What is abuse? Script By Sabra Carlin. Need to do *Receive feedbacks *Update info from different organizations

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1 What is abuse? Script By Sabra Carlin Need to do *Receive feedbacks *Update info from different organizations Dates: Filming on July 16 th morning (GOAL) Settings: Outdoor (stats or small facts, or stories) and indoor (explain, information) Who: Should we have role-playing? Tone: Removed emotions but strong ASL (HOW??) What is abuse? (Video1) Hi! I m Alwayne, Want to warn you watch videotape you may see some signs you will not like, but it true business is out there, we want to make sure you gain knowledge from this. Abuse shouldn t happen to me or to you but to others, Right? But it s wrong, it can happen to anyone at anytime at anywhere. Just that you don t see but abuse is happening everywhere around you. Females were more likely to be victimized by persons whom they knew by 62% while males were more likely to be victimized by strangers by 63%. Let s start with the word itself A-B-U-S-E. What does it really mean? Can it happen to you? Or are you the abuser? Is ABUSE (sign it in wrong way) is proper way to sign it? Is it all about physical, if you got purple and blue bruises then it consider as abused only? Who can it happen to? FYI, Abuse can happen to anyone- family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. No matter race, age, sex, rich- poor, deaf or hearing. The proper way to sign abuse is spell ABUSE, because it is not all about physical. Abuse is about Power and Control, when a person uses a pattern of physical, sexual and mental abuse over and over to keep CONTROL and POWER over family members, dating partner, friends, and spouse. Abuse hurts all of us. It destroys families. Abuse is the leading cause of injury to women aged 15 to 44 in the US ( Children are emotionally traumatized by witnessing DV; many of them grow up to repeat the pattern as victims or abusers. DV what look like? That Let s watch next videos on this website. Abuse is split to two different parts, Domestic Violence (DV) and Sexual Violence (SV). The next video will expand on each of them. If you know anyone or yourself abused, or need any more information, please contact DVAS. Thank you for watching this. <Film Editing: Scroll those words: 1

2 For more information in Vermont they can contact Deaf Victims Advocacy Services (DVAS) at TTY or webpage If they are from out of Vermont they can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline open 24 hrs at TTY to find out which agency is closest to their home to help them or they can contact individual deaf agencies in the following cities which we will list their contact information at the end of the video: Seattle, Washington Austin, Texas Denver, Colorado Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Des Moines, Iowa Rochester, New York Washington DC metro area Salt Lake City, Utah Chicago, Illinois Detroit, Michigan Columbus, Ohio Oklahoma City, Oklahoma St. Paul, Minnesota If you know anyone who needs help or need more information please contact us. DVAS Deaf Victims Advocacy Services produced this videotape. We hope this videotape has helped you understand more about abuse and how to find help. 2

3 What is Domestic Violence? (Video2) Domestic is something related to home or family relations, it also can include your friends, co-worker, boyfriend/girlfriend, dating, or anybody else. Domestic Violence is a pattern of repeated physical, sexual and psychological manipulation and coercion to keep CONTROL and POWER over a family member, roommate, domestic partner, or a dating partner. DV split to four different groups; they are: Emotional/Verbal, Physical, Sexual and Financial. Each of them, anyone you know or love, could be a few of them, could experience. First of the group about Emotional/Verbal Abuse look like Mean spirited jokes Jealousy Insults Monitoring activities Put-downs Presentment of children s needs Silent treatment More threats Ignoring and belittling Isolation Labeling (crazy, bitch) Gas-lighting Withholding approval, affection Stalking as punishment Still more threats Threats Destruction of pets Humiliation at home Destruction of prized possessions Humiliation in public (in front of friends) Suicide Now next group is Physical Abuse what look like Deny physical needs (food, sleep) Pinch Squeeze Push Spank Restrain Jerk, shake Slap Scratch, bite Pull hair Throw objects Punch Kick Targeted punching, kicking Finished, now Sexual Abuse look like Sexual jokes Embarrassing comments and criticism Choke Throw victim Burn Beat victim, requiring medical treatment Use of weapons like knife and gun Use of weapon like broke bottle or lamp base Poison Permanently disfiguring or disability injuries Murder Unwanted touches Ignore sexual needs Name calling- whore, slut, frigid 3

4 Treat as sex object Force pornography on victim Jealous and possessive Having affairs with others Presents sex as duty Withhold sex as punishment Control contraceptives Sex after violence Rape Force sex with others Violence after sex Sadism Death Now fourth, Financial Abuse look like Full control of money Confiscating victim s paychecks Small or no allowance Forbidding victim to work or earn money Taking advantage of 2 nd income Dependence on victim for support Spending without victim s knowledge Overspending Taking no responsibility in paying bills Requiring victim to account for expenses Banking and credit in abuser s name only Using credit cards to the max Using victim s name No credit history for victim Damaging victim s credit record Withholding child support payments Leaving victim with full financial responsibility for children Living on welfare or public assistance Selling drugs or illegal items Prostitution Bankruptcy Now I just finished explained you all four Emotional/Verbal, Physical, Sexual and Financial, types of abuse and hope you can understand what DV really means better. Now why didn t person who was abused leave the abuser? Look at the spiral chart. Tension Building - Abuser Moody Nitpicking Isolates victim Withdraws affection Drinking/drugs Threats Crazy-making Destroys things 4

5 Tension Building Victim Attempts to calm abuser Takes care of everything and everyone Silent OR too chatting Acute Explosion Batterer Hitting Choking Humiliation/Shame Acute Explosion Victim Protects self Kids, family, friends, neighbors call police Honeymoon Phase Abuser I am so, so sorry Begs for forgiveness Promises to get help Honeymoon Phase Victim Agrees to stay Tries to stop legal action drop protective order Withdraws from family/friends Keeps kids quiet Agrees with abuser about everything Doesn t allow victim to leave Rape Tries to calm abuser down Tries to reason It will never happen again Gifts Set up counseling appointments for abuser Cooks abuser s favorite food Weapons Breaks VP/pager Leaves Fights back I can t live without you Feels happy and hopeful maybe abuser really changed this time The time between explosions grows shorter and shorter until the cycle is stopped either by death or leaving the relationship. If you experience or notice someone else through any of those, please contact DVAS or nearest local DV/SV programs. <Film Editing: scroll credits and contact information> 5

6 What is Sexual Violence? (Video3) Now we will focus on Sexual Assault SA- many people think SA is rape and physical but its not, it is more than that. SA also can mean invasion of space- no privacy, harassing Or can mean unwanted physical touch, patting, grabbing, body on top of other body, and pinching. Or unwanted sexual touch, touching breasts, or genitals, forcing someone sex. Actually, non-violence forms of sexual assault are most common. The examples are: 1. Sexual invasions of space Obscene phone calls Catcalls Sexual harassment Jokes Look/leers 2. Unwanted physical touch Grabbing Patting Brushing against body Pinching 3. Unwanted sexual touch Fondling of breast and genitals Forcing someone to perform sexual touch Moletation 4. Non-violent rape Sexual intercourse against a person s will without Showing weapons to scare a person physical violence or force Using one s own body Using drugs or alcohol to impair a person s weight to overpower someone. judgment, using power, age status or verbal threats to keep person quiet May manipulate to do sexual favors. 5. Violence rape Sexual intercourse against a person s will using physical violence or force Using one s body to do violence-beating, Strangling Choking Punching Kicking There are five categories of rape- 1. Date Rape 2. Acquaintance Rape Slapping Using weapons to do violence-slashing Cutting with knives Beating with other weapons, Wounding or killing with gunshots 6

7 3. Attempted rape- Trying and got away 4. Stranger Rape- Parking lot 5. Spousal Rape- Husband rape wife Any of these are called rape if the person who didn t want to have sex said No or I don t want to. There are many and many more kinds of Sexual Assault They are: Unwanted touches Attempted rape Unpleasant talk Stranger rape Stalking Spousal rape Harassment Incest Date rape Molestation Acquaintance rape 7

8 What are 15 red flags? (Video4) Now here are 15 signs to look out for in an abuser that may be abusing someone you know or love. 1. Push for quick relationship- Rush to get marry Or serious dating right away 2. Jealousy- Possessive Calls Check on victim Check victim s car mileage 3. Controlling- Checking time Who talk to Must ask permission where victims go 4. Unrealistic Expectation- Tell victims perfect person Must meet his every need 5. Isolation- Starts to cut victim off from friends and familiy Not let her go to deaf clubs Takes TTY away Take car away, so you cant leave 6. Blames others for mistakes or problems- Deny his own mistakes 7. Makes everyone else responsible for his feelings- You make me angry Your hurting me for not doing what I tell you 8. Hypersensitivity- Easily insulted Life not fair! 9. Cruelty to animals or children- 10. Playful use of force during sex- Likes to throw victim around while having sex 11. Verbal abuse- Calls victims ugly names Whore, bitch 12. Rigid sex roles- Expect you to serve Obey 8

9 Remain home ( prison ) 13. Sudden mood swings- From sweetie to violent 14. Past Battering- Admits hitting women in the past Said they make him do it Blame on other women 15. Threats of violence- I will break your neck I will kill you or your kids 9

10 It s important for you to KNOW YOUR RIGHTS You have a right to: 1. Choose the kind of sign language or communication method you want; 2. Use your preferred method in public or in private places; 3. Ask for help from advocates, police, and others in hearing communities; 4. Ask for a change of caseworker or therapist; 5. Have an interpreter who is qualified and neutral; 6. Control your use of your TTY, telebraille, or other devices; 7. Decide when to see friends in the Deaf and hearing communities; 8. Obtain public and private services. Ask your advocate about the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) guidelines. If you notice any or few of these signs in your family, or friends or someone you know, they need help, they need to find the courage to get out of that relationship and move on. DVAS can help you, and if you are not from Vermont, then you can contact nearest DV/SV programs, they will referred you to right place. We do have deaf agencies that serve victims of abuse who are deaf, HOH, Late deafened and deaf-blind. Some of the services these agencies do: Provide individual support, help victims make their own decisions through empowerment Help them to go ER or court or police for help Get legal help- lawyer, police, court, help them get RO Help coordinate agencies to all help victims These deaf agencies also provide training to hearing agencies such as Shelter, police, court, hospitals etc.. on how to communicate with deaf people, how to provide access to them the right way and make them feel safe and comfortable They also provide educational training to deaf community on what is abuse and how to get help. They all have deaf advocates who can help and support victims any way they want to An abuser will try to control you by isolating you. If you are Deaf, he will try to interfere with your communication. Another tactic is to cut you off from emergency services or from support systems that help abused women. The tactics he chooses may depend on whether he is hearing or Deaf. It is not easy to make a decision to stay or leave a relationship. Maybe your biggest worry is losing contact with your Deaf community. That is an important consideration. Deaf women face some challenges that are different from those of other women. 10

11 Talking to the right advocate can help you do that. Many Deaf women find advocates who understand domestic violence and deafness and Deaf culture. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800/ This TTY is answered nine-to-five by Abused Deaf Women s Advocacy Services ( advocates. They know where to find Deaf advocates and what services are available near you. They can tell you whether a shelter has a TTY or if the advocates understand ASL, or use qualified interpreters. No matter where you live, they can find the closest advocate to fit your needs. After you make any phone calls the abuser might track, be sure to clear the text from your TTY, pager, or computer. If you keep the printouts of risky TTY tapes, make sure they are in a safe place. Check out safety planning video. Check out dvas quiz For more information: Visit our website at: Keri Darling (director/trainer) at kdarling@dvas.org or One-Nbr (toll-free TTY/Fax/VideoPhone/Voice): Alwayne Worcester (deaf advocate) at agrim@dvas.org or One-Nbr (toll-free TTY/Fax/VideoPhone/Voice): DVAS (3827) Credits: -DVAS -Intern Sabra Carlin 11