EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE The key to harmonious relationships Lisa Tenzin-Dolma

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1 Emotional Intelligence This hand out is for your personal use only. All content and photos are copyright to Lisa Tenzin- Dolma, (unless credited to a third party). You may not share, copy, or use the content in your own talks or seminars etc. without her permission. Slide 1 EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE The key to harmonious relationships Lisa Tenzin-Dolma Slide 2 What are emotions? Emotions are specific reactions to events that arise before we are conscious of experiencing them (subconscious responses) Emotions comprise subjective feelings, physiological responses and expressive behaviours Emotions occur in the subcortical regions of the brain, in the amygdala and ventromedial prefrontal cortices Emotions set off biochemical reactions that alter your physical state Emotions control hormones (e.g. fear stimulates adrenaline, cortisol, norepinephrine) Emotions can be measured: brain activity, blood flow, heart rate, pupil dilation Emotions can be seen and interpreted: facial expressions, micro-expressions, body language Slide 3 Primary and secondary emotions Primary emotions are an immediate response to a situation or event. They re the direct result of our perception of an event Primary emotions give us information about our perception of the moment and compel us to act: e.g. fear when faced with a threat, happiness when receiving good news Secondary emotions follow these, and indicate how you are mentally processing the experience and emotion: e.g. anger following fear Emotional states such as shame, depression, relief and dismay are secondary emotions We may confuse a secondary for a primary emotion: ongoing anxiety may be due to the primary emotion of fear Secondary emotions linger for longer

2 Slide 4 The difference between emotions and feelings Feelings originate in the neocortical region of the brain, whereas emotions affect the subcortical regions Feelings are mental associations and reactions to emotions Feelings are subjective, influenced by personal beliefs, experiences and memories, so are a mental portrayal/projection of what is happening in your body when you experience an emotion They are mental by-products that arise from your brain perceiving, recognising and giving meaning to an emotion A feeling arises after an emotion Feelings involve cognitive input Feelings cannot be precisely measured as emotions can Slide 5 What do we classify as feelings? Anxiety Boredom Jealousy Pain Discomfort Tiredness Dread Embarrassment and humiliation Grief Relief Euphoria Sensations through the sensory portal (sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell) Slide 6 The quick explanation Quote from neuroscientist Dr Susan McKay: Emotions play out in the theatre of the body. Feelings play out in the theatre of the mind

3 Slide 7 Subcortical and neocortical regions of the brain Slide 8 Moods We can often ascertain what has caused an emotion, but often moods have no clear trigger Mood reinforce and can also change emotions because they distort our perceptions. Moods obscure our view of reality Because moods distort perception, they also change behaviour A powerful emotional experience affects our mood, and we subsequently respond emotionally strongly to that mood Most scientists believe that moods may be generated by neuro-hormonal changes that are not directly inked to an environmental event (Paul Ekman) But events such as sleep or food deprivation affect/trigger our mood This is just as true for nonhuman as human animals Slide 9 Negative neutral, positive

4 Slide 10 Interpretation of emotions We interpret the visible expressions of emotions of others subconsciously If we learn how to do this it becomes possible to consciously read humans and animals The face is a multi-signal, multi-message system (Paul Ekman) Facial expressions can be fixed for ½ second to 4 seconds Micro-expressions last less than ¼ of a second and reveal emotions that are repressed or suppressed Body language backs up what we see in the face Slide 11 What is Emotional Intelligence? EQ or EI, Emotional Intelligence, is what enables you to relate to and understand others. You use it to: make emotional connections relieve stress communicate effectively empathise with others navigate situations of social complexity deal effectively with conflict overcome challenges It s our EQ that enables us to intuit others feelings and to read facial expressions and body language Slide 12 EQ is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others EQ includes four skills or aptitudes Self-awareness the ability to recognise and acknowledge your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behaviour. The ability to know your strengths and weaknesses and to work constructively with these Self-management the ability to be able to control impulsive feelings and behaviours, manage your emotions in ways that are healthy for you, take initiative when necessary, follow through on commitments you have made, and adapt to changing circumstances Social awareness the ability to understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, empathise, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the dynamics in a group or situation Relationship management the ability to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well with others, and manage and resolve conflict effectively

5 Slide 13 How EQ helps you Physical health stress has a profound impact on health, and a healthy EQ helps you to recognise and take steps to reduce stress Mental health helps you to manage stress and relate effectively to others, which decreases the risk of depression and mood swings Personal and work relationships through understanding your emotions and learning how to take responsibility for, and control, them, you find it easier to relate to others, understand their emotional states, communicate effectively and form stronger relationships Performance at work understanding your emotions, and those of others, enables you to inspire and motivate others, and to form better working relationships. This can have a significant impact on your career path. Some employers test for EQ as well as IQ Slide 14 Assessing your EQ How do you feel your feelings? How intense are they? Do you recognise them as they occur? Are you aware of feeling them physically in areas of the body? Do you listen to your feelings and act on them? Do you recognise these emotions in others through facial expressions and body language? Do you have feelings and perceptions about other people that aren t based on logic and deduction? Slide 15 How to increase your EQ Pay attention to, and analyse, your feelings Notice how you express yourself, verbally and through body language. Do these confirm or deny what you want to express, or are your words in conflict with your body language? Focus on the other person. No zoning out or daydreaming! Make eye contact. Listen. Connect Pay attention to the silent signals of others, as well as to what they re saying Acknowledge the feelings of others Lighten up be creative When you feel stressed, consider how you can alleviate this Deal calmly and effectively with conflict in a non confrontational way

6 Slide 16 EQ in dogs Stanley Coren, in his Psychology Today article dated March 14 th, 2013, discusses how research indicates that the mind and emotions of dogs are comparable to that of a 2 to 3 year old child, with a broad emotional range that is unlikely to include guilt and pride Young children and dogs experience intense emotions and express these in an uninhibited manner Neuroscientist Gregory Berns has demonstrated that the caudate nucleus in the brain, associated with anticipation and positive emotions, is similar in humans and dogs, and lights up when dogs experience positive emotions Slide 17 Do all dogs have equal EQ? Just as with people, every dog is different Breeding, genetics, background, early experiences, environmental enrichment and ongoing experiences contribute significantly to a dog s EQ Dogs who have had a rich variety of positive experiences are likely to have a higher EQ Dogs who have had a bad start in life, or have suffered trauma, are likely to have a lower EQ Slide 18 Emotions and behaviour Emotion is a major factor that drives behaviour but. we must examine: Biochemical Neurological Genetic predisposition Association Stimuli Tiredness or over-stimulation Physical (health) issues

7 Slide 19 Emotional states and behaviour Triggers Context Environment Associations Memory History Physical, emotional and mental health Responses from others as precursors to, or in relation to, the behaviour Slide 20 How the 4 skills and aptitudes of EQ are used by dogs The 4 skills and aptitudes recognised in humans can also be recognised in dogs Self-awareness Self-management Social awareness Relationship management Slide Self-awareness Dogs express their emotions through body language or vocalising immediately they are felt, though they may not always take direct action especially if they ve learned to inhibit responses Dogs expect others to understand the signals they are giving If these are not responded to appropriately, this causes confusion or reactivity in some form Dogs are experts at reading our body language as well as tones of voice. This feeds back to influence their emotions

8 Slide Self-management Puppies learn appropriate social behaviours, such as bite inhibition, through interactions with their littermates Puppies also learn to deal with frustration through competition for access to the mother s milk It s our job to teach our dogs self-control through positive training and instant feedback Slide Social awareness If reared in the right environment, with positive, appropriate introductions to people, other dogs and animals, puppies learn to be skilled in social awareness; to read, interpret and act on the cues they perceive Dogs who have missed out on beneficial social interactions, or who have had negative experiences, are often lacking in social skills and need to be taught how to interact in a healthy way The learning and development of social awareness and skills is ongoing Slide Relationship management Dogs who have learned social skills early on tend to be good at developing and managing good relationships as they mature Conflict resolution is then achieved through using conciliation signals, or moving away It s our job to step in, rather than expect dogs to sort it out themselves

9 Slide 25 How to increase a dog s EQ Give the best start in life possible Introduce new experiences in ways that are beneficial for the dog Provide environmental enrichment Protect the dog from experiences that create fear or anxiety Provide appropriate socialising opportunities Listen to the dog! Observe body language Check in. Does he understand what is being asked of him? Allow him to experience minor failure and frustration in order to learn, but set him up for success Express positive emotions towards him Give immediate feedback Slide 26 Thank you