NLP. Quick Start Steps

Transcription

1 NLP Quick Start Steps By Paul Mascetta

2 Introduction 5 Anchors 8 Rapport 10 Reframing 12 Submodalities 14 Submodalities and Phobias 16 Eye Accessing Cues 16 Detecting Deception 18 Perceptual Positions 20 Representational Systems 23 Metaphors 26 Inner Conflict 28 The Meta Model 32

3 DISCLAIMER AND TERMS OF USE AGREEMENT The author and publisher have used their best efforts in preparing this report. The author and publisher make no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this report. The information contained in this report is strictly for educational purposes. Therefore, if you wish to apply ideas contained in this report, you are taking full responsibility for your actions. EVERY EFFORT HAS BEEN MADE TO ACCURATELY REPRESENT THIS PRODUCT AND IT'S POTENTIAL. HOWEVER, THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL IMPROVE IN ANY WAY USING THE TECHNIQUES AND IDEAS IN THESE MATERIALS. EXAMPLES IN THESE MATERIALS ARE NOT TO BE INTERPRETED AS A PROMISE OR GUARANTEE OF ANYTHING. SELF-HELP AND IMPROVEMENT POTENTIAL IS ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON THE PERSON USING OUR PRODUCT, IDEAS AND TECHNIQUES. YOUR LEVEL OF IMPROVEMENT IN ATTAINING THE RESULTS CLAIMED IN OUR MATERIALS DEPENDS ON THE TIME YOU DEVOTE TO THE PROGRAM, IDEAS AND TECHNIQUES MENTIONED,KNOWLEDGE AND VARIOUS SKILLS. SINCE THESE FACTORS DIFFER ACCORDING TO INDIVIDUALS, WE CANNOT GUARANTEE YOUR SUCCESS OR IMPROVEMENT LEVEL. NOR ARE WE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF YOUR ACTIONS. MANY FACTORS WILL BE IMPORTANT IN DETERMINING YOUR ACTUAL RESULTS AND NO GUARANTEES ARE MADE THAT YOU WILL ACHIEVE RESULTS SIMILAR TO OURS OR ANYBODY ELSE'S, IN FACT NO GUARANTEES ARE MADE THAT YOU WILL ACHIEVE ANY RESULTS FROM OUR IDEAS AND TECHNIQUES IN OUR MATERIAL. The author and publisher disclaim any warranties (express or implied), merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable to any party for any direct, indirect, punitive, special, incidental or other consequential damages arising directly or indirectly rom any use of this material, which is provided as is, and without warranties.

4 Dear reader, Welcome to NLP Quick Start Steps. NLP is a powerful body of knowledge that can improve your life in many ways. I m especially interested in showing you how you can use it to improve your communication skills. By reading people, creating rapport and adjusting the way you (and others) see things the possibilities for positive influence are endless. Only Caveat: NLP can be overwhelming and difficult to grasp. My goal in everything I teach is to make it as digestible as possible for you. That s the purpose of this book. It s to give you some basic knowledge on NLP and how you can start using the techniques right away without getting lost in the jargon. That being said, should you decide that you want to take your knowledge to the mastery level, then you should check out my complete training - Paramount NLP. Click Here To Learn More

5 Introduction An acronym for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP is an approach in which one s pattern of mental and emotional behavior is changed by self-awareness and effective communication. NLP was founded by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who felt that it would be a useful technique in allowing people to have more fulfilled and better lives. The name comes from the idea that both neurological processes, or neuro processes, and language, or linguistic and behavioral patterns that have been learned through experience (referred to as programming ) could be organized to achieve specific goals. Originally, it was developed for therapeutic purposes, but now many people and businesses are using it to their advantage. It s not hard to understand why. If you can understand how a person uses their mind you can then leverage that knowledge to influence them. You can also use it to help improve their life as well as yours. NLP is a now considered a complete science. It began as a study of the human mind. The main purpose was to help people to use their mind in a way that would serve them positively.

6 Let me explain the basis of how this works. There are some set experiences in people s mind such as sounds and colors. Original research focused how changing one or all the components or experiences of people would impact their emotional mindset. So, they attempted to develop a strategy that would allow someone to get rid of intense emotional behavior which could have been caused by unpleasant experiences in life. NLP is also helpful for increasing self-confidence, developing public speaking skills, improving communication skills and a wide array of other things. The term Neuro is associated with the individual neurological system that is filtering millions of bytes of data using the nervous system receptors, or the senses. These systems filter the data that we receive to form what we call internal representations. They include images, sounds, feelings, tastes and smells which all constitute our conscious experience of the world. In the filtering process, delations occur as these internal sensory representations form an internal sensory map of the world as it is perceived by that person, which differs from the world as it actually is. Beliefs and values act as further psychological filters of the internal representations to form a further perceptual map.

7 Linguistic refers to the process by which the filtered internal representations are re-represented and given conscious meaning through the use of language. Programming describes the automatic patterns of personal behavior that are triggered by internal representations and language. NLP practitioners use the analogy of the brain as a computer that is programmed, and can be re-programmed, to run selected behavioral patterns. Basic NLP concepts can be divided into: Anchors Rapport building Reframing NLP Submodalities Eye accessing cues Perceptual Positions Representational Systems Metaphors Meta Model

8 Anchors Anchoring is one of NLP's central concepts. An anchor is the situation in which two separate events get tied together in a person's mind so that when one of the events occurs the second event is remembered or recalled automatically by their subconscious mind. This happens all the time when we listen to music or eat certain foods. You hear a song or taste a food that instantly causes you remember a certain time in your past when you listened to the song or ate the food. How does an anchor develop? Anchors develop when events take place simultaneously on a regular basis for a certain number of times. For example, you eat every time you watch television you may find yourself getting hungry whenever you watch television. Overly sensitive people (like myself) are more likely to develop an anchor faster than anyone else. If two people experienced something and one of them was overly sensitive then the overly

9 sensitive person may develop an anchor faster than the other person. For example, let s say two people work as laborers in a construction outfit. The overwhelming work experience may be anchored to the work place in the overly sensitive person's mind more. Therefore, he may find himself unable to continue work and he may even quit whereas the other person who is not that sensitive to external conditions may find work tolerable. Anchors are not a bad thing but they can be used to your side to enforce positive behavior or to help you in quitting bad habits. For example you can create an anchor that generates bad feelings whenever you smoke; by doing so you can help yourself to quit smoking just by using an anchor. How to remove an anchor? You may some bad anchors that you want to get rid of. For example you may feel bad after you workout but you know working out is good for you so you need to remove this feeling. All you need to do is repeat one of the events alone without the other one. As time passes your subconscious mind will separate both events and the anchor will be removed.

10 Rapport Have you ever been to a foreign country where everyone is speaking a different language and then you suddenly find someone speaking your native language? Imagine how you would feel hearing that voice. You will feel a sense of familiarity and comfort around that person. The reason you experienced such feelings is that rapport has been established between you and that person. Rapport building is and NLP technique that can make other people have the same feelings towards you much like the feelings you had towards that person you met abroad. Establishing rapport is based on making the other person feel that there is something common between you and them. This causes that person to feel comfortable engaging with you. Establishing Rapport Quickly Rapport is a very powerful thing but in many cases it takes time to really build it the right way.

11 Think about the level of rapport you have with people that you met recently versus people that you have known for years. Much different right? The challenge is that in many cases (like job interviews, first dates, negotiations, etc.) we have limited to build rapport. So how can you establish rapport in a quick meeting that takes less than 15 minutes? In this case you re not going to establish rapport on the conscious level but rather it s going to happen subconsciously. Al you need to do is convince the subconscious mind of the other person that there is something common between you. This can be done through body language and tone of voice you use. Anytime you subtly mimic the body language of the other person they will unconsciously start to experience familiarity and comfort around you. In addition to gestures and body language you need to mimic his tone of voice and tempo. Now comes the test. After you mimic few of this person s gestures, try to take a different position yourself and see if they mimic you. If they do, rapport has been created.

12 Reframing Reframing is the process of changing the perception of a situation in such a way that you see it positively rather than seeing it negatively. It s called reframing because just as the frame of a picture helps you see the picture, the frame you put around a situation allows you to see the situation in a different way. The following are examples of reframing which will make the concept more clear. NLP Reframing Examples You had some work to do on your computer and at the same time you wanted to read a part of a book you bought recently. Then in the middle of your work, an electrical outage takes place. Rather than becoming stressed you can just view this situation as a good opportunity to read the book until the power is back. You win $75 on a lotto scratch off ticket. You come outside from the store you bought it in and find a parking ticket for $75. Rather than feeling like your win money was taken you look at it as your parking ticket was magically taken care of. You could view having a heavy workload as an opportunity to improve your time management skills.

13 A rainy day could be viewed as a good chance to spend some more time with your family. As you can see it s not the situation that makes you feel bad or irritated but it s the frame that you put around it. Using reframing doesn t mean you have to be idealistic or a perfectionist. Instead allows you to flip the script on unfavorable events so that you can take advantage of them. Positive Thinking and Reframing Positive thinking is all about learning how to see the the glass half full rather than half empty. Now this has to be done correctly. All too many times I see people distort reality by abandoning logic just to think positively. Reframing is not about distorting reality. It s there to help you find the opportunities that you can take advantage of instead of focusing on the difficulties. In other words, there is a big difference between positive thinkers who twist reality and positive thinkers who assess their options rationally in order to determine the best ones. In many cases people become irrational with their negative thoughts and start assuming scenarios that will never happen. The

14 role of positive thinking in this case is to let those people see reality correctly instead of seeing a distorted version for it in their minds. Submodalities If you asked a group of people to imagine a picture of a dog in their minds, what kind of image are they going to see? Will it be colored or black and white? Will the mental image be close or far? Will the dog be still or will it be moving? Will the dog be looking friendly or will it be wild? If you did that you will find that no two people will give the same answer. Each one of us stores the attributes of an object differently depending on what the object represents for us. For example, if someone fears dogs then they will rarely imagine a

15 calm sleeping dog but instead they might imagine a dog that is ready to attack. Changing A Mental Image In The Mind If someone is unhappy with the way they look, chances are the image they have in their mind of themselves will look ugly even if they are really attractive. By changing these attributes you can actually change your beliefs about an object. Here is how you can do it: Try to remember the last time someone insulted you or said something that hurt you. Now imagine the situation in your mind while noticing the attributes associated with your situation. Note the colors of the mental images, the distance, the size, and the sounds. Now change the sound of the person speaking to be like Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck and replay the video of the situation in your mind. In addition to the previous change make the size of that person very small and repeat the video.

16 Finally you can add some kind of background music like circus music bells and then play the video. Notice the difference? You will notice that the bad feelings that were associated with the situation were almost neutralized because of the attributes you have changed. This is how sub modalities work. Submodalities and Phobias Submodalities can also be used to cure phobias. According to the principles of NLP, the main reason you fear certain objects or creatures is the way those things are represented in your mind. Therefore if you change the way those objects are stored in your mind, your emotional response towards them will change as well. For example you fear cats then it would help a lot to think of Garfield whenever a cat comes to your mind. Eye Accessing Cues Have you ever paid attention to eye movements? Have you ever noticed that people's eyes move in different directions when being asked a question?

17 Research has shown that there is a connection between the thought process of a person and the direction of their eyes. The six possible directions that the eye can go to are upper right,upper left, and middle right, middle left, lower right and lower left. Each direction represents a different function that takes place inside the mind. The following is an explanation of the different eye movements and their respective meanings (Note that the following directions are describing the eye positions of someone who is facing you): Upper left,visual construction (VC) : The person looking in this direction is constructing the image of a visual scene. The person's eye could go to this direction when they are asked about the color of their dream car. Upper right, visual remembering (VR) : The person looking in this direction is remembering the image of a visual scene. That's the direction someone could look at when they are asked about the color of their car. Middle left, auditory construction (AC) : The person looking in this direction is constructing a sound. That's the direction the person's eye could go to when asked a question like "What do you think Joe will tell you when you meet him tomorrow?"

18 Middle Right, auditory remembering (AR) : The person looking in this direction is remembering a sound. That's the direction the person's eye could go to when asked a question like "What was your manager's voice like yesterday?" Lower left Kinesthetic (K) : This is the direction someone's eye goes to when he is accessing his feelings. That's the direction a person's eyes could go to when asked something like "How did it feel to fail that exam?" Lower right,auditory digital (AD) : This is the direction someone's eye goes to when he talks to himself. Detecting Deception The following concepts can be very useful in knowing whether someone is telling the truth or whether they are lying to you. Asking someone about the color of their car should cause their eyes to move to the upper right (visual remembering ). If the eye went to the direction of visual construction instead then they may be constructing images instead of remembering them. the truth may be that they don t even have a car.

19 The same applies when you ask someone about a conversation that happened the day before. If they looked to the AR direction then this shows that they are remembering the conversation. If they looked at the AC direction then this may mean that they are lying. CAUTION: Note that using this method for detecting whether someone is lying or not is very risky. There are some things you should be aware of before you use such a method for detecting deception. Below is a list of guidelines you should stick to if you are going to use this method for "liar detection" so that you don't find that everyone around you is a liar: Some people have these six directions reversed. If you are not sure of the directions they use then you can ask a test question. The question is one that you already know the answer to. You re simply asking to record eye directions. By doing so you will know the direction this person uses for remembering and the other direction they use for construction. You could then ask real question you want to know about and notice if the eyes move in a different direction than the one they went to when you asked the first question. If the person was trying to remember something that recently happened then their eyes may not go to any direction and could

20 just stay in the middle. This happens because the event is still in their short term memory. Some people tend to remember by focusing and refocusing without moving their eyes in any direction. In this case you can t really assess anything correctly. Fortunately those people are rare. The mind is a superior device with thousands of thoughts going in and out at the same time. Many thoughts could flood the mind in one second causing the eyes to move into any direction and thus give you false clues. Beware of this fact while questioning someone. Perceptual Positions Since every person has their own perception of the same events sometimes it s useful to take a look at those events from a perspective that is different than yours. NLP defines those perspectives as Perceptual Positions and divided them into the following three categories: First Position: This is the normal perspective that you regularly use. It is seeing the situation from your own perspective.

21 Second Position: The second position is the perspective of the other person involved with you in the same situation. In order to get more insight about how they the situation you must step into their shoes and think as if you were them. Forget about all of your needs and think about their needs. Forget about yourself and think as if you were them. Third Position: The third position is the position of a third person who is not involved in the same situation. For example if you had a fight with someone else then the third person might be a bystander who was watching you. Using NLP Perceptual Positions So what's the use of all of this? Since everyone acts on the basis of their own needs and emotions, you need to be able to put yourself in their shoes to truly understand powerful communication. Everyone is different. If you don't like money some other person may like it. If you are confident the other person may be shy. If you were a hard worker the other person may be a Type B personality. Perceptual Positions and Anger

22 One of the best uses of the third position is to deal with anger. Once angry, try to look at the situation from a different perspective before doing anything drastic. Looking at the situation from the perspective of the third position will give you a clear picture of the situation without being affected by emotions. You will be less likely to make an emotional decision. To see things from another perspective just close your eyes and imagine that you are looking at yourself from the other person's eye and think as if you were them. Perception differs from one person to another. Ten different people could go through the same situation yet perceive it differently. Because each person processes the event differently, people come up with different interpretations to the same situations. The person who manages to see the situation from a different perspective is usually the one who will be able to understand others the most. Over the years you might have developed the habit of seeing situations from a certain angle. Today is the day where you should start learning how to see situations from a completely different angle.

23 Representational Systems Each one of us has our own internal representation system that we use when we think of something. Some of us use visual images while thinking. Others may use sounds while a third group may think based on their emotions. In Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP, there are three recognized representational systems which include visual auditory and kinesthetic. Visual people relate to the world generally by the way they see things. When they speak, they will use terms like I see, what you re saying or I can see why you would think that way. Visual people like to see the world in terms of pictures. Therefore, creating a visual story or painting a picture for someone with this representational system will be more effective than anything else you might attempt. Visual people also like to observe others and maybe fascinated with photography or things that generally involve admiration or envisioning.

24 These people also enjoy reading and watching movies very much. What s interesting is that they usually remember names as a result of a visual cue that they received. An example would be how something about a person s face that they just met would remind them of the person s name. Visual people are also very concerned with their appearance, and they work better when following directions that are clearly written down. When trying to influence a visual thinker, your best bet is to provide them with written documentation in the form of directions, proof or a general explanation of what you re speaking about. Next on the list are auditory people. Auditory people assimilate information by tuning in or listening to clearly hear what it is that they are being told. They also enjoy talking with others and conversation is something that they find very interesting. For auditory people their world is represented by sound, therefore, to get their attention and engage them, you must say something that sounds very appealing to them. Just as visual people like to look at directions auditory people would rather hear directions read out loud by someone else,

25 because retaining the information by looking at it can be difficult for them, whereas hearing it is much easier for them. Auditory people like to use phrases like, that sounds good, that is clear as a bell and listen to me. Simply put, auditory people understand spoken language more than anything else. Therefore, when making a presentation to them, focus more on the way that you re saying things as opposed to writing things down or trying to create a vision for them. The third type of representational system is called kinesthetic. People who fall into this category relate to the world, make decisions and behave based upon the way something feels to them. You could call them touchy-feely people. They relate to both touch and motion. Kinesthetic people assimilate information through their sense of touch. And because of this, they are very skilled in certain areas. As an example, they are typically known to acquire a physical skill faster than the average person. Common phrases that you may hear come out of the mouth of a person who is kinesthetic say things like callus or all washed up. They may also use phrases like, I feel you or that feels right.

26 They also like to give analogies that relate to the way you would feel if certain event took place. As an example, instead of saying I was really mad, they would say something like my blood was boiling. The next time you begin a conversation with someone,start paying attention to the way they communicate. You ll begin to notice that people generally fall into one of these three categories and you will be better equipped to communicate with them. Now there will be times where people are using multiple representational systems but generally there is one dominant system that controls their outlook on life. Metaphors We all use metaphors while speaking either in the form of phrases that we say or in the form of a stories that we tell. When you use a metaphor you access certain values in your brain based on your background, culture and belief system. This information becomes loaded into your brain and so may impact the decisions or choices made at that time.

27 The same happens when you use a metaphor when talking to someone else. This person also accesses a certain part of their mind based on the metaphor you used. By selecting the metaphors you use you can let the person you are talking to load certain information into their mind and so essentially control their behavior and choices to a certain extent. In one experiment 3 groups of people were exposed to a game that contained lots of words. The first group was exposed to words such as anger, rage etc. The people in the second group were exposed to words such as kindness and politeness while the third group was exposed to neutral words. Moments later the people in the three groups were interrupted by a person who worked with the researchers. The result was that the first group became aggressive towards him, the second group was less aggressive while the third was neutral. This research shows how people can be affected by words. Metaphors also bypass the conscious mind and reach the subconscious mind of a person directly making it a suitable method for giving suggestions to a person during hypnosis.

28 Metaphors can bypass the conscious mind and therefore can be used to reprogram people to a certain extent. When a friend of yours asks you for help with an emotional problem you can use metaphors to help them out instead of giving him the answers directly. Because people respond better to metaphors your friend can experience a good change in mood without realizing that metaphors were the reason. Use metaphors whenever you are trying to motivate a person or make them feel better. Inner Conflict Inner conflict often occurs when a person has two similar yet contrasting towards values and away from values. For example, a person may be extremely fearful of being poor because he had been poor since he was young. He has a strong away from poverty value that he keeps at the very center of his mindset. On the other hand, he also has a positive/affirmative towards value: I want to be wealthy. To many people, these

29 two values are the same because the perceived end is also the same. But in reality, the subconscious mind is really getting a very conflicting message. Poverty is central to the person s thinking and yet, he also wants wealth. This is a very problematic situation because the subconscious mind will transform the negative value into a positive one ( I want to be poor ) and it will attempt to pursue both values to the detriment of the person. It is obvious that in such cases, the away from value must be removed to improve the person s chances of success. Many people find it difficult to switch the priorities of their values especially when they are able to examine their values up close (e.g. when the values are written down on paper). Sometimes, people choose to reinforce the hierarchy of values that they have created to their own detriment. If you want to change your own priorities but you don t know how, this simple NLP exercise will help you do exactly that: 1. As we have discussed in a previous section, the mind represents values as images, sounds, etc. These are the m o d a l i ti e s h a v e c o r r e s p o n d i n g submodalities.

30 For example, if an experience is represented primarily by an image, you can adjust the color, brightness and even texture of the image in your mind. The adjustment is possible because the sensorial representation of memories always yield to modification via submodalities. We are going to take advantage of the fact that any memory or value can be modified in this manner. What I want you to do is to revisit the list of values that you have created in the previous exercise and try to identify that one value that you would like prioritize more than the others. Here is a sample list of values: Wealth Hanging Out Rest & Relaxation Spirituality Socializing Business 2. Let s say you want to start prioritizing creating a business of your own but all the other values are preventing you from focusing on this particular value. What should you do?

31 If we were to use the list I provided in the previous step, you would see that business is sixth out of a list of six items. It has been placed as least priority. The top three values are wealth, hanging out and rest & relaxation. Let s say that you are willing to swap rest & relaxation with business. To c h a n g i n g t h e h i e r a r c h y i n y o u r subconscious mind, we need to tweak the submodality of one value a bit. I want you to visualize what it means for you to have rest & relaxation. Hold that image clearly in your mind and make it as vivid as possible. When the mental image of the rest & relaxation is as vivid as possible, I want you to quickly retrieve your memory of business. Quickly transfer all of the vividness of the rest & relaxation to the business mental picture. You can also use other submodalities to differentiate one mental image from another. For example, you can make the first mental picture small and the second mental picture bigger. One mental image can also be hazy while the other is extremely sharp and focused. Use

32 The Meta Model The Meta model is one of the very useful tools that can be used in communication because it counters the effect of Deletions, Distortions and Generalizations that people usually make while communicating. The Meta model is sometimes referred to as a Meta language because it involves changing the way you use the language in order to communicate more effectively. Deletions, Distortions and Generalizations Without realizing it people usually filter their experiences by deleting some parts, distorting others and generalizing these experiences. Below are examples that will make all three types clear: Distortion: I am sure he hates me, I am sure that this was a fake smile. Deletion: No one ever liked me and when people tell me they do, it s always a complement. Generalization: All men cheat.

33 These transformations that people make to the situations they face make these situations appear as if they were bad and intolerable. People usually filter what they hear or see in order to prove their existing prejudgments to true. For example, if a guy lacks self confidence he will delete all the compliments he receives. He will distort reality to prove that people hate him and he will over generalize by saying that no one ever loved him. The Meta model involves being more specific in order to prove to others that their filters have changed their real experiences. Let s take the three examples mentioned above and see how can you can ask questions using the Meta model in order to deal with them: I am sure he hates me, I am sure that this was a fake smile. Meta: Why are you sure? What evidence do you have to prove it? No one ever liked me and when people tell me they do, it s always a complement Meta: Haven t you ever met a person who liked you? All men cheat Meta: Don t you even know one man who doesn t?

34 As you can see the main purpose of Meta language is to prove to those people that they were wrong and that they have distorted the reality through these distortions, deletions and generalizations. By the way, you can also use Meta language with yourself whenever you find yourself making irrational judgments or distorting your own reality. Using The Meta Model One of the main uses for the Meta model is changing your core beliefs. Let s suppose that you believe that you are inferior in some way to others. In this case asking yourself questions using the Meta model will let you realize that your beliefs are based on nothing. Many of the psychological disorders people suffer from result from the false beliefs those people acquired throughout their lives. By challenging beliefs using the Meta model you can build self confidence, become optimistic and live a better live. Now that you understand how you can start using basic NLP concepts and techniques, it s time to take things to the next level. Paramount NLP is my complete training on NLP and will give a mastery level understanding of the concepts without overwhelming you.

35 Click Here To Learn More Talk soon, Paul