Networking: Making Connections Beyond Our Neighborhood

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1 Networking: Making Connections Beyond Our Neighborhood When we are confronted with the death of a loved one, it is human nature to reach out to those around us for support, our network: family, friends, neighbors, church members, etc. Our need to have people close by might surface right away, or we may find our want for this contact increase over time. It is common to seek out the support and friendship of those in parallel situations, other widows and widowers, through places like Healing Hearts or the Young Widows and Widowers Meetup Group. Our desire to build and strengthen this extended network will likely grow as we process our loss and begin to heal. Hearing similar stories and meeting people who have lived through comparable experiences can be immensely helpful in the healing process. While reaching out to people close to us and resources in our community makes sense, you may think that Internet networking has little relevance to the widow or widower. You d be wrong. There is comfort to be found and resources to be shared through this means as well. Simply put, a social network is a place where people develop networks of friends and associates who share interests and/or activities, and the Internet offers myriad opportunities for just this type of specific networking. The Internet can be a valuable tool for the newly widowed, those further on their journey, and those seeking new interests and/or companions. Facebook is probably the most recognized of the social networking sites, though many others exist. As a member you can explore various pages maintained by people/groups with interests common to yours. There are several, but the first Young Widows and Widowers page I explored on Facebook said, This is a non-denominational, non-religious group whose focus is on dealing with the issues surrounding widowhood. Not a bad place to start. ( Here s another Facebook site, Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation which, according to their page, provides a community for people grieving the loss of someone they love. We believe in hope, laughter, and a brighter tomorrow. ( ) That too seems to be a message right on target. It is certainly worth exploring these and other networking prospects when you are ready to expand your perspective as a widowed person. And don t forget that Facebook is a great way to get in touch with people from your past who you may have lost contact and with whom you have a history. Such connections can be very heartening at a time of loss. (Remember, you must be a Facebook member to view/use Facebook, and as always, be careful what personal information you share on any social networking site.) As you progress through your bereavement, you may find the type of networking sites you are attracted to evolves. Your needs and interests may change several times and adjusting will likely provide fulfilling results. For example, your interests may grow more social and less informational. You may seek sites geared towards widows of one year or more, rather than those supporting the newly widowed. You may even become very specific in your choice of network sites; perhaps you d like to explore beliefs about the afterlife, locate a writing workshop to help your journaling, find a faith-based widows group, or just connect with people who ve experienced loss in a particular form (suicide, cancer, etc.). That s the amazing thing about online networking, there s something for everyone.

2 One interesting type of networking site that may be overlooked involves travel for the widow/widower. SoloTravelPortal.com serves solo travelers, including unmarrieds, divorcees, and widows and widowers. ( Another travel group devoted just to widows and widowers is through the San Antonio (TX) Widowed Persons Service. Though based in San Antonio, their travel is open to widows and widowers from all over the US and Canada. They describe themselves as, a group of mature adults who have shared in a most unique type of grief, and as a group of friends travel together. ( And lastly, when you are further along, you may find the Internet a valuable tool if you choose to reenter the dating world. There are sites devoted exclusively to widows and widowers, as well as those geared toward single parents, singles of a certain age range, etc. Many charge a fee for their services, however, opportunities do exist that require little or no money. Some sites will often allow you to browse their members for free (though without being able to contact them) once you create your own profile. One popular dating site exclusive to widows and widowers is Widowsorwidowers.com, the dating and friendship website created exclusively for widows and widowers. ( Another is WidowedSingles.org, a self-proclaimed upscale dating organization that says they not only get to know each person that joins our group, but we also require background checks on each candidate to ensure that there s no funny business going on. ( And of course, there are the popular broad-spectrum matchmaking sites such as eharmony.com, Match.com and Chemistry.com. You can also find information about dating by using the Internet. Tom Blake s FindingLoveAfter50.com is a site for singles over 50 to get advice on finding love. ( And some of the resource websites I listed below will have commentary specifically addressing dating issues for the widow/widower. No matter what your situation, interests or needs, the Internet has a place for you. It s actually easier than you think to find information, networking opportunities, and to join in the dialogue. While most grief sites have an informational component, some have real-time chat that connects you to other widowed persons for live conversation. One site matches widows of similar circumstances for correspondence. Others have forums where you can post questions and receive answers and opinions from other widows. You may find blogs or podcasts by people who have dealt with exactly what you are confronted with right now. The point is, even when you are sitting in a dark house in the middle of the night you are not alone. You can always find information and resources to help no matter what you are struggling with. Just start up your computer and let the helping begin!

3 Online Support and Resources Grief seems to heal best when shared with others. There are many informational resources and support groups available online. I suggest that you use online support as a supplement to face-to-face support, not as a substitute for it. Here s a list of some online resources representing many different areas of loss and assistance. This listing is simply a tool, and not an endorsement of any particular site or resource. AARP Grief and Loss Programs offers a variety of programs in which volunteers reach out to widows and widowers. ( Angels of Addiction offers support through a chat room and message board, for families who have lost a child or loved one to the disease of addiction, as well as for addicts, and recovering addicts. ( beliefnet is a multi-faith e-community designed to help you meet your own religious and spiritual needs -- in an interesting, captivating and engaging way. They are independent; not affiliated with a particular religion or spiritual movement and they strive to help everyone learn from each other through a breathtaking array of discussions and dialogue groups. ( Bereavement Publications (part of beliefnet ) offers compassion and hope with the most current resources, tools, and perspectives in the bereavement field. Living With Loss Magazine: Hope and Healing for the Body, Mind & Spirit features articles, stories, poems and resources for the bereaved by grief educators and presenters, facilitators and caregivers, authors and writers, and most important, the bereaved themselves. ( Beyond Indigo is an upbeat approach to loss offering grief support and information on end of life issues. The site has won Forbes Best of the Web for Grief Support from 2001 to Their focus is on information and community to help support people during their time of grief. ( Center for Loss and Life Transition is a private organization, founded in 1983 by Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, dedicated to furthering our understanding of and compassion for, the complex set of emotions we call grief. ( Compassion Connection is a faith based web site offering assistance and inspiration for those who have lost a loved one to a number of causes. ( DoubleChai.com s mission is to provide a social and community networking environment for Jewish widows and widowers, both single and partnered, to meet friends, share experiences, heal and grow. ( Family and Friends of Violent Crimes Victims seeks to support and advocate for victims of violent crime, adult missing persons, and their loved ones, as well as to provide education about victims rights and services. ( GayandLesbianWidows.com is a private on-line community offering support, understanding, and friendship for gays and lesbians who have lost a partner or spouse. (

4 Griefcase.net After the death of her husband, Linda Della Donna found herself alone. A freelance writer, newly-retired, and an empty-nester, she created Griefcase.blogspot.com, a safe place, honoring famous widows throughout history, and welcoming all widows mourning the loss of their loved one. Donna s blogspot morphed into Griefcase.net, always with the goal of spreading her universal message to widows everywhere we re not alone. ( Grief Healing offers assistance if you re anticipating or coping with a significant loss in your life and wish to better understand the grief that accompanies such loss. This site has been created to offer the information, comfort and support that you might need to help you make some sense out of what you may be feeling, to prepare you for what to expect in grief, and to help you find meaning, growth, and healing along the way. ( GriefAndLossHelp.com is a website offering a gentle approach to healing grief and loss which supports spirit, mind, body, and heart. Empowering, practical tools and resources for the healing journey are offered to help you cope with any grief, loss, or change that you face. ( Grief, Loss & Recovery offers emotional support and friendship, and provides a safe haven for bereaved persons to share their grief. This is a secure place for people to mourn--emotionally, physically, and spiritually--and offers grief poems, articles, memoirs and stories. ( GriefNet.org is an Internet community of persons dealing with grief, death, and major loss. With almost 50 support groups and two web sites, GriefNet s integrated approach to online grief support provides help to people working through loss and grief issues of many kinds. ( Growthhouse.org contains many useful links to grief resources including free access to over 4,000 pages of high-quality education materials about end-of-life care, palliative medicine, and hospice care, including the full text of several books. ( Hospice Foundation of America offers information to professionals and families about caregiving, terminal illness, loss and bereavement. ( KidSaid is a safe place for kids to help each other deal with grief and loss. It s a place to deal with feelings through their support group, to share and view artwork and stories, and for parents and kids to ask questions and find answers. ( Open to Hope Foundation offers support for many loss types. Their mission is to help those who have suffered a loss to cope with their pain and find hope for the future. Among their offering are blogs and Thursday night Healing the Grieving Heart podcasts. ( Recover-from-Grief presents in their website a variety of creative mourning techniques; talking, writing, creating art, music or poetry, or memorializing are all good ways to express your bereavement. Explore their site to find the expressive techniques that feel just right for you. ( ReMarrieds.Net is a private forum in which to discuss the complicated issues of remarrying or recoupling after the death of a spouse and life partner. Applications for membership are welcomed; only members can post and view the forum content. (

5 Spirit Space was originally designed to be one person s attempt to share knowledge and experience with those that wish to make contact with departed loved ones. It has since evolved into a community of caring souls all sharing the concept of being harbingers of hope and love to those that suffer the pain of loss. ( The Suicide Grief Support Forum Board is available to provide information and support to anyone whose life has been touched by suicide. ( Tom Golden s Crisis, Grief, & Healing is a place where men and women can discuss, chat, or simply browse to understand and honor the many different paths to heal strong emotions. This site is one of the few web resources that offer assistance specifically directed towards men. Mr. Golden is the author of Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing and A Man You Know is Grieving: 12 Ideas for Helping Him Heal From Loss. ( Widow Friends is a real time chat site for widows and widowers. ( WidowNet offers information and self-help resources for and by widows and widowers. Topics covered include grief, bereavement, recovery, and other information helpful to people of varying ages, religious background, and sexual orientation, who have suffered the death of a spouse or life partner. The WidowNet Bulletin Board is the interactive discussion forum. ( Widowsbond.com is a place for women suffering through the loss of their husbands to find comfort, hope, and a friend willing to be their companion on this journey of grief. A unique feature within their group is called the Widow Match Program. This free service matches widows of similar circumstances for correspondence. ( Writing to Heal, Writing to Grow offers the exposure to therapeutic, educational, fun writing courses to examine and understand life s events. ( YoungWidow.org/Chapter Two is a non-profit organization exclusively dedicated to young widows and widowers. Their website offers book lists, online resources, information on local support groups, and support for kids and teens. (