All of Me. Steve Martin Lily Tomlin

Transcription

1 All of Me Steve Martin Lily Tomlin

2 A real funny movie is is All All of of Me starring Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin. In In the the movie, Tomlin s character plays a rich woman who has been sickly all all of of her life. She is is about to to die die and has hired a swami, a holy man from India, to to take her soul from her body, put it it in in a brass container, take the the soul All out of of of Me a young healthy woman and release it it to to the the cosmos and then put Tomlin s soul into the the young healthy body so so she gets another shot at at life. Of Of course, something goes very wrong. The sight gags that follow are are hilarious as as Tomlin tries to to get get Martins body to to do do one thing and Martin tries to to do do something. Steve Martin Lily Tomlin

3 Of Of course, it it is is impossible to to have two people inside of of one body. However, it it sometimes All of Me seems that we we have two people inside of of us. us. One that feels we we should do do one thing and another that thinks we we should do do something else. Often this leads us us to to do do things that we we regret later. Why is is that? Steve Martin Lily Tomlin

4 To To answer this this question, we we first need to to understand a little about how the the human mind makes decisions.

5 In In a very real real sense we we have two two minds, one one that that thinks and and one one that that feels. Emotional Emotional Intelligence Intelligence Daniel Daniel Goleman Goleman

6 We We have two two minds. One is is automatic and and driven by by emotional urges. And another that that is is deliberate and and rational. Our Our two two minds sometimes struggle with each other trying to to win win us us over.

7 Perhaps you you experienced a struggle of of this this nature the the last last time time you you were were thinking about buying a new new car. car. Part Part of of you you wanted the the little little red red sports car. car. Sports cars cars are are fast, fast, sexy sexy and and really really neat. neat. You You just just had had to to have have it. it. However, another part part of of you you wanted to to slow slow down and and think think things through before you you decided what what to to buy. buy. "How much would it it cost? cost? What kind kind of of gas gas mileage would it it get? get? How How much would insurance be? be? Would it it be be hard hard to to get get repairs?"

8 For the the most part, our two minds work together harmoniously to to decide how we we should respond to to life s events, but not always. Many personal problems can be be understood as as a conflict between the the two minds and a person's inability to to resolve this conflict in in favor of of their better judgment.

9 The emotional mind processes information and makes decisions automatically and is is experienced through emotional feelings.

10 The Emotional Mind Is: Is: Impatient (urges you you to to act act right right away) Closed-Minded (makes you you stubbornly unreceptive to to ideas that that differ from from how how you you feel) feel) Short-Sighted (makes you you concerned with with only only the the immediate future) Single-Minded (makes you you concerned with with only only the the immediate concern)

11 If If your emotional mind senses an an opportunity to to get get something you want, you will experience a feeling of of either power/control/elation or or of of pleasure/satisfaction/joy. Power/control/elation are are associated with mastery and the the emotional urges to to dominate a situation in in order to to obtain something of of value. In In contrast, pleasure/satisfaction/joy are are associated with a sense of of well-being, security and freedom from harm.

12 If If your emotional mind has determined that something undesirable is is about to to happen, your brain normally prepares you to to fight the the threat or or run away from it it the the so-called "fight or or flight response". If If your emotional mind decides to to put a stop to to the the menace, it it prepares to to confront it it with intimidation or or force and you experiences anger or or a related emotion. If, If, on on the the other hand, your emotional mind concludes that it it probably cannot stop the the threat, it it prepares your body for for escape and you experiences fear or or a related emotion.

13 The emotional mind is is built up up from gut feelings, past experiences and beliefs.

14 1. Gut Feelings With gut feelings, people are are predisposed to to respond to to some things in in a certain way, because that is is how their brains are are wired. You don t have to to be be taught to to be be afraid of of tigers or or feel good inside when a baby smiles are are you. That s just part of of being human.

15 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences The emotional mind is is also driven by by experience. Once a person has had an an emotionally significant experience, they tend to to feel the the same way later in in similar situations and are are emotionally urged to to respond as as they did then. We learn through experience what things cause pain and pleasure and use those experiences as as guides for for future behavior.

16 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences 3. Beliefs The emotional mind also operates with habitual beliefs. People form generalized ideas that explain how the the world works, how they personally should personally act act in in certain situations and how other people should behave in in certain situations. If If those thoughts are are repeated frequently, they become automatic beliefs and a person feels urged to to act act as as they direct without having to to consciously think them first.

17 The way the emotional mind makes decisions and solves problems is is by telling you that:

18 The way the emotional mind makes decisions and solves problems is is by telling you that: There is is no no thinking. There are are no no choices things just just flow. flow. The The emotional mind mind offers a solution for for the the situation at at hand, the the surface problem, without consideration for for anything else else that that might be be important to to you. you.

19 The thinking mind, on the other hand, is is slower than the emotional mind. Often the emotional mind has already urged a response before the thinking mind has even begun to to register the situation. Furthermore, the thinking mind is is often less certain and intense than the emotional mind.

20 The thinking mind uses deliberate (nonautomatic) information processing and decisionmaking and is is experienced through conscious verbal thoughts and images.

21 The thinking mind is: is: Patient (it (it does does not not urge urge you you to to act act right right away) Open-minded (it (it makes you you receptive to to new new ideas) Long-ranged (it (it makes you you concerned about the the immediate future and and the the long-term future) Global-minded (it (it makes you you concerned about all all the the things that that are are import to to you) you)

22 Your thinking mind makes decisions by by problem solving or or coping. It It decides by by asking:

23 1) Long-ranged (concerned with immediate future and long term) 2) Fast 3) Impatient (urged to act right away) 4) Unquestioned sense of certainty 5) Tentative 6) Intense/Excited 7) Patient (not urged to act right away) 8) Open-minded (receptive to new ideas) 9) Single-Minded (only concerned with immediate wants) 10) Slow 11) Closed-Minded (stubbornly unreceptive to new ideas) 12) Short-Sighted (only concerned with immediate future) 13) Global-minded (concerned with all of your wants and needs) 14) Calm E. Emotional Mind T. Thinking Mind Write Write the the numbers numbers 1 1 to to on on a a piece piece of of paper. paper. Then Then look look at at the the characteristics characteristics on on this this screen. screen. If If you you think think a a characteristic characteristic is is one one that that belongs belongs to to the the emotional emotional mind, mind, put put the the letter letter E E next next to to the the number. number. If If you you think think it it belongs belongs to to the the thinking thinking mind, mind, put put a a T T next next to to the the number. number.

24 1) T. Thinking Mind Long-ranged (concerned with immediate future and long term) 2) E. Emotional Mind Fast 3) E. Emotional Mind Impatient (urged to act right away) 4) E. Emotional Mind Unquestioned sense of certainty 5) T. Thinking Mind Tentative 6) E. Emotional Mind Intense/Excited Did you answer this way? 7) T. Thinking Mind Patient (not urged to act right away) 8) T. Thinking Mind Open-minded (receptive to new ideas) 9) E. Emotional Mind Single-Minded (only concerned with immediate wants) 10) T. Thinking Mind Slow 11) E. Emotional Mind Closed-Minded (stubbornly unreceptive to new ideas) 12) E. Emotional Mind Short-Sighted (only concerned with immediate future) 13) T. Thinking Mind Global-minded (concerned with all of your wants and needs) 14) T. Thinking Mind Calm

25 I want a drink. I don t think that would be a good idea and I m in charge here. Even though the the emotional mind is is faster, more intense and has a greater (unquestioned) sense of ofcertainty than the the thinking mind, the the thinking mind has the the potential, in in most cases, to to direct a person's behavior. This is is basically for for 2 reasons:

26

27 Epictetus The re-stimulation usually comes from our thoughts. The re-stimulation usually comes from our thoughts. Man is not disturbed by events, but by the view he takes of them.

28 Emotional urges only last for for a few seconds. If If the the stimulus disappears, the the emotion fades quickly. It It is is a person's thoughts that can keep an an emotion active long after the the original stimulus is is gone. To To give an an example of of this, imagine that you are are in in heavy traffic. A car car cuts in in front of of you and then heads off off an an exit ramp. You might have an an initial gut reaction of of fear, but it it fades in in seconds.

29 ~ # & *! However, you might start thinking: "That blankety blank SOB. Who does he he think he he is? is? I d I d like to to teach that a thing or or two." If If so, so, you will create angry feelings and emotional urges to to punish the the perpetrator. If If you keep those thoughts up, up, you will put yourself into a bad mood, striking out at at other people without good cause.

30 On On the the other hand, you might stop their initial angry thoughts and replace them with self-controlling thoughts. If If you do do this, you will calm down and your mood and thoughts will return to to normal. Just because he s an irresponsible driver, I don t have to act like a jerk too. I m not going to let it spoil my day. Now where was I.

31 It was the same event a car cutting in front of another. What made a difference in how the person felt was not the event, but how he explained it to himself.

32 Do Do I I really know what what is is going on? on? Will Will it it help help me me get get what what I I want want if if act act this this way? way?

33 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences 3. Beliefs Problem Solve or Cope Your thinking mind is is in in charge of of you emotional mind. However, there are are ways in in which the the emotional mind gets the the upper hand. These are are called dysreasoning effects.

34 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences 3. Beliefs 1. Impulsivity Temperament Stress Problem Solve or Cope Some people are are prone to to impulsivity; their emotional mind jumps them into action before their thinking mind even has a chance to to get get started.. People of of this temperament are are not only impulsive, but trust their impulses and feel frustrated if if they are are restrained from acting on on them even if if doing so so has been a source of of problems for for them in in the the past.

35 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences 3. Beliefs 1. Impulsivity Temperament Stress Problem Solve or Cope In In addition, people under stress tend to to be be impulsive, regardless of of their temperament. When you are are stressed, you cannot think clearly and are are driven by by how you feel --not by by reason.

36 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences 3. Beliefs 1. Impulsivity Temperament Stress 2. Emotional Hijacking Problem Solve or Cope Another dysreasoning effect is is an an emotional hijacking. Some situations get get people so so emotionally overwhelmed that that they they cannot think think straight and and they they let let their their emotions carry carry them them away. When their their emotional mind mind declares an an emergency, their their thinking mind's ability to to function is is compromised. Acting in in a rage rage is is an an example. After a person calms down and and reason returns, they they wonder what what came over over them.

37 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences 3. Beliefs 1. Impulsivity Temperament Stress 2. Emotional Hijacking 3. Clouded Judgment Problem Solve or Cope Clouded judgment is is another dysreasoning effect. Rather than than seeking confirming evidence for for their their interpretation of of events, they they just just feel feel blindly confident that that they they know what what is is going on. on. Rather than than formulating a variety of of choices, they they only only create options consistent with with their their current state state of of emotions. Their moods bias bias their their decision-making. When a person is is sad, sad, for for example, they they lose lose confidence in in their their abilities and and do do not not attempt activities they they might normally pursue.

38

39

40 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences 3. Beliefs 1. Impulsivity Temperament Stress 2. Emotional Hijacking 3. Clouded Judgment 4. Irrational Beliefs Problem Solve or Cope Another dysreasoning effect is is irrational beliefs. Beliefs of of this this type type limit limit a person's thinking by by providing irrational, inflexible responses to to life's life's situations, instead of of developing effective solutions. Rather than than being resilient and and creative, they they do do things a certain way way every time time whether that that way way is is useful or or not. not.

41 This is too awful, I can t stand it. Low Frustration Tolerance The The Holocaust (where (where the the Nazis Nazis murdered millions millions of of Jews) Jews) was was awful. awful. Someone cutting cutting in in front front of of you you in in line line is is frustrating, but but it it is is not not awful. awful. However, people people with with Low Low Frustration Tolerance feel feel as as if if they they can can not not stand stand any any problem problem and and get get themselves all all worked worked up. up.

42 This is hard. I'll never be able to do it. Then they'll really think I'm stupid. If I feel bad, I need a few drinks to feel better. Irrational Core Beliefs I m unlovable. I m incompetent The world is is a rotten place. Everyone is is out to to hurt me. You can t trust anyone. These are are true true sometimes, but but not not most most of of the the time. time. However, if if you you think think they they are are true true all all the the time, time, you you will will have have a lot lot of of unnecessary problems.

43 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences 3. Beliefs 1. Impulsivity Temperament Stress 2. Emotional Hijacking 3. Clouded Judgment 4. Irrational Beliefs 5. Avoidance Strategies Problem Solve or Cope The The emotions we we often often experience when things are are not not going our our way way are are anger, sadness, fear fear and and anxiety. These emotions can can bias bias a person s thoughts and and lead lead to to the the development of of habitual avoidance strategies that that result in in their their neglecting the the sources of of their their problems.

44 A person's thoughts might be: This is is awful and there is is nothing I can do about it. it. Those thoughts might make a person feel SAD and see themselves as as powerless. As a result, they will just give up and do nothing to to solve their problems. What's the use of of trying to to stay sober, I can't help myself.

45 A person might think: This is is bad and I don't know what to do. This will make them feel ANXIOUS and ruminate, rather than act. Drinking then becomes attractive as a relief from this stress.

46 A person might think: This is is awful - I've just got to to get away. These thoughts will make them experience FEAR and feel like running away, literally or or in in their heads. They can easily rationalize, minimize, intellectualize and procrastinate rather than trying to to solve their problems. Sure, I drink some, but it's not really that bad.

47 They might have thoughts like, This is is not fair --he'll pay for for doing that. Some people feel ANGRY and see others as as the the source of of their problems. They will believe that others need to to change, not themselves, before a situation can get get better. As As a result, they will not take constructive actions to to solve their problems.

48 Some ANGRY people become aggressive and risk retribution from others. To hell with them, I don't care what they think. I'll drink if if I want to.

49 Another avoidance strategy is is to to seek palliative relief. People sometimes do do things that make them feel good, at at least temporarily, but that do do not address the source of of the problem. They overeat, gamble, shop, or or use alcohol and other drugs. They may do do something that makes them feel dominant and powerful. They kick the the dog or or yell at at the the kids.

50 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences 3. Beliefs 1. Impulsivity Temperament Stress 2. Emotional Hijacking 3. Clouded Judgment 4. Irrational Beliefs 5. Avoidance Strategies 6. Alcohol & Other Drugs Problem Solve or Cope Alcohol and and other other drugs can can also also lead lead to to a dysreasoning effect by by altering brain brain functions. While alcohol and and other other drugs affect all all brain brain functioning, they they tend tend to to diminish higher cognitive functions, tuning off off the the thinking mind, quicker and and to to a greater extent than than they they do do the the emotional mind.

51 1. Gut Feelings 2. Past Experiences 3. Beliefs 1. Impulsivity Temperament Stress 2. Emotional Hijacking 3. Clouded Judgment 4. Irrational Beliefs 5. Avoidance Strategies 6. Alcohol & Other Drugs 7. Mental Disorder Problem Solve or Cope Mental disorders may also be be a dysreasoning effect, because they can distort a person's ideas about reality.

52 Impulsivity (temperament/stress) Emotional Hijacking To be in control Clouded of your Judgment life you need to eliminate any dysreasoning Irrational Beliefs effects that get in the way of clear Avoidance thinking. Strategies Alcohol and Other Drugs Mental Disorder

53 Write the the number on on your piece of of paper. Then write a sentence or or two on on what you think each of of these techniques are are and how they might help eliminate dysreasoning effects. Value Clarification Refuting Irrational Beliefs Management of Emotions Problem Solving Relaxation Training Recognizing Problem Areas and Response Rehearsals

54 Write the the number on on your piece of of paper. Then write a sentence or or two on on which of of these techniques you think would be be most useful for for you to to use more often and why. Value Clarification Refuting Irrational Beliefs Management of Emotions Problem Solving Relaxation Training Recognizing Problem Areas and Response Rehearsals

55