The Scorpion & the Frog. Expect the Unexpected: The Critical Things That You Must Know About Your Stakeholders

Transcription

1 The Scorpion & the Frog Expect the Unexpected: The Critical Things That You Must Know About Your Stakeholders

2 Lessons NOT Learnt The Scorpion and the Frog A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too." The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?" Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

3 Why did the frog and the scorpion cross the stream? Part I Part II Part III Part IV Bridging the Gap We could both drown!! What is Your Nature? Getting Across to the Other Side

4 What are we really trying to achieve? BRIDGING THE GAP

5 Relationship Awareness Learning Model Unaware of new learning I don t know what I don t know Unconscious behaviour change I now have the new habits that deliver better results 1. Unconscious incompetent 4. Unconscious competent 2. Conscious Incompetent 3. Conscious competent Aware of new learning I know what I need to change Conscious behaviour change where required I need to practice the skills I ve learned

6 Getting to the Other Side The transfer of information between people and the attachment of meaning Is clear and directed at a target audience that achieves its purpose by producing desired outcomes. Is the ability to acquire and apply knowledge of self and others in the development of effective communications.

7 Personal Business Enough money Good benefits Job satisfaction Enjoyment of work Advancement opportunities Good life balance Good relationships Making a contribution Financial health Employee development, retention, and turnover Customer satisfaction High performance or productivity Making a contribution Being the industry or market leader

8 What s the real problem? WE BOTH COULD DROWN

9 5 Dysfunctions of a Team Unwillingness to be vulnerable with one another Inability to address the real issues, Lack of passionate debate Without conflict commitment to action will never manifest itself to positive results No clear plan of action to question the shortcomings of our team members Putting our needs ahead of collective needs of others Absence of Trust Fear of Conflict Lack of Commitment Avoidance Of Accountability Inattention To Results Source: The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: Patrick Lencioni 9

10 Relationship Awareness SENDER Empathy Context Memory Empathy RECIEVER Filters Trust Content Style Trust Filters

11 How do I Get Empathy Considerate: of another persons feelings Attuned: To why the feel the way they do Reflective: About what it must feel like to be in that persons shoes Expressive: In demonstrating understanding and support

12 Recognize the Scorpion, Recognize the Frog WHAT IS YOUR NATURE?

13 How Do I know You Won t Sting Me? Our value system is an affirmation of self worth When our self worth is compromised we engage in conflict either with ourselves or with others Our behaviour is an expression of our desire to be accepted and connected Behaviour is a choice

14 Technically Speaking ~ Cognitive Dissonance A state of internal tension that results from an inconsistency between any knowledge, belief, opinion, attitude or feeling about the environment, oneself of one s behavior. It is psychologically uncomfortable. Cognitive- being reduced to factual knowledge; act or process of knowing including both awareness and judgment. Dissonance- lack of agreement, inconsistency between one s actions and one s belief 14

15 Motivational Values if Overdone Altruistic - Nurturing Assertive - Directing Analytic - Autotomizing Flexible- Cohering Strength If Overdone Strength If Overdone Strength If Overdone Strength If Overdone Trusting Gullible Self-Confident Arrogant Cautious Suspicious Flexible Wishy washy Loyal Helpful Modest Devoted Caring Supporting Blind Smothering Self-effacing Subservient Submissive Self-sacrificing Ambitious Persuasive Forceful Quick to act Competitive Risk taker Ruthless Abrasive Dictatorial Rash Combative Gambler Reserved Methodological Analytical Principled Fair Preserving Cold Rigid Nit Picking Unbending Unfeeling Stubborn Open to change Socializer Experimenter Adaptable Tolerant Looks for options Inconsistent Unable to stand alone Aimless Spineless Uncaring Lack of focus

16 The Try Angle

17 Recognizing the Signs of Conflict Stage 3 Our attention is focused on; Ourselves only Stage 2 Our attention is focused on; Ourselves and the problem Stage 1 Our attention is focused on; Ourselves, the other person and the problem 17

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19 Taking the Sting out of the Scorpion GETTING ACROSS TO THE OTHER SIDE

20 Stating the Obvious ~ Goals for Conversations More funding alternatives Better ideas Better teamwork Fewer mistakes More solutions Better relationships

21 Without Relationship Awareness Future conversations are more difficult Costs increase Problems manifest Risks increase

22 The Boat to Get Us There Dialoguing Active listening Watch for Non-Verbal Queues Effective questioning Setting ground rules Facilitating

23 Four Building Blocks of Dialogue Suspension of judgment, decision making, and status Assumption identification (exception or rule?) Listening as a key to perception Inquiry and reflection Source: Gerard and Ellinor, 23

24 Fierce Conversations Solving consistent, persistent problems by having one effective conversation at a time. Fierce is not brutal. Fierce is robust, intense, strong, powerful, passionate, eager, unbridled, & authentic.

25 Finer Points of Crucial Conversations 4. Enrich Relationships 1. Interrogate Reality 3. Tackle Tough Challenges 2. Provoke Learning 25

26 A guide to manage difficult conversations 1. Name the Issue Be clear, articulate and precise in their language 2. Demonstrate the issue with a real example of something that must change Specificity = Credibility = Emotion 3. You must describe your emotions as it relates to this issue You do not need to pour your heart out 4. You must describe what is at stake create a sense of urgency 5. Identify your contribution to the problem think what have I done, what have I NOT done 6. Indicate your wish to resolve the challenge 7. Provide an opportunity for a response 26

27 4 levels of listening Download You re Hearing me but not listening and are likely to respond without having anything to say Debating Healthy exchange of ideas Empathetic Listening Actually listening from the other persons perspective Suspension of Ego Understanding motivational values and conscientiously looking for clues to be engaged in the conversation 27

28 I m hearing you but I m not listening! Active listening is a technique that can help build trust and demonstrate empathy. It is listening that 1. Is attentive and focused on the speaker 2. Restates or clarifies meanings rather than offering answers 3. Asks questions to encourage elaboration 4. Seeks to understand the feelings not just the facts or information 5. Uses body language and para verbal language to communicate empathy 6. Is not hurried 5-28

29 It takes longer to resolve a conflict when the truth or reality is NOT on the table Remember: Are the real issues being addressed? Are you avoiding the truth? Why don t you say what you are really thinking? What are you really avoiding? When you ask a probing question resist the urge to defend yourself and your strongly held opinion Avoid laying blame 29

30 Managing Conflict = Managing you Honesty Seeing is believing Core Values Ownership YOU Emotion = Action Accountability Genuine Sincerity 30

31 Search for the truth the truth starts with you To confront conflict implies that we are searching for the truth for reality, and often the reality is that YOU are not comfortable or prepared for addressing that reality You must ask yourself how have I helped to create the situation Does your behavior affect your values Consider this as an opening question; What is the most important thing that we should be talking about? Fierce conversations cannot depend on how others respond 31

32 What am I acting like I want right now? What do I really want?

33 I take the high road is often an excuse for not tackling the issue. Avoidance is a type of silence.

34 Find mutual purpose. Few, if any, forces in human affairs are as powerful as shared vision.

35 Questions? More Information?