Exemplar for English for Academic Purposes for Unit Standard US22750 v2 Meets Requirements Exemplars for English for Academic Purposes Level 4 These exemplars support assessment against: Unit Standard US22750 version 2 Write a crafted text using researched material in English for an academic purpose An annotated exemplar is an extract of student evidence, with a commentary, to explain requirements of the standard. These will assist assessors to make assessment judgements against those requirements. New Zealand Qualification Authority To support internal assessment from 2014 Notes: The same piece of student writing has been used to exemplify all Evidence Requirements in the following three exemplars. The text has been retyped. NZQA 2014
Exemplar for English for Academic Purposes for Unit Standard US22750 v2 Exemplar Meets Evidence Requirements 1.1, 1.2, 1.3 1. To meet Evidence Requirements (ER) 1.1, 1.2 and 1.3, students must write a crafted text using researched material for an academic purpose (Outcome 1) that: addresses and develops a topic in a manner appropriate to audience and academic purpose develops ideas and displays a broad knowledge base to achieve the purpose of the discussion uses a clear, cohesive and coherent text structure with a logical progression, within, between and across the text as a whole. The student writes on the research question Are we close to defeating cancer? The writing is crafted in a manner appropriate for a formal written essay, addressing the topic of cancer research by discussing causes and treatments [1]. The research enables the display of a broad knowledge base relevant to their question. Ideas are appropriately expanded and clarified [2] and include interpretation [3] and judgements [4]. The structure of the text progresses through a clear introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion. The opening paragraph emphasises the importance of the issue, and contains a clear thesis statement. The concluding paragraph summarises the main points, and provides a link back to the opening paragraph. Each body paragraph concludes with a statement that reiterates the main point [5]. Conjunctions, pronoun references and connectives are used within paragraphs assist the reader to follow the discussion [6]. To meet ER1.2 more securely, the student could fix minor knowledge errors, e.g. when cancer become a deadly disease and omit the sun as a major source of radiation [7]. NZQA 2014
Are we close to defeating cancer? [1] This year, more than 1.4 million Americans will hear the words You have cancer. One out of every two men and one out of every three women during their lifetime will hear the words you have cancer. One America every minute is dying as a result of this disease stated Dr Von Eschenbach (quoted in Working, 2006). Over the last few decades, the word cancer has gradually become more prevalent among people because not only have a lot of people been affected by cancer but also there has not been any cure for it. However, after [6] many years of research and study about cancer, doctors have discovered the causes of almost every type of cancer as well as [6] the way they develop [6] in the body. Therefore [6], I believe that we will soon defeat cancer because based on the development of technology and science, a lot of research with positive outcomes about new cancer treatments have been found and scientists now understand much more about the original causes of cancer, which have resulted in the discovery of new cancer treatment and prevention methods in the last few years [1]. Since the 1970s, when cancer became a deadly disease [7], much research on cancer has been conducted by many scientists in order to find a cure for cancer. With the development of new technology, scientists are discovering more and better treatment methods for cancer in recent years. One of these is using the human immune system to kill cancer tumours. Research by Dr Bent Jakobsen shows that cancer patients can use their own immune system to fight against cancer diseases based on the T-cell therapy method in which T-cells can be used to destroy cancer cells. He has found a protein molecule called IMM TACs that effectively helps T-cells recognise and kill cancer cells. As Dr Jakobsen and his team are still studying and develop their method, it is possible that they could find a new way to cure cancer in the next few years (Connor, 2013). Another study shows that doctors can easily investigate cancer cells at the early stages of the disease. According to the research of Dr Gang Bao, cancer stem cells which are cancer cells that recur after being treated can be located by detecting a type of protein called SSEA-1 which present on the surface of cancer cells. As a result, doctors are able to identify the types of cancer as well as monitor its development [2] so they can find the most appropriate treatment. After we isolate the cancer stem cells, we can learn more about them, including the pathways of genes responsible for their development. Then we can identify drugs that can kill them ( Treating cancer, 2010). Both research propose new positive methods of detecting and eradicating cancer, which can be developed and improved in order to fight the disease [4]. I think we re at a major turning point in the history of cancer medicine where we have a very deep understanding of how it comes about, and, if it is established, how to deal with it, and we have game-changing technological advances that allow us to do much better care, accurate care, of cancer patients as Dr DePinho asserts (quoted in Zakaria, 2012). Thanks to the developments in genetic technology, scientists have found out that DNA damage is the original cause of most cancer diseases because it causes mutation in normal cells that lead to the formation of cancer tumour. From this discovery, scientists are now able to expand their understanding about cancer and find out new ways to treat it. In addition, some types of cancer such as lung cancer, breast cancer or colon and rectal cancer can be found early before they have any symptoms by using cancer screening tests; as a result, cancer can be treated more efficiently [2]. For example, Computed Tomography (CT) uses X-rays to scan a specific area on the body in order to help doctors diagnose the presence of cancer. According to Dr Ronal DePinho, the number of lung cancer patients can be reduced by 20%
by using screening test on heavy smokers and also colonoscopy screening can prevent 60% of colorectal cancer patient from developing the disease (Zakaria, 2012). In short, due to the new discover about causes of cancer, scientists can now think about a new treatment that can treat cancer at its origin and also improve cancer prevention methods [5]. Although there are several forms of cancer these days, the chance of developing cancer in the body can be reduced by taking precautions. According to the Union for International Cancer Control, lifestyle factors play a significant role in cancer prevention. Up to 50% of all cancer diseases can be prevented by changing lifestyles such as giving up using tobacco, having a healthy balanced diet, keeping physically active and limiting alcohol (Harrison, 2012). Other leading risk factors for cancer such as radiation and pollution have also been reduced. The major source of radiation which can arrive to the human skin is medical radiation [7] such as X-rays, CT scan, fluoroscopy and nuclear machines but these devices have been improved in order to produce as little harmful radiation as possible; therefore, reducing the probability of developing cancer. Also, second-hand smoke and diesel exhaust gas are also being reduced in many countries as scientists have realised that they can cause cancer. In addition, some studies show that cancer cells can develop faster in people who have more stress so cancer patients should try to live a happy life. In summary, by living healthily and happily [3], people can prevent several types of cancer from developing in the body. In conclusion, due to the development of technology and much research on cancer, leading scientists now have a better understanding about this disease which will likely lead to developing better solutions for it. In light of this, it appears that cancer will soon be defeated and people will no longer be afraid of death when they hear the word you have cancer. References [1] Conner S (2013, July 14). Exclusive: Cancer - a cure just got closer thanks to a tiny British company and the result could change lives of millions. The Independent, UK. Retrieved from http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/exclusive-cancer--a-cure-just-got-closer-thanks-to-atiny-british-company--and-the-result-could-change-lives-of-millions-8707590.html Harrison P (2012, Sep 05). Lifestyle Changes Could Prevent 50% of Common Cancers. Medscape. Retreived from http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/770357 Treating Cancer: Researchers Develop and Improve Techniques for Attacking Cancer (2010, July 4). Georgia Technology Research News. Retrieved from http://www.gtresearchnews.gatech.edu/cancer-treatment/ Working together, We Can Defeat Cancer p.8-9 (summer 2006). The NIH MedlinePlus. Retreived from http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/magazine/issues/summer06/articles/summer06pg8-9.html Zakaria F (2012, Dec 10). Are we close to beating cancer?. CNN World. Retrieved from http://globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com/2012/12/10/are-we-close-to-beating-cancer/
Exemplar for English for Academic Purposes for Unit Standard US22750 v2 Exemplar Meets Evidence Requirements 1.4, 1.5 2. To meet Evidence Requirements (ER) 1.4 and 1.5, students must write a crafted text using researched material for an academic purpose (Outcome 1) that: uses an appropriate formal style, including tone, lexical and grammatical features, and syntax variety uses appropriate lexical and grammatical forms consistently and throughout. The student writes on the research question Are we close to defeating cancer? The text uses a tone and linguistic range appropriate for a formal academic essay. The use of the first person pronoun is appropriate to indicate the writer's own conviction [1]. Lexical and grammatical choices are appropriate for a formal academic style, e.g. passive voice [2], range of modal verbs [3] and specialised/academic vocabulary such as conducted, human immune system, T-cells, investigate, eradicating cancer [4]. A variety of sentence types, including compound complex [5], is used throughout the text. Sentence openings are varied and help to maintain reader interest [6]. Lexical, grammatical and punctuation usage is generally accurate. Overall, there is good grammatical control, meet the B2 descriptor for grammatical accuracy on the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages. The occasional lapses in surface features such as sentence structures [7] and grammar [8] do not interfere with meaning. To meet ER1.4 more securely, the student could fix occasional inappropriate word choices [9] and unnecessary words [10]. To meet ER1.5 more securely, the student could use the technical acronym IMM Tac [11] accurately. NZQA 2014
(Extract only) Therefore, I believe [1] that we will soon defeat cancer because based on the development of technology and science, a lot of research with positive outcomes about new cancer treatments have been found [7] and scientists now understand much more about the original causes of cancer, which have resulted in the discovery of new cancer treatment and prevention methods in the last few years. Since the 1970s, [6] when cancer became a deadly disease, much research on cancer has been conducted [2] [4] by many scientists in order to find a cure for cancer. With the development of new technology, scientists are discovering more and better treatment methods for cancer in recent years [10]. One of these is using the human immune system [4] to kill cancer tumours. Research by Dr Bent Jakobsen shows that [6] cancer patients can use [3] their own immune system to fight against [10] cancer diseases [9] based on the T-cell therapy method in which T-cells can be used to destroy cancer cells. He has found a protein molecule called IMM TACs [11] that effectively helps T-cells [4] recognise and kill cancer cells. As Dr Jakobsen and his team are still studying and develop their method, it is possible that they could find a new way to cure cancer in the next few years (Connor, 2013). Another study shows that doctors can easily investigate [4] cancer cells at the early stages of the disease. According to [6] the research of Dr Gang Bao, cancer stem cells which are cancer cells that recur after being treated can be located by detecting a type of protein called SSEA-1 which present on the surface of cancer cells. As a result, doctors are able to identify the types of cancer as well as monitor its development so they can find the most appropriate treatment [5]. After we isolate the cancer stem cells, we can learn more about them, including the pathways of genes responsible for their development. Then we can identify drugs that can kill them ( Treating cancer, 2010). Both research propose [8] new positive methods of detecting and eradicating cancer [4], which can be developed [3] and improved in order to fight the disease. I think we re at a major turning point in the history of cancer medicine where we have a very deep understanding of how it comes about, and, if it is established, how to deal with it, and we have game-changing technological advances that allow us to do much better care, accurate care, of cancer patients as Dr DePinho asserts [7] (quoted in Zakaria, 2012). Thanks to the developments [6] in genetic technology, scientists have found out that DNA damage is the original cause of most cancer diseases because it causes mutation in normal cells that lead to the formation of cancer tumour [8]. From this discovery, scientists are now able to expand their understanding about cancer and find out new ways to treat it
Exemplar for English for Academic Purposes for Unit Standard US22750 v2 Exemplar Meets Evidence Requirements 1.6, 1.7 3. To meet Evidence Requirements (ER) 1.6 and 1.7, students must write a crafted text using researched material for an academic purpose (Outcome 1) that: integrates source material, including analytical interpretation, informed judgement, synthesis, paraphrasing and summary acknowledges source material by referencing using a recognised format. The student writes on the research question Are we close to defeating cancer? The ideas developed are underpinned by processed material from five factual texts [1], and discusses and comments on the main ideas and points of view from those sources. A range of researched material has been integrated into the text. Ideas from this material are paraphrased [2] and summarised [3]. There is sufficient analytical interpretation [4], informed judgement and synthesis [5] of the source material. Source material is acknowledged in the text. Quotation mark use is correct, sources of paraphrased material are acknowledged in the text, and referencing and citations are generally used appropriately [6]. There are only minor lapses with citation [7]. The reference list follows a recognised format [8]. To meet ER1.6 more securely, the student could integrate some of the material more fluently [9]. NZQA 2014
(Extract only) One America every minute is dying as a result of this disease stated Dr Von Eschenbach (quoted in Working, 2006) [7] After we isolate the cancer stem cells, we can learn more about them, including the pathways of genes responsible for their development. Then we can identify drugs that can kill them ( Treating cancer, 2010) [6]. Both research propose new positive methods of detecting and eradicating cancer, which can be developed and improved in order to fight the disease [5]. I think we re at a major turning point in the history of cancer medicine where we have a very deep understanding of how it comes about, and, if it is established, how to deal with it, and we have game-changing technological advances that allow us to do much better care, accurate care, of cancer patients as Dr DePinho asserts (quoted in Zakaria, 2012) [9]. Thanks to the developments in genetic technology, scientists have found out that DNA damage is the original cause of most cancer diseases because it causes mutation in normal cells that lead to the formation of cancer tumour [2]. From this discovery, scientists are now able to expand their understanding about cancer and find out new ways to treat it. In addition According to Dr Ronal DePinho, the number of lung cancer patients can be reduced by 20% by using screening test on heavy smokers and also colonoscopy screening can prevent 60% of colorectal cancer patient from developing the disease (Zakaria, 2012) [6]. In short, due to the new discover about causes of cancer, scientists can now think about a new treatment that can treat cancer at its origin and also improve cancer prevention methods [4]. According to the Union for International Cancer Control, lifestyle factors play a significant role in cancer prevention [3]. Up to 50% of all cancer diseases can be prevented by changing lifestyles such as giving up using tobacco, having a healthy balanced diet, keeping physically active and limiting alcohol [2] (Harrison, 2012). Other leading risk factors In summary References [8] Conner S (2013, July 14). Exclusive: Cancer - a cure just got closer thanks to a tiny British company and the result could change lives of millions.[1] The Independent, UK. Retrieved from http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/exclusive-cancer--a-cure-just-got-closer-thanks-to-atiny-british-company--and-the-result-could-change-lives-of-millions-8707590.html Harrison P (2012, Sep 05). Lifestyle Changes Could Prevent 50% of Common Cancers. Medscape.[1] Retreived from http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/770357 Treating Cancer: Researchers Develop and Improve Techniques for Attacking Cancer (1) (2010, July 4). Georgia Technology Research News. Retrieved from http://www.gtresearchnews.gatech.edu/cancer-treatment/ Working together, We Can Defeat Cancer[1] p.8-9 (summer 2006). The NIH MedlinePlus. Retreived from http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/magazine/issues/summer06/articles/summer06pg8-9.html Zakaria F (2012, Dec 10). Are we close to beating cancer? (1). CNN World. Retrieved from http://globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com/2012/12/10/are-we-close-to-beating-cancer/