Family Impact of Addiction Tools to Help the Healing

Family Impact of Addiction Tools to Help the Healing Sis Wenger March 27,2017 NCADD 2017 Conference of Affiliates Arlington, VA www.nacoa.org 0

Addiction in the Family Affects Everyone Family members develop unhealthy ways of communicating with each other and coping with addiction. They live by the family rules in order to survive. Don t Talk Don t Trust Don t Feel 1

FAMILY IMPACT The rules and coping mechanisms: Maintain isolation Insure that problems continue Perpetuate denial, delusion, anxiety, shame and confusion. Many children live in chronic stress, confusion, fear, and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. 2

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ACES AND SUBSTANCE USE UNRECOGNIZED ACES ARE A MAJOR, IF NOT THE MAJOR, DETERMINANT OF WHO BECOMES ADDICTED. FELITTI PARENTAL SUBSTANCE USE AND FAMILY VIOLENCE ARE MAJOR RISK FACTORS INCLUDED UNDER THE DESCRIPTION OF TOXIC STRESS. BARRY LESTER, PH.D. DIRECTOR BROWN CENTER FOR THE STUDY OF CHILDREN AT RISK 4

TOXIC STRESS IS THE STRONG UNRELIEVED RESPONSE OF THE BODY S STRESS MANAGEMENT SYSTEM.. IN THE ABSENCE OF THE BUFFERING PROTECTION OF ADULT SUPPORT. Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University www.developingchild.harvard.edu 5

Children Living in Families with Addiction Why Special Emphasis? 1 in 3 or 4 children is affected by alcoholism or other substance use disorders in the family, and they need recovery support too. Developmental impact of the chronic emotional stress impacts over the lifespan, creating is social, emotional and physical consequences. Early Intervention = Prevention of mental health problems - COAs are at increased risk for depression and anxiety disorders. Prevention of substance use problems - COAs have increased environmental and genetic risks. Relapse Prevention - Reduction of stress in the family 6

Individual Intervention What resilient adults say made a difference: Had a special relationship with an adult who cared and was nurturing, often a teacher. Latched onto another parent figure or family. Had somewhere other than home they felt they belonged. Had activities that were easy to participate in outside the home. Had a sense of purpose and future. Ability to make decisions and communicate feelings. 7

Characteristics of Resilient Children They know how to attract and use the support of adults. They actively try to master their environment, have a sense of their own power, and often volunteer to help others. They develop a high degree of autonomy early in life. Robert J. Ackerman, PhD 8

Benefits of Support Group Intervention Resiliency Family stress is reduced Children s sense of stigma and shame are reduced Improved school attendance and performance Family recovery is enhanced Treatment outcomes improve Can change the trajectory of a child s life 9

Children with Addiction in Family Often lack consistency, stability, and needed emotional support due to the chaotic family environment May be physically and emotionally traumatized by accidental injury or verbal, physical or sexual abuse due to parental drinking/drug use May encounter permissiveness, neglect, violence, poor communication, undersocialization, leading to feelings of abandonment 10

Common Feelings I feel ashamed I can t talk about it I feel different It s my fault I can fix it / I m okay. Really everything s fine I m no good or I m not good enough I m confused 11

Children with Addiction in Family Often lack consistency, stability, and needed emotional support due to the chaotic family environment May be physically and emotionally traumatized by accidental injury or verbal, physical or sexual abuse due to parental drinking/drug use May encounter permissiveness, neglect, violence, poor communication, undersocialization, leading to feelings of abandonment 12

Children s Issues Worry about health of parent Being upset about unpredictable & inconsistent behavior and lack of support from others Worry about fights and arguments in family Being scared and upset by possibility of violence Being upset by inappropriate behavior criminal or sexual Being disappointed by broken promises and feeling unloved Need to defend parent s behavior 13

Critical Information/Skills for Children in Support Groups Children s educational support programs provide education about addiction to give children a framework for what they are experiencing as well as: Information about addiction as a family disease Information on community based support such as Alateen, and school based student assistance programs Clarification about and validation of their experiences Resources for them to learn how to get their questions answered and talk about feelings Information to learn that treatment is available and recovery is a process Information on resilience they have developed as a result of their experiences An understanding of the importance of self-care skills The development of problem-solving strategies An ability to identify and practice ways to say no An opportunity to learn new and healthy coping skills Information on how to get help and that it is ok to ask for help. 14

Messages for Parents and Children For Parents: Give your children the gift you never got Children can recover, too Helping your children will help you For Children: You re not alone; there are lots of kids living in families like yours. It s not your fault. You deserve help, and there is help for you. Addiction is a disease. It s ok to share your feelings with safe people. 15

Shifting the Balance Reducing the Risks RESILIENCE Strengthening Protective Factors 16

COA Support Groups Validate their perceptions and interpretations. Help them gain some perspective. Absolve them of blame. Help them separate parent from parental behavior. Offer hope, self-care skills and help to cope. Provide a safe outlet for anger. Explain risks of behavior, and how to identify safe people in their lives. Help build self-esteem. 17

EMPOWERMENT Exploring options Recognizing can t change others or world Recognizing can change own reactions Capable of identifying healthy choices Believing can succeed Reducing feelings of powerlessness 18

What Messages Should the Children Hear? You re not alone. It s not your fault. You deserve help, and there are safe people who can help. It s OK to feel your feelings. Treatment helps, and recovery happens. Addiction is a health problem. It s important to talk. You can live a good life, even if your parent continues to drink. 19

Children s Program Kit Goals The overall goals of the program are to build strength and to foster resilience among children of addicted parents (COAs). The skills the program is designed to build are social competence, problem solving, coping, autonomy, and a sense of purpose and future. This kit was developed to assist treatment providers, schools and community-based youth-serving systems to educate and support children affected by parental alcohol and drug addiction, and to bring the benefits of hope, healing, and recovery to children of addicted persons. 20

TOPIC AREAS Addiction Feelings Problem Solving Treatment & Recovery Safe People Coping 21

Breaking the Rules Helps to Learn the The 7 Cs I didn t CAUSE it. I can t CURE it. I can t CONTROL it. I can help take CARE of myself by: COMMUNICATING my feelings, Making healthy CHOICES, and CELEBRATING ME!!! 22

Breaking the Rules Helps Children to Learn the The 7 Cs Frees family members to address their own losses and begin their own path to recovery Offers the opportunity for each to heal from addiction s painful control over their lives Educational support groups in schools, at treatment facilities, in recovery community support programs, in youth programs, in summer or weekend camps break the rules, bring clarity and hope and start the recovery process. www.nacoa.org 23

www.celebratingfamilies.net mbcollins@nacoa.org www.nacoa.org 888-554-2627 swenger@nacoa.org 24