Leading through Conflict With Emotional Intelligence Susan Redding, M.B.A., SPHR
How are you? Mood Meter HIGH 10 9 8 7 ENERGY 6 5 4 3 2 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 LOW Unpleasant (-) EMOTION Pleasant (+)
Does it matter how you feel? HIGH 10 Afraid Surprised 9 8 Angry Happy ENERGY 7 6 5 Annoyed Pleased 4 Content Sad 3 2 Bored Tired Calm 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 LOW Unpleasant (-) EMOTION Pleasant (+)
Emotions & Thinking 10 ENERGY ENERGY 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 ATTACK Error Check Diagnose Brainstorm Inspire Consensus Reflect 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 EMOTION FEELING
is your work important? What s Important? What important events in your life do not have feelings associated with them? Major-Illness Marriage Layoff NOT 1!!! Promotion Engagement Getting a big tax refund Birth of children Graduation
Which is more important? EQ OR IQ? Emotional Quotient Intelligence Quotient (Emotional Intelligence)
What s in it for YOU? According to Daniel Goleman As leader, 85% of success depends on how well you manage emotions.
Relate to Ourselves IDENTIFY USE Self-awareness Self-regulation/Self-motivation Relate to Others UNDERSTAND Empathy MANAGE Effective Relationships
What s in it for YOU? According to Daniel Goleman As leader, 85% of success depends on how well you manage emotions. You will have: Increased Resilience Lower stress Better performance Improved working relations
Definition Emotional Intelligence is: Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand your feelings and the emotional states of those around you and the ability to use those feelings to guide thoughts and actions appropriately. Emotional Intelligence is: A set skill, a form of intelligence where you think about emotions and emotions help you think.
What is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional intelligence is not about being nice all the time. It is about being honest. Emotional intelligence is not about being touchy-feely. It is about being aware of your feelings & those of others. Emotional intelligence is not about being emotional. It is about being smart with your emotions.
What do we reveal more of at work? Anger ANGER 53% JOY 19% Joy
Instructions: 1. Brainstorm with a partner. 2. List a minimum of 5 one-word adjectives, synonyms or descriptors. 3. How would you define conflict? 4. When is conflict destructive? Can conflict be constructive? If so when? 5. Be ready to report out. Discussion Exploring Conflict Time - 5 minutes
What does the word conflict mean to you? Battle Warfare Clash Competition Duel Fight Combat Melee Brawl Struggle Trouble Rivalry Run-in Friction Collide Encounter
Does Optimism matter? Beliefs are so powerful because they dictate our efforts and actions. Shawn Achor When you embrace stress, you can transform fear into courage, isolation into connection, and suffering into meaning. Kelly McGonigal 23
Conflict is Destructive When It takes attention away from what is important It undermines morale or selfconcept It reduces cooperation It increases differences It leads to harmful or hurtful behavior
Conflict is Constructive When It results in clarification of important problems It results in solutions to problems It involves people in solving issues important to them It causes real communication It helps release emotion, anxiety, and stress It builds cooperation among people It helps individuals develop understanding and skills
What s your bumper sticker? Bring it on! Head for the Hills Calm as a cucumber
Thomas Kilman Model
AGGRESSIVE Joy Annoyed Content
Building Skill / 5 Strategies Using Emotions to Resolve Conflict 1. Identify and be aware of what emotions you & others are experiencing 2. Notice how your mood & emotions influence your thought process and decisions 3. When managing different types of conflict know you have a choice 4. Accept responsibility for choosing your own emotional responses in conflict 5. Think about emotions & increase your EQ especially when dealing with conflict
THANK YOU