From Gender Differences to Sexual Purity: Contexualizing The Church s Approach to Men s Ministry. Joel Peter Jupp. Trinity Evangelical Divinity School

Transcription

1 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 1 From Gender Differences to Sexual Purity: Contexualizing The Church s Approach to Men s Ministry Joel Peter Jupp Trinity Evangelical Divinity School

2 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 2 Abstract This paper proposes a better way for teaching sexual purity within the local church. The first two parts of this paper survey a few of the similarities and differences between men and women, so that the reader is aware of the current discussions on this topic. While there are significant similarities, the differences suggest that the church should be intentional about addressing this issue with men. Applying the research that is presented, the main contribution of this paper is the proposal that ministry should be contextualized for different contexts, and such contextualization should include gender-related issues. By contextualizing Christian teachings about sexual purity for each gender, churches will be more effective in their efforts to help congregants pursue personal purity. Keywords: Christianity; church; morality; ministry; sexual purity

3 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 3 From Gender Differences to Sexual Purity: Contexualizing The Church s Approach to Men s Ministry Although the topic of sexual immorality was once taboo within the Christian church, it has now become a frequent topic of conversation for many congregations. Books such as Every Man s Battle, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Mind, and Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) have brought this issue to the fore like never before. In addition to various publications, an increasing number of ministries, such as XXX Church founded by Craig Gross, are addressing these issues with thousands of people each year -- with ideas ranging from internet filtering to formal debates on college campuses. Amidst all of these new voices that have joined the conversation, this paper will argue that as Christians continue to address this issue, pastors and congregants should be aware of the differences between men and women, so that ministry can be more nuanced, and therefore more effective, to address the issue of sexual immorality among men. Similarities Between Men and Women Before discussing differences, it is important to recognize that there are significant similarities between men and women. We must understand both genders, so that we can truly understand how their similarities and differences are meaningful for ministry. That being said, let us review what is considered common ground. At a fundamental level, sexual sin is the same sin for both genders. When Jesus warns humanity about the dangers of sexual sin, he does not distinguish his message for each gender.

4 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 4 The sin itself, in terms of its offensiveness before God, is equally wrong for both genders, and for that reason, the consequence is also the same separation from God. Of course, the motive or cause for the sin might be different for each gender, which is quite significant for the local church, but the specifics of why and how is not Jesus concern in Matthew 5. Even though Jesus uses looking at a woman as his example, Jesus is speaking more broadly in this context, and from that, we can gather that at a fundamental level, both genders need to address this issue. Both genders are affected by variables, such as age, health, social situation, and biological sex. It has been documented, for example, that men and women with serious illness report a decrease in their sexual interest (Howell et al., 1987; Koller et al., 1990). For that reason, we cannot assume that everyone is facing the same degree of interest. While some experience little to no sexual desire, others experience a much higher frequency. For both genders, contextual factors also play a significant role. Men and women are not merely biological beings, but they are social beings who live within a particular culture. Because of these societal influences (e.g., sexually explicit images on television), we should not assume that scientific studies are the norm for humanity. Sexual desire, for instance, may be exaggerated due to situational factors more so than biological factors. This applies to both genders. Various studies have suggested men and women are affected by explicit images that they see, particularly when images are considered affectionate (Quakenbush et al., 1995). Because of this similarity, both men and women should be alerted to the possibility of temptation, regardless of their gender.

5 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 5 Differences between Men and Women At various points in history, differences have been emphasized or deemphasized often due to cultural trends more so than scientific research. However, as Peplau (2003) has pointed out, there are four differences that are so pervasive affecting thoughts and feelings as well as behavior for both heterosexuals and homosexuals that they should not be ignored: (1) Sexual desire is more frequent, less periodic and more regular, among men. (2) Women are more likely to desire committed relationships as a context for sexuality, while men are more likely to have casual view of premarital and extramarital sex. (3) Men tend to be more sexually aggressive than women. (4) Men are less likely to change or adapt their sexuality to their surroundings. Men and women view infidelity with different perspectives. A study conducted by Buss and colleagues (1992) shows that women are more bothered by the emotional intimacy, while men are more bothered by sexual intimacy. This is surprising in light of how many men view pornography because apparently they do not apply this same logic to themselves. Men have more permissive attitudes towards sex in less serious relationships (Helgeson, 367), and these casual views can carry into marriage. Clearly, this speaks to the need for the Christian church to address this issue with vigor, helping men take a more serious view of sex at all times and not just when they are wronged. According to Genesis 3, men and women need intimacy. Various psychological studies have suggested that men more often seek sex for physical pleasure, while women are more likely motivated by love (Helgeson, 346). This difference between men and women matters because it affects how we should address issues of sexual immorality. In negative terms, men need to be reminded that sex is not always a healthy form of pleasure. In other words, it is not permissible

6 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 6 for men to seek sex merely for physical reasons. In more positive terms, men need to be reminded to love and to seek their wife s well-being. As they grow in their relationships, men need to be reminded that sexual experiences develop intimacy, and because of that, they should be very careful about guarding that area of their lives. Because of these casual views, men are often the guilty party when it comes to sexual immorality. The common belief is that men are more responsible for sexually immorality. When the act is consensual, both parties are guilty and responsible for their actions, and that should never be overlooked. Yet when consider instances that involve force (whether verbal or physical), men cross the boundary lines more often than women. Going beyond generalizations, we see that statistics support the idea that men commit sexual sin more often than women (Peplau, 2003). Even though political, social, and economic factors may have some influence on these findings, the majority of all psychological studies confirm that men are more sexual in their thoughts and behaviors. Men report significantly more sexual thoughts, more willingness to engage in casual sex, more initiation when it comes to sexual activity, and more permissive attitudes towards fetishes and pornography (Leiblum, 2002). In recent decades, researchers have suggested that the gap is decreasing,or that it is smaller than originally thought, yet even still, nearly all studies confirm that men are more sexual on a more frequent basis. Whether this difference is biological or environmental is a secondary question; in the meantime, the disparity remains. One observation is particularly disturbing. A study by Glascock (2005) suggests that men are more callous than women when viewing degrading images. According to this study, men who view non-romantic, negative, and degrading images still report that they were attracted

7 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 7 to those images. On the contrary, women were turned off by such images, in the sense that they were less attracted to the pornographic images. These findings should concern religious leaders. Men are attracted to images even when they are considered degrading, and it is often this mentality that leads to rape and other horrific acts of violence against women. The willingness to enjoy such degradation is a significant difference that separates men and women, and it should be of serious concern. Due to these concerns, it would be wise to address this issue more often in the context of men s ministries. This does not mean that men are more responsible, but simply due to the fact that men are several times more likely than women to experience sexual desire, this topic is important to address within the context of men s ministries and counseling sessions that involve men. While Jesus did not nuance his message for each gender, most churches recognize that this is helpful to do with a variety of spiritual issues. In other words, teaching can be contextualized for each gender. For example, when it comes to women s issues, a number of books have been published with similar titles, such as Beyond Nice, No More Christian Nice Girls, and dozens of others contain the phrase Nice Girls. So while we recognize that all sin is sin, the Christian church generally recognizes that particular issues are more pressing for particular genders. For that reason, the next section of this paper will suggest how the differences described above should influence our approach to ministry. A Contexualized Approach to Men s Ministry Some may question why a contexualized approach is necessary. The response is that all ministry is nuanced in some way or another; what matters is how. Missiologists use the term

8 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 8 contextualization when referring to how Christians communicate their message to a new context (Moreau, 225). Based on Paul s desire to reach all people (1 Cor. 9:19), the Church should translate its message to be relevant to different kinds of people. As soon as we translate the Christian message to a new language and use different words, we contextualize our message, so that it can be better understood. The proposal here is that the biblical teaching about sexual immorality should be contextualized, particularly to each gender. Rather than limiting themselves to a generic method (in mixed gender contexts), Christian leaders can and should be intentional about speaking to each gender (in gender-specific groups). When speaking to only one gender in particular, pastors are able to focus on particular triggers or motivations that are more common to that gender. In doing so, leaders can address specific realities that would not make as much sense in a mixed gender setting. In light of the differences that have been noted, this paper will offer a few practical suggestions for how these differences should affect local church ministry. These are not meant to be exhaustive, but they present several possible applications of the research: (1) Because studies have shown that men have more regular desire for sex, men should be reminded on a regular basis that sexual purity is a daily decision. For men, the desire can be relatively constant, as opposed to a woman s desire which is more cyclical (Peplau, 2003). In light of these statistics, men should be alerted that they are not alone in their desire, and because they are not unique in this regard, their desire is not an excuse to engage in sexual immorality. (2) Men need to be taught the importance of faithfulness. While many men have a strong sense of justice and honor, studies have shown that men are not as likely to see the

9 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 9 value of faithfulness in a relationship (Oliver & Hyde, 1993). Because of this, faithfulness should be an important theme when teaching men about sexuality. (3) Due to the fact that men are more aggressive, the Church needs to remind men about the importance of gentle and caring leadership. Rather than allowing culture to dictate what masculinity looks like, the Church needs to show men that premature and forceful sex is damaging to everyone involved. Men often initiate in relationships, and they must be reminded of what it means to be responsible. In addition, they need to be taught that gentleness is not weakness and leadership is not domination. (4) Because men with same-sex attraction are less likely to change than women (Diamond, 2003), churches need to discuss their ministry approach to homosexual and bisexual men. In light of scientific research, rather than targeting the temptation itself (or the thought of same-sex attraction), churches should begin by teaching men about abstinence first. By distinguishing between temptation and behavior, churches will be more effective by encouraging a step-by-step process towards healing. Following a commitment to Christ, this begins with abstinence. Again, these suggestions are merely a starting point. The hope is that these will inspire even more possibilities as church leaders consider how to contextualize. Without a doubt, church leaders will be able to think of dozens of additional ways to help communicate the importance of sexual morality to men within the church. The goal here is to propose that such discussions are important and that they should be taking place within the local church.

10 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 10 Conclusion As this paper has shown, men and women have much in common, especially when it comes to sin. We should not ignore the prevalence of sin or blame one gender more than another. Romans 3:23 teaches us that all of us have sinned, and because of that, we all have areas of life that need to be sanctified. No one is exempt from sin, and all of us are guilty before God. That being said, research has shown that men more often struggle with the particular sin of sexual immorality. Because of that, the church must continue to speak to this issue. The church at large has made major strides within the past decade, but this ministry emphasis is needed in even more churches. Ignoring the issue will not make it go away, so each local church should continue its efforts to teach about sexual purity. In this effort, churches should recognize that there are differences between men and women, and because of that, our teaching on pertinent issues should be contextualized. God did not make us the same, but different, and this should affect our approach to ministry. When it comes to the issue of sexual immorality, church leaders can apply the suggestions offered in this paper to be more effective when teaching men.

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12 FROM GENDER DIFFERENCES TO SEXUAL PURITY 12 Peplau, L.A. (2003). Human sexuality: How do men and women differ? Current Direction. 12(2), Quackenbush, D. M., Strassberg, D. S., & Turner, C. W. (1995). Gender effects of romantic themes in erotica. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 24(1),