For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

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2 For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

3 THE RESILIENCY PLAYBOOK Attitude Changes Everything 2010 Guideposts/Club Beyond All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, in any manner, is prohibited. 1

4 Table Of Contents Introduction Message to Military Teens Background Concepts Examples of Self-Limiting Thoughts Traits of Resilient Thinking The Resilient Thinking Assessment Assessment Questions Determining Your Score Resilient Thinking Assessment Results Ranking Your Assessment Results Positive Imaging The Act-As-If Principle Summary Notes The Resilient Attitude

5 Introduction Resilience is the ability to grow and thrive in the face of challenges. It is the ability to bounce back from adversity. As a military teen, one key to success is a positive attitude. Challenge is a daily reality. It s especially important to acquire the skill and mindset to overcome life s obstacles and maximize your potential for success. Just as weight training conditions the body, working through current trials prepares us for future challenges. This playbook is based on timeless principles, techniques, and tools from scripture and from the work of Dr. Norman Vincent Peale. Use these tools every day to help you discover the very best in life. 3

6 Message to Military Teens Many of us involved in this project were military teens ourselves. What we have tried to provide for you is something we would have liked to have had when we were teenagers moving every few years and watching our parents deploy. This playbook will probably be most useful if you take the Resiliency Assessment for yourself and apply the principles provided here. From Your Friends at Guideposts and Club Beyond 4 The Resilient Attitude

7 Background Concepts What is Resilient Thinking? Resilient thinkers have the capability to produce desired outcomes with positive, realistic thoughts and attitudes. It is a simple method of living that combines both belief and practice to empower people to live successfully as God intended. What keeps people from reaching their full potential? Typical responses include the following: low self-esteem, lack of confidence, bad habits, poor self-image, and negative thinking. The good news is that each one of us can participate in our own success. We can all tap these traits of a Resilient Thinker: Optimism, Enthusiasm, Belief, Integrity, Courage, Confidence, Determination, Patience, Calmness, and Focus. As part of your resiliency development you can actively cultivate spirituality, develop physically, mature socially, and grow emotionally. 5

8 Examples of Self-Limiting Thoughts Life must treat me fairly. People must find me likeable. It s awful when I make a mistake. I must perform well or I m no good. I must get what I want when I want it. I can t control how I feel. Nobody understands me or even cares about me. Life should not be so complicated. My friends should do things my way. People should live up to my expectations. I m the only one I can depend on to do this right. I m indispensable to this team. 6 The Resilient Attitude

9 Resilient Thinking Resilient Thinkers share a number of characteristics that contribute to their success. However, in many of us, these traits have been covered up to varying degrees by negative conditioning. Why can t you be more like your sister? You re hopeless. You ll never make it. You ve let us down again. These are just a few examples of the kinds of negative messages many of us have experienced over the years and have unfortunately taken to heart. You can probably imagine how successful you would be if you had high levels of traits of Resilient Thinking and applied them appropriately. You would be unstoppable! On the following pages, you ll get a clear understanding of each definition so you can grasp each trait more fully. 7

10 Resilient Thinking Optimism: A belief in and expectation of positive outcomes, even in the face of difficulty, challenge or crisis. Resilient Thinkers know that all things can work together for good. Enthusiasm: Having high levels of interest, positive energy, passion or personal motivation. Belief: Trusting in oneself, others and/or a higher spiritual power to provide support and guidance when needed. Integrity: Acting on a personal commitment to honesty, openness and fairness, living by your standards. Courage: The willingness to take risks and overcome fears, even when the outcome is uncertain. 8 The Resilient Attitude

11 Confidence: Being personally assured of one s abilities, capabilities and potential. Determination: Tireless pursuit of a goal, purpose or cause, knowing that all things are possible. Patience: Willingness to wait for opportunity, readiness or results from self and others. Calmness: Maintaining serenity and seeking balance day to day in response to difficulty, challenge or crisis; taking time to reflect and think. Focus: Directing attention through the setting of goals and priorities. 9

12 Resilient Thinking Assessment As mentioned, we can all access the traits of a Resilient Thinker. However, they may have been covered up by varying degrees of negative programming. Fortunately, you can rebuild your capacity to access and energize these traits. But first, you must find out how strongly each trait is present in your life. In the space provided on pages 11 and 12, indicate how frequently you engage in the thought, feeling or action described in each statement by rating it from zero to five. 0 - NOT RELEVANT, NOT SURE 1 - ALMOST NEVER 2 - SOMETIMES 3 - USUALLY 4 - MOST OF THE TIME 5 - ALMOST ALWAYS 10 The Resilient Attitude

13 Assessment Questions 1-10 Statement I know there is a power beyond myself from which I can draw strength. 2. I am committed to living my life to high standards and a higher purpose. 3. I do not let danger or crisis paralyze me. 4. I tell the truth. 5. I speak up on behalf of unpopular positions if I think they have merit. 6. I use the same standard of measuring my own behavior as I use for the behavior of others. 7. I make an effort to react evenly. 8. I react to stress with self-control. 9. I make sure fear and feelings of inferiority don t drive my actions. 10. I concentrate my energy where it will do the most good. 11

14 Assessment Questions Statement I am able to control my worries and resentments. 12. I summon up the energy needed to see a job through. 13. I show energy about projects that excite others. 14. I create a mental plan to get a task done. 15. I work to minimize the impact of my doubts and fears. 16. I do not act or speak quickly without considering the consequences. 17. I keep my spirits up even when things aren t going well. 18. I engage in those activities that are necessary to meet my goals. 19. I get a kick out of life. 20. I do not allow my fears to prevent me from reaching my goals. 12 The Resilient Attitude

15 Determining Your Score 1. To find out your score on each of the Resilient Thinking Traits, use the scorecard on pages 14 and Record your response for each statement that corresponds to each Resilient Thinking Trait. (For example, on page 12, statements 15 and 17 describe the thoughts and behaviors found in those exhibiting optimism.) 3. Once you record your responses, add them up to get a total. 4. Record your scores on the trait dials on pages 16 and

16 Determining Your Score Resilient Thinking Traits Statement Number Total Example Optimism Optimism Enthusiasm Belief Integrity Courage Confidence The Resilient Attitude

17 Resilient Thinking Traits Statement Number Total Determination Patience Calmness Focus Next, record your scores on the trait dials on the following pages. Example: 15

18 Resilient Thinking Assessment Results Once each trait dial is colored in, this provides a visual benchmark of your stronger and weaker Resilient Thinking Traits. 16 The Resilient Attitude

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20 Ranking Your Resilient Thinking Assessment Results Look at the scores on your dials and make a list below of each trait, with your highest score on top (your strongest trait), and your lowest score at the bottom (your weakest trait): The Resilient Attitude

21 Positive Imaging Many top athletes and successful people visualize (create positive images in their minds) regularly. There is great power in picturing in your mind the outcomes you desire. Here are the recommended steps: 1. Find a place where you can relax and close your eyes long enough to play through an upcoming situation (i.e., a game, a rehearsal, or an exam). 2. Imagine and feel yourself in the situation. Visualize how others are likely to respond to you if you say and do the things you imagine being ideal. 3. As you imagine the scene, engage as many senses as possible. See vivid details in everything around you. Hear all the sounds. Feel the ground under your feet and smell the aroma and scents around you. 4. Conclude your mental rehearsal by seeing and feeling the attainment of your desired outcomes. 19

22 The Act-As-If Principle Remember, you can develop strength in any Resilient Thinking Trait by mentally deciding to Act-As-If you had that strength. For example, assume you are dreading having to speak in front of the classroom or at an assembly. You need courage. Turn to page 25 in this Playbook and think exactly how you will demonstrate courage in your public speaking assignment. See yourself being accepted and well received by your peers, before standing up to speak. Then just act courageously, and act boldly without fear. On the following pages are suggestions for actions you can take to demonstrate each trait. You can if you think you can! 20 The Resilient Attitude

23 OPTIMISM I demonstrate OPTIMISM each time I... Can also see the positives in a crisis, problem or difficulty. Tackle a problem with a can-do attitude. Assume or expect success, satisfaction, or achievement in an endeavor. Identify the limitless possibilities to shape the life I desire. Meet a challenge and address a new opportunity with a feeling of control. Eliminate or diminish the impact of fears, doubts and concerns, whether internal or external. Exhibit a positive, hopeful attitude and expectation. Keep my spirit up, despite difficult circumstances. 21

24 ENTHUSIASM I demonstrate ENTHUSIASM each time I... Get pumped up to make things happen. Meet each day excited about the possibilities ahead. Express and share my ideas with others. Show a contagious energy or fervor about assignments, events or activities. Display and encourage team spirit. Show a noticeably higher energy and activity level than others. Volunteer without being asked. Overtly communicate my convictions. Thrive on finding needs and fulfilling them. 22 The Resilient Attitude

25 BELIEF I demonstrate BELIEF each time I... Show a sureness or certainty that there is a power to draw upon to enhance my capabilities. Affirm who I am and what I stand for. Commit to live by a higher cause or purpose. Don t waste time worrying about a problem because I know it won t change anything. Admit that my attitude toward a fact is more important than the fact itself. Live out my personal faith and commit to do the right thing. Trust in people I count on. 23

26 INTEGRITY I demonstrate INTEGRITY each time I... Do what is right even though there are other easier, more expedient solutions available. Don t make fun of others who are different from me or my friends. Don t exclude others whose point of view is not the same as mine. Resist being cliquey in a way that is hurtful to others. Judge the behavior of others as I should my own. Don t demonstrate conflicting or confusing points of view or attitudes toward others. Use consistent and appropriate criteria to measure my own behavior and performance. Use ethics, morals and principles to guide activities. Do not undermine or criticize others behind their backs. Acknowledge my own weaknesses and areas needing improvement. Acknowledge other s efforts and give them credit. Strive to create win-win outcomes with others. 24 The Resilient Attitude

27 I demonstrate COURAGE each time I... Stand up for what I think is right. Dare to take on challenges that seem impossible. Keep up group or team morale even when things are going badly. Express my thoughts about a controversial issue. Oppose wrongful acts even though some might consider it cool. Don t go along just because everybody s doing it. Take a risk even when the outcome is uncertain. Adhere to personal beliefs in the face of great pressure. Challenge the status quo, if warranted. COURAGE 25

28 CONFIDENCE I demonstrate CONFIDENCE each time I... Don t let mistakes or failures destroy my self-image. Don t resist or resent constructive criticism. Don t let unjust criticism get me down. Act with easy coolness and certainty. Don t get overly embarrassed when I mess up. Act decisively and go for it. Believe I have it in me to achieve my goals, get where I want to be. Don t let fear of failure hold me back. Use hopeful, positive words in my conversations with myself and others. Am not afraid to speak up and volunteer ideas and suggestions. 26 The Resilient Attitude

29 DETERMINATION I demonstrate DETERMINATION each time I... Find ways to get around obstacles that keep me from achieving my goals. Stay committed to finishing what I ve started, even if time and energy are running out. Refuse to admit defeat. Don t give up, even when others do. Don t become a slacker, expecting others to do my share. Stay motivated to reach goals that seem too difficult. Am a self-starter. 27

30 PATIENCE I demonstrate PATIENCE each time I... Maintain poise in a crisis. Wait calmly for events and opportunities to happen. Allow things to unfold without forcing the issue. Don t demand immediate answers to every question. Allow time to pass before making big decisions. Don t rush to judgment. Don t respond impulsively and angrily when forced to wait. Don t accept this is good enough, just to get it over with. Allow events and friendships to unfold at their own pace. Let things have a chance to work themselves out. Am willing to forgive myself and others. Reflect on how each challenge was resolved for future use. 28 The Resilient Attitude

31 CALMNESS I demonstrate CALMNESS each time I... Stop to think before acting. Think about what s causing me to stress out. Don t let the demands of schoolwork, sports, activities, or my social and home lives throw me off balance. Maintain a relaxed posture and a steady, rather than frenetic, pace. Am not overly preoccupied with worry or obsession about a particular issue. Refuse to allow negative emotions to disrupt or control my frame of mind. Practice self-control over emotional responses. Take time out to regain or maintain a perspective on life. 29

32 FOCUS I demonstrate FOCUS each time I... Have a clear idea of what I want to accomplish. Don t set myself up for distractions. Don t let others discourage or dissuade me from the things I want to achieve. Take time to plan and prioritize each day. Make lists to stay on top of what s important. Concentrate time and energy on what will help me achieve my goals. Eliminate things that I know are just a waste of time. 30 The Resilient Attitude

33 Summary Now you have the traits of resilient thinking well in hand and also some practical tools for using those skills in your life as a military teen. Here is a review of the key points: Resilient thinking is inborn and its traits can be rediscovered. Negative input from a variety of sources can challenge and temporarily diminish our ability to think positively. We think, feel and act. Generally speaking, think negative get negative; think positive get positive. You make the choice. Our thoughts (personal views of how the world and people operate) are the source of our attitude. Irrational beliefs lead to negative thoughts, which lead to negative feelings, which lead to self-limiting or selfdefeating behaviors. The principles, techniques, and tools presented are proven and easy to understand. They work when applied, but ultimately it is up to you to apply them until they become second nature. Practicing total fitness will enable you to excel in a fast-paced era of multiple challenges. 31

34 Notes 32 The Resilient Attitude

35 For more information on how to receive additional copies: For more information on Club Beyond: or visit

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