Welcome. Perfect Daughters & Silent Sons. September Middle of Recovery Month

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1 Perfect & Silent Appreciating Gender Differences in Treatment &Recovery Welcome to the nine part series - Understanding Addiction and Supporting Recovery Perfect & Silent Appreciating Gender Differences in Treatment & Recovery with Robert Ackerman, Ph.D. Webinar series brought to you by the National Association for hildren of Alcoholics (NAoA), with o-sponsorship from the American Association of Pastoral ounselors (AAP), the Association for linical Pastoral Education (APE), National Alliance for Drug Endangered hildren (DE) and the Entertainment Industries ouncil (EI), and with support from the Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D. September 2015 Welcome to the Middle of Recovery Month September 2015 The Research Behind Perfect & Silent Perfect 624 self-identified adult daughters of alcoholics 585 women raised in non-alcoholic families Silent 215 self-identified adult sons of alcoholics 206 men raised in non-alcoholic families 100 women involved with silent sons Why Survivors of Alcoholic Families Are Not All the Same 1. Degree of dysfunction and the parental role 2. Type or kind of dysfunctional parent/s 3. Different reactions to stress 4. Personality and perceptions Why Survivors of Alcoholic Families Are Not All the Same 5. Gender implications and interpretations 6. Age and developmental factors 7. ultural considerations 8. Off-setting contributing factors 1

2 Gender Identification Boundaries B B B B B A A B B A A B B A A B B A A B Gender & Self oncept Women Men * fragmented * fragmented * negative focused * image enhancing focused Gender & Attributing Blame Inter-Generation Gender Influences Women Men * Internally focused * Externally focused * Self-criticism * riticism of others/ situational factors Daughter Offspring Gender Implications for oa/aoa Mother Father Both Mother Father Both 2

3 Gender Differences of Impact on & of Alcoholics ALOHOLI MOTHERS DAUGHTERS SONS Role Models Image onscious 1.Both parents 2.Father only 3.Mother only 1. Mother only 2. Both parents 3. Father only Relationships (women) Parenting skills Gender Identity Trust Relationships Protect and defend Trust Emotional Incest Trying to please Shame ALOHOLI FATHERS TWO ALOHOLI PARENTS Relationships (romantic) Role confusion Intimacy Sense of self Sexual Abuse Perfectionism Role models Not good enough Under-fathered Lack of emotions Just like him disproportionately identified with the issues of the father. disproportionately identified with the issues of the mother. TWO ALOHOLI PARENTS Additional concerns Relationships hildren and parenting skills Relationship with parents My own alcohol & drug use My partner s alcohol & drug use Getting my parents sober Internal Approach Issues To Facilitate hange lient is more process oriented Higher self-condemnation Self-concept is negatively fragmented 3

4 Emotional reactions initially dominate onsiders problems are internally caused More comfortable discussing feelings Needs to examine social context of behavior Focuses on implied meaning of words More likely to ask questions for insight Needs to learn to ask for what is needed Establish personal and professional boundaries Stand up for self Wants someone to listen ommunicate directly External Approach Issues To Facilitate hange More solution oriented Wants a plan or action to use Image enhancing self-concept More likely to blame others for problems Believes that only positive emotions can be shared Wants to be left alone to figure it out 4

5 Uncomfortable with the situation as opposed to feelings More literal about the meaning of words Less likely to ask questions, if so, more for direction or justification of behaviors Needs to accept responsibility for actions Needs to learn appropriate ways to express feelings, especially negative ones Become internally validated Establish same-sex relationships Accept for help Overcome the inability to receive Thank you for listening. Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D. Thank you for attending the nine part series - Understanding Addiction and Supporting Recovery Perfect & Silent Appreciating Gender Differences in Treatment & Recovery with Robert Ackerman, Ph.D. Webinar series brought to you by the National Association for hildren of Alcoholics (NAoA), with o-sponsorship from the American Association of Pastoral ounselors (AAP), the Association for linical Pastoral Education (APE), National Alliance for Drug Endangered hildren (DE) and the Entertainment Industries ouncil (EI), and with support from the Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). 5