired Result Be sure that you have a specific activity isolated. Do not move forward with only a general idea of feeling stuck. It could be that the client is not doing something, or is doing something and not getting the desired outcome, or doing something under duress. You may have to really hone in here. Often the activity is elusive or isn t specifically stated by the client. For example: A problem between your client and another person. Your client is complaining. The activity may be to communicate directly with the other person. Your client is to tell the other person what is wanted and why, but your client hasn t done this and hasn t considered doing this. Bill s Example: I have a plan to offer my new workshop to the Chamber of Commerce and other business oriented organizations. Every week I know I should call the President of the Chamber to talk about the idea. But I just don t make the call. Say to Bill: Let s take a minute to make sure we re both clear about what s happening and not happening. Ask Bill: The activity that you are struggling with is to call the President of the Chamber to pitch your idea and when you make the call what is it you expect to happen? ccmwcc.com Page 2

Ask: The activity you re struggling with is ( ). And when you do ( ), what it is that you want to happen? Listen. It is important that you re both clear about the action and the intended results. Permission / Verify Safe Environment Confirm that the client is in a comfortable and distraction free environment and that it s safe for them to close their eyes for about 10 minutes. Not driving. Not in a busy public place. Not watching something on the stove top. Not chopping vegetables. Say: I have an idea for helping us to understand the situation better, it s a visualization technique called replay the moment. It s very similar to an instant replay you might see during a televised sporting event. We ll go back to a particular moment and slow down the action to really see what s going on. It ll take about 10 minutes to go through it, what do you think? Ask: Are you in a place where you can safely close your eyes? Visualization Ask the client to imagine to visualize doing the activity. Or if appropriate, ask them to recall a recent situation where they did or resisted doing the activity. Ask them to describe the scene to you to paint the picture. Get into it with them by confirming details. Urge them to really immerse themselves back into the scene. Say: Close your eyes, breath naturally, and take a few moments to recreate the scene. Be patient. Ask the client to tell you when he/she has the scene recreated. Ask: Can you describe the scene for me? Listen carefully and get into the moment with them. You want to see it with them based on the description. Some people are more fluid with visualization than others. Let the client dictate the level of detail. Step 2 Judgment-Free Awareness Scan for Thoughts / Judgment-Free Your client will scan his/her mind for thoughts that reveal patterns of reaction or charged energy. It is very important that you introduce the concept of judgment-free awareness to the client. This concept opens the necessary safe space in which the client can experience selfdiscovery and can acknowledge fear. Understand that when you step out of your comfort zone, your body experiences the physical buzzing sensations associated with fear. Then your mind becomes the strong ally of a core intention to stay safe and fit in. When you scan for thoughts you need to recognize that it is the core intention that is stirring up those thoughts. ccmwcc.com Page 3

Explain that the purpose here is to simply notice all thoughts not to judge them as good or bad, or try to understand them, or even to banish them. Just notice whatever thoughts are there. Encourage and support the client and remain patient and listen fully. Make notes of anything said as it reveals patterns that you ll want to explore later. Say: We re are going to look at the moment from several different perspectives. Just keep breathing naturally. Keep your eyes closed and we'll talk together. Say: While we re here in this moment, it s very important that you maintain judgment-free awareness. Imagine that we re together in this scene and that we re both watching it all as caring yet objective observers. This will make it easier for us to expand awareness. Ask: What are some of the thoughts going through your mind as you relive this experience? Are there any words or phrases the pop up? Say: Take your time. Continue to see yourself in the scene while being curious about everything that was going through your mind at that moment. Listen Ask: Do you notice any beliefs about yourself or about life in general coming to light while you re back in this situation? Ask: With the moment slowed down a bit is there anything else that you notice about the situation? Ask: Do you have any inklings about what the block is? Wait and Listen Controlling Ask: Are you trying to force anything or control anyone? Is there a way that you feel things should be? (Emphasize should) Listen. Offer a suggestions if needed, such as, It seems that you may be thinking that that they should be doing this or that they shouldn t be doing that. Step 3 Feel the Energy in the Body Scan the Body Your body is your unconscious mind. All resistance begins as a subtle (or not so subtle) physical sensation, e.g. knot in the throat or something in the chest. By focusing on and actively feeling just the physical sensation, your client will likely notice the sensation dissipate. The stuck energy of fear dissolves as it s allowed to flow through shifting the client from resisting to allowing. ccmwcc.com Page 4

Once the client is really in the scene, we ll guide them in scanning their body for physical sensations, i.e., a knot in the stomach or a tightness in the throat. Be patient. Wait for them. Encourage them. Most will feel something. Some will not. It s okay either way. Make notes of anything they say to help you reveal patterns. Explain to them that all we are doing now is noticing. Don t judge it. Don t resist it or try to make it go away. Just allow the physical sensation to be there. Say: Now I want you to scan your body for physical sensations. Ask: What are you feeling in your body? Some clients may talk a lot. For many people feeling is something they ve resisted for a long time and talking a lot is a common way to avoid or distract feeling. Listen patiently and then ask again. Ask: When you scan your body, what do you feel? Listen as they share. You can encourage them to check their gut, chest, throat, etc. If they feel several things (this is common) Ask: Which sensation is the most intense? If they are not sure, just pick one. If they feel nothing It s not likely but it does happen sometimes. Often people have a challenge with feeling. Say: Often it takes practice to feel the subtle energies in the body. But I assure you the physical sensations are in there. I want you to really quiet your mind and feel your body. Check your gut, your solar plexus, your heart, your throat, your back, your shoulders, your head, a general feeling all around you. Remain confident in your client and stay quiet. Give them time to get into the experience. Remember, a lot of chatter/talking may be a way of avoiding or distracting feeling. Interrupt them gently. Ask them to just feel. You certainty as a coach and your certainty in your client s ability to do this is essential. Still the client feels nothing Though very rare, it can happen if your client is really blocked or has essentially gone numb to the whole experience. If this happens, encourage your client to pay close attention to their physical body sensations in the week ahead. Then, skip ahead to Step 8, Replay the Moment with New Pattern Language. Make Sense of the Energy The goal is to create a deep connection to this physical sensation. One way to do that is to guide him/her through a series of objective sensory associations. The greater number of sensory ccmwcc.com Page 5

associations you can help to create, the better able your client will be to understand the origin of the fear. Encourage your client s judgment-free awareness and reinforce the need to suspend any attempts to explain or understand the meaning of the physical sensation. Say: Bring your full attention to the physical sensation. Feel into it as deeply as you can. You may notice some emotions coming up. Just let them pass for now and focus on the physical sensation. Ask sensory association questions: Where is the feeling in your body? Does the feeling have a shape? Does the feeling have a color? Does the feeling have a temperature? Does it have a sound? Does it have a texture? Does it move around? Be very affirming and open to whatever is there. Say: Now, I d like you to bring all of your focus and attention to this physical sensation and hold it there for 30 seconds. Just feel the sensation without any judgment or explanations. I want you to focus completely on the (knot in your gut) for 30 seconds. I ll watch the time and I ll let you know when 30 seconds are up. Are you ready? Stay fully tuned into to your client and keep an eye on the time. Give the client a count down at 15 seconds and then 5 seconds remaining in the visualization. Debrief the experience Gently guide the client back to the present moment. Say: When you re ready, start to reorient yourself back to the present and open your eyes. Ask: What was the experience like? Ask: How do you feel about this (activity, situation, aspect of your game, etc.) now? Listen for carefully for patterns. Clients often share a lot of interesting things. Deeper into the Body (Unless it is not necessary) Ask: Do you feel that you are able to go a little deeper? If yes, refocus them on the physical sensation; VERY often the physical sensation will move to another place in the body. Say: I ll time you for another 30 seconds or 1 minute. Encourage them gently this is often a BIG moment for them. ccmwcc.com Page 6

Step 4 - Scan for Emotions Emotions are a powerful source of energy that can lead to deep awareness. Mostly we have been trained to suppress them. Exploring them will reveal the source of the inner resistance. Your client may or may not experience a release of the energy. Either way is fine. There are other types of visualization techniques intended to release energy, but this is not our intention. Our objective is to encourage the client to simply allow emotions to be present. Experiencing and feeling them is enough. Ask: Did you notice any emotions? Listen carefully and be with them they will often share lots of interesting things. Memory Pops This is where you cause the memory pop. Anytime your client experiences a physical sensation while thinking of a challenging action, it will be related to a past experience. We prompt exploration of the origin of the physical sensations by looking how they are connected to past experiences or past moments. We call remembered early moments memory pops. Connecting the past with the present expands the client s awareness. The intention of this part of the technique is to gain greater understanding of the present thought process we re not trying to get into the past. Ask: When is the first time you can remember feeling this sensation in your body? Wait patiently. This may take a few moments. Listen carefully. Say: You can tell me about what happened, but you don t need to. There are a few different responses that you can expect: Remembered Earlier Event Most of the time your client will remember an earlier event in life that seemed big at the time it was experienced, usually as a child or younger person. The same event experienced now as an adult would seem like an ordinary, everyday event. The key is to understand the experience from the younger person s perspective. Sometimes the remembered event will be a traumatic experience. Talking about the experience is within our ethical boundaries as long as you as the coach are not claiming to offer healing or interpretation. Maintain coaching presence to avoid being hooked into the drama of the story and above all remain judgment free about the event and those involved in the event. You re role is to simply listen and offer understanding. Depending on what happened, he/she may or may not want to tell you about it. Either answer is okay. ccmwcc.com Page 7

Step 5 - Find the Perfection of the Core Intention At the heart of inner resistance is the intention to stay safe. Any attempt to play a bigger life game will trigger resistance as the unknown poses a risk to safety. Finding and naming the core intention and understanding the purpose it served throughout the client s life is called finding the perfection in the core intention. Say: When things like this happen we often come to conclusions about life and especially about similar situations. And of course since you were young at the time, your capacity to understand it all was limited. Typically these understandings involve keeping safe, staying small, or fitting in. We call these core intentions because they are at the very heart of survival. Ask: Thinking back to that experience/event, what do you think the younger you came up with as a core intention? How would the younger you have understood it all? Listen and explore together. This is a powerful conversation for your client. Say: These kinds of core intentions serve an important purpose in our lives. Ask: How did this core intention serve you at that time? Listen with acceptance and without judgment. Often people harshly judge their core intentions. Help your client view it all from the younger person s perspective. Remind them to remain judgment-free and open. Name the Core Intention / Pattern Language Ask: Is there is a phrase that captures this experience? Be patient. Offer a suggestion from what you re noticing. This is when you ll begin to identify the client s pattern language. Take careful notes. Step 6 - Make Your Mind Your Ally To help your client shift from reactive thoughts to responding powerfully in the moment, we must first explore the thoughts that arise from the core intention and then create new patterns of thought that support playing a new and bigger life game. The objective is to shift the conscious mind from reacting energetically to the fear associated with the earlier moment to responding powerfully to the current situation. This opens the mind to new possibilities and allows the client to focus his/her thoughts on that which is most important to winning. You ll ask your client to clarify their new intention and then challenge him/her to think thoughts that support this new intention. It may be the first time the client has ever allowed themselves to think such thoughts. Support the adventure and encourage your client to have fun! You ll find that when your mind is not reacting to fear, it can think some powerfully amazing thoughts! ccmwcc.com Page 8

Say: When something happens in your life now that has a similar energetic signature as that earlier moment, your body signals an alert. It starts to buzz with energy because that s how your unconscious mind stored the original event it was stored as a buzzing energetic signature. That s what stored memories like this are, they re stored as energy in your body. Since these earlier moments were emotionally intense at the time, the energy stored is intense and that s why when it gets triggered now, your body feels that intense energy all over again. Most of the time we assume it s a signal of danger because the energy is so intense. When this happens your mind comes up with all sorts of thoughts to justify the fear because your conscious mind s primary job is to keep you safe. Ask: Can you see a connection between the thoughts you are thinking now, and the emotional energy of the earlier moment? Listen. They may see the connection right away, or you may have to help them see the connection. Often it is much easier to see as the observer than as the person in the moment. Your perspective will add a lot of value here. Say: So now, what we want to do is to focus your mind on your new intention. Ask: So, what is your new intention? Listen. Also you can remind them. Ask: What are some new intention supporting thoughts that you can consciously think that support that intention? These will be the thoughts that will allow you to respond powerfully to the situations you re facing. Ask what else until you feel that your client is really in the flow of thinking openly. This marks the shift from reacting to responding. Step 7 - Find the Perfection in the Current Situation Here you ll explore how the challenges your client is facing in the current situation are actually serving him/her to make the new vision a reality. When you recognize the perfection you can shift from attempting to control the situation to co-creating with reality. Say: Now, let s look again at the challenges you re facing and this time, instead of seeing them as problems, let s look for the opportunities they present for you to become the person who (restate the intention). Whenever you make up your mind to play a bigger life game, the universe will provide you with both challenges and support. Ask: From that perspective, what are the challenges that you re facing and how are these challenges serving you right now? Listen. This perspective takes some time. You may have to help your client to see things from this perspective. Say: The universe sends you support as it throws you challenges. Most of the time we just see the challenges, and miss seeing the support. ccmwcc.com Page 9

Ask: What support can you see if you really look for it? Listen. You may need to point out support that s unseen. Most likely you ll have gathered information about several supportive environments. Step 8 - Replay with New Pattern Language It is important to create a new picture with your client so that they go into the new life game with a feeling of possibility. Creating new patterns of feeling, thought, and action takes practice. Using visualization accelerates the process and reveals additional patterns of resistance to explore. You ll ask your client to revise the critical moment so that it flows as they intend. Say: Now we are going to create a new picture for you to live into that matches your new intention. To do that we ll need to venture back to that moment and revise the events. Say: Close your eyes again for a few moments. I want you to immerse yourself, just as before, but now you re going to experience the feeling of everything going smoothly, naturally, and in the flow. Without forcing or the need to control. Pause Say: We ll replay the scene the way you want it to be. Pause Say: Imagine you have power, freedom and the capability to make the right moves. Pause Say: Now, paint a picture of the same situation where everything goes beautifully and it turns out just as you want. Debrief the Experience Gently guide the client back to the present moment. Say: When you re ready, start to reorient yourself back to the present and open your eyes. Ask: How did it go? What would did it look like? Listen as they share. Prompt for more detail if appropriate. Ask: What new phrase captures the experience you re feeling now, the feeling of you playing and winning? Listen and offer help to up-phrase language. This new phrase is the new pattern that matches the new intention. Ask: How do you feel about this (activity, situation, aspect of your game, etc.) now? ccmwcc.com Page 10

Step 9 - Experience the Flow of Gratitude This final step solidifies your client s capacity to expand his/her comfort zone and take bold action in the world. Ask: When you look at all of this, can you see how amazing it is that you have this desire and then how incredible it is that all of these things have happened? What do you see? Action Planning / Play Journal Say: Our purpose was to create deeper awareness about your situation and I think we ve accomplished that! Way to go! Say: To make sure we put this to good use, I d like you to track a few things as you take action this week. From time-to-time this week I d like you to notice and journal about a few experiences you may have: Actions that you know would help you, but you re avoiding. Thoughts that pop up while you re in action that aren t supporting you or your new intention. You ll also notice these thoughts even when you re not in action. All of this will help us understand what s really happening and not happening. But, for the information to be most useful, you ll need to practice judgment free awareness and objectivity in your observations and your journaling Say: Ok, so let s create the plan for action this week. Create a game for the next time period. Make sure it includes the activity that you just did the replay on. ccmwcc.com Page 11