Gestalt Coaching in Action

Transcription

1 Part 2 Gestalt Coaching in Action Chapter 6 - Active Experimentation Chapter 7 - Gestalt Bodywork, Somatic Resonance and Hellinger Constellations in Coaching Chapter 8 - Strategic and Intimate Modes of Interaction Chapter 9 - Team Coaching 123

2 124

3 Active Experimentation 125

4 Chapter 6 Active Experimentation 'The experiment is the cornerstone of experiential learning. It transforms talking about into doing, stale reminiscing and theorising into being fully here with all one s imagination, energy and excitement' 1 Active participation and experiential learning in the here and now is at the heart of Gestalt methodology. So how do we bring this into a coaching engagement? Through what we call 'active experimentation'. The experiment in this case is not about rehearsing, practising or training in how to be different. Rather, we are seeking emotional, cognitive and behavioural change through exploring what is ; becoming who I am in the moment. All active experimentation is holistic, involving thoughts, behaviours and most importantly, feelings. Emotions are what make us who we truly are, give us identity and create nourishing relationships. Gestalt is an approach that focuses primarily on concrete experience of engaging with feelings to making contact with the world. The beauty of Gestalt experimentation in the present is that you can see the impact of your intervention in the coaching session. The change is there in front of you so you can comment directly on the process and outcome. Also, the outcome can never be wrong. Coach and coachee are joint researchers into the coachee s process; detectives finding clues to the mystery of that person s reality. In taking this stance we have no judgement about the outcome. As researchers, we can have hypotheses but are testing them out from the position of curiosity, seeking to discover what the results might be. As we will see later in this chapter, with this approach we can also dispense with the notion of resistance. If the coach hits an objection from the coachee to one route of investigation, the experiment needs to be either redefined, or the actual objection now becomes the new area for exploration and experimentation. This leaves you free to be robustly challenging in your coaching interventions. You are in fact, creating a safe emergency which should generate anxiety at the beginning of an experiment as you are taking your coachee into unknown territory. However, the skill comes in constructing 1. Zinker, Joseph, Creative Process in Gestalt Therapy, (1978), Vintage 126 Active Experimentation

5 the experiment in a way that also provides substantial support and care to ensure that the coachee is not over-anxious through being too exposed or looking stupid. Levels of intensity in an experiment If you look at a photograph, or watch a movie with the sound turned down, you can generally have a pretty good idea what the people you are looking at are feeling, but you will have almost no idea what they may be thinking. We access emotions through our body, and thoughts through our heads. As a result, a handy rule of thumb is that the more physical and bodily oriented the experiment you and your coachee perform, the deeper and more emotional it is likely to become. This means that as the coach, you can control the level of emotional exploration by choosing the appropriate level of body awareness. You can move up and down the following four levels of experiment so you pitch it at the coachee s level of readiness. There are four levels of intensity in an experiment from safest to most intense: Level 1 _ Disassociation Level 2 _ Imagining personal experience Level 3 _ Physical enactment Level 4 _ Direct communication Let's look at how you might explore each of these four levels by seeing how they might play out from the same starting point, set out in the example below. EXAMPLE The coachee has talked a lot about feeling enthusiastic about his project, but that didn t come across in his voice or body language. In order to help clarify where his enthusiastic energy is, the coach will suggest different levels of experiment to access his excitement. Level 1: Disassociation Note: It s always important to ask the coachee s permission before embarking on an experiment. Eg. Would you be up for this exercise? This is the least challenging level. The coachee is observing himself or another person, doing the activity. By watching from a distance the coachee is: Not connected directly to the experience Able to see the wider context Active Experimentation 127

6 Observing the situation unfold Seeing the subsequent outcome Viewing it all from a witness position so not directly involved In control and able to turn it off if gets too uncomfortable Level 2 : Imagining personal experience. Imagine you are sitting in a cinema (or watching the TV) and observing yourself being enthusiastic about a successful project. What does that person look and sound like as they describe it? The coachee is invited to imagine being excited about the issue. He is then guided through the experience of the sensations internally without having to show any external reaction. This level of experiment directly engages the coachee s feelings without her having to express it openly. He can then reflect on the experience to gain insight and learning. Another creative route to experimenting at this level is to ask the coachee to draw or choose objects that reflect the dynamics of the situation. Coach 1: Imagine talking to a positive friend about this project and how successful it will be. Notice the way you express yourself, how you sound, how you feel and the response you elicit. Coach 2: Could you draw what you d look like if you were being enthusiastic? Coach 3: Could you choose an object in the room or describe a piece of music that reflects the mood of enthusiasm you were talking about? Level 3: Physical enactment. This is where the experiment becomes more revealing and expressive. The coach is inviting the coachee to enact or demonstrate the unfamiliar behaviour. This requires exposure of the inhibited emotion, therefore making the coachee more vulnerable. At this level, you the coach must be willing to engage with the same level of energy and match the coachee s tone of voice and body posture so he knows you are alongside. (sitting up, looking and sounding enthusiastic) OK, I d like to invite you to sit up and feel the enthusiastic about something. Allow your face, body and voice to express that emotion. Now, repeat what you said earlier about the success of the project, but this time with that same enthusiastic energy. 128 Active Experimentation

7 Level 4: Direct communication. This turns the level 3 experiment into a more direct and powerful experience. You invite the coachee to look at you directly and express the words with enthusiastic energy directly to you. This grounds the experience in the relationship with you and creates the foundation for dialogue. You have to be willing at this point to really be affected by the coachee, react to him in an authentic way so he feels you are fully in contact with him. You will be able to judge if he is really in touch and engaged with the new emotional expression because you will be able to feel the impact. Now look at me and tell me with that enthusiastic energy about the potential success of this project. Notice how you feel as you say it directly to me. What reaction do you see me exhibiting? As we ve outlined above, the grading of the experiment exposes the coachee to deeper and deeper levels of awareness and expression of the feeling. Your skill as the coach is to find the right level of exposure so that the coachee feels suitably challenged, can undertake the experiment and feel satisfied with the achievement. However, it also requires you to be able to access your feelings so you can match the coachee. Constructing the experiment _ Sequencing and Flow The process of Gestalt experimentation follows the Flow of Continuous Experience (Chapter 3) in four phases: 1. Sensation/Awareness _ thinking, planning, understanding and contracting 2. Mobilisation/Action _ preparing to act 3. Contact _ engaging and following through 4. Completion/Withdrawal _ reflecting, reviewing and integrating 1. Sensation/Awareness _ thinking, planning, understanding and contracting This is the phase where you, as coach, need to identify the theme or define the specific situation that fits with the coachee s area of exploration. The experiment will challenge his normal mode of functioning so you must be able to explain the rationale for taking this route, know broadly what is going to happen and seek the coachee s full agreement. Active Experimentation 129

8 2. Mobilisation and Action _ preparing to act This is the phase of setting up the actual experiment. It can range from a physical exercise to an imaginary visualisation. The key to the success of the experiment is to ensure that it is pitched at the right level so that it challenges the coachee and creates some anxiety but is not overwhelming or embarrassing. Don t forget, the coachee is addressing this subject with you because he doesn t know how to proceed without help, and the unknown can hold fears and uncertainty. Respect the coachee s reluctance or refusal to do the experiment, but don t back off. Try repositioning the experiment and simply go back a level. 3. Contact and Engagement This is the enactment of the experiment as you have created it with your coachee. As he engages with it you have to be alongside, closely connected and reacting to how he is expressing himself, even if you are only operating at level 1 on the intensity scale we examined earlier. You are watching closely for congruence between words and feelings. If this is not present, or something else emerges, then this becomes the figure for further investigation and experimentation _ as in any good research project. Completion/Withdrawal _ reflection, review and integration This final and critical phase is geared to embedding the experience into the wider context. It is up to you to hold this space and ensure that enough time is available. Making meaning of the emotion explored and fitting it into the work and life situation is important if the coachee is to fully integrate the experience. Examples of interventions at this stage would be: What impact does that have on how you now engage with this project? How does it affect the relationships with your team? Would it be valuable to talk to your boss/colleague/direct report about this? Could I suggest that you make a note in your learning journal about what you did and how you did it so on future occasions you can refer back to this learning? If the experience is profound, the reflection may take place over days or weeks, so the encouragement to write a diary, talk to close friends or to send an to you about it can be really supportive and integrating. 130 Active Experimentation

9 Resistance as a new area for exploration As Gestalt coaches we are all about actively uncovering the meaning of what is happening in the moment. As a result, we do not get caught up in the notion of resistance. An objection to an experiment is simply more data to work with. In the first instance you may need to reframe the experiment or drop down a level so the coachee understands the intervention. If that still meets with resistance, the Gestalt practitioner simply shifts attention from the initial experiment to working with the source of the objection. The coachee s reluctance has indicated that something else more important has emerged as a result of proposing the experiment. EXAMPLE continued The coach has invited the coachee to express his enthusiasm more fully. The coachee agrees but repeats the words in the same flat tone of voice. A Behavioural change coach would likely encourage him to do it again with more energy, get him to think of a role model who had high energy and copy it or demonstrate how to be more lively. However, a typical Gestalt intervention would be: Gestalt Coach 1: This is the Paradox of Change principle 2 in action. We re inviting exaggeration of the current reality to build awareness of the reluctance to being enthusiastic. This means something will change, you don t know what it will be and so you must be ready for the revelation. Gestalt Coach 2: OK, I noticed your tone of voice stayed the same, so can you repeat the sentence but this time make your voice even more dull and flat OK, I ll repeat the invitation to speak enthusiastically only this time you experiment with responding to me 'No, I don t want to do that'. Here we re treating the reluctance as an unspoken objection to the coach s intervention and inviting the coachee to directly challenge the coach (ie a level 4 experiment). There are many variations around these interventions but the important principle is that you work with the resistance, helping the coachee become aware of the underlying feeling generated by the original experiment. This produces much more exciting avenues for exploration. 2. Ie: change occurs when you become who you are _ not when you try to be what you re not. See Chapter 5. Active Experimentation 131

10 Tools and Techniques Whilst I said in Chapter 1 that the most important tool in Gestalt coaching is you _ the coach _ there are a number of tools and techniques that have a place in your coaching repertoire. You still need to be fully present in the moment, fully experiencing what is happening. However applying these techniques will help you to ensure that the moment you and your coachee are inhabiting is richer and more revealing. The most famous of these is The Empty Chair, made popular by Fitz Perls 3 in numerous demonstrations. It is a powerful experiment that brings the internal dialogues we carry on in our heads into the present and gives them life. There are two inter-related forms: 1. Enacting in the present an exchange with a person who is not available 2. Externalising the internal debate we have with ourselves We will examine both of them in depth towards the end of this section, but here are a number of tools we can use to address these procedures. Using exaggeration _ loosening the knot Using movement and body work Using the voice Using art and objects Using objects to sculpt the team dynamics Metaphors Future focused experiment Using exaggeration _ loosening the knot This is the most important tool we can use to develop awareness. Whatever the coachee is doing (gestures, expressions, body language, posture, tone of voice) there is always scope for asking him to do it more We can find out so much about what the coachee is thinking, feeling and how he is behaving if we put it under the magnifying glass and see it enlarged. (There is more about this in Chapter 5) 3. Perls attributed this technique to the originator of Psychodrama, Jacob L. Moreno, M.D. ( ) 132 Active Experimentation

11 It s like a knot in a piece of string: when it s tight then there is no way of seeing how it is formed, you simply have the two ends and this lump in the middle. It s only by teasing it out, making the loops of string bigger and seemingly more messy that we can begin to see what s going on, and so find the route to untangling the knot. Using movement and body work The body is the repository for our feelings. Our emotional and physical reactions are inseparable. If we experience sadness, irritation or delight, then there will be corresponding physical feelings that let us know this is our experience and vice versa. A simple experiment will illustrate this. EXPERIMENT 1. Think of someone you feel aggrieved by or irritated with 2. Close your eyes and recall the incident when this last happened, or just picture the person in your mind 3. Now tighten your jaw clench your fist.. scrunch your forehead 4. What happens to your feeling of irritation about this person? 5. Now take a deep breath, relax, feel comfortable in your body 6. Now how to you feel about the individual? The common reaction is that the feeling intensifies and what was irritation becomes anger. By simulating the bodily sensations and actions of anger we have created that emotion. The same process is the reason why relaxation exercises are so effective. When we release physical tension in our muscles we start to feel emotionally calmer and more relaxed. This is why physical exaggeration experiments work so well as a route to making the coachee conscious of sensations they were previously only vaguely aware of. EXAMPLE I was coaching a highly competent and intelligent senior lawyer who said he felt embarrassed when he was with his business clients in a social context. I asked him to recall the setting and show me how he would stand when he was in their presence. He stood slightly awkwardly, shoulders hunched, eyes down at the floor and said he felt tongue-tied. I asked him to emphasise this posture and slowly move around the room in this manner to become more aware of himself in this state. He reported feeling worried that he was dull (which his body posture affirmed) and Active Experimentation 133

12 Using the voice should be witty and sociable like his boss. I invited him to explore taking up the opposite body posture _ which was not bright and perky like his boss, but more solid and thoughtful. In this stance he discovered a serious but sociable side that meant he could access a range of conversational topics. The voice is very much a part of the body _ lungs to provide the air and vocal chords to make the sound. To create awareness of a current state or explore alternatives a coach can invite the coachee to voice their position and notice how they do it. EXAMPLE A coachee who had a very strident voice was concerned that 360 feedback indicated that she was perceived as somewhat bullying, which had upset her. The coach focused her attention on the power of her voice and invited her increase the volume and emphasise the rhythm. She reported feeling like she was a Sergeant Major barking orders. On becoming aware of the quality of her voice she recognised that it could be very intimidating. They went on to explore the part of her that needed to be authoritative and what it meant to be more female in a masculine business environment. Using art and objects For some coachees, taking a more artistic abstract approach is the route to becoming aware of how they are experiencing the world. It can often reveal surprising insights that would not have been obvious. EXAMPLE I watched a coachee doodling on a pad while he was talking enthusiastically about the new organisational structure. He drew a sequence something like this: Fig Active Experimentation

13 I asked him to pay attention to what he was drawing and to repeat it a couple of times. With some surprise he realised that he was concerned that his people engagement strategy (the circle) was going to be overshadowed by a new systems process (criss-cross lines) that was planned. Choosing objects around the room or pictures from magazines lying on the table can act as a catalyst for insight. I had a coachee who picked up a magazine with an advert for a pink scooter and commented that this is how he felt he was regarded in his job _ recognised for the short quick fixes but not considered for the big jobs. He continued to flick through the magazine until he found a picture of a big black 500cc motorbike. We then worked on how he would behave in the team if he was like the motor bike rather than the scooter. This resulted in him realising he didn t access and demonstrate his power in case he was perceived as over dominating. Using objects to sculpt the team dynamics There are many ways of using everyday objects and pictures from around the room to represent characters in the coachee's scenario. Some coaches have a box of interesting objects that encourage a deeper reflection, but I ve always found that coachees can readily attribute meaning to very ordinary objects. EXAMPLE Metaphors When coaching a senior manager about her leadership style, I asked her to choose objects for herself and the team. She chose a used empty teacup for herself and bunch of teaspoons for her team, which she stuck carelessly into the cup. When I asked her to describe what she had created, she wistfully said that rather than being full of warm tea, the cup was holding a lot of functional objects. She realised how she was using her team as friends to fill her currently depleted personal life which was compromising her position of authority. Used in many approaches, it is a central feature of Gestalt to utilise the imagination to create pictures that make sense of what is going on. These can be simple one-off comments that encapsulate the situation, such as: Coachee: Looks like I m stuck in the mud. Coachee: Feels like we re on a rollercoaster just now. As with all Gestalt-type explorations, we are seeking to help the coachee make sense of their metaphor rather than interpreting it for them. It becomes even more powerful if the coachee is willing to enact the scenario so they have a full body experience of it rather than just a Active Experimentation 135

14 rational explanation. The first stage of working with a metaphor is to be in it fully and resist prematurely seeking a way forward. Because Gestalt is a dialogue between coach and coachee you will want to get involved with the coachee's metaphors and to experience them as fully as possible yourself. This will give you a much deeper understanding of what the coachee is going through. It helps if you uncover as much detail as possible. So, what is conjured up in your mind when the coachee says 'Looks like I m stuck in mud'? Take a moment to check what your picture would be if you were stuck in mud. There are so many variables, so to align your picture with your coachees you may inquire for example: How deep?: 'Ankle, waist or neck?' Mode of transport: 'On foot, biking or in a vehicle with wheels spinning?' Location: 'An isolated swamp, muddy track or city building site?' Urgency: 'Life threatening or just irritating?' Quality of conditions: 'Cold and heavy or warm and enveloping?' Then there are all the contextual questions, for example: 'Why are you there?' 'Where are you going?' 'How come you didn t see it?' 'What s the function of the mud in this environment?' 'Who else is with you?' All of this enquiry will help you to build a more accurate picture of the coachee s world. In that process you will notice incongruities and puzzling inaccuracies that either create clarity or shed light on an aspect of the metaphor that shows a way out. For example You say you re stuck, but you also tell me you are only up to your ankles, the mud s not too heavy, you ve got good boots on and a friend is up ahead _ so what keeps you here? Sometimes the elements of the metaphor can change as we go through the exploration so the coach has to be able to follow and adapt. 136 Active Experimentation

15 EXAMPLE I had a coachee who presented the problem that she felt held back from applying for promotion. The metaphor she used was of being anchored with a rope tied round her waist. We explored the nature and function of the anchor and recognised that it was also a form of safety in storm and the rope was holding her from drifting on to dangerous rocks. We looked at what it was anchored too _ which turned out to be an old shipwreck _ which produced the connection with some very difficult work-related experiences she didn t want to repeat. When this insight came I encouraged her to find what was useful about being anchored to this old experience. As soon as she identified that it was painful learning that could save her from future mistakes, the rope transformed and became a white vibrant light. We spent some time exploring the substance and significance of this light and discovered that it allowed her to be connected to that important learning. This could guide and support her going forward and navigating the dangerous rocks rather than holding her in one safe place. Empty Chair 1 _ Enacting Interpersonal Dialogue As we ve talked about earlier, we see the world through our individual perceptions based on our genetic makeup and life experiences. When we engage with another person, it is the way they perceive us that matters, not what we believe we are doing. In the event of a disagreement with someone else, there are 3 perspectives or positions 4 you can have of the interaction: 1st Position: Your perception of yourself and what you are doing and saying. 2nd Position: Your perception of the other person and what you believe their perception of you to be. 3rd Position: You may also take up a detached observer or witness perspective. At a basic level, the Empty Chair Dialogue is about bringing the interaction in your head from the past into the present, imagining the other person is sitting in front of you in the empty chair. This allows you to tell them live what you think and feel about their attitude and behaviour. The simple act of voicing your experience in the moment is very powerful. For a coachee, simply being heard, acknowledged and accepted by the coach brings a heightened awareness and self-acceptance of what she is really feeling, thinking and doing _ so opening up the opportunity for change. 4. NLP took this concept and created the terminology of the three Positions _ which is a very useful way of describing them. Active Experimentation 137

16 EXERCISE Place two chairs opposite each other and ask the coachee to sit in one of them. 1st Position: Ask her to imagine that the other person is sitting in the empty chair and to tell that person what she thinks of them. Then ask her to switch chairs and sit in the place of the other person. 2nd Position: Ask her to get a feel for how the world looks, feels and sounds like from this position. In 2nd position, the coachee has an opportunity to respond to the points and accusations put forward from the 1st position. Then the coachee moves back and forth, switching positions and allowing the full expression of feelings and thoughts from both sides until an understanding and reconciliation between the two positions is achieved. It is possible to short-circuit this exchange if time is limited by moving to the observer perspective. 3rd Position: Invite her to step back and look dispassionately at what is going on and make a comment on the dynamics and difficulties that have unfolded and maybe even provide a compromise solution. If you find that the exchange stays on a rational level and is not getting anywhere it s probably because the issue is complex and deep-seated and the coachee is avoiding a strong emotion. In this case, as the coach you need to slow down the interaction and support the coachee to fully experience each position _ body posture, facial expressions, tone of voice, style of language. Give lots of time and encouragement, engaging with, and feeling, the different aspect of the dialogue yourself so you get a real sense for what is going on. Another way the coachee can deaden the experience is to talk with negative intent. For example: This is of no help I m not getting any satisfaction from this It is irrelevant or 138 Active Experimentation

17 I do not like... I don t want to... I wouldn t expect... If you direct the coachee to find the corresponding affirmative reaction, it will bring the dialogue back to life. For example: Can you say what would be helpful/satisfactory/ relevant? or What do you like/want? What would you expect? If the coachee then comes up with something very painful or traumatic from the past, you need to find a way of drawing the experiment to a close. You then need to explain that what is beginning to emerge is beyond coaching and would be better explored in therapy. Three Positions as a Projection of Self On a more complex level the three positions are really a reflection of the qualities your coachee dislikes and denies in himself and is projecting them onto the other person. The other person is merely a mirror of himself, so the two-chair dialogue is actually an intra-personal exchange. At some point in the exchange, it may be useful to remind the coachee that the protagonist in the chair is actually a projected part of himself (see Projection, Chapter 4) and explore what it would be like to embody these qualities. This takes us into the realm of the internal debate. Empty Chair 2 _ Externalising the internal debate: Topdog/Underdog When we say I don t like myself we immediately split ourselves in two parts. The I that does the disliking and the Myself that is on the receiving end of the dislike. Active Experimentation 139

18 One part is the judgemental, domineering, persecutor (alias Topdog) and the other is the helpless, victim (alias Underdog, as Fritz Perls aptly labelled it). The division becomes clearer if you make the dynamic explicit by asking the coachee to imagine splitting themselves into two positions. Then ask him to make the statement from the judgemental side to the victim side saying; 'I don t like you'. It becomes even more explicit if the judgemental side is addressing the symbolic you in an empty chair. Immediately you can access the mood and attitude of the judgmental I that is doing the disliking. As in the previous experiment, ask the coachee to switch chairs and sit in the helpless, victim (ie, Underdog) seat. This is usually a rather pathetic, contrite character who apologises for being ineffective, behaving badly or being inadequate. The Underdog is now on the receiving end of the dislike from the Topdog and you can help him access and focus on the reaction to the animosity and the put-downs. 5 EXAMPLE We are now in a much better position to create awareness of the dichotomy, to understand why the coachee has split himself in this way and find a route to facilitating an integration. So a typical Coach _ Coachee session on this might go:- Coachee: I don t like myself for backing down in an argument with my boss. Can you separate these two parts the I and the Myself and rephrase that to be I don t like you for backing down with your boss. Coachee: OK (in a rather flat tone) I don t like you for backing down with your boss. Now can you imagine the you that you are speaking to is in that chair and say the same phrase and add a few reasons why you don t like him? Coachee: (looking at the chair as if another was in it, leaning forward and with a slightly more judgmental air) I don t like you because you give up too easily, don t stick it out when it gets tough, you don t stand up to his bullying style. 5. In Transactional Analysis terms, this is an internal dialogue between the Critical Parent and the Adapted Child ego states. 140 Active Experimentation

19 Great sound rather more irritated then _ we call this the Topdog side. Could you switch chairs and be the backing down side? (Coachee moves to the other chair and slumps in it looking rather dejected and hopeless.) I notice you are slumped in your chair and look rather dejected. Could you exaggerate that posture a little? (Coachee slips down in his chair and crosses his arms, drops his head and stares at the carpet.) How do you feel? Coachee: Hopeless, fed up, pathetic. OK, we call this the Underdog side. Can you tell the Topdog just how you re feeling in response to this criticism? Coachee: (as Underdog, in a flat voice and big sigh, shrugs his shoulders) I m feeling de-motivated, weak and as if I can never get anything right for you. Switch back to the Topdog and respond to that. Coachee: (as Topdog _ in a sharp and irritable voice, leaning forward and pointing a finger) That s right, you are hopeless, got no backbone, always giving up, letting your boss walk all over you. Just notice the power and authority you have in this position, the strong voice and commanding posture. Take some time to really be aware of and acknowledge that quality in you. (pause) Now switch over to the Underdog chair. Coachee: (as Underdog _ again slumped but now not so cowed and in a stronger voice) Well, that s not fair, I do my best, it s tough out there and the boss has a reputation for being a bastard so why should I stick my neck out? I notice a slight change in your posture and voice as you respond this time. Pay attention to that slight shift Now switch to the Topdog chair. Coachee: (as Topdog _ posture a little softer but still dominating, voice strong but less irritable) OK I know he s a tough one but look at the success Jane had when she stood up to him, he actually respected her for it _ you should copy her example. Active Experimentation 141

20 I notice a more supportive tone coming in, less judgemental. Be aware of that change and switch to the other chair. (I have deliberately dropped the label Underdog here as I can sense that the dynamic is changing and that label is less applicable) Coachee: (in a much stronger voice and more upright posture) Hang on a minute _ you re so busy telling me what to do, what about yourself, where are you when we re in this conflict _ you leave it all for me to do. Make some demands on this Topdog side. Coachee: Yeah, (now in a very demanding voice leaning forward) you re so good at giving advice, stop attacking me and back me up instead of abandoning me when it gets tough. Notice the strength you have found in challenging your own internal bully. See what reaction you now get... Now switch over to the other position. Coachee: Yes, you re right, I pull back because I m afraid of being too aggressive. I know I can lose my temper in a destructive way. OK I want you to switch over and respond to that. But first, what would you like to call this side now, since the label Underdog no longer applies? Coachee: I think the underdog is really the sensitive, gentle side that sees others points of view and wants to compromise so everyone s happy. OK come over to the Sensitive chair and respond to the Topdog side. Coachee: I also don t think the label Topdog fits any longer for the other side. I d prefer to see it as the Authoritative side. When I see it like this then I can say 'yes, you have something that I lack and maybe I could be more alert to when you are close to losing your temper'. Then I can remind you to be sensitive and not hurtful. That way, when we do need your power with the boss, we can stand up to him. I notice you re talking as we as if there is some working alliance that s being struck up between these polarities. Coachee: Yes _ I can feel I have this strong authoritative side that can become a bit of a bully _ like my boss (laughs, slightly embarrassed) which I try to hide but I can also feel that I have a balancing side that is sensitive and gentle. It s just that until 142 Active Experimentation

21 now they didn t work together and it became an either/or switch. Great, so on the one hand you have this power and strength and on the other the soft and gentle side. Take a few moments to shuttle from one to the other feel how they reside in your physical body so you can access them at appropriate times. Coachee: Yes I can definitely feel the power of both in my body and how my attitude changes as I move from one to the other. Great, as a final check on this integration I d like you to imagine your boss comes storming in through the door complaining about a project you ve been working hard on What do you say to him? Coachee:...Well, first I listen to what he has to say without feeling intimidated. Then I clarify what the problem is and acknowledge my responsibility for part of it, but at the same time strongly assert that the majority of the shortfall is not my department s fault because we got inadequate instructions. How does your boss respond? Coachee: Actually he stops ranting and looks thoughtfully for a moment then demands that I get a new set of instructions and get on with rectifying the problem before storming off. Sounds like a good outcome. Coachee: Yes. Future focused experiments There are a series of experiments that invite you to project into the future, imagining the world as it might be or how you d like it to be. Then allowing yourself to fully experience the sort of future person you are in the present, exploring what you are like, the qualities you ve developed and the impact this has had on your social environment. You can also look back from this futuristic world at what you are doing in current reality to identify what changes in the present you might need to make in order to create the world you imagined. Theoretically this is a version of Projection, where you are accessing the qualities that you believe you don t currently have and ascribing them to this desired future state. By stepping into this desired world and experiencing it you are owning the projection and making it live in the present. Active Experimentation 143

22 In the Chapter 5 section on Goals and Objectives, we used this experiment to look at the desired job situation two years from now. The next experiment takes this further into the future, where you are examining the greater sense of purpose by going forward to the end of your life. EXPERIMENT Imagine 10 years from now you are looking down from a distance at a funeral. As you get closer you discover that you recognise all the people only they look much older. You realise that it is your own funeral you are watching. Look at who is there, how they re dressed, the mood of the event and what they are saying about you. Listen in and take note of how they talk about you. Observe the ritual they have created in your honour. Watch how those close to you have chosen to acknowledge your life and death. You may construct a scene where there are explicit about you _ what you achieved and didn t, what sort of personality you were. After the funeral a memorial stone is erected. What is the epitaph written on it? What does this say about the life you have lived, especially the last 10 years? When you look back from the vantage point of your death, how do you see yourself at the beginning of that decade? What choices were you facing and how did you deal with them? Now come back to the present reality and think about how that fantasy reflected one aspect of who you are now. Note whether it is the sort of person you want to be right now and what you might change. The emphasis in this experiment is on experiencing that projected element of yourself now rather than as a vehicle for identifying the steps to getting there. 144 Active Experimentation

23 Summary The experiment is not about practising how to be different, but about emotional, cognitive and behavioural change through exploring what is ; becoming who you are in the moment. Because of this, you can see the impact of your intervention during the coaching session. Coach and coachee are joint researchers into the coachee s process and therefore you, as coach, have no judgement about the outcome. You are creating a safe emergency which generates a constructive anxiety in the coachee. The skill is in constructing the experiment so that you provide support and care so the coachee is not overly exposed or embarrassed. Levels of intensity in an experiment 1. Dissociation 2. Imagining personal experience 3. Physical enactment 4. Direct communication Tools and Techniques Using exaggeration The more physical and bodily-oriented the experiment is, the more emotional it is and the more effective it is likely to be. You need to pitch the experiment at the coachee s level of readiness. The process of Gestalt experimentation follows the Flow of Continuous Experience in four phases: Sensation/Awareness _ thinking, planning, understanding and contracting Mobilisation/Action _ preparing to act Contact _ engagement and follow through Completion/Withdrawal _ reflection, review and integration This is the most important tool we can use to develop awareness. Whatever the coachee is doing, there is always scope for asking them to do it more... We can find out so much about how the coachee is thinking, feeling, behaving if we put it under the magnifying glass and see it enlarged. Active Experimentation 145

24 Using movement and body work Using the voice Using art and objects Our emotional and physical reactions are inseparable. If we experience sadness, irritation, relief or joy, there will be corresponding physical feelings associated with the emotion and vice versa. The Gestalt approach makes good use of this fact in body-work experiments. To create awareness of a current state or explore alternatives, one approach is to invite coachees to voice their position and notice how they do it. For some coachees, taking a more artistic abstract approach is the route to becoming aware of how they are experiencing the world. Drawing or making a visual representation of the situation can often reveal surprising insights that would not have been obvious. Choosing objects around the room or pictures from magazines can act as a catalyst for insight. Using objects to sculpt the team dynamics Metaphors Empty chair There are many ways of using everyday objects and pictures from round the room to represent characters in the coachee s scenario. Some coaches have a box of unusual objects that encourage a deeper reflection. Used in many approaches, it is a central feature of Gestalt to utilise the imagination to create pictures that make sense of what is going on. This is a powerful exercise that brings into the present and gives life to the internal dialogues we carry on in our heads. There are two aspects: Empty chair 1. Enacting Interpersonal Dialogue The Empty Chair Dialogue is to do with bringing the interaction into the present, imagining the person in question is sitting in front of you in the empty chair and telling them about your perception of their attitude/behaviour. Switching chairs gives you a view from the other person s position and an opportunity, though dialogue, to reach a compromise. 146 Active Experimentation

25 Empty chair 2. Externalising the Internal Debate When we say I don t like myself we immediately split ourselves in two parts. The I that does the disliking and the Myself that is on the receiving end of the dislike. One part is the judgemental, domineering, persecutor (alias Topdog) and the other is the helpless, victim (alias Underdog). The chairs represent the two aspects of the personality and the dialogue between them helps to raise awareness and reach an integrated balance between two conflicting polarities. Future focused experiments These are experiments that invite you to project into the future, imagining the world as it might be or how you d like it to be. Then allowing yourself to fully experience the sort of future person you are in the present, exploring what you are like, the qualities you ve developed and the impact this has had on your social environment. Active Experimentation 147

26 148 Active Experimentation