Assert Yourself. I statements. The power of no R - E - S - P - E - C - T. Leadership, Attitude, Performance...making learning pay!

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1 Teaching Guide Leadership, Attitude, Performance...making learning pay! LAPProduct/Service Emotional Management Intelligence LAP 118 Performance Indicator: PM:013 EI:008 Assert Yourself The power of no Assertiveness R - E - S - P - E - C - T I statements Assert Yourself

2 A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S LAP development requires the leadership and active participation of many individuals instructors, writers, editors, and others. Special credit is due the following individuals for their contributions to this LAP: Original Developer: Sarah Bartlett Borich, MBAResearch Final Editing: Beth Osteen Field Test Coordination: Theresa Vozenilek Production Manager: Mary Carlisi Production Assistance: Barbara Boggs Graphics: Lelia Ventling Produced and distributed by MBAResearch, a non-profit research and development center, 1375 King Ave., P.O. Box 12279, Columbus, Ohio Ph: (614) , by MBA Research and Curriculum Center, Columbus, Ohio. Sample logos and trademarks used in this learning activity package are for instructional purposes only. Many are registered trademarks. Use in this instructional material does not imply endorsement. Details: Assert Yourself

3 Table of Contents 4 So What? Rationale for studying how to use appropriate assertiveness 4 14 Discussion Guide An outline of the content in the student booklet of LAP-EI-018 Assert Yourself (Assertiveness). In addition, discussion questions have been included throughout the content to build classroom discussion/ interaction Presentation Slides Optional visual support for the LAP can be obtained in graphics presentation software. The slides to be shown are numbered within the monitor icon (e.g., ) The Gray Zone An ethical dilemma associated with using appropriate assertiveness in the workplace Transparencies Eight simple transparency masters are provided to support the Discussion Guide and are numbered throughout the outline Directions for Activities Directions are provided for four activities that reinforce the lesson. Two of the activities are designed for completion by an individual student, while the other two provide preparation and process information for group completion Individual Activity 1: Behavior Clues short-answer activity with answer guide 23 Individual Activity 2: Individual creative presentation activity 23 Group Activity 1: Brainstorming activity for determining how to use appropriate assertiveness Group Activity 2: Brainstorming activity for determining how to use appropriate assertiveness Total Recall Key Answers to the Total Recall questions found in the student booklet on pages 5 and 8 30 Practice Test A two-part test covering main aspects of the LAP; eight short-answer questions and a case study to evaluate skills. The short-answer part of the test can be used as a guide for note taking, as a formative test, as a summative test, etc Practice Test Key Answers to the short-answer questions and the rating scale for the test activity found in the Practice Test Posttest A two-part test consisting of 20 multiplechoice questions and a skill-related activity that assess student understanding of using appropriate assertiveness Posttest Key Descriptive answers to the multiple-choice questions and the rating scale for the test activity found in the Posttest 41 Posttest Grader A listing of correct responses to the multiple-choice questions 42 Glossary Definitions of words defined in the LAP and other words with which students may not be familiar Questionnaires Student and teacher questionnaires that can be sent to MBAResearch to improve the LAP Assert Yourself

4 Performance Indicator: Use appropriate assertiveness. (EI:008) OBJECTIVES A Explain the nature of assertive behavior. B Demonstrate assertive behavior. discussion Guide Slide/Transparency Number Message A Why learn to demonstrate assertive behavior? A. Olivia is facing a big deadline at work on Friday. B. It s Wednesday, and she has just enough time left in her schedule to complete the project. C. One of her coworkers approaches her and asks for help on a different project. D. Olivia can react in three different ways: 1. Passively Sure, I ll help you. I ll just stay late to finish my own project. 2. Aggressively No way! I m busy, and you re bothering me right now. 3. Assertively I have to meet my deadline on Friday, but if I have any extra time I will help you. E. Assertiveness is the happy medium between passiveness and aggressiveness. F. When you re assertive, you look for win-win situations whenever possible. G. Learning to be assertive is an important skill for life and for the workplace. Assert Yourself 4

5 Discussion Guide (cont d) Slide/Transparency Number Message A Assertiveness creates win-win situations. A. Have you ever heard of a win-win situation? 1. Maybe this term doesn t make sense to you shouldn t there be one winner and one loser? 2. Not necessarily! 3. In many situations, you can behave in a way that benefits yourself and others at the same time. 4. It all depends on if you act passively, aggressively, or assertively. DISCUSSION #1: Ask students to describe win-win situations they ve been in. 5-7 B. Passive behavior: 1. Conduct in which people fail to exercise their own rights or to respect their own needs 2. A passive person usually displays an attitude based on the desire to avoid conflict at all costs. C. Aggressive behavior is conduct based on a willingness to ignore the rights of others and to take advantage of them to achieve personal goals. D. Assertive behavior, or assertiveness, is the ability to express yourself, communicate your point of view, and stand up for your rights, principles, and beliefs. DISCUSSION #2: Ask students to describe passive and aggressive people they have known Differences in behaviors: A. The main difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness is that assertive people exhibit confidence while respecting their own rights and the rights of others. 1. On the other hand, aggressive behavior is not based on respect. 2. Aggressive people ignore the rights of others and take advantage of them. 3. Their goal is to win, no matter how others are affected. B. Like assertive people, aggressive people don t hesitate to express their thoughts or opinions. 1. However, they often pressure or force others to go along with their wishes, and they may refuse when others make requests of them. Assert Yourself 5

6 Discussion Guide (cont d) Slide/Transparency Number Message A 2 (cont d) 2. They don t seem to mind if they embarrass or hurt others in the process of achieving their goals. 3. Aggressiveness can take many forms: a. Name-calling b. Lying c. Manipulation d. Threatening e. Blaming f. Insulting g. Even nonverbal acts, such as slamming a door or giving a dirty look 4. Sometimes, aggressive behavior is referred to as attack behavior. DISCUSSION #3: Ask students if they can think of more forms of aggressive behavior. How do these forms take shape in the workplace? C. Aggressive people often attack passive people because passive people try to avoid conflict and do not respect their own rights. 1. They have trouble expressing their thoughts and opinions. 2. They give in because they think other people s needs are more important than their own. 3. They often turn themselves into victims, allowing others to choose outcomes for them instead of standing up for themselves. 4. Many times, they end up feeling hurt and helpless. D. Because they respect both themselves and others, assertive people look for win-win solutions to problems. 1. Passive people don t respect themselves, so they often end up in lose-win situations in which they re taken advantage of. 2. Aggressive people don t respect others, so they often force win-lose solutions on others. 3. Only assertiveness offers a solution in which there needs to be no loser. a. Being assertive does not always mean that you will get exactly what you want. b. Searching for win-win solutions means you must be willing to compromise when necessary. Assert Yourself 6

7 Discussion Guide (cont d) Slide/Transparency Number Message A 13 How to recognize assertive behavior: A. Assertive people communicate honestly. B. They tell others what they think and how they feel. C. They stand up for their rights. D. They don t take advantage of others, and they also don t let others take advantage of them. E. They know how to ask for help when they need it. F. They know how to refuse others when necessary, but they do it in a way that is not offensive and does not hurt other people s feelings. G. They are direct and upfront instead of being manipulative. 1. For example, your boss needs someone to work overtime tonight, but you have important family plans you don t want to miss. 2. Instead of deflecting attention off yourself and suggesting to your boss that you think a coworker might like to have the overtime, just tell her that you can t do it. 3. This is part of honest communication. DISCUSSION #4: Ask students if they can think of any more ways to recognize assertive behavior Being assertive has many benefits, especially in the workplace: A. You will increase your self-esteem and develop more confidence. 1. This can lead to your taking on more responsibility and possibly to faster promotions and raises. 2. Self-confidence also helps you to realize that it s okay when others don t agree with you you can still maintain your own opinion. B. You will feel more in control of your career when you are able to communicate clearly with coworkers, managers, supervisors, and clients. C. Relationships with your peers will be more equal. 1. You won t feel as if you are being ignored or put upon to do all the work. 2. You will feel respected instead of letting people walk all over you. D. There will be less stress when you don t worry about responsibilities that aren t yours. E. You will be more aware of who you are as a person and as an employee this knowledge can help you to capitalize on your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. Assert Yourself 7

8 Discussion Guide (cont d) Slide/Transparency Number Message A 4 (cont d) DISCUSSION #5: Ask students if they can think of any more benefits of assertive behavior Barriers to being assertive: A. Some people do not like conflict of any kind, and will do anything to avoid a disagreement. B. Others are afraid that being assertive will ruin a friendship or offend a boss or coworker. C. Some are afraid that people will mistake their assertiveness for aggressiveness or arrogance. D. People sometimes think that they will be embarrassed or hurt if they are assertive. E. They often believe that they have no control over their behavior and cannot be assertive By developing certain basic beliefs about yourself and your rights, you can start to be assertive: A. The foundation of assertiveness is respecting yourself. 1. If you respect yourself, you will be able to stand up for yourself. 2. That leads you to believe that other people should also respect you. 3. When you defend yourself from disrespectful treatment, you are teaching others not to treat you that way again. a. For example, a coworker yells at you for making a mistake. b. Politely, but firmly, tell that person not to yell, but to explain the mistake in a calm tone of voice. 4. Assertive people can accept that everyone makes mistakes sometimes, including themselves. DISCUSSION #6: Ask students if they have ever had to defend themselves from disrespectful treatment. What was the situation? What did they do or say? How did it turn out? B. You must believe that your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and opinions are as important as anyone else s. 1. And, you must understand that you have the right to express those thoughts, feelings, ideas, and opinions. 2. However, you should do this in a way that doesn t offend or threaten others. 3. If you try to force your ideas on others, you are stepping over the line from assertiveness to aggressiveness. Assert Yourself

9 Discussion Guide (cont d) Slide/Transparency Number Message A B 19 6 (cont d) C. You know that your needs are as important as the needs of others. 1. Furthermore, you have the right to ask others to respond to your needs. 2. Sometimes, they will not be able to meet your needs, and you must be prepared to accept that. 3. You should realize that you will not always be able to respond to others needs. 4. It is important for you to learn that it is okay to refuse. 5. No matter what the situation, you have the right to choose the way in which you will respond Steps for exhibiting assertive behavior: A. Step One Learn to say no. 1. It s okay to say no. a. Often, people avoid saying no because they don t want to upset others or let them down. b. They think others won t like them if they say no. c. However, if you cannot do what someone else wants you to do, or you don t want to do it for a legitimate reason, the best solution is simply to say no. 2. Saying no at work can be a sticky subject. a. There are times when you can t reasonably say no, such as when your manager assigns you a new project or when a client has an unbreakable deadline. b. However, there are times when saying no is necessary and even makes you a better employee. c. Wouldn t it be better to say no to a project that requires software skills you don t have, than to say yes and not be able to complete the work correctly? d. The trick to saying no is to do it nicely, remaining polite and explaining the reason you cannot say yes. DISCUSSION #7: Ask students to discuss times they ve had to say no. Why was it easy or difficult for them to do so? What was the outcome? B. Step Two Communicate directly. 1. Assertive people are upfront and direct. Assert Yourself 9

10 Discussion Guide (cont d) Slide/Transparency Number Message B 7 (cont d) 2. They know how to clearly communicate their wants, needs, opinions, and ideas. 3. A good way to express your thoughts clearly is to use I statements. a. These statements are direct, powerful, and easy to understand. b. Here are a few examples of I statements: 1) I want to take the lead with this new client. 2) I think we should adjust the budget for next quarter. 3) I like this cover for the annual report better than the other one. 4) I won t be able to work on Saturday. 5) I ve decided not to take that training class because it interferes with my schedule. DISCUSSION #8: Ask students to give more examples of I statements they might use at work. 26 C. Step Three Be kind and considerate. 1. Being assertive means respecting others rights as well as your own. 2. In the process of being direct, it is also important to consider the other person s point of view. 3. A coworker might ask you to take on some of his responsibilities while he is away on vacation next week. 4. You have an important project, however, that is due next week as well. 5. You understand why your coworker needs your help, but your own project comes first. 6. What should you do? a. In some cases, you may need to ask questions. b. If your coworker needs help, it might be useful to know what kind of help. 1) Does he need you to cover the majority of his job duties? 2) Does he simply want you to check his once a day to make sure there are no emergencies with his clients? c. Finding out what is needed will help you develop an answer. d. To be assertive when answering your coworker, sympathize and try to relate. e. Let him know that you realize his request is important. f. However, your project is important also, and it must be your first priority. Assert Yourself 10

11 Discussion Guide (cont d) Slide/Transparency Number Message B 7 (cont d) g. Offering to help as much as you reasonably can may be a solution. 1) You might say, If your client has an urgent need, I will try to meet it, but it might be better for you to talk to our manager about this before you leave. 2) This approach is a polite way of saying no. 3) You are being assertive by letting your coworker know that your work is equally important. 4) Also, you are offering a solution that will result in a win-win situation. 5) You complete your project, offer to help if you can, and suggest to your coworker that your manager can be part of the solution as well. h. A passive person might have said yes to the request at the expense of his/her own work outcomes. i. An aggressive person might have said no in a rude manner. j. Being assertive is a much better choice. DISCUSSION #9: Ask students if they can think of more ways to show kindness and consideration while still being assertive D. Step Four Be assertive both verbally and nonverbally. 1. Assertiveness stems from your attitude and the set of beliefs that you adhere to. 2. Once you are assertive on the inside, it s time to express your assertiveness through your behavior. 3. You can exhibit assertive behavior both verbally and nonverbally. 4. It s important to learn how to do both. 5. Verbal assertiveness a. The old saying that practice makes perfect is true when it comes to learning to be assertive. b. This is particularly true if you have a hard time expressing yourself through the use of words. c. Fortunately, there are several ways that you can practice being verbally assertive: 1) Start conversations. a) Don t wait for others to talk to you. b) Talk about what interests you while you let others talk about their own interests as well. c) The secret is to make sure both sides have equal time to talk. Assert Yourself 11

12 Discussion Guide (cont d) Slide/Transparency Number Message B 7 (cont d) 2) Say what you think, but remember to be tactful. a) It is usually better to express positive thoughts, if possible, because people are less likely to be offended by positive comments. b) For example, instead of starting off by saying that you don t like the new computer system, try to think of one or two good things about it first. 3) Ask questions. a) You won t always have all the information you need. b) Don t be afraid to speak up. c) Your managers and coworkers would much rather have you ask for information than to complete a job task improperly. 4) Request help. a) Don t hesitate to ask for help when you have a good reason. b) However, ask in a courteous manner, and be willing to accept it if someone cannot help you. 5) Refuse requests. a) This goes back to learning to say no. b) You will not always be able to help when you are asked. c) Most people will understand if you give a brief, but polite, explanation. d) You don t need to give a dozen excuses. DISCUSSION #10: Ask students to think of more ways to demonstrate verbal assertiveness. 6. Nonverbal assertiveness a. When you are trying to be assertive, it is important to use the right body language to reinforce your message. b. Your body language is a nonverbal way of being assertive. c. First, look other people in the eye when you speak to them. 1) However, don t maintain a steady stare because that can indicate aggression. 2) Look away from time to time, but make eye contact when you look back. d. Use facial expression to support what you are saying. 1) The expression on your face tells as much about what you are thinking as the words you say. 2) For example, smile when you hear good news or frown when you disagree. Assert Yourself 12

13 Discussion Guide (cont d) Slide/Transparency Number Message B 7 (cont d) e. Relax your face and shoulders. f. Use posture, the way you hold your body, to express assertiveness. 1) For example, stand up straight and lean toward the person with whom you are interacting to show your interest. 2) Or, cross your arms over your chest to show that you do not like what you are hearing. 3) Stand close enough to others to communicate easily without being too close. DISCUSSION #11: Ask students to think of more ways to demonstrate nonverbal assertiveness. 29 E. Step Five Be firm. 1. You ve learned to say no while still respecting the rights of others and demonstrating kindness and courtesy. 2. You ve shown your assertiveness both verbally and nonverbally. 3. But, what if someone still refuses to respect your right to stand up for yourself? 4. Then, it is necessary for you to be firm. 5. Continue to say no, and don t give in. 6. You can still be polite, for example, saying that you know your decision is a disappointment, but that you have made up your mind. 7. Then, change the subject. 8. That makes it clear that you are no longer discussing the subject. 9. During such a conversation, it is important to remain calm and not become angry or upset. a. Speak at a normal volume. b. Don t raise your voice or yell. c. You don t want to say something that you will regret later. d. Keep your self-control. e. If you feel you are starting to lose it, take a couple of deep breaths. f. Count to 10 slowly. g. These techniques help you to relax. Assert Yourself 13

14 Discussion Guide (cont d) Slide/Transparency Number Message B 7 (cont d) 10. Restate your position. 11. If all else fails, walk away. 12. Tell the person that you ll talk about it later. Always keep in mind that being assertive is a skill that anyone can learn. A. You can become assertive, even if you think you are usually passive. B. It may take time, but it is worth the effort. C. Once you ve mastered the art of being assertive, you ll be able to communicate honestly while still respecting yourself and others. D. Assertiveness is a skill you will use throughout your life and your career. 30 The Gray Zone A. Assertiveness is an important skill to possess in the workplace. B. However, demonstrating assertiveness with your managers and supervisors can be tough. C. Let s say your new manager has updated your work schedule and created deadlines that you think are unreasonable. D. You don t want to question the manager s authority over the schedule but, at the same time, you don t want to receive a poor performance review for missing your deadlines. E. What should you do? F. Is it okay to be assertive and tell your manager that you can t accept the deadlines? Assert Yourself 14

15 1 Olivia just enough time to make her deadline Coworker wants help. Three ways to react: Passively (lose-win) Aggressively (win-lose) Assertively (win-win) Assertiveness important skill Assert Yourself 15

16 2 Types of Behavior n Passive: Failing to respect your own rights/needs Avoiding conflict at all costs n Aggressive: Ignoring the rights of others Taking advantage of others to achieve personal goals n Assertive: Expressing yourself Communicating your point of view Standing up for your rights, principles, beliefs Assert Yourself 16

17 3 Recognizing Assertive Behavior Communicating honestly Telling others what you think and feel Standing up for your rights Not taking advantage of others or letting yourself be taken advantage of Asking for help when you need it Refusing others when necessary Being direct and upfront instead of manipulative Assert Yourself 17

18 4 Benefits of Assertiveness Increased self-esteem and self-confidence Increased control over career Equalized relationships with peers Decreased stress Increased self-awareness Assert Yourself 18

19 5 Barriers to Assertiveness Avoiding conflict or disagreement Not wanting to hurt a relationship Being afraid to be seen as aggressive Fearing embarrassment Believing you have no control over your behavior Assert Yourself 19

20 6 Basic Beliefs of Assertiveness You respect yourself. You expect respect from others. You stand up for yourself. You accept mistakes. You believe in the importance of your thoughts and feelings. You believe in your right to express your thoughts and feelings. You ask others to respond to your needs. You refuse others when necessary. You exercise your right to choose your own response. Assert Yourself 20

21 7 Steps for Exhibiting Assertive Behavior Learn to say no. Communicate directly. Be kind and considerate. Be assertive both verbally and nonverbally. Be firm. no. Assert Yourself 21

22 8 Demonstrating assertiveness in the workplace Is it okay to say no to your manager s deadlines? Assert Yourself 22

23 DIRECTIONS TO THE INSTRUCTOR Individual Activities These activities are designed to reinforce individual student understanding and skill in demonstrating assertiveness. Read the two activities, and select the one that better meets the individual s needs. 1. Duplicate the handout Behavior Clues on page 25. When the student has completed the activity, provide him/her with a copy of the answer guide on page Ask the student to create a visual presentation representing the core beliefs of assertiveness found in the LAP. Encourage her/him to be creative and to make the presentation personal. S/He might choose to create a poster, a photo book, a slideshow, a computer presentation, etc. When the student has finished, ask him/her to make a presentation to the class. Group Activities These activities are designed to provide group reinforcement and practice in demonstrating assertiveness. Read the two activities, and select the one better suited to the group s needs. 1. Preparation: No advance preparation is needed for this activity. Process: Divide the class into five equal groups. Assign each group one step in the process of exhibiting assertive behavior: Learn to say no. Communicate directly. Be kind and considerate. Be assertive both verbally and nonverbally. Be firm. Give the groups minutes to brainstorm for ways to complete these steps effectively. When the groups have finished, ask them to share their ideas with the class. 2. Preparation: No advance preparation is needed for this activity. Process: Divide the class into three equal groups. One group is passive, one group is aggressive, and one group is assertive. Read the following situations out loud, and allow the groups time to formulate responses based on their assigned behavior type. Ask the class to discuss the different responses that are possible for the same situations. If time allows, rotate behavior types through the groups, or allow groups to come up with their own situations to discuss. Situation #1. A coworker is insisting on attending a meeting between you and a client. The coworker is not involved in the project, and you don t want him/her there. How do you respond? Assert Yourself 23

24 DIRECTIONS TO THE INSTRUCTOR (cont d) Situation #2. You re the team leader, and the team needs to decide which design to use for a new billboard. Most team members like Design A, but you and a few others prefer Design B. You truly feel it will be more effective. It s time to make the final decision. What do you do? Situation #3. Your manager has asked you to work on Saturday, but you ve committed to attending a friend s graduation party. You don t want to let your manager down, but you don t want to let your friend down either. What do you do? Assert Yourself 24

25 Behavior Clues Directions: For each of the following statements, determine if the speaker is displaying passive behavior, aggressive behavior, or assertive behavior. Write your answers in the spaces provided. When you have finished, ask your instructor for a copy of the answer guide. 1. I don t care if you were here first. I need to use the copier now. 2. I can t eat lunch with you today because I have to meet with a client, but we can reschedule for Friday if you d like. 3. Sure, you can use my computer since yours isn t working. I ll just work on something else for a while. 4. Yes, I can switch shifts with you. I just need to cancel dinner with my friend. 5. No, I can t switch shifts with you. I already have plans. Sorry. 6. No, I can t switch shifts with you. Don t ask me again! 7. I need you to finish mailing these brochures for me while I m on vacation next week. Have it done by Wednesday. 8. I m really behind on this project and need help. If you re not busy later this afternoon, would you mind pitching in? 9. I wish the team would listen to my ideas. 10. I would like to be in charge of the task force. 11. I can t believe you made such a stupid mistake! You ve ruined this whole report. 12. I know you re disappointed, but I can t stay late tonight. You ll have to ask someone else. Assert Yourself 25

26 Behavior Clues answer guide 1. I don t care if you were here first. I need to use the copier now. Aggressive 2. I can t eat lunch with you today because I have to meet with a client, but we can reschedule for Friday if you d like. Assertive 3. Sure, you can use my computer since yours isn t working. I ll just work on something else for a while. Passive 4. Yes, I can switch shifts with you. I just need to cancel dinner with my friend. Passive 5. No, I can t switch shifts with you. I already have plans. Sorry. Assertive 6. No, I can t switch shifts with you. Don t ask me again! Aggressive 7. I need you to finish mailing these brochures for me while I m on vacation next week. Have it done by Wednesday. Aggressive 8. I m really behind on this project and need help. If you re not busy later this afternoon, would you mind pitching in? Assertive 9. I wish the team would listen to my ideas. Passive 10. I would like to be in charge of the task force. Assertive 11. I can t believe you made such a stupid mistake! You ve ruined this whole report. Aggressive 12. I know you re disappointed, but I can t stay late tonight. You ll have to ask someone else. Assertive Assert Yourself 26

27 TOTAL RECALL KEY OBJECTIVE A (Page 5 of student LAP) 1. Passive behavior is conduct in which people fail to exercise their own rights or to respect their own needs. A passive person usually displays an attitude based on the desire to avoid conflict at all costs. 2. Aggressive behavior is conduct based on a willingness to ignore the rights of others and to take advantage of them to achieve personal goals. 3. Assertive behavior, or assertiveness, is the ability to express yourself, communicate your point of view, and stand up for your rights, principles, and beliefs. 4. The main difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness is that assertive people exhibit confidence while respecting their own rights and the rights of others. On the other hand, aggressive behavior is not based on respect. Aggressive people ignore the rights of others and take advantage of them. Their goal is to win, no matter how others are affected. 5. Assertive people communicate honestly. They tell others what they think and how they feel. They also stand up for their rights. They don t take advantage of others, and they also don t let others take advantage of them. Assertive people know how to ask for help when they need it. They also know how to refuse others when necessary. But, they do it in a way that is not offensive and does not hurt other people s feelings. Assertive people are direct and upfront instead of being manipulative. 6. Benefits of assertiveness: You will increase your self-esteem and develop more confidence. This can lead to your taking on more responsibility and possibly to faster promotions and raises. Self-confidence also helps you to realize that it s okay when others don t agree with you you can still maintain your own opinion. You will feel more in control of your career when you are able to communicate clearly with coworkers, managers, supervisors, and clients. Relationships with your peers will be more equal. You won t feel as if you are being ignored or put upon to do all the work. You will feel respected instead of letting people walk all over you. There will be less stress when you don t worry about responsibilities that aren t yours. You will be more aware of who you are as a person and as an employee. This knowledge can help you to capitalize on your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. 7. Some people do not like conflict of any kind, and will do anything to avoid a disagreement. Others are afraid that being assertive will ruin a friendship or offend a boss or coworker. Also, they are afraid that people will mistake their assertiveness for aggressiveness or arrogance. People sometimes think that they will be embarrassed or hurt if they are assertive. Finally, they often believe that they have no control over their behavior and cannot be assertive. Assert Yourself 27

28 TOTAL RECALL KEY (cont d) 8. The foundation of assertiveness is respecting yourself. If you respect yourself, you will be able to stand up for yourself. That leads you to believe that other people should also respect you. When you defend yourself from disrespectful treatment, you are teaching others not to treat you that way again. Assertive people can accept that everyone makes mistakes sometimes, including themselves. Then, you must believe that your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and opinions are as important as anyone else s. And, you must understand that you have the right to express those thoughts, feelings, ideas, and opinions. However, you should do this in a way that doesn t offend or threaten others. If you try to force your ideas on others, you are stepping over the line from assertiveness to aggressiveness. Also, you know that your needs are as important as the needs of others. Furthermore, you have the right to ask others to respond to your needs. Sometimes, they will not be able to meet your needs, and you must be prepared to accept that. Finally, you should realize that you will not always be able to respond to others needs. It is important for you to learn that it is okay to refuse. No matter what the situation, you have the right to choose the way in which you will respond. OBJECTIVE B (Page 8 of student LAP) 1. Five steps to exhibiting assertive behavior: a. Learn to say no. The first step in being assertive is to remember that it s okay to say no. Often, people avoid saying no because they don t want to upset others or let them down. They think others won t like them if they say no. However, if you cannot do what someone else wants you to do, or you don t want to do it for a legitimate reason, the best solution is simply to say no. Saying no at work can be a sticky subject. There are times when you can t reasonably say no, such as when your manager assigns you a new project or when a client has an unbreakable deadline. However, there are times when saying no is necessary and even makes you a better employee. The trick to saying no is to do it nicely, remaining polite and explaining the reason you cannot say yes. b. Communicate directly. Assertive people are upfront and direct. They know how to clearly communicate their wants, needs, opinions, and ideas. A good way to express your thoughts clearly is to use I statements. These statements are direct, powerful, and easy to understand. c. Be kind and considerate. Remember that being assertive means respecting others rights as well as your own. In the process of being direct, it is also important to consider the other person s point of view. Sympathize and try to relate. This approach is a polite way of saying no. d. Be assertive both verbally and nonverbally: Verbal assertiveness: Start conversations. Say what you think, but remember to be tactful. It is usually better to express positive thoughts, if possible, because people are less likely to be offended by positive comments. Ask questions. You won t always have all the information you need. Don t be afraid to speak up. Request help. Don t hesitate to ask for help when you have a good reason. Refuse requests. You will not always be able to help when you are asked. Most people will understand if give a brief, but polite, explanation. You don t need to give a dozen excuses. Assert Yourself 28

29 TOTAL RECALL KEY (cont d) Nonverbal assertiveness: Your body language is a nonverbal way of being assertive. First, look other people in the eye when you speak to them. However, don t maintain a steady stare because that can indicate aggression. Look away from time to time, but make eye contact when you look back. Use facial expression to support what you are saying. The expression on your face tells as much about what you are thinking as the words you say. Also, use posture, the way you hold your body, to express assertiveness. Stand up straight and lean toward the person with whom you are interacting to show your interest. Or, cross your arms over your chest to show that you do not like what you are hearing. Stand close enough to others to communicate easily without being too close. e. If someone still refuses to respect your right to stand up for yourself, then it is necessary for you to be firm. Continue to say no, and don t give in. You can still be polite, for example, saying that you know your decision is a disappointment, but that you have made up your mind. Then, change the subject. That makes it clear that you are no longer discussing the subject. During such a conversation, it is important to remain calm and not become angry or upset. Speak at a normal volume. Don t raise your voice or yell. Also, you don t want to say something that you will regret later. Keep your self-control. Sometimes, this is very hard to do. If you feel you are starting to lose it, take a couple of deep breaths. Count to 10 slowly. These techniques help you to relax. Then, restate your position. If all else fails, walk away. Tell the person that you ll talk about it later. Assert Yourself 29

30 PRACTICE TEST Part I 60 points Directions: Answer each of the following questions. Use a separate sheet of paper to record your responses. OBJECTIVE A 1. Describe passive behavior. 2. Describe aggressive behavior. 3. Describe assertive behavior. 4. What is the difference between aggressive behavior and assertive behavior? 5. List and describe five benefits of assertiveness. (15 points; 3 points each) 6. Explain five reasons why people may be unable to demonstrate assertiveness. (15 points; 3 points each) 7. What core beliefs are essential to assertiveness? OBJECTIVE B 8. Describe the five steps to exhibiting assertive behavior: (15 points; 3 points each) a. Learn to say no. b. Communicate directly. c. Be kind and considerate. d. Be assertive both verbally and nonverbally. e. Be firm. Part II 40 points Directions: You just landed a new job, and you re ready to demonstrate assertive behavior at work. Write a plan for how you will complete this task. Be sure that your plan addresses the steps outlined in the LAP. Suggested Criteria Levels: Part I 48 points Part II 32 points Assert Yourself 30

31 PRACTICE TEST KEY Part I 60 points OBJECTIVE A 1. Passive behavior is conduct in which people fail to exercise their own rights or to respect their own needs. A passive person usually displays an attitude based on the desire to avoid conflict at all costs. 2. Aggressive behavior is conduct based on a willingness to ignore the rights of others and to take advantage of them to achieve personal goals. 3. Assertive behavior, or assertiveness, is the ability to express yourself, communicate your point of view, and stand up for your rights, principles, and beliefs. Assertive people communicate honestly. They tell others what they think and how they feel. They also stand up for their rights. They don t take advantage of others, and they also don t let others take advantage of them. Assertive people know how to ask for help when they need it. They also know how to refuse others when necessary. But, they do it in a way that is not offensive and does not hurt other people s feelings. Assertive people are direct and upfront instead of being manipulative. 4. The main difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness is that assertive people exhibit confidence while respecting their own rights and the rights of others. On the other hand, aggressive behavior is not based on respect. Aggressive people ignore the rights of others and take advantage of them. Their goal is to win, no matter how others are affected. 5. Benefits of assertiveness: (15 points; 3 points each) You will increase your self-esteem and develop more confidence. This can lead to your taking on more responsibility and possibly to faster promotions and raises. Self-confidence also helps you to realize that it s okay when others don t agree with you you can still maintain your own opinion. You will feel more in control of your career when you are able to communicate clearly with coworkers, managers, supervisors, and clients. Relationships with your peers will be more equal. You won t feel as if you are being ignored or put upon to do all the work. You will feel respected instead of letting people walk all over you. There will be less stress when you don t worry about responsibilities that aren t yours. You will be more aware of who you are as a person and as an employee. This knowledge can help you to capitalize on your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. 6. Reasons people may be unable to demonstrate assertiveness: (15 points; 3 points each) Some people do not like conflict of any kind, and will do anything to avoid a disagreement. Some people are afraid that being assertive will ruin a friendship or offend a boss or coworker. Some people are afraid that people will mistake their assertiveness for aggressiveness or arrogance. People sometimes think that they will be embarrassed or hurt if they are assertive. People often believe that they have no control over their behavior and cannot be assertive. Assert Yourself 31

32 PRACTICE TEST KEY (cont d) 7. The foundation of assertiveness is respecting yourself. If you respect yourself, you will be able to stand up for yourself. That leads you to believe that other people should also respect you. When you defend yourself from disrespectful treatment, you are teaching others not to treat you that way again. Assertive people can accept that everyone makes mistakes sometimes, including themselves. Then, you must believe that your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and opinions are as important as anyone else s. And, you must understand that you have the right to express those thoughts, feelings, ideas, and opinions. However, you should do this in a way that doesn t offend or threaten others. If you try to force your ideas on others, you are stepping over the line from assertiveness to aggressiveness. Also, you know that your needs are as important as the needs of others. Furthermore, you have the right to ask others to respond to your needs. Sometimes, they will not be able to meet your needs, and you must be prepared to accept that. Finally, you should realize that you will not always be able to respond to others needs. It is important for you to learn that it is okay to refuse. No matter what the situation, you have the right to choose the way in which you will respond. OBJECTIVE B 8. Five steps to exhibiting assertive behavior: (15 points; 3 points each) a. Learn to say no. The first step in being assertive is to remember that it s okay to say no. Often, people avoid saying no because they don t want to upset others or let them down. They think others won t like them if they say no. However, if you cannot do what someone else wants you to do, or you don t want to do it for a legitimate reason, the best solution is simply to say no. Saying no at work can be a sticky subject. There are times when you can t reasonably say no, such as when your manager assigns you a new project or when a client has an unbreakable deadline. However, there are times when saying no is necessary and even makes you a better employee. The trick to saying no is to do it nicely, remaining polite and explaining the reason you cannot say yes. b. Communicate directly. Assertive people are upfront and direct. They know how to clearly communicate their wants, needs, opinions, and ideas. A good way to express your thoughts clearly is to use I statements. These statements are direct, powerful, and easy to understand. c. Be kind and considerate. Remember that being assertive means respecting others rights as well as your own. In the process of being direct, it is also important to consider the other person s point of view. Sympathize and try to relate. This approach is a polite way of saying no. d. Be assertive both verbally and nonverbally: Verbal assertiveness: Start conversations. Say what you think, but remember to be tactful. It is usually better to express positive thoughts, if possible, because people are less likely to be offended by positive comments. Ask questions. You won t always have all the information you need. Don t be afraid to speak up. Request help. Don t hesitate to ask for help when you have a good reason. Refuse requests. You will not always be able to help when you are asked. Most people will understand if you give a brief, but polite, explanation. You don t need to give a dozen excuses. Assert Yourself 32

33 PRACTICE TEST KEY (cont d) Nonverbal assertiveness: Your body language is a nonverbal way of being assertive. First, look other people in the eye when you speak to them. However, don t maintain a steady stare because that can indicate aggression. Look away from time to time, but make eye contact when you look back. Use facial expression to support what you are saying. The expression on your face tells as much about what you are thinking as the words you say. Also, use posture, the way you hold your body, to express assertiveness. Stand up straight and lean toward the person with whom you are interacting to show your interest. Or, cross your arms over your chest to show that you do not like what you are hearing. Stand close enough to others to communicate easily without being too close. e. If someone still refuses to respect your right to stand up for yourself, then it is necessary for you to be firm. Continue to say no, and don t give in. You can still be polite, for example, saying that you know your decision is a disappointment, but that you have made up your mind. Then, change the subject. That makes it clear that you are no longer discussing the subject. During such a conversation, it is important to remain calm and not become angry or upset. Speak at a normal volume. Don t raise your voice or yell. Also, you don t want to say something that you will regret later. Keep your self-control. Sometimes, this is very hard to do. If you feel you are starting to lose it, take a couple of deep breaths. Count to 10 slowly. These techniques help you to relax. Then, restate your position. If all else fails, walk away. Tell the person that you ll talk about it later. Directions: Circle the appropriate value. Part II 40 points Poor Fair Good Excellent 1. Was able to say no Communicated directly Was kind and considerate Was assertive both verbally and nonverbally Was firm Suggested Criteria Levels: Part I 48 points Part II 32 points Assert Yourself 33

34 POSTTEST Part I 60 points Directions: Identify the correct answer to each of the following questions. Use a separate sheet of paper to record your responses. OBJECTIVE A 1. A person who tries to avoid conflict at all costs is said to be a. rude. c. aggressive. b. assertive. d. passive. 2. A person who ignores the rights of others is said to be a. motivated. c. aggressive. b. assertive. d. passive. 3. The main difference between assertive people and aggressive people is that assertive people a. try to avoid conflict with others. b. respect their own rights and the rights of others. c. feel free to make requests of others. d. take advantage of others. 4. Which of the following is a characteristic of assertive people: a. They do not ask for help. c. They do not say how they feel. b. They hurt others feelings. d. They communicate honestly. 5. Assertive people are direct and upfront rather than being a. manipulative. c. respectful. b. considerate. d. talkative. 6. One of the benefits of being assertive is that assertive people a. feel in control of their careers. b. put forth all of the effort in relationships. c. let people walk all over them. d. worry about doing something they do not want to do. 7. Not liking conflict of any kind and avoiding it at all costs are being assertive. a. reasons for c. barriers to b. methods of d. advantages of Assert Yourself 34

35 POSTTEST (cont d) 8. Which of the following is a basic belief that you must have so you can start to be assertive: a. You have the right to try to force your ideas on others. b. Your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and opinions are important. c. You should always respond to the needs of others. d. Your needs come first in all situations. 9. The foundation of assertiveness is a. making others happy. c. a good education. b. respecting yourself. d. your family. 10. Being assertive means that, no matter what the situation, you have the right to Objective B a. do whatever it takes to succeed. c. choose your response. b. raise your voice. d. make others go along with you. 11. An essential part of exhibiting assertiveness is learning to say a. no. c. I m sorry. b. yes. d. Because I said so! 12. Refusing requests can be a particularly tough task a. when you are sick. c. at work. b. for an aggressive person. d. during the summer. 13. Which of the following is an assertive statement that clearly expresses what you want and need: a. I think. c. I m not sure. b. I might. d. I m in charge. 14. Assertive people are good at a. managing others. c. calculating. b. writing. d. communicating. 15. When you must refuse a request, what is one way of being assertive while sympathizing with the person? a. Telling a story c. Taking a stand b. Saying you re sorry d. Offering a solution Assert Yourself 35

36 POSTTEST (cont d) 16. Assertive people seek solutions. a. lose-lose c. lose-win b. win-win d. win-lose 17. What can you do to practice being verbally assertive? a. Start conversations. c. Raise your voice. b. Stand up straight. d. Make eye contact. 18. It is important to use the right body language when you are being assertive because body language a. helps you to relax. c. replaces nonverbal communication. b. reinforces your message. d. expresses that you are interested. 19. Taking a couple of deep breaths and counting to 10 slowly are techniques that will help you to a. get what you want. c. keep your self-control. b. become more emotional. d. feel superior to others. 20. If someone will not accept your no answer, a helpful assertive technique is to a. end your relationship with him/her. c. argue with him/her. b. change your answer to yes. d. change the subject. Part II 40 points Directions: You ve always been a passive person, but now you are ready to demonstrate assertiveness, starting at your job. Write a plan for how you will complete this task. Be sure that your plan addresses the steps outlined in the LAP. Suggested Criteria Levels: Part I 48 points Part II 32 points Assert Yourself 36