Becoming An Emotionally Healthy Christian
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1 Becoming An Emotionally Healthy Christian Teaching #4 Making Your Anger Work FOR You Gary J. Oliver, Th.M., Ph.D. The Center for Healthy Relationships John Brown University
2 Why Talk About Anger?
3 There is a high cost for not learning how to manage your anger.
4 There is a high cost for not learning how to manage your anger. There are tremendous benefits to learning how to manage your anger.
5 What is Anger? A strong feeling of irritation or displeasure.
6 What is Anger? A state of readiness. Anger is energy.
7 What is Anger? Anger is a piece of information that can serve as a warning that tells us we might be in danger or at risk.
8 What is Anger? A secondary emotion that is experienced in response to a primary emotion such as fear, hurt, or frustration.
9 Why Can Anger Be Such A Major Problem?
10 Why Can Anger Be Such A Major Problem? It is such a misunderstood emotion.
11 Why Can Anger Be Such A Major Problem? It is such a misunderstood emotion. It is one of the most powerful and controlling of all the emotions.
12 Why Can Anger Be Such A Major Problem? It is such a misunderstood emotion. It is one of the most powerful and controlling of all the emotions. When not properly understood and dealt with, it is one of the most dangerous.
13 Why Can Anger Be Such A Major Problem? It is such a misunderstood emotion. It is one of the most powerful and controlling of all the emotions. When not properly understood and dealt with, it is one of the most dangerous. Anger has definite physical effects.
14 HYPOTHALAMUS Gland
15 DILATED Pupils HYPOTHALAMUS Gland
16 DILATED Pupils HYPOTHALAMUS Gland PITUITARY Gland
17 DILATED Pupils HYPOTHALAMUS Gland PITUITARY Gland SUGAR Increases
18 DILATED Pupils SUGAR Increases HYPOTHALAMUS Gland BLOOD PRESSURE Increases PITUITARY Gland
19 DILATED Pupils SUGAR Increases HYPOTHALAMUS Gland BLOOD PRESSURE Increases PITUITARY Gland BLOOD Clots Faster
20 DILATED Pupils SUGAR Increases HYPOTHALAMUS Gland BLOOD PRESSURE Increases PITUITARY Gland BLOOD Clots Faster LUNGS Move Oxygen Faster
21 DILATED Pupils SUGAR Increases HYPOTHALAMUS Gland BLOOD PRESSURE Increases PITUITARY Gland BLOOD Clots Faster HEART RATE Increases LUNGS Move Oxygen Faster
22 DILATED Pupils SUGAR Increases HYPOTHALAMUS Gland BLOOD PRESSURE Increases PITUITARY Gland BLOOD Clots Faster HEART RATE Increases ADRENALIN Flows LUNGS Move Oxygen Faster
23 DILATED Pupils SUGAR Increases HYPOTHALAMUS Gland BLOOD PRESSURE Increases PITUITARY Gland BLOOD Clots Faster HEART RATE Increases ADRENALIN Flows LUNGS Move Oxygen Faster MUSCULAR SQUEEZE
24 DILATED Pupils SUGAR Increases HYPOTHALAMUS Gland BLOOD PRESSURE Increases PITUITARY Gland BLOOD Clots Faster HEART RATE Increases ADRENALIN Flows LUNGS Move Oxygen Faster MUSCULAR SQUEEZE PAIN OUCH
25 DILATED Pupils SUGAR Increases HYPOTHALAMUS Gland BLOOD PRESSURE Increases PITUITARY Gland BLOOD Clots Faster HEART RATE Increases ADRENALIN Flows DIGESTION AND ELIMINATION COME TO A HALT PAIN OUCH LUNGS Move Oxygen Faster MUSCULAR SQUEEZE
26 Major Causes Of Anger?
27 Major Causes Of Anger? Hurt (Past)
28 Major Causes Of Anger? Hurt (Past) Frustration (Present)
29 Major Causes Of Anger? Hurt (Past) Frustration (Present) Fear/Anxiety (Future)
30 What Are The Major Causes Of MY Anger?
31 What triggers my anger?
32 What triggers my anger? How do I know when I am getting angry?
33 What triggers my anger? How do I know when I am getting angry? How do my family and friends know when I am getting angry?
34 What Does Unhealthy / Destructive Anger Look Like?
35 What Does Unhealthy / Destructive The Cream Puff Anger Look Like?
36 What Does Unhealthy / Destructive The Cream Puff Anger Look Like? The Locomotive
37 What Does Unhealthy / Destructive The Cream Puff Anger Look Like? The Locomotive The Steel Magnolia
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42 What Does Healthy / Constructive Anger Look Like?
43 Healthy / Constructive Anger Responds
44 Healthy / Constructive Anger Responds A. It seeks to understand.
45 Healthy / Constructive Anger Responds A. It seeks to understand. B. It is proactive and not reactive.
46 Healthy / Constructive Anger Responds A. It seeks to understand. B. It is proactive and not reactive. C. Its motivation is to be Christ-like and is not driven by a spirit of bitterness or resentment.
47 A. It seeks to understand. B. It is proactive and not reactive. C. Its motivation is to be Christ-like and is not driven by a spirit of bitterness or resentment. D. It is controlled. Healthy / Constructive Anger Responds
48 How Can I Make My Anger Work FOR Me?
49 Understand The Power Of Emotional And Relational Intelligence (ERQ )
50 Understand The Power Of Emotional And Relational Intelligence (ERQ ) Self-Awareness
51 Understand The Power Of Emotional And Relational Intelligence (ERQ ) Self-Awareness Self-Management
52 Understand The Power Of Emotional And Relational Intelligence (ERQ ) Self-Awareness Self-Management Relational Awareness
53 Understand The Power Of Emotional And Relational Intelligence (ERQ ) Self-Awareness Self-Management Relational Awareness Relationship Management
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55 IQ
56 IQ EQ
57 IQ EQ RQ
58 IQ EQ RQ
59 IQ EQ RQ
60 IQ EQ RQ
61 IQ RQ
62 IQ EQ RQ
63 The ERQ TM Model of Maturity Recognition (Knowledge/Awareness) Regulation (Management/Action) Other (RQ) (INTERpersonal) Self (EQ) (INTRApersonal)
64 The ERQ TM Model of Maturity Recognition (Knowledge/Awareness) Regulation (Management/Action) Other (RQ) (INTERpersonal) Self (EQ) (INTRApersonal) Self-Awareness Emotional Self-Awareness Accurate Emotional Expression Self-Confidence
65 The ERQ TM Model of Maturity Recognition (Knowledge/Awareness) Regulation (Management/Action) Other (RQ) (INTERpersonal) Self (EQ) (INTRApersonal) Self-Awareness Emotional Self-Awareness Accurate Emotional Expression Self-Confidence Self-Management Emotional Self-Control Anger Management Self-Responsibility Resiliency Optimism
66 The ERQ TM Model of Maturity Recognition (Knowledge/Awareness) Relational Awareness Regulation (Management/Action) Other (RQ) (INTERpersonal) Empathy Effective Listening Self (EQ) (INTRApersonal) Values Diversity Self-Awareness Emotional Self-Awareness Accurate Emotional Expression Self-Confidence Self-Management Emotional Self-Control Anger Management Self-Responsibility Resiliency Optimism
67 The ERQ TM Model of Maturity Recognition (Knowledge/Awareness) Regulation (Management/Action) Other (RQ) (INTERpersonal) Self (EQ) (INTRApersonal) Relational Awareness Empathy Effective Listening Values Diversity Self-Awareness Emotional Self-Awareness Accurate Emotional Expression Self-Confidence Relationship Management Communication Conflict Management Cohesion Relational Flexibility Collaboration & Teamwork Self-Management Emotional Self-Control Anger Management Self-Responsibility Resiliency Optimism
68 Biblical Principles
69 Have A Specific Plan
70 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #1: Self-Awareness
71 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #1: Self-Awareness Be aware of it. (Ephesians 4:26-27)
72 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #1: Self-Awareness Be aware of it. (Ephesians 4:26-27) Admit it and accept responsibility for it... to God, others and yourself.
73 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #1: Self-Awareness Be aware of it. (Ephesians 4:26-27) Admit it and accept responsibility for it... to God, others, and yourself. Remind yourself of the positive things that healthy anger can provide.
74 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #1: Self-Awareness Be aware of it. (Ephesians 4:26-27) Admit it and accept responsibility for it... to God, others, and yourself. Remind yourself of the positive things that healthy anger can provide. It serves as an alarm.
75 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #1: Self-Awareness Be aware of it. (Ephesians 4:26-27) Admit it and accept responsibility for it... to God, others, and yourself. Remind yourself of the positive things that healthy anger can provide. It serves as an alarm. It is a powerful source of energy.
76 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #1: Self-Awareness Be aware of it. (Ephesians 4:26-27) Admit it and accept responsibility for it... to God, others, and yourself. Remind yourself of the positive things that healthy anger can provide. It serves as an alarm. It is a powerful source of energy. It is a source of motivation.
77 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #1: Self-Awareness Be aware of it. (Ephesians 4:26-27) Admit it and accept responsibility for it... to God, others, and yourself. Remind yourself of the positive things that healthy anger can provide. It serves as an alarm. It is a powerful source of energy. It is a source of motivation. It can actually increase trust and intimacy in a relationship.
78 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #2: Self-Management
79 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #2: Self-Management Determine at the outset who/what is going to have control.
80 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #2: Self-Management Determine at the outset who/what is going to have control. Define it... identify the cause/source of it.
81 Have A Specific Plan ERQ #2: Self-Management Determine at the outset who/what is going to have control. Define it... identify the cause/source of it. Choose your response. How are you going to choose to invest the energy?
82 How To Deal With An Angry Person
83 How To Deal With An Angry Person
84 So... Now What? PROCESS it, then EXPRESS it.
85
86 Who s Wrong? Who s Right?
87 BUT RATHER, What can each of us LEARN from this interaction that will increase our effectiveness and make this relationship more positive, satisfying, and bring glory to our Lord Jesus Christ?
88 The most Biblical measure of maturity is the degree to which we are looking, loving, and sounding just like our Lord Jesus Christ!
89 The most Biblical measure of maturity is the degree to which we are looking, loving, and sounding just like our Lord Jesus Christ! Mark 12:30
90 The most Biblical measure of maturity is the degree to which we are looking, loving, and sounding just like our Lord Jesus Christ! Mark 12:30 John 13:34-35
91 The most Biblical measure of maturity is the degree to which we are looking, loving, and sounding just like our Lord Jesus Christ! Mark 12:30 John 13:34-35 John 17:23
92 The most Biblical measure of maturity is the degree to which we are looking, loving, and sounding just like our Lord Jesus Christ! Mark 12:30 John 13:34-35 John 17:23 1 Corinthians 13
93 The most Biblical measure of maturity is the degree to which we are looking, loving, and sounding just like our Lord Jesus Christ! Mark 12:30 John 13:34-35 John 17:23 1 Corinthians 13 Ephesians 5:1-2
94 The most Biblical measure of maturity is the degree to which we are looking, loving, and sounding just like our Lord Jesus Christ! Mark 12:30 John 13:34-35 John 17:23 1 Corinthians 13 Ephesians 5:1-2 1 Timothy 1:5
95 What A Difference You ve Made In My Life What a difference you've made in my life What a difference you've made in my life You're my sunshine day and night Oh, what a difference you've made in my life
96 What A Difference You ve Made In My Life What a change you have made in my heart What a change you have made in my heart You replaced all the broken parts Oh, what a change you have made in my heart
97 What A Difference You ve Made In My Life Love to me was just a word in a song that had been way over-used But, now I've joined in the singin' 'cause you've shown me love's true meanin' That's why I want to spread the news
98 What A Difference You ve Made In My Life What a difference you've made in my life What a difference you've made in my life You're my sunshine day and night Oh, what a difference you've made in my life
99 FIRST STEPS
100 Becoming An Emotionally Healthy Christian Teaching #4 Making Your Anger Work FOR You Gary J. Oliver, Th.M., Ph.D. The Center for Healthy Relationships John Brown University
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