Working with the Timid or Helpless Client in Collaborative Practice Presented by Lori Gephart, M.A. & Susan DiGirolamo, JD

Transcription

1 Working with the Timid or Helpless Client in Collaborative Practice Presented by Lori Gephart, M.A. & Susan DiGirolamo, JD Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right. ~ Henry Ford How does the Helpless Client Present? 1. Learned helplessness a. Giving up b. Expectations of future non-contingency Outcomes no longer depend on actions c. Belief that It won t matter what I do d. Belief that My actions are futile e. Belief that I am incompetent 2. What Feelings does the helpless client illicit in collaborative professionals? 3. The root of learned helplessness a. Become passive b. Follows exposure to prolonged, uncontrollable events c. Change in thoughts about ability to control future events Victim triangle 1. The classic relational dynamic created by Powerless people. 2. Every dysfunctional interaction, in relationship with other or self, takes place on the victim triangle. Impact of Stress and control 1. Uncontrollable events disrupt subsequent problem solving skills 2. How we choose to explain the causes of these bad events affects our response Motivation Emotion Cognition Behavior 3. We define the extent of our helplessness our lack of control or incompetency as being pervasive or narrow, short term or long term. 4. Uncontrollable adverse events result in considerable stress while similar controllable events do not. 5. Learning that the stressor is uncontrollable may increase fear, or learning that it is controllable may reduce fear. 6. Control is a form of coping that prevents some forms of stress. Explanatory Styles 1. Internal vs. External scope of control Individuals have characteristic explanatory styles they habitually use to explain why things happen. Attributing causes to internal specific factors explains outcomes in terms of behaviors

2 2. Specific time and scope vs general time and scope Attributing causes to internal general factors explains outcomes in terms of character traits. This is pessimistic for bad outcomes because character traits remain largely constant over time. 3. Optimism vs. Pessimism The optimist takes broad credit for good outcomes and narrow responsibility for bad outcomes. The pessimist blames himself broadly for bad outcomes and attributes good outcomes to external factors. 4. Explanatory styles are learned not inherited a. How parents explain adverse events b. How authority figures blame or not blame child s character, personality or self c. Tragic life crises - quick resolution or persistent Power Imbalance 1. Screening for Coercive Control or Violence with EVERY client EVERY time is crucial. 2. Coercive Control and Domestic Violence can create Learned Helplessness Depression 1. The symptoms of Learned Helplessness and Depression are quite similar. 2. Depressed people are more likely to offer internal and general explanations for bad events and external and specific explanations for good events. 3. Depressive symptoms are associated with a pessimistic explanatory style. 4. Cognitive therapy that provides relief from unipolar depression also results in a more optimistic explanatory style. Personality Style Tests 1. DISC 2. Enneagram 3. Myers Briggs Personalities 5. 4 Types How our styles interact with the helpless client Enabling Vs. Empowering 1. Becoming the rescuer 2. Becoming frustrated 3. Understanding the client s POV without joining 4. Using skills to draw client away from helplessness Determine your own Personality Style The Power of the Collaborative Team Professional Team Meetings

3 a. Planning b. Debriefs c. Supporting one another in avoiding the Triangle d. Accepting help e. Creating a unified plan/maintaining the integrity of the Professional Team How might we make matters worse? 1. Feeding on one another s frustration 2. Blaming the clients dysfunction 3. Blaming a Professional Team member/not protecting the integrity of the team 4. Overly identifying with our/the client 5. Dismissing our/the helpless client How might we help? 1. Encourage positive self-talk 2. Focus on the positive 3. Focus on future (victim in past - not in future) 4. Control over your life positive and negative 5. Low choice to high choice 6. Referrals for therapy Disputing pessimistic explanations 1. ABCDE Technique a. Adversity happens and you begin to think about what caused it. b. You form a Belief to explain the failure to yourself. This may be unrealistically negative. c. Your negative beliefs have Consequences, such as feeling shame, becoming depressed, or feeling overwhelmed. d. Dispute these negative beliefs, and create more objective, accurate, and objective beliefs. e. Energize yourself through this optimistic outlook. 2. Healing Steps a. Take responsibility only for what you did and what you can change. b. Choose to forgive yourself. c. Move forward with your life and return to feeling ok with yourself. Powerless 1. Powerless voice a. I have to, I can t, I ll try b. I feel powerless to take responsibility for my actions so I will say someone or something else is making me do it. 2. Powerless Language a. Driving force is anxiety b. Suppresses fear

4 c. Need others to protect, be happy d. Control (passive/aggressive) e. Blame (creates anxiety) f. Consumers Powerful 1. Powerful voice a. I do, I will 2. Powerful Language a. Set limits with abusive and powerless people b. Manage themselves c. Responsibility for self d. Control themselves e. Require respect Our bodies change our minds 1. High Power body language 2. Low Power body language Balancing the power 1. Preparing our client privately a. Making a plan for the meeting b. Getting a commitment from the client c. Following through on our commitments d. Demonstrating/pointing out that planning and action create results 2. Repeat Working with the spouse of the helpless client 1. Changing the dance of one client changes how the other client may respond. 2. Encourage patience and growth. 3. Team working together. 4. Team balances out power in a different way than in their relationship. 5. Plan ahead for reactions. What does the other side of the coin look like? 1. Frustrated 2. Exhausted 3. Wanting to escape 4. Wanting to control 5. Staying on the drama triangle 6. What is the value to them? Ensuring the safety of the collaborative table 1. Professional Team meetings

5 a. Create the norm of safely hearing everyone s voice at the table b. Allow emotions without judging c. Work together to promote safety for everyone d. Problem solve triggers or conflicts between personality styles 2. Full Collaborative meetings a. Safe to hear everyone s voice at the table b. Ensure clients feel safe even when vulnerable listen without attacking, frame the discussion to avoid the dance c. Use reflective listening skills Making Room for Both clients voices at the table 1. Emotional safety 2. Pausing to hear both voices 3. Addressing ways that they shut down the other client 4. What can each professional do to help? Setting appropriate expectations regarding pace 1. Your client is ready to move ahead 2. Your client is reluctant to move ahead, overtly or covertly 3. How the professional team can help Supporting personal responsibility and decision making 1. Role play 2. Professional team demo Burning Questions & Share Your Takeaways

6 Presenter Biographies Loretta Lori Gephart, M.A. is a Licensed Psychologist and Neutral Collaborative Divorce Coach who has worked with families for over 20 years. She is the president of North Hills Psychological Associates, Inc., a private psychotherapy practice in Pittsburgh, PA. She works as a Collaborative Divorce Coach to help families avoid court. Lori was the first mental health professional in Pittsburgh to embrace the role of the neutral collaborative coach. Lori is a member and past president of the Collaborative Law Association of Southwestern Pennsylvania (CLASP). Additionally, Lori is a member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP), where she serves on the Board and was recently elected to serve as Secretary in She is currently the chair of the IACP Website Development Task Force and past member of the Domestic Violence Task Force. Lori has been a Collaborative trainer since 2012 and has presented numerous introductory trainings in collaborative practice as well as IACP Forum presentations in 2016 on Emotions, Ego, Clients and Team and in 2014 on Domestic Violence in Collaborative Practice. Susan DiGirolamo, JD has worked as a sole practitioner for more than 20 years. Her work involves helping clients to develop acceptable resolutions to issues that arise during marriage, separation and divorce through mediation, negotiation, or the Collaborative Process. She no longer litigates. Susan is a founding member and past President of the Collaborative Law Association of Southwestern Pennsylvania and a founding member of Gateway to Collaboration. She is qualified as a trainer by International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, and, together with other qualified trainers, conducts basic and interdisciplinary training in the Collaborative Process. Susan is the Chair of the Collaborative Law Committee of the Allegheny County Bar Association, and a member of the Collaborative Law Committee of the Pennsylvania Bar Association. She has served on the Practice Group Management Committee of the IACP.

7 A Game Free Life by Stephen B. Karpman, MD Reading List Changing Lives Through Redecision Therapy by Mary McClure Goulding Empowerment Takes More Than a Minute by Ken Blanchard Empowerment: The Art of Creating Your Life as You Want It by David Gershon, Gail Straub Empowerment: Understanding the Theory Behind Empowerment by Jimmy D. Bayes Ph.D. Escaping the Drama Triangle in the Three Realms: Relationships, Thinking and Dreaming by Joseph Dillard Helplessness: On Depression, Development, and Death by Martin E. P. Seligman How to Break Free of the Drama Triangle & Victim Consciousness by Janae B Weinhold PhD and Weinhold PhD, Barry K Learned Helplessness: A Theory for the Age of Personal Control by Christopher Peterson, Steven F. Maier, Martin E. P. Seligman Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin E. P. Seligman The Power Is in the Patient: A Ta/Gestalt Approach to Psychotherapy by Robert L. Goulding The Promise of Mediation: The Transformative Approach to Conflict by Robert A. Baruch Bush Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain The 3 Keys to Empowerment: Release the Power Within People for Astonishing Results by Ken Blanchard