www.parentalstress.com.au Welcome to the Happy Mum Handbook Support Program Week Ten Video
All humans follow this process An EVENT occurs Emotions and behaviours are sign posts. They show us how we and others are perceiving life pleasure or pain They can show you as a parent what information you need to teach your child about life. We experience the event with the 5 SENSES Sight, sound, touch, taste, smell Response 2 REACTION What do I do about this situation to reinstate my pleasure and avoid pain? The Brain then goes into its EVALUATION process What is it? Have I seen it before? Do I have a reference/opinion for this? Is it pleasure or pain? What should I do? Whatever information has been accessed by the brain in that moment determines the RESPONSE Response 1: BODILY SENSATION Excitement, anger, tense body, clenched teeth, fear, general emotion and feeling in the body The behaviour is just the end result. If we want to change the behaviour we have to change the evaluation process!!
Where do my beliefs come from? Repetition of my environment and my parental and social conditioning formed physical neural connections in the brain that I still use to evaluate my life today. Belief System (age 0-7 years old) Family Media Religion Parents Culture Experiences Environment EVIDENCE/PROOF You experienced life with the 5 senses You learnt through repetition and consistency of the same information to adopt a perception of what was being sensed. This was learnt via: - Observation - Self-Experience - Convinced by others (that I trust)
The Mind TRACK to Happiness process
The Mind TRACK to Happiness Process houghts eality im hoices now your plan & action it
Step One: Thoughts What am I thinking? Recognise your feelings first, then put your attention on your thoughts. Identify how your thoughts are in conflict with reality (the reality of the situation and the reality of where you are at right now because of how life has unfolded in the past) Get your life right Thinking - The conflict with reality I am on the wrong path There s a right way for life to go and a wrong way Missing Out I have missed out on what my life needs I/They Should have acted differently I am / someone else is to blame I am worth-less Mine or my life s value has been compromised
Step Two: Reality What is the reality of the situation? What is the reality of being a parent? What is the reality of life? What is the reality of true self-worth? Use the personal development thinking upgrades to accept the reality of what is happening right now and change your perception of it Personal Development Thinking - The upgrades Life is a journey I am always learning and receiving I/they can only know what we know (in any given moment) I am ALWAYS Worthy
Step Three: Aim What do you want? This is where you start to get solution focussed about your present reality and start setting goals. Important notes on setting goals... The real purpose of goals is to set life in motion Setting goals creates experiences Experiences help us to learn and contribute to the unfolding of life You learn, grow & contribute on the way to the goal and whether you do or don t get the goal. While we always set goals to achieve them, the achievement of goals does not define your value! Setting and checking goals: What do you want right now? Be specific. Is my aim in conflict with reality? Why do you want it (what s the agenda, the self- worth component)?
Step Four: Choices What are my choices, options and solutions? This is where you start searching for HOW to get what you want. In the heat of the moment: What can I do to try and achieve what I want? What are the choices available to me right now? What are my priorities for choosing the best option right now? Reflection or conscious planning for the future: How do I get what I want? What resources are available to teach me the information I need? How are other people achieving what I want so I can learn from them? Who are the experts in this field that I can learn from? The choices step is about selfeducation seeking out new information so you are armed with the tools to change!
Step Five: Know your plan and action it This is where you start planning the steps you need to take to achieve your goal Using the information you found in step four: choices, formulate a plan to achieve your aim. If relevant, create mini-goals towards your achievement so you can monitor your progress Action your step-by-step plan and start working towards the life you want. Important: This 5-step TRACK process is not used for getting life RIGHT. It is a tool to assist you to change your thinking about life when it doesn t go to plan and when you find yourself sinking into stress, depression and anxiety.
What is happiness?
What is happiness? Definition for happiness: state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. (Source: www. wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn) Will we always achieve this state of happiness and therefore is this a realistic goal to have? What do we know about emotions?
The reality of happiness You won t always feel happy. Happiness is an emotion you feel when life is going to plan or meets your beliefs on what is ideal how you are rating life = your level of happiness. If you are feeling unhappy then it is because, either life is simply not going to plan and didn t meet your expectations or your thinking is aligned with Get Your Life Right thinking lenses. The emotion of happiness is not a reliable indication of your life s worth You happiness fluctuates However, inner peace can be constant when you remember: - Sometimes life doesn t go to plan - Life s full of ups and downs - Even if you don t get what you want you still get an experience that holds value - A person s priority beliefs dictate behaviour and there will always be a self-esteem component behind behaviour. I may not like their behaviour, but their behaviour does not determine my worth. - You are always 100% worthy. There is nothing you need to do, be or have to be worth more than you already are!
Repetition and consistency of this type of information is what creates new neural pathways in the brain Thinking Feeling Personal Development Thinking - The upgrades Life is a journey I am always learning and receiving I/they can only know what we know (in any given moment) I am ALWAYS Worthy Reaction: A Mood (Hrs / days) Reaction: Temperament (weeks/ months) Reaction = Personality trait (years)
Thinking Thinking Feeling Feeling Continue to create habitual thinking and feeling loops This is who I AM a memorised state of being.
Happiness in Parenting
The fundamentals of communication and negotiation There are two simple understandings that will form the basis of completely changing the way you communicate.with anyone #1: EVERYONE wants to Feel good Experience pleasure Feel heard Feel understood Be accepted Be loved Feel valued Feel like their okay Avoid painful experiences
The fundamentals of communication and negotiation #2: The other person s perspective. Priority beliefs dictate behaviour (at any given moment). Decisions are made in response to the brain linking the sensory information with whatever relevant information is stored in the brain from previous experiences: Observation, self-experience, convinced by others. Everybody is learning through their experiences as they receive new information. Just because someone makes a different decision to you, it doesn t make that person bad (or naughty), it just means they are accessing different information to you. In the case of a child, they are still learning what right and wrong is and how to function in the world.
A brain with 18-50 years of life experience (depending on your age) A comparatively long life of categorising and linking knowledge over and over Social Emotional Things Physical Cause & Effect Don t write on walls or run in house How to behave What is what How to walk, talk, use a fork If I do this then this will happen Morals Right vs wrong What s important Cleanliness, eating healthy...
How to stop yourself from flying off the handle? 1. Become aware of how you are feeling 2. Stop what you are doing straight away. 3. Use one of the five senses to bring your attention back to the present moment and away from your conflicting thoughts. (eg literally take a step back, take a deep breathe in and focus on the air going in and the air going out, tap on the bench.) 4. Deliberately acknowledge that the picture has changed. (your expectations are different to reality). The current reality is.. 5. Shift your attention onto understanding the other person s behaviour. - Recognise that their behaviour is not about you, it s all about them. - What was going on for them to be behaving this way? - What must they be believing to think this way? - What was the self-worth component behind their behaviour? 6. Upgrade your thinking to be in alignment with reality (you may need to do this in hindsight when you have some time to journal what was going on for you at the time).
Time Management is not actually about managing your time It s about understanding and managing your priorities (and the beliefs that drive them). Prepare to be set free as you learn the watch words of time management. Guess what? Neither of them is time or management. The need-to-know magic words are Choice and Focus. (Source: Time management for Manic Mums; Allison Mitchell: 2006)
The What s in it for me? Core concepts 1. The reality of how the brain thinks pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain. 2. Recognising that women want love and men want respect. Based on the book love and respect by Emerson Eggerichs 3. Give your partner more of what they want, so you can get more of what you need. 4. Getting out of the I hurt you because you hurt me cycle and taking the High Road instead. 5. Using these understandings to effectively communicate, negotiate and compromise for what you want and need.
Life after the The Happy Mum Handbook Support Program
Your life is not fixed now that you ve done this course, because it was never broken. I learnt what worked I learnt what didn t work Getting experiences and learning on the way to the goal and moving away from the goal This is the reality of your life (and everyone s around you) Live, learn, grow, share, evolve This is the purpose of life
Your life is not fixed now that you ve done this course, because it was never broken. I learnt what worked I learnt what didn t work Getting experiences and learning on the way to the goal and moving away from the goal This is the reality of your life (and everyone s around you) Live, learn, grow, share, evolve This is the purpose of life
Saturate your mind with other resources to continue your learning There are many messengers teaching this school of thought: Recommended Movies: - Louise Hay You can heal your life - Wayne Dyer The Shift (or Ambition to Meaning) - The Peaceful Warrior (great mindfulness movie) Recommended Books: - Joe Dispenza: Breaking the Habit of being yourself - Wayne Dyer: What do you really want for your children? - Dan Millman: Way of the peaceful warrior - Jill Bolte Taylor Phd: My Stroke of Insight - Anita Moorjani: Dying to be Me
On going support through The Parental Stress Centre
OTHER RESOURCES TO ASSIST YOUR JOURNEY TOWARDS BEING A STRESS-FREE PARENTS
www.parentalstress.com.au
Our self-paced online programs 3 week What s in it for me? Relationship Repair Program Tame your Temper Video (2 hours) Time for Everything Video (2 hours) Live online programs The BE the Change LIVE (runs twice a year) Live online programs (cont) 21 Day Give me back my time program (runs twice a year) The Truce: bringing back love, connection and alignment between parents (runs twice a year)
The Parental Stress Centre Gold & Silver Membership Options www.parentalstress.com.au Get EVERYTHING the Parental Stress Centre has to offer! Silver Members 3 month commitment to change Access to all self-paced programs for 3 months Gold Members 6 month commitment to change Access to ALL Live and self-paced online programs for 6 months Tailored recommendations for which programs to do based on your life. 1 x one-on-one hour long session with Jackie Hall All 5 Books in Ebook format 10% off any hard copy purchases Assigned a personalised customer service manager Assigned to a private Gold members Facebook group to ask any questions as you go and get real-time support from the PSC and those in the group. Instant Access to any new programs as they become available