INCREASING SEXUAL SATISFACTION IN COUPLES

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1 INCREASING SEXUAL SATISFACTION IN COUPLES BRITTANY LASHUA, M.A., LPC ABCST ASSOCIATE SEX THERAPIST DOCTORAL CANDIDATE T CA CONFERENCE PRESENTATION- 11/17

2 OBJECTIVES Participants will understand the nature and importance of sexual satisfaction. Participants will be able to discuss the truth connected to common sexual myths. Participants will receive language with which to discuss sexual issues with their clients and understand how to implement discussion and tools in session.

3 SEXUAL SATISFACTION IS An affective response arising from one s subjective evaluation of the positive and negative dimensions associated with one s sexual relationship. Copyright Brittany Lashua, 2017 (Lawrance & Byers, 1995)

4 WHY THIS EVEN MATTERS

5 SEXUAL SATISFACTION Sexual satisfaction is an important part of martial satisfaction (Young, Denny, Young & Luquis, 2004). More than 60% of couples experience sexual difficulties at some point in the life span (Brassard, Peloquin, Dupuy, Wright & Shaver, 2012). Copyright Brittany Lashua, 2017

6 SEXUAL SATISFACTION When the sexual aspect of a marriage is positive, it accounts for about 15-20% of overall marital satisfaction, serving to heighten intimacy, provide pleasure and reduce stress (McCarthy, 2003). However, when the sexual aspect is negative, dysfunctional, or deficient, it accounts for 50-70% of overall dissatisfaction, impacting intimacy (McCarthy, 2003). Copyright Brittany Lashua, 2017

7 RESEARCH SAYS

8 IT TAKES WORK Couples reported that it takes intentionality to keep sexual intimacy alive (Reynolds & Knudson-Martin, 2015). The more time couples have for each other, the greater their sexual satisfaction seemed to be (Reynolds & Knudson-Martin, 2015). The closer the couple is and the more likely they are to attribute to each other the term best friend, the more likely they are to have a more satisfying sex life (Reynolds & Knudson-Martin, 2015). Copyright Brittany Lashua, 2017

9 MAKE SEXY TIME SACRED After a sexual experience, there is a general positive or negative reaction, which leads to an attribution and is followed by an emotion (Weiner, 1986). This experience then feels sacred and is coded with a positive feeling like love, closeness, unity. Copyright Brittany Lashua, 2017

10 DISPELLING MYTHS

11 MYTH 1: My body never measures up. For example, my breasts are too small or too big, my fat rolls are showing, these stretch marks are hideous, ect.

12 MYTH 2: Women respond to sexual stimuli the same way and at the same pace that men do. My sexual desire should be the same frequency and pace as a man s.

13 MYTH 3: Orgasms can be easily experienced through intercourse, and every lovemaking session must include at least one orgasm

14 MYTH 4: Pleasing her partner is more important to her than her own sexual needs and desires. Copyright Brittany Lashua, 2017 (Rosenau, 2002)

15 MYTH 5: Normal frequency is at least 3x per week

16 MYTH 6: Men are always ready for sex, and erections come easily.

17 MYTH 7: Men need sex at least every 4 days or they will explode

18 MYTH 8: The length of the penis matters.

19 GET COLORFUL

20 SEX IN COLOR Green Purple Orange

21 GREEN Closeness in friendship THIS is actually what keeps couples continuing to fall in love with each other best friendship

22 HOW TO DEEPEN Fully sharing your emotions and being vulnerable Trust and fidelity Acceptance, forgiveness & respect Connecting Conversations Physical Affection and tender looks Small nurturing gestures Intentional quality and quantity time Mutual bonding activities

23 PURPLE All about being sensuous lovers NOT FOR DIRECT PURPOSE OF AROUSAL

24 HOW TO DEEPEN Eye to eye Eye to body Hand to hand Hand to head Body to body Mouth to mouth

25 ORANGE Erotic Playmates for Igniting Creatively taking foreplay, arousal and love play to passionate levels Arousing foreplay, creating frequency, adventure and surprises, fantasy, surrendering control, playful and intense

26 CONTINUUM OF LOVEMAKING 1 Pity 2 Duty 3-4 Nurturing 5-7 Connecting 8-10 Passionate

27 KNOW WHEN TO REFER Pain Low drive Problem is deeper than frequency or communication

28 REFERENCES McCarthy, B. (2003). Marital sex as it ought to be. Journal of Family Psychotherapy, 14(2), doi:// /J085v14n02_01 Reynolds, C., & Knudson-Martin, C. (2015). Gender and construction of intimacy among committed couples with children. Family Process, 54(2), doi:// /famp Rosenau, D. E. (2002). A celebration of sex: a guide to enjoying God's gift of sexual intimacy. Harper Collins. Weiner, B. (1986). Attribution, emotion, and action. In R. M. Sorrentino & E. T. Higgins (Eds.), Handbook of motivation and cognition: Foundations of social behavior (pp ). New York, NY: Guilford Press. Young, M., Denny, G., Young, T., & Luquis, R. (2000). Sexual satisfaction among married women. American Journal of Health Studies, 16(2),

29 QUESTIONS? Brittany Lashua, M.A., LPC ABCST Associate Sex Therapist Doctoral Candidate

Total Intimacy: A User-friendly Model for Restoring and Enriching Marital Lovemaking

Total Intimacy: A User-friendly Model for Restoring and Enriching Marital Lovemaking Dr. Doug Rosenau doug@dougrosenau.com AACC Webinar February 10, 2015 Total Intimacy The 3 Categories (Colors) of Marital