COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS Curiosity, Courage and Credibility

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1 COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS Curiosity, Courage and Credibility Authentic leaders are dedicated to developing themselves because they know that being a leader takes a lifetime of personal growth. ~ Bill George Professional Development for: Presented by: Scott Nelson Certified Effectiveness Coach

2 About Your Presenter Scott Nelson is a leadership coach, corporate trainer and senior partner at Clarity Central based in Minneapolis, MN. His emotional intelligence, authentic feedback and ability to teach personal awareness have been integral in his success. He graduated with a B.B.A. degree from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire and has done post-graduate work in ontology. Scott started his career as a sales manager in addition to keynote speaking on the topic of influential communication. He then began working at Mayo Clinic as a conflict resolution mediator for patients and physicians. His leadership coaching career began in 2005 when he graduated from the Ideal Coaching Academy as a certified effectiveness coach. He is also a paid-on-call firefighter. Scott s experience involves several industries as well as many different organizational and personality types. He has worked with people of incredibly varied backgrounds including Maasai tribes in Tanzania, executive leaders in corporate America, and staff in public schools, local and federal government. Scott is also a leadership communications instructor for the University of St. Thomas Opus College of Business Executive Education as well as for the University of Minnesota Humphrey School of Public Affairs. Scott P. Nelson Certified Effectiveness Coach Senior Partner Clarity Central scott@claritycentral.net 1

3 Courageous Conversations Saying what needs to be said, to the right person, at the right time, in the right way. Skilled Doesn t hold back what needs to be said Lets people know where they stand Faces up to problems quickly and directly "Your ability to speak up about issues that weigh you down is crucial to your success at work and in life." ~ Maggie Warrell Unskilled Holds back in tough feedback situations Knows but doesn t disclose Avoids conflict and controversy All conflict we experience in the world, is a conflict within our own selves. ~ Brenda Shoshanna Overused Skill Fights too many battles Provides too much negative feedback Overly critical Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. ~ Winston Churchill 2

4 Curiosity Behind every complaint is a hidden request. Understanding Resistance Ø Lack of understanding: I don t get it What to do: teach Ø Negative emotional reaction: I don t like it What to do: acknowledge vs convince Ø Lack of relationship: I don t trust you What to do: be curious 3

5 Courage Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ~ Marianne Williamson Psychologists have identified three zones of human experience. The most commonly discussed in the workplace is the Comfort Zone. We all talk about "getting out of our Comfort Zone, but few really know what it is. The Comfort Zone is marked by a high degree of familiarity with our tasks and surroundings, and high productivity because we are engaged in a familiar activity. The downside of the Comfort Zone is that very little learning occurs at this level; if you stay there too long you eventually burn out from boredom. The next level is the Risk Zone, where you engage in something unfamiliar. At this level there is lower productivity, but a spike in the learning curve. After a short burst of risky behavior you return to your Comfort Zone refreshed, armed with new tools and renewed energy. People may think they fear the Risk Zone, but they don't. They actually fear the final level; The Panic Zone. The Panic Zone is marked by one quality, the imminent possibility of a loss of something of value. 4

6 Credibility If we cannot say no, our yes means nothing. Saying no is the beginning of a powerful conversation. ~ Peter Block Polarity Map 1 3 1) Likable 1) Clear 2) Friendly (+) (+) 3) Cooperative 2) Direct 3) Assertive 4) Loyal 4) Efficient 5) Approachable 5) Productive Accommodating Forthright (-) 2 1) Walk over 2) Indecisive 3) Can t say no 4) Not trusted 5) Wishy washy 1) My way or the highway 2) Pushy 3) Alienate 4) Bully 5) Controlling 4 (-) Defining Roles & Setting Expectations Clarifies What s Needed to Succeed Defines the Parameters of the Relationship Opens the Lines of Communication 1) My primary roles and responsibilities are: 2) Here is what I m committed and what you can expect from me: 3) Here is what I need from you: 4) What do you need from me? 5