Dealing with Difficult People Personality Disordered Psychopaths. Anna Salter

Transcription

1 Dealing with Difficult People Personality Disordered Psychopaths Anna Salter

2 Current Zeitgeist Good Lives Model

3 Primary Goods People seek primary goods

4 Primary Goods Experiences, states of mind, activities Sought for their own sake Increase psychological well-being

5 What Are Primary Goods? Life Knowledge Excellence in play and work Excellence in agency Inner peace Friendship Community Spirituality Happiness Creativity

6 Sexual Offending Attempts to pursue primary human goods Socially unacceptable Personally frustrating

7 Tender Minded Theory People are good Bad acts are an attempt to meet same needs as everybody else

8 Theory Aggression Frustration Lack of bonding Fear of Intimacy

9 Lion Stalking Zebra Fear of the zebra? Angry with the zebra? Has unresolved anger issues? Wants to increase poor self-esteem? Acting out past trauma with a zebra aggressor?

10 Excessively inhibited Excessively aggressive Assertive

11 Excessively Inhibited Anxious Excessive capacity for guilt or shame Use defense mechanisms Fear of social rejection Symptoms ego-dystonic Deficit self esteem Hypersensitive to adverse consequences

12 Excessively Aggressive (Personality Disordered) Little anxiety Under-developed conscience Little shame or guilt Power tactics instead of defense mechanisms Impression management Symptoms are ego-syntonic Inflated self-esteem Undeterred by adverse consequences Behaviors habitual but conscious (Simon, 2010)

13 Goals? Protect self Protect others Fix other person Limit harm Manage relations with difficult people

14 In Sheep s Clothing George Simon

15 Dealing with Manipulative People Assertive Advocating for self Respecting rights and needs of others Aggressive Fight unnecessarily Little concern for others Wants power (Simon, 2010)

16 Aggressive Styles Overt aggression Open, direct and obvious in fighting Covert aggression Subtle, underhanded, & deceptive attempts to get way active Passive aggression Resisting cooperation, silent treatment, pouting, forgetting (Simon, 2011)

17 Mary Desperate for job Promises to work harder than anyone Boss gets too close physically but nothing said Two years no raise; others have raises Offers her extra work after hours & out of town Uncomfortable but nothing said I thought you were a sharp gal. If you played your cards right, you could have anything you wanted.

18 Betty Most dedicated woman in company People uneasy, didn t know why Jack new executive assistant Offered to help him Jack did well Boss homophobic Told boss his sexual orientation doesn t bother me at all

19 Why Don t Victims See It Not obvious Deception techniques Push buttons Pop psychology Gut reaction No evidence Appear they are hurting, caring, defending but are really taking advantage Guilt? Self-doubt? People are basically good Bad things/good people Low self-esteem Insecurity (Simon, 2010)

20 Zeitgeist Intuition Manipulative conniver Head Must be frightened, wounded or self-doubting (Simon, 2010)

21 Al & Don Al New, charismatic boss Felt uncomfortable didn t know why Rumor he s bringing in a new person Asked directly I assure you that you will be able to keep your job as long as you want it. New man in same department Asked to split client pool for the good of the company Couldn t make it financially on half his clients Al didn t want him to quit without teaching new guy the ropes.

22 Thoughts That Bias Analysis Takes two to tango Benefit of the doubt They must be troubled They must be anxious Must have threatened them Analyze to death Try to understand

23 Overly inhibited Need encouragement Overly aggressive Need limits

24 Assertive vs Excessively Aggressive Assertive Aggressive Want to get job done Considers impact on others Wants to be cooperative Compassion for weaker Want to win Ruthless Wants to dominate Contempt for weaker

25 Covert Aggressive Distinguished by methods Use subtle, cunning and under-handed ways Try not to appear aggressive Manipulate behind the scenes Fight unscrupulously Want to win Seek power and dominance Good at impression management Good at revenge People are pawns Impaired conscience

26 Therapeutic Mistakes with Personality Disordered Clients Getting them to see behavior is harmful Working primarily with feelings Working with past trauma Letting client control agenda Letting client control sessions

27 When dealing with disturbed characters, you must remember that power simply can t be entrusted to those who would almost certainly abuse it. (Simon, 2011)

28 Therapeutic Mistakes with Personality Disorder, Psychopaths & Other Difficult People Getting them to see behavior is harmful Working primarily with feelings Working with past trauma Letting client control agenda Letting client control sessions Giving in because it s easier Stretching rules Softening boundaries Letting client do favors for you

29 Manipulative Tactics Instant intimacy Mirroring your values Attacking your motivations Rationalizing behavior based on former abuse Yelling & intimidation Making same demands endlessly Lying (External corroboration)

30 New Speak Denial Lying Acting Out Acting up; misbehavior Defensive Combative Shame Anger at being caught Splitting Divide and conquer Passive aggression Covert aggression (Simon 2011)

31 Dealing with Difficult People Letting go of Rousseau- Not all good people Analyze personality structure Know your own weaknesses & insecurities Know cognitive distortions Know psychopathic tactics Only fight battles where have power Avoid power struggles Set limits and expectations (Simon, 2011)

32 Dealing with Difficult People Never accept excuses Judge actions, not intentions Set limits EARLY Make simple, direct requests Accept simple, direct responses Stay focused on here and now (Simon, 2011)