Coaching Skills in Practice, Part B

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1 Coaching Skills in Practice, Part B Chapter 1: Neuro-Linguistic Programming In Coaching Part A you considered two of the main approaches to coaching: Cognitive Behavioural and Solution Focused. In this course, you will consider two alternative approaches: NLP and Narrative. What is NLP? Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a popular theory used in the world of coaching. It focuses on how people perceive and make meaning of their world and works with these perceptions to help people understand and make changes to the way they perceive their world. Main Concepts Now we will take a look at some of the main concepts relevant to NLP: Representation Systems In NLP, representation systems refer to the five senses. We represent things in our world visually (we see); auditorily (we hear); kineasthetically (we feel or touch); olfactorily (we smell) or gustatorily (we taste). The following are examples of the sensory input channel that is primarily being used to take in information in the environment: For Example: a. Kinaesthetic - Denise touches the petal of a rose b. Auditory - Michael listens to the rain fall c. Visual - Judy watches Don s body language d. Olfactory - Mel notices the sweet smell of Patricia s new perfume e. Gustatory - Tim thought the cake tasted chocolaty with a touch of cinnamon Read through the example below and determine when each sensory input channel is being utilised by Maria and Tommy. Maria and Tommy head to a hot, new restaurant in town only to discover that the restaurant is much shabbier than the advertisement made it out to be. They almost decide to leave when Maria smells something delicious coming from the kitchen. They look around at the dishes that are being brought out from the kitchen and decide that they will eat there after all. When they sit down to eat, the chairs are extremely uncomfortable and hard however it is all worth it when they finally taste their meals and decide that they will definitely be back to the restaurant.

2 How We Process Information After the external event comes in through our sensory input channels, and before we make an Internal Representation (IR) of the event, we filter the event. We run that event through our internal processing filters. Our internal processing filters are how we delete, distort and generalize the information that comes in through our five senses. (James & Woodsmall, 1988). Deletion involves the process of selectively paying attention to specific aspects of an experience (James & Woodsmall, 1988). Through deletion we fail to notice particular sensory information. For example, Ben s sister is picking him up from a concert. He is looking out intently for her car which he knows is a bright red hatchback. Because he is so focused on seeing a small red car, he fails to hear his sister calling him from a blue sedan (which she had borrowed from a friend). As you can see from the example, Ben is so focused on the visual aspect of his experience (see a red car) that he fails to notice (or deletes) the auditory aspect of his experience (his sister calling him). Distortion occurs when we misrepresent the sensory data received (James & Woodsmall, 1988). For example, Juanita thought she heard rain falling. She ran out to take her washing off the line only to discover that it wasn t rain at all - it was the sound of the neighbour s air conditioning starting up. This is an example of auditory distortion where Juanita thought she heard one thing when in fact it was something completely different. Generalisation is the process of making a judgement based on a limited number of experiences and attributing that judgement to a broad array of experiences (James & Woodsmall, 1988). For example, Tyson and Nicky are looking to rent a new home. They visit their local real estate agent. Tyson feels as though this particular agent is only interested in working with people who are seeking to purchase a home, rather than rent one. Nicky later overhears Tyson say to a friend, Real estate agents are all the same. They only want your business if you re buying! As you can see from this example, Tyson has had one experience with one real estate agent and generalizes this to all real estate agents. Filters Filtering of the information occurs before an internal representation of an event is made. James & Woodsmall (1988) list six examples of filters we use to delete, distort and generalise information. Metaprograms are one type of filter and they are styles of thinking (or mental programs) that operate like filters across many contexts of an individual s life. For example, the meta program - general vs. specific characterises whether an individual processes information by focusing on the details or on the broader picture. Sub modalities Sub modalities are the descriptive qualities that are directly linked to a sensory channel. For example linked to the visual sensory channel are the sub modalities of colour, size, shape and distance. This means that when I look at something I can assess it based on these features. Alternatively, when I hear something, I can assess its volume and tone. Therefore, volume and tone are examples of sub modalities of the auditory channel. Identify which channel the following sub-modalities belong to.

3 Techniques Rapport As many of the current theoretical models advocate, rapport is an essential ingredient in building the relationship between coach and client. Within the theory of NLP, it too states that rapport is essential to any successful communication including the coaching environment and that it is one of the three essential elements for creating change (Collingwood & Collingwood, 2001). Rapport, in NLP, is developed through the use of a number of aspects including: Matching the representation systems. Matching body rapport including posture, breathing, gestures and eye blink rate. Matching voice rapport including tone/pitch, volume, timbre/resonance, speed and intonation pattern. Read through the following and have a go at the exercise in your own time. Practising Rapport To practise rapport building, matching another person s non-verbal signals; the rate and rhythm of their movements, the rate of their breathing, the rate of blinking their eyes, and the postures they assume. If they do something which would be uncomfortable for you, match it by doing something else in the same rhythm. This is called cross pacing. When non-verbal signals are relatively easy to match, turn your attention to their voice. Match the relative pitch between theirs and yours, match the rhythm and speed of speech, the resonance and the intonation patterns (Collingwood and Collingwood, 2001). Reframing Reframing is a technique used in NLP to consider a situation or conflict from another perspective to bring about change. For example, Kelly has just separated from her husband of ten years and is feeling uncertain about her future. A reframe of this situation could be that Kelly can now go out and investigate what she likes and focus on herself for a while. There are numerous techniques used by NLP practitioners working with clients to reframe a situation. We will now investigate one such reframing technique. Reframing With Two or More Parts This technique is used when two or more parts are in conflict with each other. For example, work versus leisure. It investigates the intent of each part (ie. Work pays my bills which makes me happy vs. leisure time make me happy) and invites them to work towards the same intent (makes me happy) to lessen the inner conflict (ie. I have to work to pay my bills so I can enjoy my leisure time and this makes me happy). Let us investigate the steps that can be applied to coaching (adapted from Collingwood & Collingwood, 2001). There is an example of the steps on the script below.

4 Step 1 Externalise each part that has an interest in the conflict. This can be by imagining each part outside yourself, see a representation of the part, hear it as a voice, or feel it outside your body. See the diagram to the right for a visual representation. Refer to lines 9 to 12 in the script. Step 2 Assume each part has a positive intention, purpose or function for its behaviour. Invite each part to state its intention both to conscious awareness and to the other part/s involved. This can be done by expressing the intent as images, in words or in feelings. For example, the intent of work is to earn money. The intent of leisure is to have fun. Refer to lines 13 to 14 of the script on the following page. Step 3 If the intents of the parts seem incompatible, investigate the intents further (ie. the intent of the intent of the intent) until coming to a mutually compatible intent. For example, the intent of work is to earn money to pay my bills so that I can live comfortably and have leisure time which makes me happy. The intent of leisure is to have fun to make me happy. Therefore, they now have compatible intents of they make me happy. Refer to lines 15 to 20 of the script on the following page. Step 4 Now ask the parts if they would prefer to integrate with each other to become one composite part or if they would prefer to work together in mutual cooperation. Acknowledge the responses and ask them to wait until you invite them to proceed. Refer to lines 21 to 22 of the script. Step 5 Turn your attention inward and ask yourself if there are any objections or concerns in relation to integrating the parts. For example, how do I feel about these parts working together or becoming one? If there are objections, use the same process to establish intent and do not proceed until all objections are clarified (ie. go back to step 2). Refer to lines 23 to 24 of the script. Step 6 Invite the parts to either integrate with each other to become one composite part or work together in mutual cooperation (depending on what was decided in Step 5). The diagram shows a visual representation of this step. Refer to lines 25 to 26 of the script. Step 7 Now ask the new super part to integrate back into your body and spread evenly through all your physical and personal space. See the diagram for a visual representation. Refer to lines 27 to 28 of the script. Step 8 Now imagine being in a similar situation where the conflict had arisen before and ask yourself the following questions: How is it different? Is it more comfortable, resourceful and useful? Refer to lines 29 to 30 of the script. Adapted from: Collingwood, J., & Collingwood, C. (2001). The NLP Field Guide. Double Bay, NSW: Emergent Publications.

5 Transcript The transcript begins as a normal coaching session with the coach working towards establishing rapport with the client through matching voice and body movements. 1. Coach: Hello (name) and welcome to your first coaching session. What brings you to my office today? 2. Client: Well, I m just so frustrated with work at the moment. 3. Coach: Mm-hmm. 4. Client: I m just sick of having to go to work I just got back from holidays and it was great not to have to worry about anything and just have a great time. 5. Coach: So, you feeling frustrated with work and you d rather be on holidays. 6. Client: Yes, that s correct. 7. Coach: I d like to do an activity with you to look at the situation at hand. Would that be ok with you? 8. Client: Yes that s fine. STEP 1 9. Coach: Let s get started. Firstly I want you to externalise each part- one for work and one for leisure. I would like you to imagine the parts outside of your body as a representation. 10. Client: (Imagining that one side they see the word work and on the other side leisure ). 11. Coach: How did you go with that? 12. Client: (using hands to explain the process) Great, I am visualising the word work on my left side and leisure to my right. STEP Coach: Now what I d like you to do is to assume each part- work and leisure- has a positive intention. It is important for each intention to be positive so that we can move forwards. State each intention out loud for me. 14. Client: Ok The intention for work is to pay my bills. The intention for holidays is to have fun. STEP Coach: Great Let s look at the intention of work for a moment to pay your bills. What is the intent of paying your bills? 16. Client: So that I can afford to live comfortably and take holidays. 17. Coach: And what is the intent of you being able to live comfortably and take holidays?

6 18. Client: To make me happy. 19. Coach: Let us take a look at your holiday intent What is the intent of having fun? 20. Client: I guess it is to make me happy also. STEP Coach: Excellent, so both underlying intents are to make you happy! Now for each part, ask them if they would like to integrate with one another or whether you would like them to work separately in mutual cooperation. 22. Client: They would like to integrate to become one. STEP Coach: Ok, now what I want to do to is ask yourself how you feel about the two parts becoming one. Are there any concerns or objections that you might have? 24. Client: (thinking) No, I am ok with that. STEP Coach: Now I would like you to visualise these two parts coming together in front of you. 26. Client: (thinking) STEP Coach: (pause whilst client is thinking) Once you have done that, I want you to visualise bringing this one super part back into your body spreading throughout your personal and physical space. 28. Client: (thinking) STEP Coach: (pause whilst client is thinking) I want to take you back to the thought of preferring to be on holidays and not going to work. How do you feel now? 30. Client: I feel ok with going to work because that will lead to my happiness.

7 Chapter 2: Narrative Approach What is the Narrative Approach? The narrative approach to coaching investigates the stories that people construct in their lives to define who they are and what they do. It is the coach s role to help clients identify stories that are limiting them from achieving their full potential and to assist in finding an alternative story that is more beneficial. The coach has four main aims when implementing the narrative approach: 1. Search for alternative explanations 2. Search for unique outcomes 3. Encourage a future with the alternative story 4. Find ways to create an audience who will perceive and support the new story. Main Concepts Let us look at some of the main concepts of this approach: Dominant Stories Dominant stories are stories in a person s life which he or she strongly believe and have had things happen in life that have reinforced this story. They can have both positive and negative affects on the individual s life and affect not only the present but also the future. Stories consist of the following elements (De Jong & Berg, 2002): a. Events b. Linked in sequence c. Across time d. According to a plot For example: John is a successful executive to an important financial company. However, he lacks confidence in his typing ability due to situations that have occurred in the past. For example, when he was in high school he completed a typing course in which he failed. In his first job as an administrative assistant he was always in trouble for taking too long to complete projects and he thought this was due to his typing inability. Now that he has his own administrative assistant he gets him to type everything for him but is finding that other tasks are not completed due to this problem. John s dominant story of not being able to type has been reinforced by past incidences of being told he can t type and failing a typing course. He now reinforces this issue by getting someone else to do the typing for him. Although John s story is quite basic, you can see how this dominant story affects his present and will also keep affecting his future.

8 Externalising Language Externalising language is used in coaching to separate the problem from the person. For example, a person may say I am a sad person. This implies that the person has a sad quality or characteristic of sadness rather than it just being something that affects the person from time to time. Coaches working from a narrative perspective are attuned to the language they use to represent an issue or problem in their coachees lives. They assume that the issue or problem is having an effect on the person rather than the issue or problem being an intrinsic part of who the person is. Rather than saying you are lacking in motivation, a coach working from a narrative perspective may ask when did motivation leave you? OR rather than say, you are stressed the coach may enquire, when did stress get a hold of you? Unique outcomes Unique outcomes are situations or events that do not fit with the problem-saturated story. When searching for unique outcomes, coaches focus their attention on finding any event or experience that stands apart from the problem story even if the situation appears to be inconsequential to the client. Example transcript: In this example, Ben is in year 12 and is aiming to achieve a scholarship for university. Ben doesn t usually have a problem with motivation, but lately he just can t seem to find the energy to study. With assistance from his counsellor, Ben has named his lack of motivation, the energy-zapper. Here is part of the conversation that takes place between Ben and his counsellor. Counsellor - When did the energy-zapper first make an appearance in your life? Ben - Hmm, well I think I first noticed him in grade 9. I went through this stage where he was turning up and zapping my energy all the time! Counsellor - Was there ever a time when you were able to overcome the energy-zapper s powers? Ben - Umm yeah, once I was so behind in Maths that I just knew I had to study otherwise I would fail the next exam. Counsellor - So what did you do? Ben - Well, I guess, I just focused. I turned off the TV - I knew I had to turn off the TV - Then I thought, right I have to do this. I just have to. Counsellor - And did you do it? Ben - Yeah, you know, I did and it really wasn t that hard to stay focused once I got into it. I stayed up all night to study for that exam. Counsellor - So the energy-zapper loses his power when you really focus your attention on something.

9 Ben - Yeah, I guess he does (laughs). This conversation reveals a unique outcome for Ben. Techniques Techniques that will be examined in the narrative approach are: Naming the problem Asking externalising questions Naming the Problem Naming the problem is used as a way to establish a sense of distance from, and control over the problem. This is a main aim of the narrative approach. Payne (2006) has identified a number of questions you may wish to use to help the client name the problem: a. I wonder what we will call this problem? b. Do you have a particular name for what you re going through at the moment? c. There are lots of things happening to you- shall we try to pin them down? What are they, what name shall we put to them? d. I ve been calling what they did to you constructive dismissal. Does that seem the right term to use? e. Judging by what you say, you re been subject to emotional abuse. How would it feel if that s what we called it from now on? Or perhaps there s a better name? If the client has trouble coming up with a name, you could suggest possibilities. For example: Sam is a 25-year-old professional, who has recently been promoted to a business development position within her organisation. As part of this new role, Sam will be required to provide product information to a large number of potential customers in a conference style presentation. Sam considers herself to be nervous by nature and is worried that she may find this aspect of the role intimidating. Sam and her coach have named her nervousness, the intimidator. Externalising the Interview Externalising questions and statements involve referring to the problem as being external to the person. For example, you are shy compared to a narrative approach of when did shyness get a hold of you? Other examples of making externalising questions include: How does the (problem) interfere in your life? How does the (problem) manage to take control of you? When does the (problem) usually strike?

10 Have you noticed in anything makes the (problem) stronger? How is the (problem) hold you back? Here s an example from an interview with Sam (playing the role of the intimidator). Coach - Intimidator, when did you first start spending time with Sam? Sam (As the intimidator) Gee, I started hanging out with Sam when she was young about 4, maybe 5 years old. Coach - Wow, you ve been in Sam s life for a long time. What has made you stay so long? Sam -(As the intimidator) Ha, ha. Well, I get a lot of opportunities to wield my powers. Sam s easily led, I can overpower her without any difficulty. Coach - Really? When is she at her most vulnerable? Sam - (As the intimidator) She s definitely her most vulnerable when she is unprepared. It s so easy to overpower her then. Practical Activity Ask a friend or family member to help you with this activity. They will play the role of client. Please note: you will not be assessed in relation to this activity, it is just for you to practise in your own time. Step 1: Ask your volunteer (client) to think of a simple obstacle in their life that is interfering with the achievement of a goal. It might be something like: procrastination lack of motivation uncertainty self doubt Step 2: Help your client to name the problem. Step 3: Once the problem has been named, ask the person to take on the role of the named-problem. (for example - Your client might personify procrastination ). Step 4: Interview the problem about its influence on the client s life. Step 5: Reflect on the following questions. a. How did you find the process of interviewing a problem? b. Did your client discover any information about the way the problem operates? c. Do you think this process of interviewing the problem could be useful in your practice?

References Collingwood, J., & Collingwood, C. (2001). The NLP Field Guide. Double Bay, NSW: Emergent Publications. Grant, A., & Greene, J. (2004). It s your life, what are you going to do with it?

11 References Collingwood, J., & Collingwood, C. (2001). The NLP Field Guide. Double Bay, NSW: Emergent Publications. Grant, A., & Greene, J. (2004). It s your life, what are you going to do with it? Coaching yourself; make real changes in your life. London: Pearson Education Limited. James, T., & Woodsmall, W. (1988). Time line therapy and the basis of personality. Capitola: Meta Publications. Nelson-Jones, R. (2007). Life coaching skills: How to develop skilled clients (pp. 6-9). London: SAGE Publications, Inc. Payne, M. (2005). Narrative therapy: An introduction for counsellors. (2nd ed.). London: Sage Publication. Whitmore, J. (1996). Coaching for performance (2nd ed.). London: Nicholas Brealey Publishing Limited. Young, P. (2004). Understanding NLP: Principles & practice (2nd ed.). Norwalk, CT: Crown House Publishing Company LLC. Copyrights Counselling Academy

Emotional Intelligence and NLP for better project people Lysa

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