Effective Communication in Real Estate Management

Transcription

1 Effective Communication in Real Estate Management Pre-License Copyright 2007 No written part of the material may be reproduced in whole or in part without express permission. This information is provided for educational purposes only. This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is provided with the understanding that the author is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

2 EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN REAL ESTATE MANAGEMENT Ch.19 This chapter focuses on the following topics: Effective Communications in Real Estate Management Comparison of Alternative Behavior Styles Delivery of Messages A Case Study in Communications Breakdown Effective Communications in Real Estate Management >>A Communication Model Professional real estate practitioners are expert communicators. Whether they have learned communications skills through experience or through formal educational activities makes no difference. The fact remains that To sell em, you gotta tell em. Communications are those varieties of ways people use to convey an idea or information from one brain to another. The very best of human communication is imperfect. Every spoken or written word is subject to interpretation. The speaker or writer interprets and means something by every word which may not be the same interpretation of the listener or reader. Each interpretation is based on the personal experience of the listener or reader. People communicate on a variety of levels, usually simultaneously. Facial expressions, postures and hand gestures are visual cues which reinforce the information or ideas communicated. Most of us have learned to read these signs from childhood. In addition there is a kind of communication that takes place that is not well understood, but practiced by virtually everyone. Called subliminal communication, it is a major contributor to first impressions. Virtually all people can recall occasions wherein they met a person for the first time and experienced a positive attraction or a negative repulsion with no other input than physical, intellectual and emotional presence. 1

3 Many of the problems with which a broker must deal are communication problems. Communications break down when speakers or listeners place different interpretations on words and phrases and make assumptions. Failure to communicate that a light fixture in a dinning room does not go with the property or making the assumption it remains may be the cause of transactions failing. Though effective and accurate communications will not make all transactions work, they will have the effect of helping more of them have less bumps. Effective communication occurs when the receiver interprets the sender s message in the same way it was intended. This is mutual understanding, but does not necessarily mean agreement. The communicated message can be affected by both the method of communications (e.g. voice, body language, and writing) and the filters we pass all messages through (e.g. attitudes, prejudices, frame of reference, defensiveness, distractions). Elements of Effective Communication The elements of effective communication include the following: Appropriately open and honest. Specific and complete statements. Issue and behavior oriented. Avoids assumptions and judgments. Uses I - language rather than You - language. Fits message to the receiver s frame of reference. Gives feedback to confirm understanding of the sender s message. Obtains feedback to make sure the receiver understands the message sent. None - verbal behavior matches verbal behavior. Prompts others to be specific and refrain from judgments or assumptions. Uses empathy to understand the other s positions. Listens >>Assessment of Communication Style With the great variety of communications styles available, each person may use several. However, depending on the situation, we tend to prefer one communication style above others. The following is an exercise to assist in identifying individual communication styles. 2

4 Instructions Think of situations encountered in one type of setting. For example, think of communications and relations that take place at work or at home or some other situation. Keep this setting in mind as the following assessment is completed. Allocate 10 points among the four alternative behaviors based on your perception of how you usually respond to these situations. The first one is done as an example. Example When two people I know become involved in an argument, I usually: Try to ignore them 5. Tell them who I think is right 0. Try to get them to listen to each other s side When Someone Becomes Hostile Or Intimidating Toward Me, I: A. Walk away or start to cry. B. Yell back and threaten him/her. C. Let the person go but try to figure out how to get even later. D. Listen and try to understand what he/she is saying and why, and then give my side of the issue. 2. When I Think Another Person Is Taking Advantage Of Me, I: A. Accept the situation as it is and avoid the person as much as possible. B. Tell the other person how inconsiderate he/she is. C. Try to make him/her feel guilty or try to get something back from the person to be even. D. Tell the person how I feel, what I would like and refuse to let him/her do it to me again. 3. When I Disagree With Someone, My General Pattern Is To: A. Keep my mouth shut because it s easier just to keep the peace. B. Try to convince the other person he/she is wrong and I am right. C. Say: DO you really believe that? or make a face to show I disagree. D. Tell him/her I disagree and state my opinion. 3

5 4. The Quality I Value Most In Communications Is: A. Patience B. Forcefulness C. Cleverness D. Openness 5. When Someone Does Something That Bothers Me, I Usually: A. Say and do nothing. B. Tell the person how inconsiderate he/she is and insist he/she stop making me upset. C. Hint around through jokes or body language that I want him/her to change, or complain to others. D. Explain to the person how I feel about the behavior and what I would like to happen instead. 6. When I Could Use Some Help With Something, I Tend To: A. Go ahead and do it myself because I don t want to bother anyone. B. Tell someone he/she should help me because I am always helping him/her. C. Act like I don t know how or don t have time to do it and hope someone will notice. D. Ask the person politely if he/she could help me out and accept a refusal gracefully. 7. When Another Person Asks Me To Do Something I Don t Want To Do, I Usually: A. Do it anyway because I don t want to make the person mad or hurt his/her feelings B. Tell the person that he/she is always picking on me and to do it his/herself C. Look pained and say, Well, I guess I could if you really need me to. D. Politely refuse 4

6 8. When Someone Completes Something For Me With Which I Am Dissatisfied, I: A. Do it over because it is easier than confronting the person. B. Tell the person how sloppy and incompetent he/she is. C. Ask something like, Have you been feeling well lately?. D. Return it to the person and point out specifically what he/she needs to change. 9. The Feedback I Receive From Most People About How I Communicate With Others Indicates That I: A. Usually try to be the nice guy and avoid confrontation. B. Try hard to get my way and often put others on the defensive. C. Confuse them about how I feel or what I want, am sarcastic, or become the martyr. D. Try to be open and honest and to work out differences cooperatively while showing concern for their feelings. 10. Following A Run In With Someone I Am Close To I: A. Want to let it lie and try to forget my upset feelings. B. Want to go back and settle things my way. C. Want to be less helpful or caring towards him/her. D. Want to go back and work it out so I can feel good about the relationship again. 5

7 Totals: Column 1: Column 2: Column 3: Column 4: Draw a line corresponding to each total on the graph below. Shade in the area under each line you draw to indicate the relative frequency of your behavior styles. Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 Column Passive Aggressive Indirect Assertive For an explanation of each of these communications behavior styles, see the following. >>Passive Comparison of Alternative Behavior Styles Definition Does not express own rights, needs, feelings or opinions. Allows others to infringe upon rights. Characteristics of Behavior Submissive, avoiding, placating, self-denying. Underlying Belief System I should not displease others or make them uncomfortable. My self-esteem depends on other s approval and liking. Problem Solving Others choose for me. You - win, I - lose. Anything to keep the peace. Power Position Gives away power by being dependent on others. Is afraid of positional power. 6

8 Person Feels Anxious, ignored, helpless, frustrated, manipulated. Others Feel Superior or guilty, unsure of person, possibly lack of respect for this person. Payoff Avoids risk, conflict, confrontation. May be considered nice guy, gets protected. Outcome Probably does achieve goals, gets taken advantage of. Accumulated frustration can lead to mental or physical illness. >>Aggressive Definition Expresses own rights, needs, feelings and opinions at the expense of others. Characteristics of Behavior Intimidating, demanding, blaming, judging, scolding. Underlying Belief System Others should be and do what I think is best. I m right. I do not care how they feel as long as they go along with me. Problem Solving Chooses for others I - win, you lose. Attacks personalities. Power Position Relies primarily on positional power and tries to control by fear. Person Feels Superior, righteous, controlling, possibly guilty later. Others Feel Defensive, humiliated, demeaned, angry, distrustful, and resentful. Payoff Avoids hassles and questions, and is seen as tough. Outcome Probably achieves goals at the expense of relationships; often causes malicious compliance and sabotage. 7

9 >>Indirect Definition Tries to stand up for own rights, expresses feelings, opinions and needs by hinting or trying to cause guilt. Characteristics of Behavior Subtle, uses questions as statements, hidden bargains, uses non-verbal hints. Underlying Belief System I can t trust others to cooperate if it s my idea, so I ll try to make them think it is theirs. Problem Solving Tries to choose for others without them knowing it. I win if I can make you think you win or make you feel guilty enough. Power Position May use personal power on surface, with implied use of positional power. Person Feels Sneaky, uncertain, possibly revengeful if hints are ignored. Others Feel Confused, guilty, resentful if they think they have been conned. Payoff May not have to take risks if others are willing to read hints or feel guilty. Outcome Possibly achieves goals if skillful or likable. Plays a lot of games. >>Assertive Definition Stands up for own rights, expresses needs, feelings and opinions, while also respecting others. Characteristics of Behavior Appropriately honest, direct, confident, can be flexible and empathic or persistent and firm when appropriate. Underlying Belief System I can respect and like others without necessarily liking their behavior or agreeing with them. I can risk momentary discomfort for the long term gain of a more honest relationship. 8

10 Problem Solving Chooses for self, influences others. I win and you win through negotiation and problem solving. Deals with issues and behavior. Person Feels Confident, goal oriented, valued, in control of self. Others Feel Respectful, trusting, clear about where you stand. Payoff Maximizes chances for influence and effectiveness, feels better about self. Outcome Probably achieves goals while maintaining positive relationships; promotes cooperation and problem solving. >>Self-Talk Every human talks to him/herself. Each of us tells us what we are like. We spend endless moments saying Such and such is like me. or I can t sing. or I am good at golf. These mental comments serve to self-program our behavior, and therefore, the communication style we tend to use. Self - Talk That Leads To Passive Behavior I will do anything to keep the peace. Fighting never solved anything. I am selfish for trying to get my needs met. The needs of other people are more important than mine. I shouldn t let things bother me so much. The way to get others to like me is to please them. I must let others have their way or they will not like me, or will be hurt, fire me, divorce me, or not be my friend. I am responsible for other s feelings. Others are smarter than I am and know what is best. If you haven t got anything nice to say, don t say anything at all. I can t change; I will always be a pushover, doormat, etc. 9

11 Self - Talk That Leads To Aggressive Behavior The best defense is an offense. Life is awful, terrible, catastrophic if thing don t go exactly as I want. Others should live up to my expectations. Others are stupid, selfish, incompetent, lazy, inconsiderate, etc., if they don t do what I want. Others should be, feel, think and act the way I want them to. I know what is right because I am the boss (or parent, or oldest, etc.) I gotta be tough so they won t try to put anything over on me. Showing feelings is a sign of weakness. I shouldn t change my mind once it is made up. I can t change - I ve always had a bad temper and been opinionated. Self - Talk That Leads To Indirect Behavior Others should know what I want without me having to ask. Others should know how I feel without me having to tell them. I don t like to nag or hurt someone s feelings, so I will joke about something that bothers me and hope they get the message. The easiest way to get what I want is through my womanly wiles. If I ask a question about it, maybe they ll get the message. If I do something for them, they ll feel obligated to do something for me. I ll work it so they will think it s their idea. The silent treatment is the best way to let them know I am upset - let them suffer! I ll show them! I can t change - this is the only way I know how to get what I want. Self -Talk That Leads To Assertive Behavior I have a legitimate right to let other people know what I want, even though I may not always get it. I can let others know how I feel and what I think in a positive, constructive way. 10

12 If I keep my honest needs and feelings from others, I risk destroying the relationship and hurting myself. I can t possibly please everybody all of the time. I am capable of handling other s unpleasant feelings and behavior without falling apart. I do not have to allow others to make me feel angry, guilty, hurt, etc.; I can control my emotions by controlling the way I think. Most people like to be dealt with in an open and honest way and will not be shattered by my honesty. It is not weak to apologize if I am wrong or at fault - it shows strength. Showing my feelings and recognizing my mistakes simply means I m human. I can change, although it takes time to overcome ineffective habits. Delivery of Messages Subtle, sometimes unintended, messages may be conveyed by the way we express requests. I - Language is a way to express those requests, opinions, needs or feelings in words that do not blame, judge, attack, or assume. Rather, I - Language statements deal with specific issues and behaviors. I - Language is the opposite of You - Language which blames, judges, assumes, or attacks the other person. Examples of You - statements are You re wrong, You re rude, You make me angry, or You just don t care. >>Examples of simple I - Statements I would like some time to think that over. I don t agree with you and I would like to explain my position on that issue. I would appreciate your getting that done this afternoon. I like the way you handled that matter. Note: I - messages can be helpful in reducing tension in conflict situations. 11

13 >>Examples of I - Messages (Which Are More Elaborate I - Statements, Used When the Issue Is More Complex and/or Emotional) When you try to talk to me while 1 am on the phone, I get confused because I have difficulty concentrating on two things at one time. I would appreciate your waiting until I am finished unless it is an emergency. When you don t complete your work on schedule, it causes several other people to get behind in theirs. I would like to know if there is some reason you aren t getting it done, and if not, I need to have you complete it by the deadline from now on. >>I - Message Formula When you (non - blameful description of the other s behavior) I feel (your emotion, if appropriate) Because (why his/her behavior is a problem - the concrete effects) I would like, appreciate, prefer, etc. (what you want to happen) When I - statements or I - messages do not get results, try calm repetition (almost like a broken record) and possibly escalation by becoming increasingly firm until the third or fourth statement describes the consequences if the behavior continues. I noticed you were late this morning. Is there a problem in your getting to work on time? You were over fifteen minutes late three times this week. I want you to start coming to work on time. If you continue to be late, I will write up a disciplinary report for your file. >>Listening Conveying to others that you are concerned and are trying to understand their position and feelings is good listening. This is particularly helpful if they are in a highly emotional state, because it allows them the right to their own feelings rather than discounting or denying them which only escalates the upsetness. Empathy diffuses the situation and helps others get into a more rational state of mind so they can deal calmly with the issue. You must temporarily put aside your own needs and refrain from evaluating or judging. 12

14 Attentive Listening Attentive listening is listening without interruption or judgment and encouraging others to talk, blow off steam, etc. You do this by non - verbal encouragement such as eye contact, nodding your head, and an occasional urn - huh. You can also use door openers such as: Would you like to talk about it? Then what happened? How do you feel about that? Active Listening Responding in a way that adds to others understanding of the problem and their feelings by reflecting to them what you heard them saying or your perception of what they are feeling is active listening. You become a mirror for them. This requires true empathy and comes across as phony if faked. Reflecting content: paraphrasing (in your own words) what you heard the other person say. You re saying. Reflecting feeling: Telling the other person what you suspect they are feeling. You feel (emotion) about or You seem (emotion) about or You re really sounding (emotion). Listening to Help Using attending and responding skills when others have a problem that does not directly involve you, but you want to be caring and helpful. This helps you avoid the trap of trying to solve the problem for them, but rather helps them solve the problem themselves. Example The other person says: My broker is a jerk. I don t think I can take it much longer. Roadblocks: You need your job. How can you think of quitting? You ll get over it tomorrow. It s just a bad day. Attending: Would you like to tell me what happened? Reflecting content: You re really getting fed - up. Reflecting feeling: You re feeling frustrated about your broker. 13

15 Non - Defensive Listening Non - defensive listening is using attending and responding skills to allow others to express their upsetness with you and then get them focused on the issues. This helps clear the air so they can deal with the problem more rationally. You can also prompt them to be more specific by asking them for examples, if they are attacking and judgmental. These skills keep you not only from acting defensive, but also from feeling defensive. They also help the speaker to focus on the issues. Example The other person says: You are not being fair. Roadblocks: I am too and you ll just have to learn to live with it. Attending: Let s talk about it. Reflecting content: You think my decision is not fair. Reflecting feeling: Sounds like you re really upset with me. Asking for specifics: What about the decision you think is unfair? Empathetic 1 - Language Some examples of combining statements of empathy with I - language : I realize the schedule sometimes seems unfair to you. Sometimes I can be more flexible and other times this is the only way I can make sure all of the areas are covered. I can see that you are concerned and upset about this. I will be with you just as soon as I take care of another matter. I guess that can be confusing. I will check into it and see what I can find out. >>Roadblocks to Effective Listening 1. Paralleling I know just what you mean. Why, the other day... That reminds me of the time I... Let me tell you what happened to me! 14

16 2. Giving Advise, Moralizing (Usually Starts Out Trying to Be Helpful, But Often Ends Up Nagging): What you ought to do... Why don t you... You should... The best thing to do is... You ll just have to learn that Inappropriate Questioning (Draws the Focus Away From the Problem by Dealing with Irrelevant Issues) Why do you suppose he/she did that? What day did that happen? Why did you let that/him/her get you so upset? Who are you talking about? 4. Rote Reassurance (Usually Done To Be Helpful But Denies Others the Right to Their Feelings) It really can t be all that bad. You re probably in a bad mood. You ll see things differently tomorrow. Don t worry. Things will work out. Every one goes through this sometimes Look on the bright side of things. 5. Judgments, Jumping To Conclusions, Inferences You re wrong. You don t know what you re talking about. You aren t thinking straight. You re just too sensitive. You re acting like a baby. You shouldn t feel like that. You re just jealous. 15

17 6. Defending It s not my fault. If you hadn t been rushing me, I never would have... I didn t do anything. You ve done the same thing. These roadblocks to effective communication discount others opinions, needs and feelings. This often causes them to try much harder to convince others of the importance and depth of their position, thus escalating rather than diffusing t h e situation. A Case Study in Communications Breakdown >>A Colonel Issued the Following Directive to The Executive Officer Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours, Halley s Comet will be visible in this area, an event which occurs only once every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show films of it. >>Executive Officer to the Company Commander By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley s Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues; then march to the theatre where the rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs every 75 years. >>Company Commander to Lieutenant By order of the Colonel in Fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening, the phenomenal Halley Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in the battalion area, the Colonel will give another order, something which occurs once every 75 years. >>Lieutenant to Sergeant Tomorrow at 2000 hours, the Colonel will appear in the theater with Halley s Comet, something that happens every 75 years. If it rains, the Colonel will order the comet into the battalion area. 16

18 >>Sergeant to Squad When it rains tomorrow at 2000 hours the phenomenal 75 year old General Halley, accompanied by the Colonel, will drive his Comet through the battalion area in his fatigues. This concludes chapter 19. Return to your online course player to take the Final Exam. 17