SEARCHING Bobby Kilgore, Ministerial Intern, preaching Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Vero Beach September 24, 2017

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1 What are we searching for? SEARCHING? SEARCHING Bobby Kilgore, Ministerial Intern, preaching Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Vero Beach September 24, 2017 Every human being searches for something during their lives. Just what are we searching for? Well, that depends on who you ask. Each one of us searches but not necessarily for the same things. Some search to find happiness, some for spiritual enlightenment, some for love, of themselves or another. There are many different things we search for at different times of our lives. However, why do we search outside of ourselves? We explore the internet for various things such

2 as books, movies, funny pet videos that we get a good laugh and fuzzy feeling by watching. Some of us have hobbies that bring us happiness such as playing or watching sports such as football, baseball, car racing, horse racing or steeple chasing, or hobbies like knitting, crocheting. We become friends with folks who have similar interests as we do so we can search for the same things that bring us joy. We gather together perhaps over a meal to discuss what is going on in this world of ours with like-minded individuals or have a spirited debate with those whose views are different from ours.

3 Some of us have an animal companion who we love and get joy from them being in our lives and heartbreak when we lose them. The fact is, companion animals of all kinds dogs, cats, even rabbits, hamsters and even fancy rats enrich our lives. Research shows that pet owners have less illness, recover faster from serious health conditions, and tend to be more content than people who do not own pets. Some specific potential benefits of owning or even being near companion animals include: Fewer feelings of loneliness a survey by the American Veterinary Association found that nearly 50 percent of respondents considered their pets to be companions, while only two percent thought of them as property. And a Purdue researcher found that 97 percent of respondents talk to their pets. More compatibility among humans having dogs in the office appears to improve the ability of workers to bond with each other. Researchers from Central Michigan University first brought together 12 groups of four individuals each, and asked each group to come up with a 15- second advertisement for a fictitious product. Some of the groups had dogs in the rooms while they worked, some did not. Afterward, the group members were asked how they felt about working with their teammates. Those from groups that had a dog ranked the others on their teams more highly on measures of trust, team cohesion and intimacy than did members in the groups who had no canine companionship while they worked. Some of us buy gadgets, gizmos, cars, motorcycles, clothes, but we still feel we are missing something we don't have. We still have a hole that needs to be filled so we do not have the empty, hollow feeling. Guess what? Hodja says return to your homes. What you seek is within you. You already have what you seek. What do I mean? When we think about it, all of our needs are met. Maslow's hierarchy of needs (often represented by a pyramid with five levels of our needs) is a motivational theory in psychology that argues that people aim to fill their basic needs, they seek to meet successfully higher needs in the form of the pyramid. Maslow proposed that motivation is the result of a person's attempt at fulfilling five basic needs: physiological, safety, social, esteem and self-actualization. Physiological needs are those needs required for human survival such as air, food, water, shelter, clothing and sleep. But even when these needs are met, some people still do not feel happy, satisfied with their life.

4 The most fundamental and basic four layers of the pyramid contain what Maslow called "deficiency needs" or "d-needs": esteem, friendship and love, security, and physical needs. If these "deficiency needs" are not met with the exception of the most fundamental (physiological) need there may not be a physical indication, but the individual will feel anxious and tense. Maslow's theory suggests that the most basic level of needs must be met before the individual will strongly desire or focus motivation upon the secondary or higher level needs. Maslow also coined the term "metamotivation" to describe the motivation of people who go beyond the scope of the basic needs and strive for constant betterment. The human brain is a complex system and has parallel processes running at the same time, thus many different motivations from various levels of Maslow's hierarchy can occur at the same time. Maslow spoke clearly about these levels and their satisfaction in terms such as "relative," "general," and "primarily." Instead of stating that the individual focuses on a certain need at any given time, Maslow stated that a certain need "dominates" the human organism. Thus Maslow acknowledged the likelihood that the different levels of motivation could occur at any time in the human mind, but he focused on identifying the basic types of motivation and the order in which they should be met. Physiological Needs Physiological needs are the physical requirements for human survival. If these requirements are not met, the human body cannot function properly and will ultimately fail. Physiological needs are thought to be the most important; they should be met first. Safety Needs Once a person's physiological needs are relatively satisfied, their safety needs take precedence and dominate their behavior. In the absence of physical safety due to war, natural disaster, family violence, childhood abuse, etc. people may re-experience posttraumatic stress disorder or transgenerational trauma. In the absence of economic safety due to economic crisis and lack of work opportunities these safety needs manifest themselves in ways such as a preference for job security, grievance procedures for protecting the individual from unilateral authority, savings accounts, insurance policies, disability accommodations, etc. This level is more likely to be found in children as they generally have a greater need to feel safe. Safety and Security needs include: Personal security Financial security Health and well-being Safety net against accidents/illness and their adverse impacts Social belonging After physiological and safety needs are fulfilled, the third level of human needs is interpersonal and involves feelings of belongingness. This need is especially strong in childhood and it can override the need for safety as witnessed in children who cling to abusive parents. Deficiencies within this level of Maslow's hierarchy due to hospitalism, neglect, shunning, ostracism, etc. can adversely affect the individual's ability to form and maintain emotionally significant relationships in general, such as: Friendships Intimacy Family According to Maslow, humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance among their social groups, regardless whether these groups are large or small. For example, some large

5 social groups may include clubs, co-workers, religious groups, professional organizations, sports teams, and gangs. Some examples of small social connections include family members, intimate partners, mentors, colleagues, and confidants. Humans need to love and be loved. Many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression in the absence of this love or belonging element. This need for belonging may overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure. Esteem All humans have a need to feel respected; this includes the need to have self-esteem and self-respect. Esteem presents the typical human desire to be accepted and valued by others. People often engage in a profession or hobby to gain recognition. These activities give the person a sense of contribution or value. Low self-esteem or an inferiority complex may result from imbalances during this level in the hierarchy. People with low self-esteem often need respect from others; they may feel the need to seek fame or glory. However, fame or glory will not help the person to build their self-esteem until they accept who they are internally. Psychological imbalances such as depression can hinder the person from obtaining a higher level of self-esteem or self-respect. Most people have a need for stable self-respect and self-esteem. Maslow noted two versions of esteem needs a "lower" version and a "higher" version. The "lower" version of esteem is the need for respect from others. This may include a need for status, recognition, fame, prestige, and attention. The "higher" version manifests itself as the need for self-respect. For example, the person may have a need for strength, competence, mastery, self-confidence, independence, and freedom. This "higher" version takes precedence over the "lower" version because it relies on an inner competence established through experience. Deprivation of these needs may lead to an inferiority complex, weakness, and helplessness. Maslow states that while he originally thought the needs of humans had strict guidelines, The hierarchies are interrelated rather than sharply separated." This means that esteem and the subsequent levels are not strictly separated; instead, the levels are closely related. Self-actualization "What a man can be, he must be." This quotation forms the basis of the perceived need for self-actualization. This level of need refers to what a person's full potential is and the realization of that potential. Maslow describes this level as the desire to accomplish everything that one can, to become the most that one can be. Individuals may perceive or focus on this need very specifically. For example, one individual may have the strong desire to become an ideal parent. In another, the desire may be expressed athletically. For others, it may be expressed in paintings, pictures, or inventions. As previously mentioned, Maslow believed that to understand this level of need, the person must not only achieve the previous needs, but master them. Self-transcendence In his later years, Abraham Maslow explored a further dimension of needs, while criticizing his own vision on self-actualization. The self only finds its actualization in giving itself to some higher goal outside oneself, in altruism and spirituality, which is essentially the desire to reach infinite. "Transcendence refers to the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos" (Farther Reaches of Human Nature, New York 1971, p. 269). So what do they do to fill this hole if their needs aren't met? They buy stuff. They think they will be happy with the biggest and best and newest stuff.

6 Wrong. True happiness and the feeling of fulfillment of one's life can be found in the simple things in life. For a sense of balance and sense of fulfillment of one's life, to be true to themselves one only needs to be healthy mentally, physically, and spiritually. So how do we do this? Build Relationships. No one is an island nor are we designed to be alone all the time. Having a good relationship with other people is the most important factor contributing to our well being. Get exercise and stay healthy. Take a walk on the beach, go to a park and play Frisbee golf, with a family member, friend or your animal companion. Take a lazy drive where there is nature to look at. Go kayaking, or bicycling, any type of outside activity or inside if it is too hot and humid outside. Watch any old favorite movie or read a book, then go for a walk to think on the stories they told in the book. Eat foods void of harsh chemicals. Go organic. Develop gratitude. Be thankful at who and what you have in your life. Your home, health, family, friends, friends who are family, pets, classmates, co-workers. Create flow. Life should have a flow to it. An ease about it. If you are stuck, get rid of the stuckiness. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes we all need help getting unstuck.

7 Give to others. Find volunteer opportunities. Tutor a child struggling with a school subject. Help out at a place that helps those in need. Help at Habitat for Humanity, volunteer at an animal shelter. Go out and protest whatever is opposite of your core values and beliefs. Stand up for those who can't. Be the voice for the folks whose voices can't be heard. Spirituality Have a daily spiritual practice. This will ground you in difficult times in your life. Last week Scott suggested Yoga, Chi Quong and Tai Chi. Spiritual doesn't have to entail though it often does meditation cushions, prayer beads, chant books or any other such paraphernalia. A spiritual practice might be baking, gardening, running, knitting, playing piano, painting, hiking, meditating, golfing or calligraphy. Seek help. If you feel lost, stuck, or are not sure what to do when you have a difficult situation in your life, reach out to family, friends, or your minister or me. Hodja says return to your homes. What you seek you already have. I would like to close with a reading of the 7th lesson of the Tao De Ching.

8 The Tao is infinite, eternal. Why is it eternal? It was never born; thus it can never die. Why is it infinite? It has no desires for itself; thus it is present for all beings. The Master stays behind; that is why she is ahead. She is detached from all things; that is why she is one with them. Because she has let go of herself, she is perfectly fulfilled. Amen.