HAPPY TO BE ME: IMPROVING BODY IMAGE AND INCREASING SELF ESTEEM Joelle Arlt MS Happytobeme.tv
Joelle Arlt, MS Mental Health Counseling
Self esteem answers the question How do I feel about who I am?
To have high self esteem is to feel confidently appropriate to life, that is, a feeling of competence and a feeling of worthiness Nathaniel Brandon
EXTERNAL VS CORE
Global self esteem vs situational Global self esteem is constant but not set in stone. Raising it is possible, but not easy Situational self esteem varies based on what is happening in the person s life Situational self esteem fluctuates based on events, roles and circumstances Situational high one moment (ie work) then low in another situation (ie at home)
Low self esteem is a negative evaluation and low opinion of yourself
Self esteem affects all areas of life
Self esteem is learned
Self Esteem is a Muscle
Self discovery
The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice Peggy O mara
What beliefs about yourself did you learn in childhood?
Story
Core beliefs about beauty What do you believe is beautiful? How did you come to believe that? Who decides what is beautiful?
Layers of beliefs
Set A Good Example
Identify triggers to low self esteem and feeling bad about yourself
ABC Method A = Activating Event B = Beliefs and the meaning you give it C = Consequences or results
A Invitation Invitation B I am fat I am ok just as I am C Feel lousy/ crabby/ don t want to go/ shame Go to party, have fun
Cognitive Distortions
A utomatic N egative T houghts
Old patterns and beliefs are changed with consistent, regular practice
Visualization/ relaxation
Self talk
Mindfulness Stop and Notice Awareness Notice reaction Slow down the reaction Choose a new response
Watch out for self talk that is negative, self-defeating or unrealistic.
Monitor your self talk What would you say if a friend said that? Is there a more positive way to look at the situation? Is there evidence? Is it true? Can you do something about it? Are you keeping things in perspective?
How you talk to yourself matters! Use you in self talk (You can do it!) Instead of I (I can do it)
Turn down the volume on your negative thoughts Look for ways to put a better spin on the situation Ask better questions
I am good enough!
Society and the media create an unrealistic demand of beauty and body image, the thin ideal that is nearly impossible to achieve or sustain
The thin ideal VS The healthy ideal
Research indicates that 3-5 minutes of FAT TALK can SIGNIFICANTLY increase body dissatisfaction
Go FAT TALK free!
Stop criticizing yourself. and other people
Stopping unfair criticism of yourself will help you accept your imperfections and mistakes
The healthy ideal is the best and healthiest YOU that YOU can be!
LOVE the SKIN you re IN!
PERFECTIONISM = SELF SABOTAGE
Perfectionism Hurts our body image When our standards are too high it leads to disappointment with our bodies Plays a role in eating disorders Leads to comparing ourselves to the thin ideal (tv, movies, mags, media)
Affirmations
Perfectionism Set realistic goals Stop comparing yourself to other people Accept that it is ok to make mistakes Don t move the goal posts Appreciate your efforts Be kinder to yourself Keep things in perspective Stay flexible Know that your best is good enough
Nevertheless exercise Even though nevertheless
Your flaws and imperfections are what make you unique!
I will only feel good about myself when.
Self-acceptance
SELF ACCEPTANCE
Self acceptance has two parts: 1.Giving an accurate self assessment of strengths, successes and body 2. Getting comfortable with what is and not beating yourself up or criticizing yourself for imperfections, mistakes, weaknesses and failures
Self judgment
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE
I accept and love all my flaws and imperfections!
High levels of self acceptance and self understanding helps women be ok with imperfections in their body
Self love
If you really loved yourself, how would you take care of yourself today?
People don t take care of things they don t like. Do you treat your body like a Ferrari or a junker?
Notice how food affects mood
Stop beating yourself up about food
What are your reasons for exercise?
Self respect and valuing yourself is an important part of self esteem and healthy body image.
Adolescent girls that like their body gain less weight over time than adolescent girls that hate their body
Drop your conditions for considering yourself sexy and beautiful
Learn to Accept Compliments
Self Love is a verb
Summary Notice and challenge your self talk NO FAT TALK Accept yourself Your value is not based on your body/looks Take good care of yourself Love yourself and treat yourself like you would treat your best friend
I celebrate, appreciate, adore, acknowledge, accept and LOVE my body right now!
Love the skin you re in
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QUESTIONS? JOELLE ARLT, MS EMAIL HAPPYTOBEME.TV@GMAIL.COM