ADOLESCENCE AND THE TEENAGE CRUSH

Transcription

1 ADOLESCENCE AND THE TEENAGE CRUSH Teenage crushes have a significant role to play in the journey of adolescence. Consider crushes of two kinds identity crushes and romantic crushes. In both cases, the teenager feels smitten by a compelling1 person who captivates their attention for good and ill. (A third kind is the celebrity crush that shapes ideals and stirs fantasies, but there is usually no interpersonal contact to play them out. However, this is definitely where the market for celebrity posters comes in to decorate teenage bedroom walls.) In all three cases, the young person largely projects onto another person idealized attributes the admirer highly values and wants to be associated with. Then she or he attaches strong positive feelings to the perfectly wonderful image that has been created.crushes have more to do with fantasy than with reality, and they tell much more about the admirer than the admired. It s because they usually prove unrealistic that in a relatively short time they soon wear off. But it is because of the idealization2 that crushes have such momentary power. This is why parents need to respect an adolescent crush and not dismiss or put it down. After all, it is an early approximation of love. While it lasts it is seriously felt, so it should be seriously treated. Identity crushes are formed by finding someone they much admire, want to become like, and treat as a leader or model they are eager to imitate and follow. Romantic crushes are formed by finding someone whom they find powerfully attractive, who they feel excited to be around, and with whom they want to spend a lot of time. In both cases, the person with the crush gives enormous power of approval to the object of their crush wanting to be liked by them and wanting to be like them, willing to do a lot to get in the other person s good graces. They go out of their way to be around each attachment. [5]There is a great outbreak of romantic crushes and gossip about them ( Guess who likes who? ) in middle school. By this time, early adolescence and the separation from childhood has caused young people to want to act more grown up, and sexual maturity from puberty has motivated them to act in more young manly and young womanly ways. Since girls tend to enter puberty before boys, they are more likely to experience the wave of crushes first, more drawn to boys than boys are to them, taking romantic feelings seriously that boys treat lightly or even laughably. However the time for same-age boys to become romantically smitten is not far off, and when it arrives a crush proves to be no laughing matter when they become smitten, too. Because a romantic crush is a potent3 mix of idealization and infatuation,4 it doesn t require knowing another person well at all. In some cases a superficial5 impression can be provocation6 enough. I like how she s so quiet and watchful and keeps to herself. I like how what others think doesn t matter to him. As mentioned, although the crush appears to be about attraction to another person, it is actually about projection of valued attributes onto another person a statement about what they find attractive. In this, crushes are very revealing. My son is always getting crushes on young women who seem the opposite of him, as fun loving as he is serious. Crushes are not only the stuff that dreams are made of; they signify a lot about the dreamer. Of course, romantic crushes can have a risky side. You don t want a teenage crush to become a fixation, a young person unable to stop daydreaming and fantasizing all the time about this person, for example. You don t want the young person to act out under the influence of a crush in selfendangering ways, soliciting or expressing inappropriate interest, for example.and you don t want the crush to be exploited by the object of the crush, an older adolescent taking advantage of a romantically besotted7 younger adolescent, for example. Because a romantic crush is so intensely felt, parents must not take it lightly or make fun of it. An awakening of romantic feelings provokes a lot of anxiety because there are many problematic

2 questions for the young person to answer. What am I supposed to do with these feelings? Should they just be kept secret, thus increasing the risk of obsessive preoccupation? What if I tell close friends? Suppose I get talked about and teased, thus increasing the risk of embarrassment. What if I have to be around the other person who doesn t know how I feel? Now feeling nervous, there is more risk of doing or saying something awkward. What do I tell this person about my crush? To declare the crush to the person creates the risk of rejection. It s not easy managing a crush. One way to manage it is telling the object of the crush. The language used, however, is important. The temptation, because the romanticized feelings are so intense, is to express the feelings with the love word. Better not. It s best to talk about these feelings in liking terms because that reduces the pressure on everyone. I like talking with you. I like hanging out with you. Enough said, then leave it at that. [10]Most romantic crushes don t last very long because once the object of the crush becomes better known, the magic of the other person soon wears off and the ideal falls away. I can t believe I felt he was so great! What was I thinking? However, this kind of crush does have one lasting value. Having experienced an awakening of infatuated feelings, the adolescent has opened themselves up to the pleasure and possibility of romantic love. Identity crushes often last longer because the adolescent is focused not so much on pleasing the other person as on altering themselves, using the leader whom they admire as a model to shape their own womanly or manly growth. So a shy 7th grade girl gets a crush on a very popular female classmate and wants to become highly social like her, hoping that regular association will rub off as she learns to become more outgoing. It s an unstated bargain. She gets acceptance and inclusion by the popular girl who gets to be looked up to in this admiring way. Sometimes sexual feelings are aroused in an identity crush, even acted on to express liking, but that does not usually signify a homosexual orientation has become established, only that the identity crush can have a sexual component. Of course, the risk with following an admired leader is that the young person with the identity crush may be lead astray, which is what some parents fear. Our son worships a classmate who rides his skateboard to school, stashes it in his locker, dresses like an outlaw, all in leather and black, and has this angry attitude toward authority. But if we say anything against him, our son gets really angry, defending his hero and criticizing us. What are we supposed to do? This is a hard situation, but in general parents need to respect the friendship, get to know the friend, and if there are behaviors the friend is into that parents don t want for their son, they need to talk to him about not doing those activities.sometimes they discover that beneath the appearance they find alarming is a person they get to like. Particularly during the middle school years, teenage crushes can be of the attraction (romantic) kind and of the admiration (identity) kind. In both cases growth is advanced by this influential experience, most often for the good, but sometimes not.this is why parents need to pay attention to the crush relationship, not just leave it to their son or daughter and look the other way. Adolescence and the Teenage Crush from Psychology Today, 2012, Dr. Carl Pickhardt. Reprinted with permission, all rights reserved. Notes 1. Compelling (adjective) : evoking interest, attention, or admiration in a powerfully irresistible way 2. Idealization (noun) : the act or process of regarding or representing someone or something as perfect or better than in reality 3. Potent (adjective) : powerful, strong 4. Infatuation (noun) : obsession; an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something

3 5. Superficial (adjective) : on the surface; shallow 6. Provocation (noun) : action or speech that makes someone annoyed or angry, especially on purpose 7. strongly infatuated or obsessed with; head over heels for; in love with 1. How does Dr. Pickhardt describe and/or differentiate between the three types of crushes? Cite evidence in your answer. 2. How does the concept of idealization contribute to the author s key argument regarding crushes? A. The author argues that most crushes are idealized and therefore cannot be considered real love. B. The author argues that crushes, romantic or identity, involve the projection of idealized traits that a person values and desires onto another person (i.e. the crush). C. Idealized celebrities and celebrity crushes can give teenagers an unrealistic understanding of individuals; this makes it more difficult for them to accept flaws. D. Idealized relationships in popular media encourage adolescents and teenagers to seek out romance, causing them to have more frequent crushes. CAN TELEVISION BE CONSIDERED LITERATURE AND TAUGHT IN ENGLISH CLASSES? [1]We have always had stories. They were first told orally as fairy tales, folklore, and epic poems, and were eventually written down. And for as long as we have had stories, we ve had literature. Stories are usually considered literature when they have long-lasting artistic or social value. Epic poems like The Odyssey or novels like To Kill a Mockingbird are considered literature because they have deeper meanings that go beyond the story. Both stories are meant to do more than just amuse the reader. A pop novel, like a James Patterson book you can buy at the airport, would not traditionally be considered literature because it is not meant to do much more than entertain the reader. As we ve transitioned from hearing stories to reading them, our ideas have changed about what kinds of stories have merit. We have always made a point to pass on the stories we value to next generation, regardless of their form. Therefore, it should not be so outrageous to declare that a new form of literature has been forged and needs to be passed on: television shows. Television shows can be as complex as novels and can provide students with opportunities to learn that novels do not. Yet, there are legitimate concerns about using classroom time to dissect1 television. One issue is that complex television shows tend to have adult or graphic themes not suitable for the classroom. Another concern involves how much time students spend on

4 television. Plenty of students already watch and discuss television in their own time, so is television needed in the classroom, too? Finally, the written word teaches cognitive2 skills that television cannot. The idea of television as a form of literature that should be taught in classrooms remains controversial.3 How many times have you heard the phrase television rots your brain? If television is literature, should it be taught in English class the same way traditional literature is taught? THE GOLDEN ERA OF TELEVISION [5]We are now living in the golden era of television. The term golden era is what television and media critics call the collection of TV shows from the late 1990s to present day. Commercial television shows have existed since the early 20th century, but as Jason Mitchell notes in his book Complex TV, technological development in the late 1990s led to three drastic changes in television. First, TV shows started to look better and showcase more interesting camera work. Second, the growth of more available channels led to an increase in the number of shows being produced. And third, technology allowed users to record, pause, and rewind the shows they were watching. Together, these three changes ushered in the golden era of television, allowing TV shows to tell more complex stories. There isn t a clear-cut division between a complex plot and a simple one, but in general, simple plots exist in shows where every episode begins as if the one before it hasn t happened (known as standalone episodes). Complex plots, on the other hand, exist in shows where each episode depends on what happens before (known as serialized episodes). Stories with plots that are artistically and socially relevant are considered complex and literary by scholars, critics, and fans alike. A television show that uses social, political, or highly-personal issues in its plots is complex. Until the golden era of television shows, TV plots and characters tended to be simple. They had to be; television shows were designed to appeal to as broad an audience as possible and to be easy to catch up on. Technology changed all of that. Now, television shows have as many complex characters and plotlines as novels do. As Thomas Doherty put it in the Chronicle of Higher Education, golden era television shows are ones like Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Downton Abbey, Homeland, Dexter,Boardwalk Empire, and Game of Thrones... where the talent, the prestige,4 and the cultural buzz now swirl. Talent, prestige, and cultural buzz are all pretty good reasons to study a work of art, but the shows Doherty listed are adult entertainment that deal with sexual and violent themes. When novels deal with similar themes, they are not visual. TV shows place those themes directly before the viewer. Movies and plays also have visual elements, and plays with adult themes like Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet are frequently taught in schools. But whereas plays and cinema are visual, they do not tend to be as graphic as golden era TV shows.propriety5 and censorship6 laws prevented Shakespeare from showing overtly visual elements related to his mature themes. Trying to teach a golden era television show in an English class ushers in the possibility that students will be exposed to overtly mature themes and images no one would be comfortable discussing in a classroom. CLOSING CULTURAL DIVIDES [10]Nevertheless, cultural buzz is why studying television shows in English class might be unavoidable. Books used to be one of the major ways to bind a culture together. Classic American novels, such as The Scarlet Letter, helped shed light on American culture and values. In the later half of the twentieth century, television and movies began to fill that role. TV shows like Seinfeld and Friends have come to define American culture far more than any novel has been able to do in recent years. Both sitcoms have been dubbed and translated around the world, making the characters and their lives synonymous with the American experience to people

5 everywhere. Unless students begin to study television in school, some younger Americans may never see the TV shows that other cultures find quintessentially7 American. Across the country, Americans watch different television shows. For example, the TV shows Girls and Duck Dynasty both premiered in Girls was a critical darling, producing reviews and discussions across the web. It averaged just over a million viewers per episode, most of whom lived in cities. Duck Dynasty, on the other hand, had record-breaking numbers of viewers for many episodes, largely from rural areas. Critics and reviewers ignored it. Both shows were hits in different ways, and both say something relevant about the U.S. today. These trends in television exemplify a cultural, urban-rural divide in the U.S. According to research gathered in 2016 by TheNew York Times, shows like NCIS and Duck Dynasty have nearly all of their viewership in rural areas, while shows like Girlsand The Daily Show have viewership in urban areas. Americans are no longer watching and discussing the same things.teaching television shows in school can help to bridge that gap by providing a common cultural ground in the way novels once did. THE IMPORTANCE OF READING Bridging that gap is important. Luckily, the conversations needed to bridge that gap about television and the way it functions for Americans are already happening. Notably, they are happening everywhere outside of the classroom.websites like the A.V. Club recap TV shows daily, and conversations about current TV fill popular websites like Reddit and Tumblr. [15]As this discussion of TV surges, enthusiasm for traditional, written literature wanes. The National Endowment for the Arts found that in 1982, 56.9% of adults reported having read a work of literature in the past year. In 2015, only 43.1% of adults had. And further research by the National Endowment for the Arts found that literary reading has dropped across age, race, and educational levels among adults. As literary reading rates drop, one might argue that traditional literary reading needs to be preserved in the classroom, not to be replaced by conversations about television that are happening everywhere else in the U.S. It may be important to unite what rural and urban Americans watch; it may be more important for schools to keep young Americans reading. Novels teach writing skills. Although a TV show comes from a script, it is watched, not read. A TV show doesn t offer students the chance to diagram sentences or to dig deeply into how paragraphs function. A 2013 study done at Tohoku University in Japan found that the more TV children watched, the lower their verbal test scores became. In the same year, a study at Emory University found that college students had increased connectivity in the parts of the brain associated with language while reading a novel. CONCLUSION Should television shows be taught in schools? Maybe. There are merits to the idea namely that TV has reached a golden era of wonderful, complex stories but there are also challenges, such the graphic content of current TV shows and the communication skills that television fails to teach students. At the end of the day, teachers and principals will have to decide for themselves. There is a middle ground. Television shows are becoming increasingly culturally relevant, and this is not just because more people are watching them. More people are also writing about them. The Internet is filled with recaps, reviews, and thousands of cultural critics discussing how relevant themes in television shows interact with our society today. Using these written materials, television can be taught in schools without sacrificing reading and writing skills or exposing students to graphic images. Reading about television can help preserve the best parts of English classes while ensuring they are not permanently stuck in yesterday. When it comes to television in class, it might be possible for teachers to have their cake and eat it too. Can Television Be Considered Literature and Taught in English Classes? by Shelby Ostergaard. Copyright 2017 by CommonLit, Inc. This text is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

6 Notes 1. Dissect (verb) : to analyze something 2. Cognitive (adjective) : relating to mental processes 3. Controversial (adjective) : giving rise or likely to give rise to public disagreement 4. Prestige (noun) : widespread respect gained through success or excellence 5. the state or quality of conforming to accepted standards of behavior or morals 6. the system or practice of examining writings or movies and taking out things considered offensive or immoral 7. Quintessential (adjective) : representing the most perfect example of a quality or class 3. PART A: How do the benefits of television compare to reading literature? A. Television engages students more directly, while reading literature helps develop students imaginations. B. Television can expose students to different types of stories and cultures, while reading literature develops their mental processes. C. Television teaches students more modern and relevant storylines, while reading literature allows students to better understand the past. D. Television more quickly develops students mental processes, while reading literature teaches students patience and hard work. PART B: Which TWO sections from the text best support the answer to Part A? A. They were first told orally as fairy tales, folklore, and epic poems, and were eventually written down. (Paragraph 1) B. First, TV shows started to look better and showcase more interesting camera work. (Paragraph 5) C. the shows Doherty listed are adult entertainment that deal with sexual and violent themes. (Paragraph 8) D. Teaching television shows in school can help to bridge that gap by providing a common cultural ground in the way novels once did. (Paragraph 13) E. As this discussion of TV surges, enthusiasm for traditional, written literature wanes. (Paragraph 15) F. a study at Emory University found that college students had increased connectivity in the parts of the brain associated with language while reading a novel. (Paragraph 16) THE COMPLEXITY OF FEAR [1]As you are walking home alone late at night, you hear the soft, crackling sound of someone or something stepping on dry leaves nearby. Your heart begins to race as you imagine who or what lurks in the shadows. Are you experiencing fear, or anxiety? The differences between these emotions can be confusing. Even in psychological literature you will frequently find the concepts used interchangeably. Fears of the unknown, a fear of death, contamination fear, a fear of flying, catastrophic fear, a fear of success, and a fear of failure are all commonly noted as a "fear," yet they are actually experienced as the emotion of anxiety.similarly, phobias are considered to be an anxiety disorder (American Psychiatric Association, 2000), even though we think of a phobia in terms of something that is feared, be it insects, enclosed spaces, heights, or contamination. Yet fear and anxiety are important to differentiate, to the extent that one can do so. These emotions can transform into behaviors that may lead you to avoid situations or into defense mechanisms that may

7 obscure the recognition of reality, and consequently they have been understood as keys to the dynamics of emotional illness (Ohman, 2010). Fear is generally considered a reaction to something immediate that threatens your security or safety, such as being startled by someone suddenly jumping out at you from behind a bush. The emotion of fear is felt as a sense of dread, alerting you to the possibility that your physical self might be harmed, which in turn motivates you to protect yourself. Thus, the notion of "fight or flight" is considered a fear response and describes the behavior of various animals when they are threatened either hanging around and fighting, or taking off in order to escape danger. Yet it has also been recognized that animals and people have other responses to a threat: a person or animal might play dead or just "freeze" in response to being threatened; yell or scream as a fighting response rather than get physical; or, isolate as a flight response. As a result, some researchers suggest an expanded version of the fight-or-flight response, namely, "freeze, flight, fight, or fright" (Bracha, Ralston, Matsunaga, Williams, & Bracha, 2004). Others have suggested that "tend-andbefriend" responses should also be considered, such as turning to others for help or social support, or making a situation less tense, dangerous, or uncomfortable in some way (Taylor, Klein, Lewis, Gruenewald, Gurung, & Updegraff, 2000). In contrast to fear, anxiety is a general state of distress that is longer lasting than fear and usually is triggered by something that is not specific, even though it produces physiological arousal, such as nervousness and apprehension (Lang et al., 2000).Yet both fear and anxiety emotions are triggered in response to threat. Some researchers distinguish between fear and anxiety by determining whether or not avoidance behaviors are present (Sylvers et al., 2011), or if the intended outcome has to do with avoidance or escape (Lang, et al., 2000). Thus, the presence of avoidance behaviors would indicate fear, in contrast to anxiety where a person may be very much on the alert but does not avoid the situation. However, this can be confusing since in certain anxiety disorders, particularly in phobias, the focus is specific and avoidance behaviors are present. Perhaps better clarifying the difference is the notion that where anxiety is foreboding and puts you on alert to a future threat, fear immediately leads to an urge to defend yourself with escape from an impending disaster (Ohman, 2010). There are times when a past fear might re-emerge, even though the present situation does not truly warrant the need to be afraid. Such is the case of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), where the consequence of a prior situation where you actually were in danger is re-lived in the present when those emotional memories are triggered. Although you may intellectually know that you are safe, your brain automatically prepares you for the worst to happen a situation that it recognizes has happened before which speaks to the power of emotional memory. A post-traumatic response can be triggered by a situation that is similar to a past trauma, the date in which a trauma occurred, a particular thought, or by a relationship that brings up an issue that is similar to a trauma that you have previously experienced. In a simple example, people who have been rear-ended in a motor vehicle accident frequently describe that, for many weeks or months, they fear being rear-ended again and, as a result, find themselves vigilantly peering into their rear view mirror in anticipation of an impact occurring. But here we are once again faced with confusion between fear and anxiety. Although a post-traumatic response may have to do with a situation in which fear was the primary emotion involved, PTSD is listed as an anxiety disorder by the American Psychiatric Association (2000). The danger is not an actual one in PTSD, but it is anticipated or expected based on a prior experience. So where the original trauma triggered fear, post-traumatic stress may trigger anxiety that anticipates fear. [5]From an evolutionary perspective, the emotion of fear protected humans from predators and other threats to the survival of the species. So it is no wonder that certain dangers evoke that emotion, since fear helps protect you and is therefore adaptive, functional, and necessary. However, there is another important aspect of emotions to consider that, in the case of fear, may be important to decision-making as well as survival. That is, when an emotion is triggered it has an impact on our judgments and choices in situations (Lerner and Keltner, 2001). In a study of risk taking, participants

8 who were fearful consistently made judgments and choices that were relatively pessimistic and amplified their perception of risk in a given situation, in contrast to happy or angry participants who were more likely to disregard risk by making relatively optimistic judgments and choices (Lerner and Keltner, 2001). Similarly, individuals who are trait fearful those who tend to have personality characteristics that are dominated by the emotion of fear will avoid taking risks that are generally perceived by others as relatively benign (Sylvers, et al., 2011). Thus, awareness of your emotions and considering how they might influence your decision-making in a given situation is important in your approach to life, your work, and your goals.certainly, such is the case of fear in all of its complexity. 4. Which of the following statements best characterizes phobias? A. While many people consider phobias to be fears, they are more accurately characterized as anxiety disorders. B. Phobias are simply people s fears of specific everyday things and events, though many people do not understand them. C. While phobias may seem like fears of rational threats, they are actually irrational fears of non-threatening situations or things. D. While many people consider phobias to be fears, phobias do not lead to avoidance behaviors and therefore cannot be considered fears 5. Based on the information in paragraph 2, which of the following is an example of a reaction to fear? A. You get sweaty as you take a difficult test in class. B. You crouch and cover your head upon hearing a loud crash. C. You tense your shoulders because you realize you left your homework at home. D. You cannot fall asleep because you worry about a test the next day.