Abstain frm prblematic sexual behaviur Understand sex addictin Develp a supprt team Address risk Sex Addictin Recvery Kit Early Recvery Plan Install an internet filter n electrnic devices (e.g., Net Nanny, Cvenant Eyes) Abstinence definitin and plan (90 days recmmended) Cmplete actin plan fr triggers Cmplete SDI and PTSI (assessments) Start Facing the Shadw by Patrick Carnes (wrkbk) Access nline cmmunities like yurbrainnprn r n fapsters Watch vides abut sex addictin (see vides page f christinabell.net) Access 12-step prgrams like Sex Addicts Annymus Tell at least ne trusted friend r family member abut yur recvery plans Utilize a phne app like Rtribe.cm t track prgress Address needs f spuse Obtain an STI test (thrugh yur physician r by visiting the STI clinic) Prepare fr ptential emergency disclsure if partner is at risk fr a SDI Obtain treatment fr any ther addictin r mental health issues Althugh the arrangement f this infrmatin is my wn, the knwledge has been gathered frm many surces, including my clients. Feel free t distribute this dcument freely. 1 Cpyright 2017 Christina Bell, R. Psych Last update: Sept 2017
Abstinence Definitin and Plan 1 In rder t evaluate yur success, yu need a clear definitin f what behaviurs cnstitute a relapse. Sexuality sbriety may change thrughut recvery, but many peple decide t abstain frm all sexual behaviur fr the first 90 days t allw their bdy t re-set itself. Sexual sbriety is persnally defined, but it is helpful t get shw this plan t peple yu trust t get their feedback. The fllwing behaviurs cnstitute a relapse and re-set my sbriety date: The fllwing behaviurs are signs that I am heading tward relapse: Instead f acting ut, I will keep myself busy by: If I have a lapse, I will: Fr the first 90 days, I am cmmitted t abstaining frm all sexual activity, including masturbatin and sex with a partner (Yes / N): 1 This plan is inspired by the 3 circles plan frm Sex Addicts Annymus Althugh the arrangement f this infrmatin is my wn, the knwledge has been gathered frm many surces, including my clients. Feel free t distribute this dcument freely. 2 Cpyright 2017 Christina Bell, R. Psych Last update: Sept 2017
Actin Plan fr Triggers Trigger = a frm f stimuli that initiates a desire t engage in addictive behaviur (typically peple, places, + things) Specific Triggers Nticing attractive peple Sexual images (e.g., Ads, Victria s Secret catalgue) Sex scenes in mvies + TV Specific sunds and smells (e.g., perfume, clicking f heels) Times f day Days f the week (e.g., weekends, late nights) Other: Hw des this apply t yur situatin? Actin plan Alert, avert, affirm Practice mindfulness Install internet filter Alert, avert, affirm Limit access (filters) Watch TV with thers Remind self f negative cnsequences Plan activities during these times (preferably with ther peple) Althugh the arrangement f this infrmatin is my wn, the knwledge has been gathered frm many surces, including my clients. Feel free t distribute this dcument freely. 3 Cpyright 2017 Christina Bell, R. Psych Last update: Sept 2017
General Triggers Travel Excessive busyness Lack f self-care Sleep trubles Internet / websites Cntact with acting-ut partners Cnflict with a lved-ne Driving past acting ut lcatins Hw des this apply t yur situatin? Actin Plan Bring smene Share a rm Determine a reasnable wrk-lad and stay within limits Evaluate schedule weekly Set small gals fr sleep, diet, and exercise Track prgress G t bed at the same time daily (including weekends) Avid electrnics 1-2 hurs befre bed Install internet blcker Put phne/cmputer away frm bed Delete accunts Blck and delete numbers Change phne number D nt respnd t texts Learn new cmmunicatin techniques Pursue family cunselling Take a different rute Althugh the arrangement f this infrmatin is my wn, the knwledge has been gathered frm many surces, including my clients. Feel free t distribute this dcument freely. 4 Cpyright 2017 Christina Bell, R. Psych Last update: Sept 2017
Emtinal Triggers Bredm Irritability r excessive negativity Lneliness / islatin Anxiety r ruminatin Excitement / celebratin Rejectin r disappintment Anger Hw des this apply t yur situatin? Actin Plan Plan ut yur schedule the night befre Aviding mre than 1 hur f unstructured dwntime Discver yur triggers and address them Pursue 7-9 hurs f sleep Reach ut t ne persn per day Schedule ne scial uting per week Learn the 4 Steps (Jeffrey Schwartz) Practice meditatin r yga Plan healthy rewards Debrief with a trusted friend Discver emtinal regulatin strategies Deep breathing Althugh the arrangement f this infrmatin is my wn, the knwledge has been gathered frm many surces, including my clients. Feel free t distribute this dcument freely. 5 Cpyright 2017 Christina Bell, R. Psych Last update: Sept 2017
Thught Triggers Permissin giving (e.g., I ll just lk fr 20 minutes tday) Cmparisn (e.g., At least I m nt ding ) Blaming (e.g., I wuldn t have t lk at prn if my wife wasn t s cld) Denial (e.g., n ne was hurt; sex addictin is a jke) Ratinalizatin (e.g., men are just hrny; sex is natural) Entitlement (e.g., I wrk s hard and I deserve this) Hw des this apply t yur situatin? Actin Plan Remember negative cnsequences Fcus n yur reasns fr change Learn abut the drama triangle Attend 12-step meetings Learn abut sex addictin signs Learn abut ertisized rage Althugh the arrangement f this infrmatin is my wn, the knwledge has been gathered frm many surces, including my clients. Feel free t distribute this dcument freely. 6 Cpyright 2017 Christina Bell, R. Psych Last update: Sept 2017
Cping With Cravings Craving = a pwerful desire fr smething. Cravings typically last between 7-15 minutes. Often accmpanied by a physical urge, cravings invlve the prductin f dpamine in anticipatin f a reward. What wrks? Healthy distractin Reminding yurself f negative cnsequences f the behaviur (e.g., playing the tape t the end) Reminding yurself f benefits f quitting (a reminder can be helpful) Practicing mindfulness becming a curius bserver t yur experience with nn-judgment 3As: Alert (3 secnd rule), Avert (distractin), Affirm (psitive selfstatement) Calling a friend r spnsr Exercise Prayer Prcrastinatin f the unhealthy behaviur Substituting with a healthy behaviur (e.g., drinking tea) Remind yurself f the temprary nature f cravings this will pass! Writing in a jurnal Jeffrey Schwartz s Fur Steps (fr bsessive thinking + cravings) 1. Re-label: Ntice when yu have cravings and say, I dn t need t lk at prngraphy right nw; I m nly having an bsessive thught. 2. Re-attribute: Understand the craving is a false errr message and say, this is my brain sending me a false errr message r hell brain, yu may still be active, but s am I. 3. Re-fcus: Engage in healthy distractin by participating in a 15-minute activity yu enjy. 4. Re-value: ask yurself: what has this addictive urge really dne fr me? Hw has it made parts f my life wrse? Remember: it takes time t create new pathways in the brain and extinguish the ld patterned respnses. Keep practicing and learn frm yur experience. Althugh the arrangement f this infrmatin is my wn, the knwledge has been gathered frm many surces, including my clients. Feel free t distribute this dcument freely. 7 Cpyright 2017 Christina Bell, R. Psych Last update: Sept 2017
Additinal Resurces Websites Gary Wilsn s website (research articles and an nline cmmunity) Staci Sput wrte an article rating sex addictin recvery blgs NFap (nline cmmunity fr thse quitting prngraphy and cmpulsive masturbatin) Rebtnatin.rg (nline cmmunity fr thse quitting prn) Cvenant eyes (internet filter and access t free ebks) Carl the cach (pdcasts) Linda Hatch s Blg n Psych central Fightthenewdrug.rg (website t prmte awareness and supprt) Thanks fr Sharing pdcast by Jnathan Taylr and Jackie Pack The Addict, The Betrayed, and the Expert pdcast Vides Visit my vide page fr vides n sex addictin The Curage t Lve Dcumentary Apps rtribe End Sex Addictin and Prn Addictin Internet Blckers Rb Weiss has written an article abut his tp picks in Sept 2017 Netsanity Mbicip Net Nanny Xxxchurch Cvenant Eyes Althugh the arrangement f this infrmatin is my wn, the knwledge has been gathered frm many surces, including my clients. Feel free t distribute this dcument freely. 8 Cpyright 2017 Christina Bell, R. Psych Last update: Sept 2017
Ever Accuntable (better fr phnes) Bks (sme are available in an ereader r audi frmat) Facing the Shadw Patrick Carnes Sex Addictin 101 Rbert Weiss The Prn Trap Wendy Maltz Yur Brain n Prn Gary Wilsn Out f the Shadws Patrick Carnes Out f the Dghuse Rb Weiss The Strm f Sex Addictin - Cnnie A. Lfgreen Fr Lve and Mney Debra L. Kaplan Sex Addictin Catherine Ellitt Lust, Anger, and Lve - Maureen Canning Dn t call it Lve Patrick Carnes Shadws f the Crss (Christian) Craig Cashwell + Penny Jhnsn Breaking the cycle Gerge Cllins & Andrew Adleman Untangling the web Rbert Weiss + Jennifer Schneider When he s Married t Mm Kenneth Adams Ready t Heal Kelly McDaniel Relatinships in Recvery Linda Hatch Sexual Anrexia Patrick Carnes Naked in public Staci Sprut N stnes Marnie C. Feree (wmen) Althugh the arrangement f this infrmatin is my wn, the knwledge has been gathered frm many surces, including my clients. Feel free t distribute this dcument freely. 9 Cpyright 2017 Christina Bell, R. Psych Last update: Sept 2017