The Power of Emotions Mastering Nonverbal Communication with Horses

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Nickolas Dennis
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The Power of Emotions Mastering Nonverbal Communication with Horses 90% of Communication is non- verbal Scientific studies have revealed that 93% of all communication between humans is non- verbal.

1 The Power of Emotions Mastering Nonverbal Communication with Horses 90% of Communication is non- verbal Scientific studies have revealed that 93% of all communication between humans is non- verbal. 36% is tone of voice, 7% is words used and 57% is body language. Horses communicate almost entirely with body language, so they are in many cases better then we are at reading, interpreting and using their bodies to communicate. To improve the body language element, of our non- verbal communication with horses, we have to learn how to understand the relationship between our thoughts and emotions and how they affect our body language and behaviour. Here is a flow chart demonstrating the two way street of non- verbal communication between your thoughts/emotions and your behaviour/body language: Your thoughts Your emotions Your behaviour Your thoughts Your emotions Your behaviour Your thoughts Your emotions Your behaviour Your thoughts, emotions and behaviours are deeply interconnected with one another and together they create the way you express yourself through your body language. There are two aspects of the mind that are relevant to understanding the relationship between your thoughts, emotions and behaviour/body language: The Conscious Mind: The present time awareness of your thoughts, feelings, sensations and sensory information The Subconscious Mind: The storehouse of all your knowledge, experiences, patterns, habits, emotions and responses, from the past up to the present moment. The Conscious Mind The conscious mind has 4 functions: Observation/Awareness: The conscious mind observes and is aware of information coming through your 5 senses (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting & touching) as well as bodily sensations and emotions. Comparison: The conscious mind continually uses the database of the subconscious mind to compare and categorise the current information with past experiences and knowledge. Analysis: The conscious mind analyses the current information in relationship to past experience and knowledge that is relevant.

2 Decision Making: Finally the conscious mind makes a decision using the available information resulting in an action or inaction of some description. The Subconscious Mind The subconscious mind is responsible for storing information in the form of memories, habits, emotions, belief systems, learned behaviours and patterns. The subconscious Mind is also responsible for running your bodily functions such as breathing, digestion, beating your heart and the growth and development of cells. The subconscious mind acts as the servant of the conscious mind. The subconscious mind is responsible for expression of behaviours and body language. We have all created our own subconscious conditioning, which has been shaped from our own unique accumulation of knowledge and personal experiences. From this knowledge and experience we create core belief systems, which determine the way we express our emotions and behaviour. When you work and interact with your horse, you will rely heavily on your subconscious mental, emotional and physical patterns, to guide the way you express your behaviours, in form of actions and reactions. Both, consciously and unconsciously formed mental, emotional and physical patterns are accepted and stored by the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind has no prejudice and learns through repetition. Strong positive and negative emotionally charged experiences cause subconscious programming to accelerate. The more extreme the emotions around the experience are, the greater the affect it will have on the development of subconscious beliefs, patterns and habits. Experiences = Emotions = Belief Systems = Behaviour = Subconscious patterns Emotions, the driving force behind non- verbal communication Emotions are the driving force behind non- verbal communication. Emotions are, the energy of intent, which allows you to communicate non- verbally through your body language and behaviour. In order to develop effective non- verbal communication your mind, emotions and body have to work in harmony, as one integrated unified whole. When your emotions are integrated and balanced, your non- verbal communication becomes clear and concise. However when your emotions are volatile and out of balance your non- verbal communication becomes inhibited and ineffective. All emotions affect your body s motor function and expression of behaviour, resulting in non- verbal communication. Here is a list of emotions and how they can affect your body s motor function and expression of behaviour:

3 Fear The affect of fear on your body s motor function and expression of behaviour Physical tension stiffness Rigid movements Lack of flow and jerky movements Accelerated heart rate Excessive movements Can t stand still Defensive self preservation body language; concave chest, round shoulders, wanting to go into foetal position Shallow accelerated breathing or not breathing at all Tunnel Vision Scattered can t focus Submissive self minimising behaviour, if afraid of your own power Shaking caused by adrenaline surging around the body Symptoms will vary depending on, if the fear is internalised or externalised Knot in the stomach Tingling sensation in hands and feet A general numb feeling throughout the body The intensification of fear can be panic, terror, paralysis and disassociation Strategies to more effectively deal with, and understand, fear/anxiety Identify the threat to your safety and the cause of your fear Assess the level of danger Remove yourself from the threat Accept and acknowledge the fear Find the cause or trigger If the fear/anxiety is genuine respect it, if it s not disregard it. Feel the fear and do it anyway Deep abdominal breathing Slow it down Assess your own level of confidence and competence to handle the situation Learn to sit with, embrace and appreciate fear and it s purpose by finding the benefits Anger The affect of anger on your body s motor function and expression of behaviour Physical tension stiffness Rigid movements Clenched fists Tight clenched Jaw

4 Exaggerated, harsh movements and a tendency to over emphasise things Raised shoulders A rise in body temperature Gritting teeth Strategies to more effectively deal with, and understand, anger Message; a physical or emotional boundary has been crossed Learn to set appropriate emotional and physical boundaries Identify your triggers Communicate, your uncommunicated needs, that someone may not be aware of Questions to ask yourself; what boundary must be established or restored? What must be protected? Check that you have realistic expectations and goals on yourself and others Identify the form of anger; anger at self, anger at others or as a result of frustration Abdominal breathing Time out If not dealt with, anger can intensify to rage, fury, deflected rage and apathy Frustration The affect of frustration on your body s motor function and expression of behaviour Physical tension stiffness Rigid movements Clenched fists Tight clenched Jaw Exaggerated, harsh movements and a tendency to over emphasise things Raised shoulders A rise in body temperature Gritting teeth Strategies to more effectively deal with, and understand, frustration Message; the action that you are taking is ineffective Check that you have realistic expectations and goals for yourself and others Questions to ask yourself; where is the block? What can I do differently? Who can I ask for ideas or assistance? What are you trying to force? Identify a poorly communicated need or value and find a more effective way to communicate it Check that, the outcome that you are striving for, is really in your best interest and the interests of others Patience and persistence Deep abdominal breathing

5 If not dealt with, frustration can intensify to rage and powerlessness Disappointment The affect of disappointment on your body s motor function and expression of behaviour Generally defeated body language Slouched over Lack of enthusiasm and energy Don t want to be there Can be expressed in a similar ways to anger Late responses and delayed reactions Despondent postures and gestures Strategies to more effectively deal with, and understand, disappointment Message; the outcome (contrary to what you desired or envisioned) did not live up to your expectations Questions to ask yourself; what was I hoping/expecting to have happen? Was this realistic? If so, how can I better communicate my ideas? Identify what didn t live up to your expectations and why? Make sure your expectations are more realistic Identify a poorly communicated need or value and find a more effective way to communicate it Check that the outcome that you are striving for, is really in your best interest and the interests of others If not dealt with, disappointment can intensify to anger, frustration, mistrust, powerlessness and apathy Ringo and Jane; Learning to be a Leader again A couple of years ago I worked client named Jane who owned a quarter horse named Ringo. Jane had contacted me because she had reached a frustrating point in her relationship with Ringo. Jane explained that Ringo would never respect her requests and was never interested in doing anything for her unless it was his idea in the first place. If Jane asked Ringo to go out on the circle Ringo s first response would be to put his head down to eat grass and ignore her. Even if Jane really brought up her energy Ringo would still ignore her, it like she didn t even exist. Upon seeing Ringo s response I pulled Jane aside and started asking a few questions about her relationship with Ringo. When I asked who in her life Ringo represented she started crying and said that he reminded Jane of her sister Suzy. Jane went on to explain that she had grown up with a sister that was very confrontational and direct which caused Jane to grow up with an avoidance and dislike towards her sister. As a result Jane had learnt to avoid confrontations and being direct at all costs. This was exactly what was showing up in her relationship with Ringo. Jane was so afraid of becoming like her sister that she was afraid of exercising her own power and would rather submit then get in touch with her assertive leadership energy. Ringo was well aware of this and therefore would just reflect her lack of assertiveness and leadership.

6 Once Jane became aware of what she was creating I asked her what some of the benefits of being direct were and what the gifts of assertiveness were. Once Jane saw the gifts of owning those traits in herself I asked her to go back in and ask Ringo to go out on the circle again. There shift was a palpable shift of energy in the air and Ringo sensed it and responded with a completely different attitude. He went from being completely despondent and shut down to being completely engaged, riveted, focused and emotionally evolved in what Jane was asking him to do. Ringo was almost relived to let Jane take over the leadership role all because she had a deep shift on an emotional level. Jane was immensely grateful at the lesson Ringo had taught her about not being afraid to own and use her power. Learning to be more Authentic and Congruent Learning how to more effectively deal with and respond to your own emotions, as well as your horse s, will allow you to share a more authentic connected relationship. If you are being incongruent around your horse, it will pick up on the emotions, which you are trying to hide and act them out. In order to become emotionally congruent, you have to be open and honest about the underlying emotions that are being triggered, when you are working with your horse. You have to learn how to identify what you are feeling, find the message behind the emotion, process it and release it, in a way that s not damaging to you or your horse. Horses value emotional intelligence and are drawn to people that have learned how to effectively manage their emotions. When you are able to release defective emotions, your body language will shift and you will automatically deepen you connection with your horse. This will also result in your horse being more receptive to your needs and willing to fulfil you requests. Learning to own and embrace the complete spectrum of human emotions opens the door for authentic communication and connection between you and your horse. The human heart is capable of projecting an electromagnetic field 5000 times stronger then that of the brain. That explains why horses respond so well to emotional congruency, authenticity and love, and why they become agitated and reactive when they are around people that are hiding or repressing their emotions. Horses feel and respond to the energetic frequencies coming from a person s heart. Our communication with horses is most effective when our thoughts, emotions and actions are unified and aligned. The more in tune we are with our emotions the more effective and powerful our connection and communication with the horse will be.

Habits & Goals Discovery & Assessment. What kind of person do I want my child to grow up to be? How do I react to my child most often?

Habits & Goals Discovery & Assessment How do I react to my child most often? What kind of person do I want my child to grow up to be? Focus on the Relationship Conscious Communication Practice Use these