The Importance of Remembrance

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1 S E Q U O I A C L U B Website: secretary@sosbsa.org.au Facebook: SOSBSA Mail: P.O. Box 334 Springwood Qld 4127 Caring, Support, Awareness, Education Telephone: Issue No. 18/4 October - December 2018 The Importance of Remembrance - Show me the manner in which a nation or community cares for its dead and I will measure with mathematical exactness the tender sympathies of its people, their respect for the law of the land and their loyalty to high ideals. -Gladstone People who deal with death every day, professional caregivers such as hospice, grief counsellors, clergy and medical practitioners have long understood the importance of remembrance. It is an established principle that helps heal, so we can go on living our lives in meaningful ways. Funeral and cremation services remembrance rituals are not only ways to say goodbye to a loved one, but are also time-tested ways that can help families and friends move from grieving to remembrance. Also, permanent remembrances further provide a place and a way for families to remember and honour their loved ones forever. There are many reasons to celebrate and mourn the life of a loved one, but for many, these six things sum up why remembrance is important: 1. To acknowledge the reality of death. 2. To acknowledge the emotions associated with the death. 3. To acknowledge that the relationship with the person who died has shifted from physical presence to memory. 4. To acknowledge changes in personal selfidentity. 5. To ponder and search for new meaning in life. 6. To receive the loving support of remaining family and friends. Sadness at the loss of a loved one may never entirely go away, but remembrance lives on. The desire to be remembered lives within our genetic makeup. It is the age-old reason people carve their initials in trees, place their hands in cement, and chalk their names on rocks. They want to leave their mark. They want to be remembered. But for the living, the real marks they leave are the ones they ve left on us. A hug. A smile. A timely word of advice. We want to remember those we ve loved and lost, not only for them, but also as importantly for ourselves, to mend, to heal, to live, and never to forget. Two poems, one by a writer of this century and another from another era, try to express in words about life, and dying, and remembering. October December

2 Remembrance We talk openly of life. Of the joyful times we had. And the joyful times we will have together. Death gives no joy. It has no voice. We have muted it because there are no more times to have together. While the remembrance of death is painful, the remembrance of those who lived, those we loved, is joyous. They have left footprints implanted in our minds, in our hearts, and in the very essence of our being that shall remain forever. Death is sad. Remembrance is not. So let us remember their lives. Forever. -Patrick Cunningham I Am Standing Upon The Seashore I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says: There, she is gone! Gone where? Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: There, she is gone! there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: Here she comes! And that is dying. -Henry Van Dyke 2 October December 2018

3 S E Q U O I A C L U B Presidents Report - Cherrie Cran Hi everyone and welcome to the last newsletter for This last month (September) is the month of son s birthday. Bede would be 28 now if he was still with us, and it s the 9 th birthday we have celebrated without him. This is something we do each year to show that we will always remember him. My daughter and I, her friends, my friends and our family have dinner together. It s a small thing but it s important to all of us. September also saw our beloved and ever committed Treasurer, Darrin marry his life partner, Steve. My daugher, Sinead, and I were priveliged to witness this wonderful and blessed union. To Darrin and Steve we wish you all the best that life has to offer, and thank you for your never-ending unconditional love and freindship. Congratulations Darrin and Steve This newsletter This newsletter focuses on remembrance. With our 20 th anniversary memorial night coming up and Christmas and New Year before the next newsletter, it s time to look at why remembering our loved ones is so important, and ways we can do that. New Support Group We are excited to annouce that from 4 th January 2019 a new SOSBSA support group will be operating in Tweed Heads. Any questions please contact Sharon on the number included with the details below. Venue: When: Time: Type: 13 Beryl Street Tweed Heads NSW st Friday of the month (Starting 4 th January 2019) 6.00pm-8.00pm Support Group Contact: Sharon on October December

4 Newsletters If any of you would like to share your own story of life after your loss, please write to us at We would love to hear from you, and share your story, so please make sure you include your permission to publish your story if that s what you want. Membership Fundraising If you aren t yet a financial member I d like to encourage you to join us. Our association is run completely by volunteers and we don t receive any on-going funding. We rely completely on our membership fees and donations to operate and provide support to those who need us. To vote or stand office you must be a financial member. We are always looking for ways to raise funds, so if anyone has any ideas for fundraising please let us know. If you wish to make a donation or become a member, you can do so on our website at under about us. All donations of $2 and over are tax deductible. Memorial Night This year is our 20 th anniversary and we will be holding an evening memorial. We normally do this as a Candlelight Memorial. However, new rules for groups meeting in New Farm Park mean we can t light candles. So, this year it will be a little bit different. If you would like to include a tribute to your loved one please send a photo, song, poem or prose to be shared on the night to secretary@sosbsa.org.au before 4 th October. Details are outlined on page 9. We look forward to seeing you all there. Take care and be kind to yourself May the radiance and beauty of their lives never be defined by their deaths 4 October December 2018

5 S E Q U O I A C L U B Brisbane Support Group (473 Annerley Road Annerley) Friday fortnightly at 7:30pm July 13, 27 August 10, 24 September 7, 21 Contact: Cherrie Management Committee President: Cherrie Cran Vice President: Donna Cumming Treasurer: Darrin Larney Secretary: Peter Wakeling Members: Chris Scott Disclaimer: Unless expressly stated, the views expressed in articles, poetry etc in this newsletter are not Other S.O.S.B.S.A. Support Group Meetings Cairns Support Group Cairns Red Cross Wellbeing Centre Cnr Grove and Lake Street, Cairns Entrance off Grove Street. 2nd Tuesday of every month at 7:30pm. Contact Fran: or Bundaberg Support Group Neighbourhood Centre 111 Targo Street, Bundaberg 2nd Wednesday of every month at 10:30 am Contact Peter: Tweed Support Group (starting 4 th January 2019) 13 Beryl Street Tweed Heads NSW st Friday of every month at 6:00 pm Contact Sharon: Disclaimer: Unless expressly stated, the views expressed in articles, poetry etc in this newsletter are not necessarily the views of SOSBSA. Any articles, poems, quotes that are stated as author unknown within this newsletter are reproduced in good faith and do not intentionally contravene copyright laws. Membership Pensioner / Student $20 Adult member $30 Family $50 Not-For-Profit Org. $50 Affiliate Business $100 You are now able to do this all online: (About us tab/membership) or contact secretary@sosbsa.org.au Memberships help pay for printing, copying, mailing and our telephone help line. SOSBSA Phone Volunteers WANTED We are looking for expressions of interest regarding volunteering for our 1300 help line. Training will be provided. Contact secretary@sosbsa.org.au or for more information. October December

6 S O S B S A SOSBSA Facebook We now have more than 21,000 people who follow us on facebook. Join in our online support group. Search SOSBSA I m Free Other Suicide Support Groups If our support groups don t meet your needs please check our website for a list of other support groups across Australia Go to Hover over Support Groups in the top bar Choose the appropriate sub-section. Please note this information is only as good as the information we are provided if you see errors please let us know at secretary@sosbsa.org.au Mourning Dove Pins You can now purchase from us online with payments through paypal ( Items for Sale tab) Don t grieve for me, for now I m free I m following the path God has laid for me. I took His hand when I heard him call I turned my back and left it all. I could not stay another day To laugh, to love, to work, or play. Tasks left undone must stay that way I found that peace at the close of day. If my parting has left a void Then fill it with remembered joy. A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss Ah yes, these things I too will miss. Be not burdened with times of sorrow I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow. My life s been full, I savoured much Good friends, good times, a loved one s touch. Perhaps my time seemed all too brief Don t lengthen it now with undue grief. Lift up your hearts and share with me God wanted me now; He set me free. -Anonymous- or us at secretary@sosbsa.org.au 6 October December 2018

7 S O S B S A Projects for Special Memories - SOSBSA Website Projects for Special Memories 1. Photo logs. Ask family and friends to supply copies of their photos as well. 2. Scrap booking. Ask family and friends to contribute a favourite photo and special memory about the person lost. 3. Make a quilt from his/her clothing/scarves /ties. 4. Make pillowcases from their tee shirts or a teddy, minipillow or bunny rug for children to hug. Make a hold all bag out of the tougher materials eg jeans, work clothing. 5. Write the story of your loved one s life. 6. Create a memorial web page include helpline numbers for those who visit who may be in need. 7. Grow a special tree or plant a special garden. If they loved a particular plant/flower/vegetable you could collect as many of the different varieties as you have space for. Tell your friends to keep a watch for rare varieties they will be grateful for having something practical to do. 8. Start a charm bracelet collecting something they loved eg horses/boats/birds. 9. Make a book of his/her poems/drawings/writings. October December

8 S O S B S A 10. Paint a picture using his/her favourite colours. You don t have to be an artist, draw up squares or dot painting shapes. 11. If she/he has young children, write a story about what their parent was like as a child especially the funny stories and adventures. 12. Make a CD of their favourite songs. 13. Buy or make the loudest, brightest hat/scarf possible and wear it when you're having a memory flood day. 14. Did he/she have a very daggy hat/shirt they loved but everyone hated? Wear it whenever you have to hang out the washing or mow the lawn it is sure to make you smile, even for just a moment. When they become too tattered to wear, cut out a small square and place in a photo frame. 15. Build a memorial seat of rocks/bricks/timber for quiet moments in the garden. 16. If they loved birds, put in a bird bath. 17. Even something as small as saying that you will honour your loved one by always making sure to smile at and thank shop assistants and bus drivers. 18. Each week perform a random act of kindness in his/her honour. 19. Raise money for a cause which was close to his/her heart eg conservation, sports or service club. 20. Get involved in a survivors support group and go on to support others. 21. Later when you feel able, support suicide prevention and community building projects in your area. Eg Do a Mental Health First Aid course and encourage others to do the same. 8 October December 2018

9 S O S B S A October December

10 In Memoriam S O S B S A If you would like an in memoriam, please send an anniversary record to us at secretary@sosbsa.org.au. For everyone whose anniversary of their loved one is during October to December: On this anniversary of your loved one s death, may you remember the best experiences you shared, the most meaningful words that were spoken, the happiest moments you had together and the comfort that has given you the courage to go on. QLD Helplines Standby Brisbane Standby Response Service (24 hour mobile crisis response to suicide bereavement.) Sunshine and Cooloola Coasts National Helplines LifeLine: (24 hour) Mensline: (24 hour) Suicide Callback Line: (24 hour) National Hope Line: (24 hour bereavement support) Beyond Blue: Kids Help Line: (24 hour) SANE Helpline: SANE (M-F 9am-5pm) 10 October December 2018