Wayne M. Sotile, Ph.D.

Transcription

1 Letting Go of What s Holding You Back! How to Thrive During Challenging Times wsotile@attglobal.net Wayne M. Sotile, Ph.D. Founder, and Sotile Psychological Associates Winston-Salem, NC and Special Consultant in Behavioral Health Center for Cardiovascular Health Carolinas Medical Center Charlotte, NC Crucial Questions Who are you to the ones you love and work with? How happy are you? Four Risks 1. High Demand / Low Control Stress 2. We / Them Tensions 3. High-Performers Coping Styles and Cajun Logic 4. Burnout and Psychosocial Distress

2 ACS survey; 7905 participating surgeons 40% High Burnout 30% Positive for Depression 28% Mental QOL scores > ½ SD below population norm Shanafelt TD et al. Annals of Surgery. 2009;25(3): Why Physician Burnout Matters Medical Errors Williams ES et al. Health Care Manage Rev. 2007;32: Firth-Cozens J & Greenhalgh J. Soc Sci Med. 1997;44: Shanafelt TD et al. Ann Intern Med. 2002;136: Medical Malpractice Suits Jones JW et al. J Appl Psychol. 1988;73: Patient Compliance DiMatteo MR et al. Health Psychol. 1993;12: Patient Satisfaction Linn LS et al. Med Care. 1985;23: Haas JS et al. J Gen Intern Med. 2000;15: Family Discord Sargent MC, Sotile WM, Sotile MO, et al. J of Bone and Joint Surgery ; Burn Out Emotional Exhaustion Depersonalization Personal Accomplishment Sargent MC, Sotile WM, Sotile MO, et al. Quality of life during orthopaedic training and academic practice: Part 1. Orthopaedic surgery residents and faculty. J of Bone and Joint Surgery. At press,

3 Bridge the Gaps Us Them Toxic Stress Leading During Uncontrollable Times High Demand Low Control Low Support

4 Letting Go of What s Holding You Back 1. Use Realistic Coping Roadmaps 2. Practice Coping Flexibility 3. Stay Curious About Each Other 4. Respect the Psychology of Changing 5. Deepen Your Relationships Use Realistic Roadmaps The Are You Holding Back? Self-Test Use Realistic Roadmaps Work Family Anxious Angry Guilty Self Intimate Relationship

5 Use Realistic Roadmaps Why Passion Matters Use Realistic Roadmaps The Course of Intimacy and Career Passion Measure of Intimacy ???? Years of Relationship Use Realistic Roadmaps What s Your Marriage IQ? One of the biggest predictors of marital happiness is loving each other. True? False?

6 Use Realistic Roadmaps What s Your Marriage IQ? One of the biggest predictors of marital happiness is the ability to solve relationship problems, including work/life conflicts. True? False? The Two Most Toxic Forms of Work/Life Stress Re-Thinking Balance Work Family Self Intimate Relationship Letting Go of What s holding You Back!

7 Use Realistic Roadmaps What s Your Marriage IQ? One of the biggest predictors of marital happiness is a husband heeding his wife s advice. True? False? Use Realistic Roadmaps What s Your Marriage IQ? One of the biggest predictors of marital happiness is having friends and colleagues who support your marriage. True? False? Crucial Correlations Health & Work Outcomes Quality of Collab. Career Satisfaction Family s Satisfaction With You Your Happiness Sotile WM & Sotile MO. Letting Go of What s Holding You Back Sotile WM & Sotile MO. The Resilient Physician. AMA Press,

8 Letting Go of What s Holding You Back 1. Use Realistic Coping Roadmaps 2. Practice Coping Flexibility Practice Coping Flexibility a. Beware of Strain; Not Stress b. Little Changes Make Big Differences c. Manage the Effects of Your Coping Style d. Be Honest about Your Stress Symptoms e. Re-invent Yourself Periodically! f. Re-think Balance g. Level Your Foundation Your Skill Level for This Task High Excellent -Superior Skills -Low Passion Competent -Indifferent -Anyone could -Like it? Incompetent -Frustrates -Drains -Poor Results The Strategic Coach Unique Ability Low Your Passion Level for This High

9 Letting Go of What s Holding You Back! How s Your Foundation? Work Physical Family Spiritual Real Talk, Inc Letting Go of What s Holding You Back 1. Use Realistic Coping Roadmaps 2. Practice Coping Flexibility 3. Stay Curious About Each Other Reflect on How We are Working Together Drucker P.Harvard Business Review, Feb 1,

10 Letting Go Content Structure Process Use Your Resources To Deepen Your Relationships What is Our Culture? How Is Our Teamwork? We Seldom See Ourselves the Way that Others See Us

11 Deepen Your Relationships 360 Feedback Pros and Cons 360 Within-Group Feedback Work Ethic Team Behaviors Overall Fit In the Culture of Our Group Professionalism Openness to Input Resilience 360 Dealing with Referrals Promptness Communication Helpfulness Clinical Judgment

12 Stay Curious About Each Other What are Your Expectations? Dare to Be Specific and Bold! O'Connell 2010 Roles Systems Performance Skills Talents, Traits &Temperament Motivations Keys to Resilience Be a Hero A hero is someone who creates safe spaces for other people. Sotile WM and Sotile MO. Letting Go of What s Holding You Back, N.Y.: Harry Abrams, 2007, p

13 Keys to Resilience Caring Connections At work: Collaboration Collegiality Respect of families At home: Friendship Communication Intimacy Support of work When you end a dysfunctional legacy, you justify your lifetime. Wayne & Mary Sotile. Letting Go of What s Holding You Back! 2007 Letting Go of What s Holding You Back 1. Use Realistic Coping Roadmaps 2. Practice Coping Flexibility 3. Stay Curious About Each Other 4. Respect the Psychology of Changing

14 Letting Go.. What Holds Us Back? Mental Maps We grossly overestimate the importance of what we do know the familiar, and underestimate the importance of what we don t know the unfamiliar. Letting Go of What Holding You Back Concepts + Decisions Behavior Behavior Behavior Behavior Behavior Behavior Behavior Behavior Emotional Change (Comfort w New Normal) Change Can Happen Quickly Hardwiring Change Takes Time Time Three Phase of Transition The New Normal The Neutral Zone Ending Losing Letting Go W. Bridges. Managing Transitions, Modified by Sotile,

15 How People Change Learning Strategies Influence Strategies Do it.. Actual performance Notice it.. Internal feedback Observe it...vicarious learning Learn it... Verbal persuasion Bandura A. et al. Cognitive processes mediating behavior change. Cognitive Therapy and Research. 1977;1: What are Your Relationship Strengths/Challenges? The Family FIRO Model Doherty WJ & Colangelo N. J Marriage and Family Therapy (1): Letting Go of What s Holding You Back 1. Use Realistic Coping Roadmaps 2. Practice Coping Flexibility 3. Stay Curious About Each Other 4. Respect the Psychology of Changing 5. Deepen Your Relationships

16 Passionate Leadership Levers Deepen Your Relationship with Each Person You Lead 1. What do they think of you? 2. What do you know about each of them? What Do You Know? High Performer Problem Person Spouse/Sig. other s name? N of children? Hobbies? Lunch-time topic? Career goals? Personal concern? Spouse/Sig. other s name? N of children? Hobbies? Lunch-time topic? Career goals? Personal concern? What Do I Know? A Checklist By what name do they like to be called? What makes them feel important? What raises their self esteem/pride? What have they accomplished in the past? What is their heart s desire? What is most important to them? Brian Tracy. Goals

17 List your Team Roster. What do you most appreciate about each team member? Have you made this obvious? How? When? When will you do so again? How? From Risk to Resilience.. Deepen Your Relationships Principal of Propinquity The frequency and quality of human interaction is largely a function of physical distance (proximity) Festinger L et al Social Pressure in Informal Groups, 1950 Deepen Your Relationships a. Believe in Each Other! b. Protect Relationship Rituals c. Don t Be So Boring d. Accept the Call to Character e. Take a Break from Hypervigilence f. Seek and Grant Forgiveness

18 Letting Go of What s Holding You Back Be Generous & Be Gracious