Chapter 11. External Cohesion

Transcription

1 Chapter 11 External Cohesion There are three aspects to external cohesion. The first facilitates the second, and the second facilitates the third. Deepening your connection to yourself Cooperating with other people Making a difference by manifesting outcomes The focus of your development during this stage of your selfleadership journey is deepening your sense of internal connectedness by learning how to align the needs of your ego/soul complex with the needs of your body and learning how to maximize your impact in the world (gain leverage) by working with other people who share a similar sense of mission or vision and want to make a difference in the world. Deepening Your Connection to Yourself Deepening your connection to yourself sounds like more internal cohesion, and it is. However, the purpose of this connection is external, to leverage your impact on the world by becoming even more authentic and extremely focused on your mission. By this time in your life when you are following your soul purpose, you will usually have begun to realise that your ability to keep finding deep personal fulfilment through the work you do is as much conditioned by your emotional and mental capabilities as by your physical capabilities. Keeping your body in shape and staying healthy becomes increasingly important. You will also want to keep your mind alert and stress-free by learning meditation or yoga. During this stage of your evolution, you begin to understand that your body is a vehicle for your soul. You need a high-performance

2 206 The New Leadership Paradigm vehicle to support your high-performance soul. There are three ways in which you notice the deepening of your connection to your soul: An increase in intuition: receiving insight into a situation or knowing something without logical thought An increase in synchronicity: a coincidence of unconnected events with a related or common meaning An increase in inspiration: an influence, directly and immediately exerted upon the mind by the soul Intuition As you spend quiet time in reflection or meditation deepening your connection to your soul, you will find that intuition increasingly guides your decision-making. The following conditions are characteristic of intuitive decision-making. See chapter 6. Awareness is expanded through a shift in our sense of identity/consciousness. Judgment is suspended. No meaning-making takes place, either subconsciously or consciously. The mind is empty. Thoughts, beliefs, and agendas are suspended. The mind is free to make a deep dive into the mind-space of the collective unconscious and emerge with a deep sense of knowing. The thoughts that arise reflect wisdom and align with your most deeply held values. Synchronicity Closely associated with the development of your intuition is the noticeable advent of synchronicity in your life. The Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, defined synchronicity as the coincidence in time of two or more causally unrelated events which have the same meaning. 91 The concept of synchronicity arose from the merger of quantum theory and psychology. 91 C.G. Jung, Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle (Princeton: Bollingen Paperback Edition, 1973).

3 Leading Self 207 Jung and Wolfgang Pauli, an Austrian theoretical physicist, collaborated together to show how synchronicity had quantum underpinnings that led to the experience of meaning. When you open yourself to the idea of synchronicity, you find that events in your life over which you have no control are extremely meaningful to you. What is shifting inside you is mirrored in your external world. As you deepen your level of identification with your soul, you find yourself experiencing more synchronistic events. After a while, you begin to realise that these unconnected events with a common meaning are linked to another dimension of existence and represent the invisible energetic alignment you have with your soul. When you are in a flow state (in alignment with your soul), synchronistic events occur extremely frequently. All you have to do is pay attention and notice them. When you pay attention and learn to interpret these manifestations, you begin to realise that what you are experiencing is soul guidance. Synchronistic events are clues that take you down a trail that supports you in living out your soul purpose or helps you get closer to understanding your soul s needs. I have learned that I need to pay attention when an idea, a reference to a book, or a name comes across my path twice in a short period. When it happens for a third time, I had better drop everything and get on the case. I have also learned that, the more I embrace my soul and its purpose, the easier life becomes. As you step fully into soul consciousness, you will begin to experience joy and inspiration. The key to unlocking synchronicity in your life and getting into your flow is commitment. It s not just dedication to a goal, but complete surrender to your soul purpose. That is when synchronicity really begins to show up in your life and guide you. This is the quality I believe W.N. Murray describes in these words from The Scottish Himalayan Expedition: Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

4 208 The New Leadership Paradigm All sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise never have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from that decision, raising in one s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. If you want to gain a deeper understanding of synchronicity and its foundational links to our quantum reality, I suggest you read Synchronicity: The Inner Path of Leadership by Joseph Jaworski. 92 In this book, Jaworski describes his meeting with David Bohm, the theoretical physicist who explained to him that everything is enfolded in everything. Nothing is actually separate. Separation is not a property of world; it is a property of our perception. As we invite into our lives the part of ourselves that has its source in the quantum reality, the connectedness becomes more apparent. We are no longer observing the world through our physical senses, we start being in the world and perceiving it in a new way. Bohm described it to Jaworski in the following way: At present, people create barriers between each other by their fragmentary thought. Each one operates separately. When these barriers have dissolved, then there arises one mind, where they are all one unit, but each person also retains his or her own individual awareness It is actually a single intelligence that works with people who are moving in relationship with one another. 93 Inspiration Inspiration is pure soul guidance. You could call it synchronicity revealed. It is more blatant than suggestive. The following conditions are characteristic of inspirational decision-making. See chapter 6. Thoughts appear to arise from nowhere. The thought is persistent. The thought is linked to actions that you need to take. There are consequences for not following your inspiration. 92 Joseph Jaworski, Synchronicity: The Inner Path of Leadership (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 1996). 93 Joseph Jaworski, Synchronicity: The Inner Path of Leadership (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler. 1996), 81.

5 Leading Self 209 The principal consequence of ignoring your inspiration over a prolonged period is melancholy or depression. The soul needs the ego to get on board with its cause or project. Usually, what is holding the ego back is fear, and the fear is always related to the satisfaction of one of the ego s deficiency needs. I would like to give two personal examples. When I got to the stage in my career where I became bored and realised my interest was in transformation, not transportation, a dilemma faced me. How could I follow my soul purpose, which was fully known to my soul but still not well defined for me, and earn a comparable income to my World Bank salary doing what my soul was telling me to do? I eventually overcame this fear, stepped fully into my soul purpose, and never looked back. I had to surrender my logic and my fears to inspiration. Writing this book is also an example of following my inspiration. My first reaction to the prompting to write this book was to resist because I did not think I had anything to contribute, but my soul knew differently. Eventually, I overcame my ego s reluctance and got on with the job. Once I had started, the book just unfolded in front of me. Did I know what I was doing? No. Was I guided through the whole process? Absolutely, yes! Intuition can best be described as a creative eureka moment, a sudden breakthrough to solving a problem. Inspiration, on the other hand, is more like receiving continuing guidance that allows you to stay in a state of flow. When you are in flow, synchronicities become daily or weekly occurrences. What appears to be happening as you progress with your personal evolution is an ever-increasing alignment and concentration of energies that support you in your soul purpose. I sometimes think synchronicity and inspiration are two elements of a behind-the-scenes conspiracy directed by the soul to get you to focus on living out your soul s purpose. I could fill pages with descriptions of serendipitous events that have happened to me over the years that I cannot explain logically. Following the promptings of your soul is like surfing a wave. The energy beneath your feet carries you along. If you can surrender, get yourself out of the way, you will have an amazing ride. When you reach the stage of inspiration, you can let go of your vision. You are living the life of a soul-infused personality that plays in the quantum field of universal energy. You are now standing on the wave with your surfboard, and the wave takes you where you need to go. The last thing you want to do at this stage is start to make plans

6 210 The New Leadership Paradigm because you are no longer in control of your destiny. It is as if your soul has taken over your mind. Following your soul s purpose becomes all-consuming. Herein lays a danger. Your unrestrained soul motivation for fulfilment can have a similar impact on the rest of your life as your unrestrained ego motivation for achievement. In both situations, you may find yourself spending long hours doing your work and ignoring your health and your family. The main difference is that your ego-needs make themselves felt when you are young and in your physical prime, whereas your soulneeds usually make themselves felt when you are older. Balance and discipline are needed now more than ever. If you don t focus and develop balance, you will compromise your ability to fulfil your soul purpose. Here are some of the characteristics of a self-actualized, soulinfused personality: A lot of energy and stamina Usually look younger than their years Playful and humorous Always willing to laugh at themselves because they don t take themselves too seriously At ease with uncertainty Flexible and adaptable Focused on their mission Quick to learn and very intuitive Cooperating with Other People The second part of external cohesion is learning how to cooperate with other people. For this, you require empathy and a mutual alignment of mission or vision. You can have empathy with many different people in your life, but you will only share a common mission or vision with a few. Empathy and alignment are a powerful combination that leads to connection and cooperation. When both are in place, you are able to explore the full depths of mutuality with regard to your collective desire to find personal fulfilment in the world. Empathy builds

7 Leading Self 211 connection; alignment builds action. When you have empathy and alignment with someone, you are able to mutually leverage your talents and energies to increase your collective impact on the world in a manner that brings fulfilment to both parties. The basis of empathy is connection through energetic resonance. There are three broad types of energetic resonance: friendship, empathy, and compassion. The qualities of these three types of connection are shown in Table Friendship Empathy Compassion Definition The ability of two people to connect with each other through feelings of affection and offer each other mutual support during problematic or difficult times The ability to imagine oneself in another s place, experience and understand his or her feelings and desires, and communicate this understanding to the other person The ability to imagine oneself in another s place, experience and understand his or her feelings, and have an overwhelming desire to alleviate his or her suffering Who is involved Between people who share common beliefs and/or are living through or experiencing similar situations or circumstances Between people who share common values and beliefs or people who share common values and a similar soul purpose Between a soul and anyone who is suffering physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually Characteristics Friends come and go in your life as you evolve in consciousness Once you have this bond, it is always there, no matter when or where you There is a strong sense of connection that serves its purpose in the

8 212 The New Leadership Paradigm and move location. If neither of you evolve, you can stay friends for a lifetime. Friendships tend to be fleeting. meet. Both parties feel a deep sense of connection. Empathy leads to enduring connections. moment through the offering and receiving of positive supporting energy. Compassion is a spontaneous reaction of the soul. Conversations You talk about the surface level of life: your stories, what happened to you, what is going to happen to you, and what other people are doing. You also talk about who did what to who, why, and when. You talk about your hopes, your fears, and topics that relate to your common interests. You talk about anything and everything: your thoughts and feelings, philosophy, psychology, spirituality, personal growth, sustainability, and things that bring meaning to your life. You talk about how to change the world and support the common good. You talk about whatever the person who is suffering wants to talk about. You listen a lot. You do not judge. You are never shocked. You don t tell him or her what to do. You offer support. You give him or her hope. You are there to meet whatever needs he or she may have. Table Qualities of connection in friendship, empathy, and compassion. The level of vibration of your energetic field is determined by the degree to which you are holding on to the energy of fear (consciously or subconsciously) and the degree to which you are embracing the

9 Leading Self 213 energy of love. Fear has a much lower frequency of vibration than love. It feels heavy and serious, whereas love feels light and joyful. Friendship In your early years, your friends are usually people who are like you. They are of a similar background, race, gender, and education, or they are people with whom you share a similar interest, like people at school, people in a class or training, people in your local pub, or fellow supporters of a football or soccer team. You get along with these people because you resonate at the same energetic frequency. Your friends are like you. You tend to dress alike. You drive the same cars and go to the same golf club. Friends make life enjoyable because they either give you a sense of belonging or connection. Everyone conforms to the mores of the group he or she belongs to. Even members of teenage gangs and the mafia have their unofficial dress codes and membership rules, as well as similar values, beliefs, and behaviours. They are like tribes. They depend on each other for their safety and survival, and reciprocity is a rule of membership. Very few friendships endure because they are based on the satisfaction of mutual ego deficiency needs (the need for belonging and connection). When friendship is based on a mutual interest, your friends will change when your interests changes. When friends grow apart, it is either because they no longer live in the same vicinity or because one party or the other has evolved in consciousness. Empathy When you have individuated (overcome your fear-based beliefs and able to access the energies of your soul) and achieved a strong degree of authenticity, you can learn to empathise with almost anyone because you are able to connect with people at the level of our shared humanity. When you develop a friendship based on empathy (soul connection), the link you form is authentic. You talk about things that have deep meaning to you. You share your life. No topics are taboo. These are enduring relationships that can be picked up and put down, but the sense of connection never changes. When you access these higher frequencies of vibration, you will find your friendships become deeper and fewer. Your friends will not necessarily look like you, dress like you, or come from a similar

10 214 The New Leadership Paradigm background. They will be people who have also accessed the energies of their souls. You will notice that you are no longer interested in outings with acquaintances. You will be looking for deep, intimate conversations with friends that stimulate your soul. You will find yourself not settling for less. You will begin to avoid dinner parties that do not involve people who are willing to explore their ideas and feelings and open up their souls. This may leave you feeling a bit lonely, even if you have many friends, because there are not too many people in the world who you can really connect with at a soul level. When you live at this level of consciousness with deep authenticity and achieve some level of notoriety, either through public speaking or authoring books, you may become a magnet for others. They will want to be in your presence. Their souls will be attracted to your soul. They may not know that this is happening. All they know is that they derive some sense of satisfaction from being around you. This will be particularly true of those who are at the transformation level of consciousness. They will be attracted to your thoughts and ideas. They will want to learn from you. They will want to explore their own authenticity and access their wisdom, just like you. Indirectly, by your presence, you are giving them hope. Compassion Compassion is a deeper form of empathy that we reserve for those with whom we come into contact that are in such physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual suffering that they have lost hope. Your role in this situation is to connect with them at the deepest level of your own humanity and simply listen. Hope is the desire for something better or, failing that, the desire to know that their suffering is not in vain. Everyone looks for meaning in their suffering. Some see punishment for their sins. Others see a midcourse correction, a wake-up call to get them back on track. Others see their suffering as a soul intervention to get them to make changes in their lives. Yet others, particularly celebrities, turn their suffering into a way of getting the public s attention to a specific cause. It matters not what meaning people ascribe to their situation. The purpose of your compassion is to give them hope. If you can alleviate their suffering, that is a bonus that can bring joy to both. You may recall this was one of the qualities that endeared Princess Diana to everyone who met her. She was able to connect with people at

11 Leading Self 215 a very personal level. Her rank in the hierarchy of British royalty meant very little to her. It was not who she was. It was never her identity. She was a very shy person who overcame her bashfulness to find a level authenticity that enabled her to connect with people s hearts. Anyone who has a connection to thier soul is capable of compassion. As you grow and evolve in consciousness terms, this ability increases. Your sense of identity expands to become more and more inclusive. At the highest levels of consciousness, you identify with humanity. One of the difficulties of operating from this level of consciousness is that it becomes hard to separate yourself from the pain in the world. Watching the news on television is no longer something you particularly enjoy. Seeing children or animals suffer is excruciating. You begin to realise that, because these things affect you viscerally, it is in your self-interest to address the causes of such suffering in the world. The Dalai Lama is a person who has these qualities; Nelson Mandela is, too. These same qualities are what attract people to spiritual gurus. What you are looking for, however, is not out there. Whatever they have, you can have because it is within you. You are not seeking to find anything. You are simply trying to access it. You are seeking to access your own authentic way of being. You are seeking to access your soul. Assessing Your Capacity for Working with Other People Five human characteristics determine how well we interact with the world and how well suited we are to working with other people: Extroversion: At one end of the scale, there are extroverts who direct their energy outward towards other people and things outside themselves. At the other end of the scale, there are introverts, who are more reflective and direct their energy inward towards themselves; not in a selfish way. They are just more comfortable in solitary pursuits. Emotionality: At one end of this scale, people are sensitive to what is happening, have emotional reactions to situations, and easily get stressed. At the other end of this scale, people remain calm to what is happening around them and take things in their stride.

12 216 The New Leadership Paradigm Thoroughness: At one end of this scale, people have the ability to focus on many things at once, but may easily get distracted. At the other end of this scale, people have the ability to focus on one thing and see it through to conclusion. Openness: At one end of this scale, people like change. What is new and innovative fascinates them. They do not have rigid views about what is right and wrong. At the other end of this scale, people prefer structure and stability and generally have fixed ideas about what is right and wrong. Agreeableness: At one end of this scale, people are empathetic in nature and considerate to others. They are willing to help in any way they can. At the other end of this scale, people are strong-willed and independent, preferring to go it alone without involving other people. People who score well on extroversion, openness, and agreeableness tend to find it relatively easy to form relationships and work well with other people. People who score less well in these characteristics may find relationships more challenging, especially if they operate with a high level of emotionality. Although thoroughness is related to task focus and self-discipline, too strong a focus on this characteristic may inhibit your ability to accommodate the needs others have when you are working on a task that is important to you. Information on how to assess these characteristics in yourself can be found in the following chapter by completing the personality profile developed by Personality Net Inc. Manifesting Outcomes Intention, vision, and inspiration are the three ways that support us in manifesting in the physical world. Setting an intention and putting the energy of your beliefs into the outcome you want to achieve is how you manifest from the ego level. When your ego intention is not in alignment with your soul, two things can happen. You can be successful in getting what you think you want, but it turns out to be something that doesn t serve you in the way you thought it would. When you look back on it, it

13 Leading Self 217 turns out to be a lesson you needed to learn. We often learn by finding out what we don t want. You never get what you think you want. It just keeps eluding you. Circumstances are such that you cannot make it happen. You don t get what you want, but you do get what you need. It s another lesson about aligning with who you really are and becoming adaptable. When I look back on my life, I realise I always got what I needed, whether it was what I wanted or not. When I realised this, I began to align with my soul purpose. Getting clear on your mission and creating a vision into which you pour your energy and action is how you manifest from the soul level. Developing your mission and vision is cognitive process that also encapsulates your deeply felt motivations. This is part of the process of aligning your ego with your soul. You know you have found your mission and vision when the statements you come up with make you tingle with energy. When you become a soul-infused personality (when the ego is fully aligned with the soul), you can let go of your intention, your mission, and vision and simply live from inspiration. When you reach this point, you begin to understand that you have no needs. More precisely, whatever needs you may have are automatically filled before you even knew you have them. This is when you know you are in flow and experience the deepest levels of meaning and fulfilment in your life. You also begin to move past the place where you have wants. You may have desires, but they are nothing more than things or situations that you believe might make you feel more comfortable. You know that, by following your inspiration, you will have everything you need. When I reflect deeply on such matters, it leads me to believe that we live in a self-correcting universe that is constantly seeking to return to internal stability and external equilibrium at every level of existence. This is the purpose of our emotions. The secret to living a good life is to recognise and follow what wants to emerge and embrace adaptability. Here are some of things you will experience when you are in alignment with who you really are: a deep sense of meaning, a deep sense of gratitude, a sense of things happening to you and

14 218 The New Leadership Paradigm through you, rather than being done by you, and an impersonal sense of your own identity that is, at the same time, vast and void.