WHY SEX IS BEST IN MARRIAGE Marital Sex and Human Flourishing Ben KC Lee 26 August 2017
REAL QUESTIONS What are we supposed to do with our sexual longings? Do we go with a hook up culture or a culture of glorious intimacy? Why can t we just enjoy sex with whoever we want? How can human beings best flourish and thrive in our sexuality? Cultural is Pluralistic
TRUTH COMES FROM GOD Special revelation Natural revelation Christ followers need to integrate the Bible and natural revelation. This is a worldview approach.
I. TWO STORIES
View 1 Sex without marriage is okay as long as you are past the age of consent. View 2 Sex is best in marriage.
THE BIGGER STORIES Secular humanist worldview The Biblical worldview
Conservative Sexual Ethics WHAT GOD FORBIDS Gay sex Pedophilia Bestiality Premarital sex Polyamory WHAT GOD ALLOWS Marital sex Progressive Sexual Ethics NON-CONSENSUAL Pedophilia Bestiality Rape CONSENSUAL Marital sex Gay sex Premarital sex Polyamory Source: http://wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/files/2012/08/sex.png
Any middle ground? Each of us has to choose which story we re going to live when it comes to sex. I can only answer the question What am I to do? if I can answer the prior question Of what story or stories do I find myself a part? Alasdair MacIntyre
II. POPULAR SEXUAL WORLDVIEWS
SECULAR HUMANISM Sex is ok as long as sex is legal, consensual and does not hurt anyone Gender is self-defined Sexual orientation born this way
III. MARRIED SEX AND HUMAN FLOURISHING SEX IS BEST IN MARRIAGE
PERSONHOOD ARGUMENT
Sexual intercourse has biological similarities with mammals Our essence as persons is spiritual though our personhood is housed in a physical body We have nonphysical properties. We are physical beings with bodies like animals but we are different. Sex is not just a physiological act.
Animals mate. Human beings make love. On the most basic level, sexuality has to do with our longings for connection, intimacy, comfort, nurturing and love. We are sexual beings
We are created for relationship. We have this desire for intimacy deep in our soul to be connected. We wrongly use physical means to meet relational needs. We are relational beings
There is a cocktail of chemicals the brain shakes up during sex. Neurochemical processes occur during sex, which are the "glue" to human bonding. Chemicals Vasopressin
Our bodies are designed for monogamy Marital sex = pleasure + deep bonding + safety Extramarital sex = pleasure + dysfunctional bonding + STDs/unwanted pregnancies
The unique qualities of free will, moral awareness, self-consciousness and spirituality distinguish human beings from animals. Don t ignore the whole person for human flourishing.
SOCIAL JUSTICE ARGUMENT
Marriage is social justice because of the biological asymmetries between men and women. Keeping sex within a lifetime commitment creates the basis for a healthy relationship between genders. Married sex is social justice - Bruce Wydick, 2016
DIFFERENT INCENTIVES IN SEX A sexual relationship between a man and a woman involves an exchange of sex for commitment Acceptance of sex without commitment represents an injustice against women and their deepest biological interests for commitment Sex with commitment is a fair exchange between the sometimes competing interests of men, women and children
A society that encourages sex within the context of life commitment upholds its own collective long-term interest. The argument that sex can be separated from commitment ends up promoting behaviour strongly misaligned with the long-term interests of women. Sadly marriages do fail, but at a much lower rate than less committed relationships like cohabitation, and at a lower rate among those who have foregone cohabitation before marriage.
SOCIETAL ORDER ARGUMENT
Development of sexual order in society Historical cultures The Christian sexual ethic rocked the pagan world of ancient Rome
Society s needs for order and stability Sex outside marriage generally bring negative outcomes to those involved. Boundaries are needed for the fire of sexual passion. Rights of individuals Necessity for a society to have structure and order Sex outside a marriage undermines the character quality of faithfulness which builds community
The kind of sexual boundaries needed in society. when culture loses the holistic view of the human person and each person become his own authority. Some limitation of individual happiness is required for the common good.
A society where sex is protected by the boundaries of marriage will prosper more than one where there is sexual chaos. This calls for restraining sexual desires to the exclusive relationship of monogamous marriage this unique relationship that offers emotional, psychological and physical security in which true sexual freedom can be experienced. - Michael Craven
Marriage is a part of the fabric of humanity as a non-negotiable shape for sexual relations. The boundary of marriage gives the relational security for each spouse to be free to share their true self, find true acceptance, and enjoy true intimacy. Society needs the security of marriage being an institution with boundaries.
SUMMARY
We need to examine our worldview, the story we currently live. The secular humanist worldview comes from the view that we make our own choices. The Biblical worldview is based on the story of self-emptying love.
Sex is special. Two people having sex means something. Children are one of the most beautiful things about sex. The precious gift of sexuality is meant for the safe harbour of marriage.