Resilience: Strengthening Skills that Help You and the People You Work with to Stay Grounded, Compassionate, Refreshed and Positively Engaged

Resilience: Strengthening Skills that Help You and the People You Work with to Stay Grounded, Compassionate, Refreshed and Positively Engaged Facilitated by Beth Weinstock 2017

When you think of resilience, what words come to mind? When you think of people you consider resilient, what adjectives come to mine?

1) What gets in the way of resilience? 2) What builds it? 3) How do we as leaders stay balanced and supportive to others when stress and anxiety challenge resilience? 4) How do we keep our hearts open and available for this hard work and the challenge of sustaining resilience?

My story: the voice of negative Self-talk and its distortions

Internal Voices that Undermine Resilience No point in trying I ll never get the job They won t pick me I can t possibly learn that material I m such an idiot I never do it right I m just not smart-enough I m way too slow They didn t mean to say it If they only knew. I m too sensitive I m making a mountain of a mole hill What if I can t do it? What if they think I m better than I am? Maybe this is the wrong decision Maybe they won t include me Maybe I shouldn t have said what I said Thoughts Create Emotions that lead to behavioral outcomes Copyright 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved

Job Description of the Inner Coach is to Counteract Negative Self-talk Voice of the Inner Coach Stays non-judgmental Keeps a neutral tone Encourages excellence, not perfection Creates safety to receive feedback Promotes ownership of strengths Supports assertive behavior Sorts out fact from fiction Guides us to notice and absorb what is positive Copyright 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved

Awareness of Selective Attention The real voyage of discovery is not in finding new landscapes, but new eyes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjg698u2mvo Proust Copyright 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved

Thought Patterns & Stories We Tell Ourselves All-or-Nothing Thinking Disqualifying the Positive Jumping to Conclusion Emotional Reasoning Should Statements Personalizing See complete list in handouts What are your main thought distortions? Copyright 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock, PhD, All Rights Reserved

Working with undermining voices to strengthen your Inner coach Identify: 1. Situation No response to my idea, just silence 2. Thought - My idea must sound fool; that s why no one said anything. 3. Feeling - shame, embarrassment, anger 4. Story- I am never clear and never get understood this group will not value me 5. Possible Destructive Action- I will drop out 6. Constructive Inner-Coaching Message That s a story! You don t know why they didn t respond check out what people are thinking See if you can say your idea more clearly if that is the problem.. Even if people don t like the idea it doesn t mean it is foolish Copyright 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved

Practicing the voice of your Inner coach In small groups come up with as many inner-coaching messages as possible for each situation Copyright 2011 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved

3 Step Process for Shifting Negative Self-Talk Hear - Notice Thoughts & Stories Interrupt - Pause the Self-Talk Replace Constructive coaching message Copyright 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved

How what we think influences how we feel and may influence behavior and generates our impact. Let s turn to resilience for our physical body Copyright 2011 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved

The Nervous System: Sympathetic is our fight/flight/freeze response Parasympathetic system is our relaxation response sympathetic parasympathetic

High anxiety High activation Depression and/or shut down

Managing Stress & Fortifying Resilience Breathing techniques Gratitude Guided imagery The Power of Body Poses (Any Cuddy) Self-protection against criticism (Brene Brown) The Power of compassion for self and other Calming others The power of your presence to regulate other s stress First responder intervention: You are safe right now. Copyright 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved

Books to Boost Courage, Resilience & Self-Confidence The Pursuit of Perfect - Tal Ben-Shahar Bouncing Back - Linda Graham There is Nothing Wrong with You - Cheri Huber The Self-Esteem Companion: Challenge the Inner Critic - McKay, Fanning, Honeychurch & Sutker Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up & Leave Insecurity Behind - Kristin Neff The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead Brene Brown The Resilience Factor - Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte Copyright 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock, PhD, All Rights Reserved