Overcome the Roadblocks that Stand in the Way of Lasting Weight Loss You ve heard the stories: The young wife who loses weight but gains it all back to please her jealous husband. The class clown, now an adult, who clings to his identity as the funny fat guy. If you re having a hard time losing weight or keeping it off, could there be an underlying emotional reason that s holding you back? If so, breaking down that barrier could be your ticket to taming your waistline with less struggle and for good. 98 REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE 99
Recognizing Your Emotional Roadblocks No one s going to control me. T his roadblock could have been formed by your mother badgering you to lose even more weight, a theme she s harped on since you were a child. Or, maybe it s coming from your doctor, a friend, a cousin anyone. It could be that you feel the pressure from the thin is beautiful culture itself. Whatever the source, you ve had enough, and you find yourself rebelling and gaining back the weight. How to remove the roadblock Know that your anger is justified. Being judged about your body weight is toxic, because that criticism causes you to internalize the message that you and your body are bad. One Western Oregon University study found that moms who idealized thinness and were critical of their daughters weight made it more likely that their daughters would have a bad body image and disordered eating (such as bulimia or other serious issues with food). But ditching your healthy habits won t heal the hurt you ll only feel worse as the pounds come back. Instead, find your own reasons for losing weight and maintaining your weight loss. This goes back to setting goals that are uniquely yours, such as I want to walk more quickly, without knee pain. Or, I like the way I look and feel when I m lighter. You have plenty of help, from your Goals and Motivation pages (in the Success Guide and online) to an entire session devoted to framing goals that inspire (Hit the Reset Button and Restart Your Weight Loss). And if your body image has taken a beating, work on loving and accepting your body with the tips found in the "Love Your Body, Keep Off The Pounds" session.. Emotional roadblocks are very individual, rooted in your own unique story. Your obstacle might be completely different from that of an overweight friend. Take a look at a few classics on the following pages they might spark an ah-ha" moment for you. Set goals that are uniquely yours! 100 REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE 101
If I can t be lean and slender, forget it! I t s a thrill to see the scale numbers fall as you lose weight. But what happens if you were planning on looking like a Vogue or Men s Health cover model and it didn t quite turn out that way? For black-andwhite thinkers (also called dichotomous thinkers), the disappointment can upend their weight-loss efforts. A study of 54 women in the UK shows just how destructive black-and-white thinking can be. All the women lost 15 percent of their starting weight, but a year later, dichotomous thinkers (identified by a test) had gained back, on average, 25 pounds more than half the weight they d lost. Their rationale? Because I didn t lose as much as I wanted, this effort isn t worth it, so might as well give up. However, women who were not dichotomous thinkers kept all their weight off. How to remove the roadblock: Because black-and-white thinking tends to be automatic, you re probably not aware that you do it. Here s a re-cap from a previous session, "Trash the Trash Talk: How to Silence Your Inner Critic," on how to conquer the black-and-white mindset. First, become aware that you do it. Simply recognizing that this type of thinking is a habit is the essential first step to countering these thoughts. Identify your dichotomous thoughts. Make a note of when you say things like, I don t look the way I did when I was 18, so I might as well give up on weight loss. When you recognize black-and-white thinking, simply tell yourself, Stop. Don t act on it. Replace the thought with shades of gray: So what if I don t look like I did 20 years ago? I m lighter and healthier than I was before I started Real Appeal and that s terrific! I m going to continue the healthy habits. While you re doing this, you must also work on evicting the slim is the only way to be beautiful notion, which can be very ingrained. Focus on the positive aspects of your body and mind. If you accept the limits of what you can change for example, that you can t go from being short to tall, or wider in the hips to beanpole you ll become more satisfied. Go back to the "Love Your Body, Keep Off The Pounds" session for valuable advice. if ii don't look like a model forget this program Ok I don't look like I did 20 years ago, but I'm happier and healthier This way, I don t have to deal with dating, sex or getting in a relationship. P erhaps you ve been hurt in a relationship and want to avoid being rejected again. Or, after you gained, you don t feel attractive. Maybe you don t get the same pleasure out of sex or maybe intimacy and sex seem too difficult or scary, but you re not sure why. Whatever the reason, staying overweight may be a convenient way to keep people at arm s length. Can we talk? How to remove the roadblock If fear of intimacy (emotional and/or sexual) is the driver, there are a couple of ways to turn this around. Be willing to change your view on the role your body weight plays. Trimming down does not mean you re forced to get into a relationship! You have control over that no matter what your weight. Meanwhile, start tackling the fear with some help by your side. You can start by talking to your coach or Real Appeal buddy. Counseling may also help you resolve more longstanding relationship issues. If you ve lost weight, but have trouble finding yourself attractive until you get skinny or get a six pack, then give Session 34 on body image another read. The best approach is to focus on becoming comfortable in your own skin at a weight that s right for you. 102 REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE 103
I always thought that after I lost weight, my life would be perfect. T hat s a quote from Carol, a woman being interviewed as part of a University of Georgia study on the attitudes of men and women who lost weight and were maintaining a BMI of around 25. Others interviewed for this study said that they thought weight loss would make them more popular, more organized, even more musically talented! Pinning so much false hope on weight loss is a set-up for disappointment. And when the unrealistic expectations don t materialize, it can dash motivation to keep up the healthy habits. How to remove the roadblock Your challenge is to revise your expectations. That doesn t mean giving up on a better life! But be conscious of setting different, perhaps even richer, goals. That s what most people in the University of Georgia study did. For example, Aimee, a graduate student who d envisioned becoming more sought after in her perfect life, said, if anything, losing the weight caused me to become a person who dealt with the problems in my life. It caused me to confront some of the issues that I previously had been hiding from. Better Sex With Weight Loss? tip real fact If you ve been more in the mood after losing weight, you might be experiencing more than just a boost in your confidence actual physiological changes in your hormones, circulation, and other body systems may also be at work. A number of studies show that the more overweight a person becomes, the more sexual issues they tend to have, such as erectile dysfunction or lack of sexual satisfaction. Fortunately, studies also find that losing weight can reverse all that! 104 REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE 105
5 Steps to Knock Down Your Emotional Roadblock As different as the examples above seem to be, they all have something very fundamental in common: an irrational belief or an unrealistic mindset. Once you pinpoint your irrational or unrealistic thought process, you can consciously change the mindset and knock down the barrier. Here are five steps you can take to knock down any emotional roadblock. 1 Be willing to admit your view is faulty. Your belief may seem very true to you some can be so deeply embedded and automatic that you re often not even aware of them. Before you realize it, your inner voice may pop out with something like, I m hopeless at weight loss, I need to reward myself with food, or I need to bake cookies otherwise my family won t feel loved. Be open to changing that belief. 2 Acknowledge that it s not working for you. Understand that these barriers are standing in the way of your goals. They re worth changing for your health and sanity! 3 Make a deliberate and calculated decision not to succumb to this way of thinking. Simply tell yourself, Stop. That s not true and thinking that way doesn t help me. 4 Switch from basic hope to true confidence. Hope is based on the belief that things will generally work out even if you re not actively making things happen. For example, I hope I ll become more adept at exercise. But confidence means that you re able to take charge and make changes: I ll build on my exercise abilities, adding 5 minutes to my workouts this week. 5 Develop a plan of action and go for it! Work with your coach, and use the rich variety of tools in Real Appeal. Especially applicable are the following three sessions: Four Simple Steps to Solve Your Weight- Loss Problems; Trash the Trash Talk: How to Silence Your Inner Critic; and Love Your Body, Keep Off The Pounds. 106 REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE 107
Commitment Contract I realize that even after I ve come so far in my weight loss, an emotional roadblock could prevent me from losing more weight, or interfere with maintenance. To avoid this: I will delve deep to find out if there s an emotional roadblock in my way. I will take the five steps outlined in this session to remove that roadblock. Meanwhile, I ll continue my other healthy habits to the best of my ability. I will knock down my roadblocks My signature: 108 REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE REAL APPEAL VOLUME THREE 109