Manage Conflict Work Book

Transcription

1 Manage Conflict Work Book

2 Triggers and Methods Exercise What are my triggers? Thought provoking What are some of the most common approaches to dealing with conflict, and what are their strengths and limitations in various situations? What approaches to conflict do you generally use, and how do these help or serve as barriers to your ability to be effective in situations involving conflict? In what ways might you improve your own practices related to managing and resolving conflict?

3 Conflict Styles Collaborating - An approach in which people go beyond their own interests and solutions to create something new Competing Being assertive and pursuing your own concerns, sometimes at expense of others. Compromising - Middle ground between competing and accommodating, where you give up some of your ideas but not all of them Avoiding Not addressing the existence of conflict Accommodating - Letting go of your own ideas in order to satisfy others interests above your own

4 Poisonous Ploys Spot the poisonous ploys that people use, often unwittingly, that can spark off conflict. It might just be that you use them too, sometimes. The Blamestormer Now look what you ve made me do You ve made me late The Rulemaker You should support me in this You ought to know this by now The Nasty Knife-twister Where have you hidden my keys/that report/the remote control? The trouble with you is... The Wilful Whinger But why won t you? Why aren t you listening to me? The Yesbuttal Yes but it s not Yes, but I want The Character Assassin You re late again! You re just completely hopeless I ll do it in a minute! You re such a nag, always moaning The Drama Queen This is a major catastrophe!! That s the rudest thing I ve ever heard in my entire life!

5 12 Tips to handle or even prevent conflict 1. Check the facts (not your inferences). Get in the habit of spotting your own assumptions. Remember that people view the world differently. 2. Notice your thinking. Internal dialogue is very powerful, and if it s full of shoulds and oughts this can lead to feelings of anger, guilt and resentment fuel for conflict. Try instead could and I need. 3. Be specific, clear and clean. Stick to the substance and avoid the escalators the thinking and language that makes matters worse. 4. Ask neutral (as opposed to loaded) questions. Use a good mix of closed (yes/no) and open (what/where/who/how/when) questions. Avoid why? 5. Listen attentively, without interrupting. Pay very close attention to the words themselves, emotions expressed and physiology. Practising tuning into these things will help tune out our own negative and judgemental thinking about the other person. 6. Appreciate that we all have a Child inside, and what that Child fears, hopes and needs. Be sensitive to Child ways of expressing feelings. 7. Recognise the Parent, its rules, absolutes and fixed positions. Show respect and listen to the Parent in others, remaining assertive (not submissive). 8. Look at your body language and other people s. Soften the jaw and facial muscles, breathe deeply and slowly, slow down the rate of speaking, use circular or curved gestures (not linear or jabbing movements), lower the volume, sit down. 9. Use I language and take responsibility for your own concerns and needs. Take care with descriptors of how you feel: I feel annoyed not I feel f*^+#d off. 10. Learn to spot the behaviours and comments that hit your hot buttons and other people s. Be particularly vigilant if this is a recurring pattern. 11. Seek to understand the positive intention in others. They may have a funny way of showing it, yet it s there somewhere. Keep a positive mindset and establish what is important to both of you. 12. Work together to build Win:Win situations. Accept that only by exploring both sets of needs can solutions be achieved.

6 Final Questions/Action List What am I going to do differently when I go back to the office?