Making Advances Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts

Transcription

1 Making Advances Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts Marnie C. Ferree, M.A. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT) Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) Bethesda Workshops Nashville, TN

2 Woman caught in adultery At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say? 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her. 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you? 11 No one, sir, she said. Then neither do I condemn you, Jesus declared. Go now and leave your life of sin. John 8: 2-11, New International Version

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5 Shame of sexual sin Response in Jesus day: Stone her! Jesus response: Let those without sin cast the first stone.

6 Culture messages about women and sex Real women are attractive and sexy Attractiveness and sex are a woman s greatest asset Sex is fun, recreational and OK among consenting adults

7 Church messages about women and sex Christian women are careful to hide their sexuality Sex is a woman s greatest potential downfall Sex is dangerous and only indulged within marriage

8 Female sex addicts? At least 1/3 of sex addicts are female; probably closer to 1/2 1 in 3 visitors to adult Web sites is female 34% of Today s Christian Woman online readers access Internet porn 53.2% of respondents to Women s Sexuality Survey identified as sex or love addicts Corley, M. D. & Hook. J. (2012). Women, female sex and love addicts, and use of the Internet. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 19 (1-2),

9 Presentations of FSLA Relationship addict Romance addict Pornography/cybersex addict Sexting: sending pornographic pics/videos o 22% of females age o 36% of females age Stoner & Hughes (Eds.). The social costs of pornography, Stereotypical sex addict Partnering with another addict

10 What s in a name? Women s Sexuality Survey 491 women Non-addict n = 230 (46.84%) FSLA n = 261 (53.16%) o Sex and love addict n = 166 or 63.6% o Sex addict n = 95 or 36.4% Corley, M. D. & Hook. J. (2012). Women, female sex and love addicts, and use of the Internet. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 19 (1-2),

11 Consequences of FSLA Standard ones men face (employment, financial, mental, emotional, spiritual) Sexually transmitted infections Unplanned pregnancy Impact on marriage Impact on children

12 Diagnosing FSLA Recognize frequent co-morbid conditions (PTSD, substance abuse, eating disorder, depression, anxiety) Take a comprehensive history Ask the right questions Don t push a label Women s SA Screening Test available BethesdaWorkshops.org/Sex Addicts/Self-Test

13 Roots / core issues Unhealthy family dynamics o Rules o Roles o Boundary issues

14 Roots / core issues Abuse o Physical, verbal/emotional, sexual Abandonment o Physical, verbal/emotional, sexual

15 Role of attachment Attachment: Human bonding between infant and caregiver that eventually produces security, self-regulation, and mature relating. Created by: Eye contact, facial expressions, prosody (music of speech, touch, caregiver responsiveness

16 Attachment determines brain response Happens in right brain (affective, feeling, gut brain) Determines child s neuronal pathways & thus child s affect regulation abilities In face of perceived danger, nervous system activates first fight/flight response, then if needed, withdrawal and possibly dissociation

17 Trauma, including disruptions in attachment, literally rewires the brain.

18 Logical implication: Impairment in relationships and sexuality

19 False core beliefs I am a bad, unworthy person. No one would love me as I am. No one will meet my needs. Sex or a relationship is my most important need. God isn t good enough or doesn t care enough about me to meet my needs.

20 Sex and love addiction is an attachment-based intimacy disorder!

21 Bethesda Workshops ~ a place for healing ~ Nashville, TN Intensive workshops for: male sex addicts female sex addicts partners of sex addicts sex addict/partner couples Marnie C. Ferree, mferree@bethesdaworkshops.org HEAL

22 Making Advances Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts - Part Two - Marnie C. Ferree, M.A. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT) Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) Bethesda Workshops Nashville, TN mferree@bethesdaworkshops.org

23 Woman at the well What are you thirsty for? What are you doing to quench that thirst? Jesus saw her and offered grace and hope. Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ? And many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman s testimony. John 4: 28, 39 New International Version

24 Healing power of the therapeutic dyad Psychotherapy is a form of attachment relationship in which the patient seeks proximity to the therapist, has a safe haven (is soothed when upset), and achieves an internal working model of security based on the patterns of communication between therapist and patient. -Daniel Siegel, M.D. The Mindful Therapist A Clinician s Guide to Mindsight and Neural Integration by Daniel Siegel, Norton Series on Interpersonal Biology, 2010.

25 Effective therapy is good re-parenting!

26 Therapeutic relationship Especially crucial with women Therapist s role: safety, containment, attachment, mothering Healthy therapist more important than gender

27 Help attachment injuries through process of co-regulation Very present, available be with Modulate voice, pace, eye contact May use healthy touch Notice /wonder about somatic reactions in self and client Suggest experiments rather than edicts or strategies (lowers resistance)

28 Special attention required Therapeutic space Therapist s wardrobe Therapist s energy Therapist s touch Therapist s knowledge, training and personal health

29 Treating FSLAs Requires a slower pace May need attachment/trauma work before able to achieve sobriety Must address all core areas for best practice

30 Multi-faced approach Behavioral Relational Spiritual Mental Emotional

31 Behavioral Tell the story Achieve abstinence Identify triggers and rituals Establish boundaries Participate in a 12 Step group Work a program of recovery Disclose acting out

32 Mental Identify thinking errors My own best thinking got me here Counter false core beliefs with cognitive therapy

33 Emotional Address emotional dysregulation Identify emotions and where they are in her body Address abuse and attachment injuries

34 Relational Connect with safe support system Develop friendships with other women Rebuild trust with those she s betrayed Learn non-sexual intimacy

35 Spiritual Heal her view of God Develop spirituality rather than religiosity Practice spiritual disciplines including meditation and mindfulness Anatomy of the Soul - Surprising Connections Between Neuroscience and Spiritual Practices by Curt Thompson, M.D. Tyndale, 2010.

36 Group Therapy Treatment of choice for addiction! Provides curative factors (Yalom) Hope, universality, interpersonal learning, connection Offers safe practice ground for healthy relationships Extremely challenging with FSLAs

37 Male partners of FSLAs Unrecognized and underserved Wounded and challenging Difficult to engage in healing process Special implications for disclosure

38 Unique Challenges for FSLAs Societal mores and expectations Few women in recovery Little self-help information Hard to find support groups with female attendees More likely also to be partners of sex addicts

39 Helpful resources No Stones Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction Making Advances A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts

40 Bethesda Workshops ~ a place for healing ~ Nashville, TN Intensive workshops for: male sex addicts female sex addicts partners of sex addicts sex addict/partner couples Marnie C. Ferree, mferree@bethesdaworkshops.org HEAL