Interpersonal Relationships and. The Positive Effects of Healthy Communication. Katarina A. Scheffer. Western Washington University

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1 Running head: INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS 1 Interpersonal Relationships and The Positive Effects of Healthy Communication Katarina A. Scheffer Western Washington University

2 INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS 2 Abstract This paper is an overview of the topics studied and discussed in HSP303 that were most beneficial to me, the author, in regard to building healthy relationships, such as developing effective communication skills, building dialogue, and promoting self-awareness. Although many other important points could be considered, for the sake of efficiency and for the purpose of succinctness, only the aforementioned topics are covered. For further information and reading, please refer to the list of references at the end of the paper.

3 INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS 3 Interpersonal Relationships and The Positive Effects of Healthy Communication Over the course of HSP303 we have touched upon a number of different topics with regard to healthy relationships, such as forming true partnerships, successful dialogue, self-awareness, empathic listening, speaking mindfully, authenticity, and openness to and with others, all of which have healthy communication at their core. Throughout the quarter I have re-affirmed my belief that an important foundation for a thriving career in human services, as well as a successful life in general, is to learn healthy, effective communication skills. For a good number of years I have known that communication is the key to a healthy relationship, but simply knowing this is not the same as actually understanding how to be an effective communicator, and therefore achieve healthy relationships. Good communication skills do not necessarily come naturally for most people, rather they must be learned, consciously practiced, and carefully honed to achieve desired results. Dialogue To begin, I have learned that an important foundation for a thriving career in human services, as well as a successful life in general, is the ability to be an active and empathic listener and to speak authentically and mindfully, both of which naturally lead to high-quality communication and healthy, happy relationships. When we strive for this kind of openness with and toward others, being real and engaging in straight talk, then we can have a healthy level of give and take in our conversations that allows us to build rapport, find connection, and promotes empathy. Instead of dwelling on differences, I have typically sought commonality in relationships, especially early on, but I have learned that it is the ongoing focus upon shared insights that helps to maintain a healthy relationship and builds true partnership, and this takes

4 INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS 4 time and effort. Continual and conscious focus and work on a relationship is the only way to keep lines of communication open, encourage collaboration, and maintain sound interpersonal systems. Awareness Being an older student and someone who is fairly well versed in self-help philosophies and mindfulness, I thought that I already knew myself relatively well, but with emphasis on selfreflection, a great deal of quality reading material, and continual stimulation of my thought processes, I indeed have gained further insight into who I am and what I believe in since entering the Human Services Program. This serves as a reminder that we are lifelong learners, whether that learning is about outside sources or about ourselves, and that no matter how much we age there remains considerable room for growth, transformation, and improvement (Scheffer, HSP304 Essay, winter 2012). Continual learning leads to greater consciousness regarding our perspectives and possible prejudices and helps to ensure that we are mindful of our actions and abiding by the CSHSE specifications, the NOHS Ethical Standards, and the Practicum and Internship Manual guidelines set forth by the human services profession. As the Bhuddist Monk Thich Nhat Hanh tells us, Every day and every hour, one should practice mindfulness (p. 27); wise advice that would likely keep many of us on the right paths in both our personal and professional lives. Whether we are attempting to chat with our friends, converse with our colleagues, present to a large gathering of people, or even write a paper, thoughtful reflection is one of the most important tools that we can use to ensure that our communication is favorable to all parties involved. Self-awareness through critical thinking and self-reflection allows us to pause and delve deeper into ourselves, our motives, our biases, and our attitudes and to more readily do the

5 INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS 5 work to change them if necessary. As human services professionals we need to try and look at the whole picture when it comes to helping people. No one is an island; rather, we are all products of our environment, upbringing, and the existing culture and pressures that society imposes upon us. Most of us do not take the time to go deeper than what we see or believe we know about something or someone. To be truly compassionate it is necessary to really get to know a person, do the hard work, walk a mile in their shoes and try to deeply understand what their life circumstances are and how their past impacts that. Remembering this can help me in all of my encounters and enables me to be kinder, more understanding, patient, and unquestionably more helpful (Scheffer, HSP303 post, spring 2012). Therefore, awareness of self, as well as consciousness of others unique circumstances, self-development, and an openness to continually expand my knowledge and adjust my perceptions, are all critical skills to develop in improving my communication with others and in becoming a Human Services Professional (Scheffer, HSP304 Essay, winter 2012). Summary and Concluding Discussion In general, I have enjoyed and benefited from HSP303 a great deal; the texts and topics chosen for the class were informative, interesting, and in accordance with the course description as well as the Human Services Program. As always, I immensely appreciated the amazing TED video this quarter, the mind-expanding film Mindwalk, and the Book Review of Maxine Greene s The Dialectic of Freedom, particularly the concept that quality, holistic education is the equivalent of freedom, perhaps not necessarily in the physical sense, but at least in the intellectual realm. With knowledge comes power and a greater ability to dream, hope, believe, ponder, plan, and endeavor; to know that there is a different way than what we knew before, that there are other options and to strive for them, is freeing in itself. Beyond that I have learned that

6 INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS 6 it is often the little things we do in the regular course of a day that can make the most difference in others, and our, lives. Moreover, I have been reminded of writing in my gratitude journal, which is a quick, simple practice that helps to keep me in a healthy state of mind. In learning from these varied and wonderful sources and practices I have gained more knowledge about myself, others, and the world around me, and I feel that I am further readied for the road ahead. The development of good communication skills is critical and should be continually expanded upon throughout a lifetime of learning to ensure that I am an empathetic, mindful, and effective helper. If I remain cognizant of being attentive to this essential area of interpersonal systems, I will more likely have a successful experience in the Human Services Program and subsequent career as a Human Services Professional.

7 INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS 7 References Council for Standards in Human Service Education. (2010, October). National standards: Baccalaureate degree in human services. Retrieved from Hanh, T. N. (1976). The miracle of mindfulness: An introduction to the practice of meditation. Boston, MA: Beacon Press National Organization for Human Services. (2009). Ethical standards for human service professionals. Retrieved from =43 Scheffer, K. A. (2012). HSP304 Essay and portfolio development plan. Western Washington University. Bellingham, WA. Scheffer, K. A. (2012). HSP303 Spring quarter blackboard discussion responses and reflections. Western Washington University. Bellingham, WA. Stewart, J. (2012). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication (11 th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw Hill. Western Washington University Woodring College of Education. (2009). Practicum and internship manual. Bellingham, WA. Zaiss, C. (2002). True partnership: Revolutionary thinking about relating to others. San Francisco, CA: Barrett-Koehler Publishers, inc.