Ministering in the Midst of Trauma: Helping the Suffering

Transcription

1 Ministering in the Midst of Trauma: Helping the Suffering Gwen Bartlett NextLevelMinistry.org For a copy of the slides & more resources send a text to: with the

2 Trauma a deeply distressing or disturbing experience: emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury, which may be associated with physical shock

3 Categories of Trauma Acute: sudden, unexpected, occurs once Car accident, natural disaster, rape, death of a loved one, shooting, terrorism event Chronic: on-going, long term, repeated Abuse, neglect, domestic violence, etc.

4 Vital for Ministry Meet the grieving where they re at -strive to understand their perspective Adolescent Psychology -frontal lobe not developed

5 Listen & Take Note 1) What are some things that may cause triggers or PTSD? 2) What was helpful? Who was my support system? 3) How would you minister to someone in this scenario?

6 Relational Ministry is key Don t Make Assumptions Family Support is different for each person Parents will do what they think is best -that may not be what the grieving need

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8 What Went Right We had a safe place to go - Church They prevented the news from playing They protected Church grounds from media Brought in counselors

9 What Could Be Done Better We didn t have a relationship with counselors before hand Didn t have a way for adults to systematically check on teens so people didn t slip through the cracks PRO TIP: Set small groups Funds were setup for counseling services 2 months after the shooting, but when we were ready to talk (2 years later) the funds had run out and those services had been closed.

10 What People Didn t Know About Me I felt like an outsider I was experiencing PTSD, nightmares, lived in fear -sirens trigger PRO TIP: Ask: Is there anything I can pray for? Youth group open mic intentions during prayer time.

11 Short Term 1) Aftercare minutes - 2 hours - 2 days (basic needs) Treating shock, hydration, food, shelter, notifications of tragedy, child care, crime scene, police, pray with them, etc. Don t ask how can I help or Let me know if you need anything - they don t know what they need. Instead, be specific: do you need food, clothes, water, veggies, have you eaten, do your kids have clothes, do you need clothes for the funeral (get their sizes if possible), is there anyone I can call, would you like me to call a priest, etc.

12 Short Term 1) Aftercare minutes - 2 hours - 2 days (basic needs) 2 days - 2 weeks - 2 month (funeral arrangements) Ask about cleaning out the deceased clothes, baby food from fridge, cleaning the paramedic s trash from scene, etc. This is all based upon the family s preference. Offer help with funeral, cemetery, burial needs; fundraising; meeting with a counselor; etc. Community / close friends prayer meeting & rosary.

13 Short Term 1) Aftercare minutes - 2 hours - 2 days (basic needs) 2 days - 2 weeks - 2 month (funeral arrangements) 2 weeks - 2 months - 2 years (finding a new normal ) Continued check-in, constant prayer, Christmas / birthday gifts & reminders, anniversaries, etc.

14 Short Term 1) Aftercare ) Establish a Baseline Learn their experience of what happened

15 Short Term 1) Aftercare ) Establish a Baseline 3) Relational Ministry Be WITH them Sit in the silence -for them it s filled with sorrow, not awkwardness Journey with them

16 Short Term 1) Aftercare ) Establish a Baseline 3) Relational Ministry 4) Create a Group Text / Support Group One with their close friends One with prayer warriors Both should keeps what s shared in confidence

17 Short Term 1) Aftercare ) Establish a Baseline 3) Relational Ministry 4) Create a Group Text / Prayer Group 5) Intentional Timing Find quiet times to minister: At night, go for a walk, step outside mid-afternoon

18 Short Term 1) Aftercare ) Establish a Baseline 3) Relational Ministry 4) Create a Group Text / Support Group 5) Intentional Timing 6) Ask the Tough Questions Invite in the Holy Spirit How are you feeling? Have you eaten? Have you spoken with your family? How did that go?

19 Short Term 1) Aftercare ) Establish a Baseline 3) Relational Ministry 4) Create a Group Text/Prayer Group 5) Intentional Timing 6) Ask the Tough Questions 7) Pray WITH Them! Don t just pray FOR them.

20 PAIR & PRAY Ask: Intentions, permission for physical contact Name Invite in the Holy Spirit upon their intention. Ask for God s love and peaceful presence. Amen Example: Lord, I thank you for (name). Send down your Holy Spirit and be present in (intention). Jesus help him/her to experience Your love and peace. Amen.

21 Short Term 1) Aftercare ) Establish a Baseline 3) Relational Ministry 4) Create a Group Text/Prayer Group 5) Intentional Timing 6) Ask the Tough Questions 7) Pray WITH Them! 8) Sometimes Theology Doesn t Matter Don t say: God has a plan or Jesus took him/her. Truth: God never desired for us to experience pain.

22 Short Term 9) Sometimes Theology Really Matters They need true, genuine answers given pastorally Are they in heaven / hell / purgatory? -this may be asked about the deceased / perpetrators Did God do this?

23 Short Term 9) Sometimes Theology Really Matters 10) Saying time heals all wounds or you just need to begin the healing process isn t helpful Time changes wounds Christ heals them. There s no 12 step program to healing. Help guide them in the direction of healing. Memorial video, viewing pictures, keeping/moving loved one s items (place items with their smell in ziploc/keepsake bag), creating wallet prints/prayer cards for family, visiting cemetery, visiting where they died, be sensitive about what they want to keep or get rid of (food, trash, clothes, toys, etc.), counseling.

24 Short Term 9) Sometimes Theology Really Matters 10) Saying time heals all wounds or you just need to begin the healing process isn t helpful 11) Finding a New Normal 12) Bouncer / Doorman for the Grieving Family 13) Logistical Help Keeping them hydrated, fed (especially vegetables), autopsy, funeral home, obituary, Sunday Mass fulfillment/ Communion Minister, YouCaring.com page, flowers, viewing (family/public), body transport, police, media

25 Short Term 9) Sometimes Theology Really Matters 10) Saying time heals all wounds or you just need to begin the healing process isn t helpful 11) Finding a New Normal 12) Bouncer / Doorman for the Grieving Family 13) Logistical Help 14) Kids & Adolescents 5 or 6 years and older Try to get them talking Look for opportune times

26 Great Questions to Ask Once they start talking, try to get them to share all you can. What was your experience? What do you remember? What did you see? What was that like for you? How did that make you feel? How did you respond? How are you feeling now? Do you have any questions, worries, or concerns? Is there anything you want to do? Do you want to go to (somewhere fun) just to have a break?

27 Have a Feelings List

28 Short Term 9) Sometimes Theology Really Matters 10) Saying time heals all wounds or you just need to begin the healing process isn t helpful 11) Finding a New Normal 12) Bouncer / Doorman for the Grieving Family 13) Logistical Help 14) Kids & Adolescents Ages 1-4 or 5 years old Process differently Will say facts in between playing (ex: Anthony s gone. )

29 Short Term 9) Sometimes Theology Really Matters 10) Saying time heals all wounds or you just need to begin the healing process isn t helpful 11) Finding a New Normal 12) Bouncer / Doorman for the Grieving Family 13) Logistical Help 14) Kids & Adolescents 15) Help them see the blessings / miracles at appropriate times

30 Long Term 1) Remember to reach out on anniversaries & special occasions 1 week, 2 week, 1 month, 3 month, 6 month, 1 year Birthdays, holidays PRO TIP: Put anniversaries in your calendar Set a location alarm on phone to pray for them Set a random alarm (ex: Wed at 3:15p) to pray Send them a text / card / etc.

31 Long Term 1) Remember and reach out on anniversaries & special occasions 2) There s no right answer, but there are some wrong ones Avoid Saying: I can t imagine what you re going through. Get over it. It s been 10 years, you probably wouldn t still be friends or keep in touch with them anyway. You remember the names of the perpetrators, not the victims.

32 Long Term 1) Remember and reach out on anniversaries & special occasions 2) There s no right answer, but there are some wrong ones 3) Continue to journey WITH them

33 Journey WITH them Long Term People will ghost after the funeral -help them capitalize on help while people are offering ex: facebook groups, youcaring.com page Pray FOR them & pray WITH them Send a random card, call, or text Ask them what they want to do for the anniversary Invite them out, provide childcare for parents Give them space when needed Help them share their story of what happened Encourage a healthy expression of emotions Create a playlist of songs of hope JPIIHealingCenter.org healing retreats

34 Long Term 1) Remember and reach out on anniversaries & special occasions 2) There s no right answer, but there are some wrong ones 3) Continue to journey WITH them 4) Be aware of survivor s guilt

35 Long Term 1) Remember and reach out on anniversaries & special occasions 2) There s no right answer, but there are some wrong ones 3) Continue to journey WITH them 4) Be aware of survivor s guilt 5) Keep in mind: Their entire life will be inundated by this Looks can be deceiving Death can vastly change perspectives

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37 Long Term 1) Remember and reach out on anniversaries & special occasions 2) There s no right answer, but there are some wrong ones 3) Continue to journey WITH them 4) Be aware of survivor s guilt 5) Keep in mind: Their entire life will be inundated by this Looks can be deceiving Death can vastly change perspectives Psychological dissociation Time doesn t make it better, but may change how it feels

38 Prepare Now 1. Build relationships with those you minister to 2. Build relationships with their supervisory figures Youth: school teachers, principal, coaches, parents, etc. 3. Build relationships with first responders (fire, police, etc.) 4. Build relationships with good counselors help counselors build friendships with youth/families 5. Have an action plan in place in case of an emergency blueprints of buildings/class lists/phone numbers accessible offsite 6. Have a plan of action for after the emergency is over: Where will people meet? How will you get youth/parents reunited? Who is in charge of speaking to & directing media? Where is media allowed, not allowed? What counselors would be willing to come to you? How will you connect survivors with counseling services?

39 Unique Situations Crime Scenes Notification to News regarding Memorial Services Dealing with Media Presence Private Property Only allow scheduled interviews Vast majority of news crews have no concern for victims privacy, grieving, or healing You truly have to protect the victims, survivors, and grieving from the media - have a plan in place

40 Next Level Ministry Fostering excellence in ministry leadership We Provide Free resources Gwen Bartlett Speaking Consulting Volunteer team training Staff training 1-on-1 Coaching For a copy of the slides & more resources send a text to: with the