DIFFERENT TYPES OF CONVERSATIONS

Transcription

1 DIFFERENT TYPES OF CONVERSATIONS * s Self-Reflection and Learning Making and Managing Commitments s Stories and Assessments Possible * Relationship Clarity * Feedback Common Commitment Opportunity Possibility Progress Coordination of Action * Accountability Completion Accomplishment Appreciation * = Courageous s Used with permission:

2 ELEMENTS OF A CONVERSATION Speaking Moods and emotions Listening Body Used with permission:

3 RELATIONSHIPS AS A SPACE OF MUTUAL CONCERN AND LEGITIMACY Questions reflection: In this relationship: How are my concerns (what s important me) being taken care of or not? How is my sense of being a legitimate person (worthwhile, valuable) impacted by this relationship? How am I considering the concerns (what s important the other) in this relationship? How am I contributing to or diminishing the legitimacy of the other person in our relationship?

4 GIVING CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK (Used with permission: A. PREPARATION Where are you coming from? Are you clear about what is important you about this issue that you want to address as well as specific outcomes you want to flow from the feedback conversation. Considering the perspective of the listener What is important the listener in relation to this issue? What are the likely stories/opinions and moods of the listener? How can these be factored in to the way the feedback is worded and expressed while remaining authentic? Your Way of Being How do you want to be in mood and body to ensure appropriate voice tonality, posture and facial expression to enhance feedback being listened to constructively? Clarity about specific wording of feedback and appropriate framing of questions. Own legitimacy not allowing self to be put off by stories or intimidated by response; managing own mood and body; firmly and respectfully returning to key points. B. CONVERSATIONS FOR ACTION Sharing assessments Articulating your perspective and what is important to you. Being clear about use of facts and opinions in the feedback. Providing evidence to back up your opinions (or being clear if they are not substantiate). Engaging the participation of listener(s) Inviting response of listener(s) his or her views of the opinions that have been shared. Invite listener(s) to suggest improvements they can make to deal with your concerns. Requesting commitment to different action/behaviour Stating the improved action you desire may not be sufficient. Is the listener committed to what you are requiring? Importance of clearly requesting and gaining commitment to required action. Negative assessment of action Appropriate expression of substantiated negative assessment Clear request about improved action Explicit commitment to improved action

5 THE CONVERSATION FOR ACCOUNTABILITY It is about respectfully holding people accountable what they have explicitly committed to do and have not fulfilled. The conversation is justified when it can be established that a commitment has been made in response to a request (or offer). The spirit of this conversation is not about getting back at people. Rather, it is about taking care of your own personal dignity and about developing constructive relationships in personal and professional life. THERE ARE FOUR STAGES IN THE CONVERSATION FOR ACCOUNTABILITY 1. Checking that a commitment was made - checking with the other person that there was a shared understanding about the promise and the associated conditions of satisfaction and time frame. 2. Clearly stating the obvious that the commitment has not been fulfilled. 3. Declare the damage that has resulted from this commitment not being fulfilled (an opinion) - eg, not being able to move on with other tasks or not been able to meet promises made with other people and damage to identity and permance. 4. Restating the request and gaining a commitment - that action be taken to fulfil the original promise in a new time frame. Used with permission:

6 CONFLICT RESOLUTION FOUR STEP PROCESS 1. Centre Yourself This means first discovering what you are truly feeling in the situation. Are you feeling anger? Is there sadness, hurt or fear underneath this anger? By anchoring ourselves in our deepest reality, we are prepared to respond and not simply to react to the conflict we are facing. 2. Disclose Our True Selves to the Other Covey these feelings to the one with whom we are in conflict. In other words, to share our heart more than our position or our arguments. We should do this not in a way that hits the other person, but in a way that tries to get across who we really are in this moment. 3. Receive the Truth of the Other This may not be my truth, but it is theirs, and we will get nowhere until we both hear each other. It is also a way of acknowledging the other. Acknowledging does not necessarily mean agreeing. We don t have to agree with their position or the interests that lie beneath those positions but we can acknowledge the other person and her or his truth. 4. Make Agreements, Not Assumptions By disclosing ourselves and listening to the other, we have a chance to discover the truth and untruth of the situation. We then have the basis making agreements about how we are going to be with one another, rather than assumptions. Most conflicts grow out of widely differing assumptions. Something creative may come out of this process which can take into account the deepest desires of each party rather than simply their original positions. Summarised from Engage: Exploring Nonviolent Living, Slattery, L, Butigan K., Pelicaric, V. & Preston- Pile, K., Pace e Bene, Oakland, Calinia USA, 2005

7 NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION PROCESS Honestly expressing (without blaming or criticising) + Empathically Listening (without hearing blame or criticism) 1. Observations What I observe (see, hear, remember, imagine) free from my evaluation (interpretation) that does not contribute to my wellbeing: When I (see, hear ) 2. Feelings How I feel (emotion rather than thought) in relation to what I observe: I feel 3. Needs What I need or value (rather than a preference or a specific action) that causes my feelings: because I need/value 4. Requests Clearly requesting that which would enrich my life without The concrete actions I would like taken. Would you be willing to? demanding. Marshall B. Rosenberg Nonviolent Communication