This Month s Meeting: November 7pm

Transcription

1 This Month s Meeting: November 7pm November, 2014 Newsletter Mike Elder, Editor JUST FLOW WITH THE SEASON AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF We re well into November and it s almost time to take the January pill. After Tricia died I decided I d invent a pill you could take the week before Thanksgiving and when you came to, it would be January! I m still working on the invention. In the meantime, I know many of you are already dreading the approaching holidays. The true spirit and meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas are not necessarily exemplified by some of our traditions. You are re-evaluating many aspects of your life so let this also apply to the coming holidays. You will not always feel as you do now. You will find joy in holiday activities, but maybe not in all the things you once thought so very important. Flow with the season and with your sadness, knowing strength will come as you work with what you can do without overtaxing yourself. Resolve to be as generous with your energy as you can and as selfish as you have to be to protect the emerging person you will become as a result of your loss. This person can be truly beautiful and loving because of what you have learned through grief. You will miss your child; no magic potion can wipe the pain away. Enjoy what you can you deserve some pleasure. And may some measure of peace overtake you before this year ends. Elizabeth B. Estes TCF Augusta, GA In Memory of Tricia Our meeting place and time: Next Month s Meeting Tuesday, December 16th at 7:00 PM When: The 4 th Tuesday of each month Place: White s Chapel United Methodist Church Adult Education Building, Room S. White s Chapel Blvd. Southlake, TX Time: 7:00 pm 8:30 pm Refreshments will be available at each meeting (The Adult Education building faces White s Chapel Blvd and is the building closest to Parking is available in front of the building)

2 PAGE 2 TCF Southlake Steering Committee Co-Leaders: Marsha Maring (682) Cell Ginger Reynolds (817) Cell Chapter address: tcfsouthlake@yahoo.com Chapter website: Treasurer: Barbara Shaw Secretary: Cynthia Dungan Hospitality: Jill Eagleston Eva Sandlin Newsletter: Mike Elder TCFSouthlake@tx.rr.com Librarian: Charlie Reynolds Committee Members: Mike Eagleston Berni Elder Mike Sandlin Betsy Godbold - Advisory Regional Coordinator: Bill Campbell willied53@sbcglobal.net Welcome We of the Southlake Chapter of The Compassionate Friends offer you a warm welcome. Our meetings are on the fourth Tuesday of each month at 7pm. Location, directions and details are found on page 1 of this newsletter. We are a self-help organization of parents who have experienced the death of a child/ children. We offer understanding and support through our monthly meetings, a lending library, and support materials. Please do not be afraid to come to a meeting. Every person in the room has lost a child/children, grandchild/ grandchildren or sibling/s. They come because they feel they need to be with others who understand. We know it takes courage to attend that first meeting, but those who come find an atmosphere of understanding from others who have experienced the grief that you now have. Nothing is asked of you. There are no dues or fees and you do not have to speak. There is a special feeling of sharing and caring at meetings of The Compassionate Friends. While coming to your first meeting may be a hard thing to do, you have nothing to lose but there is much you can gain. To be fair to yourself we ask that you attend at least three meetings with us before you decide whether TCF is right for you. You may find that in that second, third or even fourth meeting you may hear just the words that will help you through your journey or you may find someone who shares your same circumstances with whom you will feel comfortable in sharing with. Again, please remember, everyone in the room has walked the path you are now on. You are among a group of friends who will offer understanding, friendship and compassion...but most of all, the feeling that you do not have to make this journey by yourself. You need not walk alone...we are The Compassionate Friends TCF National Office Information: The Compassionate Friends PO Box 3696 Oak Brook, IL (or) 900 Jorie Blvd. Suite 78 Oak Brook, IL Phone: (630) Toll-free (877)

3 PAGE 3 Do You Need To Talk? We re Here To Listen TCF Southlake has established a phone list for parents who want to talk with someone who shares a similar loss. Please refer to the list below and if you feel the need to want to talk we would love to hear from you. If you do not find a match below for your particular situation, please feel free to call anyone on the list. Auto Barbara (817) Marsha (682) Mike (214) Berni (817) Drowning Cynthia (817) Illness Ginger (817) Charlie (817) Jill (817) Mike (817) Drug Related Eva (817) Sibling Loss Lisa (817)

4 PAGE 4 Love Gifts A Way to Remember There are no dues to belong to Compassionate Friends, because we have already paid the ultimate price; the loss of our loved one(s). A Love Gift is a gift of money given in honor of a child, who has died, or a gift of thanksgiving that their own children are alive and well, or simply a gift from someone who wants to help support our Chapter. Your gifts are tax deductible and are used to reach out to other bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. Your gifts support this newsletter, our TCF Library, and other Chapter expenses. You Need Not Walk Alone Holiday Healing It s been almost two years now, another holiday season rolls around. The second Thanksgiving without you is this week. It s just a stupid day, a day where people eat Turkey and watch football why should I care? There is no one to visit me this year; there is no one here who cares. The numbness is creeping in. The pain so deep, I can t breathe, I can t think, I can t stand it. All day long I think of you, but why? Why is today any different than any other day? Is it holiday traditions lost? Is it knowing millions of parents everywhere will be with their children this week but I won t be with you? Is it remembering the closeness and laughter on this day throughout the years? Why do the tears fill my eyes and my heart hurt so? Maybe somewhere deep down inside I am asking myself what am I thankful for and this question is so very hard since you are gone. When someone first told me to be thankful for the years I spent with you or to be thankful I had you in my life I wanted to punch them and scream leave me alone you don t understand! But now I understand because I am eternally grateful for those years. Today almost two years since you left this place, my second Thanksgiving without you here I am thankful for all the love we shared. I am thankful for the gift of Motherhood you each gave me, the greatest gift of all. On the good days now, which two years since you left this place there are more good days than not, but on the good days, I can t begin to count how many things I am thankful for. But if I had to pick just one thing on Thursday as I say my prayers, I would have to say I am most grateful for each day I spend with both of you tucked safely in my heart! Deana L. Martin In Memory of my children, Amanda Suzanne Mills and Logan Robert Mills

5 PAGE 5 Monthly Topics for Discussion Managing the journey we are all on is difficult at best. Each month we would like to present topics for discussion. As we cover these subjects something might be said to help you cope a little bit better. So, please feel free to join in with your ideas and feelings. We are also open to suggestions for additional subjects you might like to see discussed. November: Handling the Holidays December: Journaling January: To Be Announced November Birthdays: Brandon Lambert Son of Susan Lambert Amanda Michelle Shaw Daughter of Barbara Shaw Grayson Stinson Son of Annisa Stinson Daniel Wethington Son of Lessie and Brian Wethington The Mission of The Compassionate Friends When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family. (Adopted )

6 PAGE 6 Reduce Holiday Anxiety The holidays are upon us. Office parties, church parties, club parties, party-parties. Pressures to buy, to bake, and to bask in the season are applied from within and without. As the holidays approach, most bereaved parents feel anxiety, apprehension and some little bit of fear. The past is gone along with our beautiful children. We live in the now, the new reality, of holidays without our children. Newly bereaved parents are especially vulnerable; even seasoned parents can t avoid the momentary tearfulness, the anxiety and the pain of this season completely. But there are ways to cope. Avoid loud, noisy parties. If you plan to do any shopping, do not go into stores during peak traffic times. Take a friend with you who can help you to focus on what you must buy and then leave. Avoid depressing and maudlin movies and shows. Do as much or as little as you feel is appropriate. Take holiday breaks. Do some gardening: this is an ideal time to plant trees and shrubs. Clean out the garage. Stay busy with tasks that are unrelated to the holiday rush. Send cards if you decide you re up to the task. If you re not ready to do this, don t do it. Don t put pressure on yourself to live up to the expectations of others. Find what is right for you. Pressures from others mean nothing. You choose whether a celebration is in order. You choose how to celebrate. You choose the old traditions or you choose some new ones... maybe you choose nothing and decide to go with the flow of the moment. As bereaved parents, you will always remember your child at Christmas, but as the years add up and grief starts to release its grip on your soul, you may find that you can keep your child in your heart and have room for the spirit of Christmas, as well. Each of us learns to deal with Christmas in our own way. Each year I am a different person with a new perspective on the holidays. This year I may decide to skip it all or immerse myself in the season. My truth is ever changing. The holidays do get better. Life does get better. The days will gradually become softer and sweeter. The nights will ease into gentleness. Friendships will again have luster, and relationships will become deeper and more meaningful. That is the future for each of us. The present is driven by where we are in our grief. So for this and every Christmas holiday season, be who you are and mark the day as you choose. May we all have serenity throughout the holiday season and in the years ahead. Annette Mennen Baldwin TCF Katy, TX In Memory of my son, Todd Mennen

7 PAGE 7 The Compassionate Friends Credo We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with love, with understanding, and with hope. The children we mourn have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for them unites us. Your pain becomes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope. We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances. We are a unique family because we represent many races, creeds, and relationships. We are young, and we are old. Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that they feel helpless and see no hope. Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength, while some of us are struggling to find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression, while others radiate an inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our love for the children who have died. We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building a future together. We reach out to each other in love to share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and help each other to grieve as well as to grow. We Need Not Walk Alone. We are The Compassionate Friends.