When People Explode! Crisis Intervention and De-Escalation Techniques for Everyday Survival

Transcription

1 When People Explode! Crisis Intervention and De-Escalation Techniques for Everyday Survival Francis L. Battisti, PhD Ph: (607) Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong... because sometime in your life you will have been all of these. 1

2 Care is a species activity that includes everything that we do to maintain, continue, and repair our World so that we can live in it as well as possible. ~ Fisher & Tronto Caring About Caring For Caregiving Care Receiving 2

3 Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. ~Max Lucado Perhaps no mightier conflict of mind occurs ever again in a lifetime than that first decision to unseat one s own tooth. ~Gene Fowler 3

4 The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress. ~Joseph Joubert Conflict in and of itself is not a negative experience It is how we choose to respond to conflict that determines whether its effect will be positive or negative Instead of believing that we know all the answers, we embrace curiosity. ~The Tao of Negotiation 4

5 Conflict is: The struggle that results from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes or demands. Disagreement and Conflict All disagreements are not conflicts but all conflicts are disagreements. 5

6 Conflict occurs when someone believes their rights have been denied. always results from disagreement. is a symptom of a problem and problems need to be resolved. Causes of Conflict 1. Poor communication 2. Simple misunderstanding 3. Different values 4. Different goals and/or objectives 5. Overlapping responsibilities or boundaries 6. Time pressures 7. Lack of Trust 8. Competition of limited resources 9. Ethnic or cultural differences 6

7 Three Dimensions of Conflict The issue The personal level The interpersonal level The Nature of Conflict Conflict is natural; neither positive nor negative, it just is. Conflict is just an interference. Nature uses conflict as its primary motivator for change. 7

8 The Nature of Conflict It s not whether you have conflict in your life. It s what you do with the conflict. Winning and losing are goals for games, not conflicts. Conflict can be seen as a gift of energy. The Nature of Conflict Resolving conflict is about acknowledgement and appreciation of differences. Conflict begins within. 8

9 Be Willing to Understand Understanding is the gift that comes from listening; is asking questions rather than having the answer; allows differences to fade and similarities to come forth; Be Willing to Understand Understanding naturally acknowledges and appreciates the other person; moves us from issue to vision creates movement from stalemate to resolution 9

10 Conflict Resolution Techniques Do your homework Find points of agreement Begin positively and express support Maintain / enhance self-esteem Express, listen and watch for feelings Conflict Resolution Techniques Be conscious of visual and vocal message Focus on behavior, not personality Stay flexible in style Summarize to test understanding Suggest alternatives Consider the needs of the other person 10

11 Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model Assertive Assertiveness Competing Compromising Collaborating Unassertive Avoiding Accommodating Uncooperative Cooperativeness Cooperative Conflict Resolution Process Identify the disagreement as a mutual problem. For each side, identify the negative result of not resolving the conflict. Ask for the perceptions of the other party and share your perception. 11

12 Conflict Resolution Process Make list of points both sides agree on, common goals and each other s needs. Negotiate mutually beneficial solutions. Establish an action plan to eliminate present conflict and prevent future conflict. 1.) Self- Concept 2.) Listening 3.) Self-Disclosure 4.) Clarity of Expression 5.) Meaningful Contact 12

13 Emotion and Responsibility on speaker Helps clarify point Helps receiver be less defensive You are late picking your dad up! When you are late, your dad gets very agitated and takes it out on the staff. We really appreciate you to being timely. You didn t call ahead to tell us that you were taking your mother out for a days outing! We had a difficult time getting your mother ready on such short notice. Next time, we really need you to give us some time to get her ready and comfortable for her day s outing. 13

14 You must not shout at me! It is hard for me to listen to you because I am uncomfortable with shouting voices in the neighborhood. I would like you to share your concerns with me in a lower voice so that I can assist you. The Six C s 1. Cool 2. Considering 3. Communicate 4. Clarifying 5. Consequences 6. Correct timing 14

15 Four Steps to Managing Your Own Pressure Recognize Pressure Cues Go to Center Breathe Fully Expand and Action on Your Awareness Emotional Awareness Track Down 1. What am I feeling? Mad/Sad/Scared What is happening to my body? How is this feeling affecting my life now? 2. When did this feeling start? What was happening at the time/or what occasioned it? 15

16 Emotional Awareness- Track Down 3. What desire/demand did I have which was unmet? What expectation was unfilled? (For example: I expected/demand that Frank would shower me with compliments for my proposal.) 4. Are you willing to let go of this demand expectation? If YES-- go to #5 If NO-- go to #6 Emotional Awareness- Track Down 5. Congratulations! What are alternative ways of having your needs met, or of releasing these uncomfortable feelings? 6. Congratulations! What do you choose to do about it? 16

17 Difficult People 17

18 The Over-reactor TYPE APPROACH Over-reactors Never shout back Calm/soothing words Suggestions Territorial Don t back down 18

19 TYPE APPROACH Stubborn Tell them why, how, when, etc. Firmness Choose to cooperate My Way 19

20 The Overly Sensitive TYPE APPROACH Overly Sensitive Do not back off Confront situation Praise when needed Emotional 20

21 The Chronic Complainer TYPE Chronic Complainer APPROACH Use open ended questions Let them come up with solutions Deal with each complaint separately Nothing is ever right 21

22 The Persistent TYPE APPROACH Persistent Stand up to them Restate your case End discussion with no Don t give up 22

23 Summary: Turn the Heat Into Light Choose time and place carefully Change behaviors/not people Find something to agree on Use I language Figure out your part Be precise with criticism Summary: Turn the Heat Into Light When someone attacks agree Give yourself time Have more CONFLICTS Find the 3rd option Agree on the future... stick to plan 23

24 Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. ~Mark Twain Ciao Ciao* *Bye Bye 24

25 When People Explode! Crisis Intervention and De-escalation Techniques for Everyday Survival Competing Assertive and Uncooperative One s concerns at expense of others Power-oriented Mode Standing up for what one s rights Accomodating Unassertive and cooperative Neglects one s own concerns Self-sacrifice Gives in to other Avoiding Unassertive and uncooperative Does not pursue their own concerns Does not pursue concerns of others Does not address the conflict Compromising Assertive and cooperative Find mutually acceptable solution Splitting the difference

26 Seeking quick ground position Collaborating Assertive and Cooperative Work with other to find solution Mutually exploring the issue Attempt to meet both sets of concerns Based on the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model

27 De-Escalation Techniques Are people purposefully difficult? What do I do when I interact with a difficult person? Are we all naturally difficult people? Personality Types Difficult People The Over-Reactor territorial Stubborn- my way The Overly-Sensitive- emotional The Chronic Complainer- nothing is ever right The Persistent- don t give up Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. ~Max Lucado

28 1.) Setting of Ground Rules- A Six-Step Process for Conflict Resolution Discuss and agree upon the rules for the meeting, such as time, who speaks first etc... 2.) Telling and Hearing Stories- Those in conflict begin to find common ground. How each sees a problem and feels about it. Involves active listening. Issues are stated clearly. 3.) Clarifying Issues- Describe what he or she heard in the other s story. Clarify where needed. 4.) Taking responsibility for your part in the Conflict- Each begins using assertiveness and active listening. Responsibility is being taken when each begins to understand how the other feels and sees the needs of the other. 5.) Defining Options- List as many options as possible. Discuss how each feels about each particular option. 6.) Reaching Agreement- At this point the agreement reached is written down in terms which are mutually agreeable, including how each will be accountable and what will be done if the agreement breaks down. Turn the Heat Into Light Choose time and place carefully Change behaviors/not people Find something to agree on Use I language Figure out your part Be precise with criticism When someone attacks agree Give yourself time Have more CONFLICTS Find the 3rd option Agree on the future... stick to plan