CONFLICT RESOLUTION: REAL SKILLS FOR THE REAL WORLD. BWSR Academy 2015

Transcription

1 CONFLICT RESOLUTION: REAL SKILLS FOR THE REAL WORLD BWSR Academy 2015

2 MINNESOTA STATE OFFICE FOR COLLABORATION AND DISPUTE RESOLUTION Serving as a statewide catalyst to advance: Sustainable resolution of matters of public interest Broad use of community mediation throughout Minnesota Effective collaboration and dispute resolution in state and local government

3 SILVER BULLET Get invested in solving the other person s problem.

4 THE ONE STEP YOU CAN T SKIP: PERSPECTIVE TAKING

5 WHAT DO YOU SEE HERE?

6 THE ONE STEP YOU CAN T SKIP: PERSPECTIVE TAKING Being able to see someone else s perspective doesn t mean that they are right or that you agree with them. It simply means that you are willing to acknowledge that it is the experience of the other person, and therefore true for her.

7 PERSPECTIVE TAKING

8 FACTORS THAT CAUSE OR ARISE DURING CONFLICT Basic Human Needs Emotion Identity

9 BASIC HUMAN NEEDS

10 VALUE DIFFERENCES Do not seek to change someone s value as that is likely to exacerbate the conflict Seek to understand the value through dialogue Identify the universal value that underlies the specific value Ex: specific value = environmentalism, underlying value = safe and livable environment for all human beings Ex: specific value = limited government, underlying value = freedom to do as one s conscious and wisdom guides them to do Identify the need underlying the value Ex: value = no government regulation, need = to make a living Ex: value = conserve wetlands, need = clean drinking water for local residents

11 EMOTION Express your feelings. Unbundle your emotions. Explore your emotional footprint. Separate feelings from judgments. Negotiate with your feelings. Acknowledge their feelings.

12 WHAT IS IDENTITY? Who I believe myself to be or not be. The story we tell ourselves about ourselves. It is our sense of who we are in the world. It is the answer to the statement, If I know nothing else about myself, I know I am the kind of person who The sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time.

13 IDENTITIES Competent per son Good per son Person worthy of love Per sonal attitudes, values, character Professional role, status, title Relational spouse, parent, sibling, neighbor, coworker Demographic age, culture, race, gender, bir th order, ethnicity Organizational the culture of an organization such as corporate, militar y, or nonprofit endows par ticipants with an identity

14 THE WORLD S MOST POWERFUL SKILL Listening Feeling heard is a basic human need. Listening transforms relationships, alleviates the need for decision making, resolves conflict and solves problems.

15 HOW TO BE A GOOD LISTENER Good listening isn t a gimmick. If you are truly listening your body language will reflect that and if you aren t, it won t. Good listeners: have practices that help them to quiet their own minds mediation, prayer, exercise, etc. read the body language of the other person listen below the words for the essence needs, concerns, feelings - and reflect those back to the other person so that she feels heard

16 HOW TO BE A GOOD LISTENER

17 ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION Use I statements by talking more about yourself - how you feel, what you want, the impact on you, your perspective, and your part in the conflict Talk less about the other person their flaws, their mistakes, what they did, what they should have done, what you think their intentions are

18 WIN-WIN PROBLEM SOLVING Look for solutions that address the concerns of and meet the needs of everyone. Think outside the box. Great creative Generate lots of ideas. Including bad ones because they lead to good ones.

19 WIN-WIN PROBLEM SOLVING O only P proposals T that I include O other s N needs S succeed

20 PROBLEM SOLVING SUMMARY 1.Wait until you and the other person are calm enough to discuss the issue. 2.Ask the other person what his perspective is. Use your listening skills ( reading body language, asking clarifying questions) to hear the concerns and needs beneath the positions. 3.Accept that his perspective is true for him. 4.Restate what the person has said to make sure you understood.

21 PROBLEM SOLVING SUMMARY 5.Use I statements to tell the other person what the problem is from your perspective. Tell him what is most important to you and what you need. 6.Brainstorm OPTIONS. 7.Make an agreement about how to move forward.

22 EXERCISE Find a partner nearby. Very briefly tell your partner about the conflict you are facing. Then, with the help of your partner, identify the elements of basic human needs, emotion, and identity that are occurring for you and the person that you are having a conflict with. Your par tner will practice listening and will reflect on three levels: Facts check for confirmation that the important parts of the communication were heard accurately Feelings whether or not feelings words were used Essence the heart of the speaker s communication: the needs and values Switch roles. You have 20 minutes.

23 Anxious Betrayed Despairing Disappointed Disturbed Eager Grateful Inadequate Lonely Shocked Uncomfortable Worried FEELING WORDS

24 Compassion Community Connection Creativity Equality Family Freedom Justice Harmony Inclusiveness Trust Understanding VALUES/NEEDS

25 DON T TAKE IT PERSONALLY Taking things personally causes conflict. The truth is that very little of it is about you. Learn what you can about your part and then recognize that it is about all this other stuff basic human needs, emotion and identity for the other person.

26 CONFLICT DYNAMICS Myopia Assuming intentions from impact Favor own group Issues that start off as structural (i.e. no clear policy for how work is distributed or decisions made) become personal (i.e. I can t trust her or he is manipulating the system)

27 CONFLICT ST YLES INVENTORIES Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Styles Inventory Accommodating Avoiding Collaborating Competing Compromising Intercultural Conflict Styles Inventory Direct/Indirect Emotional expressiveness/emotional restraint

28 WORKS CITED/READING LIST Beyond Reason by Fisher and Shapiro Dif ficult Conversations by Stone, Patton, and Heen Facilitating with Heart by Lasley Facilitators Guide to Participatory Decision Making by Kaner, et al. Getting to Yes by Fisher, Ury and Patton Little Book of Cool Tools for Hot Topics by Kraybill and Wright Thinking, Fast and Slow by Kahneman

29 ENVIRONMENTAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION RESOURCES Consensus Building Institute - Inter-sector Project - Policy Consensus Initiative - University of Virginia Institute for Environmental Negotiation - US Institute for Environmental Conflict Resolution -

30 OCDR SERVICES Preliminary Consultation - to explore the issue under dispute and how OCDR can help Issue Assessment - to evaluate the opportunities for collaborative solutions Process Design - to leverage financial resources, information and participants' time Convening - to bring parties to the table, and foster their commitment to collaborate Facilitator Recruitment -to help parties select the most skilled facilitator for the project Consensus Building-to ensure open discussion and consideration of all viewpoints

31 MN STATE OFFICE FOR COLLABORATION AND DISPUTE RESOLUTION To learn more about our services contact the MN State Office for Collaboration and Dispute Mariah.Levison@state.mn.us